12/18/2008

Giving a Woman an Orgasm... Without Touching Her


One of the great arts of being a man in a relationship with a woman is being able to bring her to orgasm without touching her. Women are amazing, delicate creatures who can be brought to orgasm again and again with little or no touching. If you can master this technique--and not just once but again and again--you will be a true lover's artist.


A great place to start is the nipples. Most women will get aroused from having their nipples touched. If they don't, you are probably doing it incorrectly--too hard, too fast, not enough variation, too much sucking, not enough subtlety, too boring. Men sometimes want to treat breasts and vulvas as though they were a penis, and this never works.


Some women, if you massage their nipples correctly, can orgasm and ejaculate simply from having their nipples touched! Sadly, it's been over a year since anyone has been able to do that to me.... :( but it's possible. The trick is to work slowly and gently, using circular motions with your thumbs. You want to use your hands more than your mouth, and your thumbs more than your fingers. But of course, you want to use a little bit of all three to change it up.


My advice is to slowly and tenderly turn her on by stroking her breasts and teasing the nipples. When you get her really turned on, arching her back for you to touch her nipples, start lightly brushing past them, almost by accident. She will start moaning and arching her back more. Eventually, you can slowly start working her nipples. I've found it best to use thumbs in a circular motion, with some light sucking, pinching, and rolling between your fingers every once in a while--but only for a brief second before you return to circles (one lick or suck, then go back to thumbs!).


Nipples will eventually get sore, so about every 5 minutes, switch breasts. This keeps the breasts highly sensitive to your touch; she will be longing for you to touch the other long before you actually do. Eventually, the sensations in her nipples will make her clit tight. You are on the right path!


A woman who's enjoying the sensuality of a wonderful nipple massage will be relaxed, almost fluid, and completely calm, lost in the sensations you're giving her. A woman who is trying to enjoy it, but you are doing too much or too little, will show signs of losing her dazed relaxation: she may frown a tiny frown, twitch or flutter slightly, purse her lips, scrunch her face, bite her lip, sigh slightly, or try to maneuver her breasts under you for better access. These are not the signs of a turned on woman, but one who is trying to get lost in the wonderful, dazed relaxation of a nipple massage but is being brought back to reality by nagging gaps in technique.


So watch her, and be aware of her reaction. When you have a woman who is lying, sublime and relaxed on her back, eyes closed, deep, even breathing, looking peacefully asleep and slightly dreamlike, you are doing the right thing.
If your woman is where you want her, congratulations. Even seeming half-asleep and dreamy, she is still aware of you and your reactions. You are playing an important part in turning her on! Make sure that you match her dreamy state: move slowly and fluidly, with no sudden, jerky movements. Keep your breathing deep and slow; this will relax her even more. Touch her lightly and softly. Don't talk much or make many noises; when you do talk, it should be low and seductive, speaking to her in a calm, soothing voice. Take this time to enjoy your spouse, keeping your breathing deep and even so she can hear it, enjoying her relaxed body being sensuously aroused beneath your loving hands.


Keep gently massaging her nipples. Eventually, try massaging both at the same time, or suckling one while massaging the other. The key here is suckling, not sucking. Suckling means you are making tiny breastfeeding motions with your tongue and mouth, like a baby. It is faster, lighter, and more rthymic than your average grown male sucking on nipples, which actually doesn't feel that great. Fast and light does the trick!


Eventually, if you do this right and give her small two-second breaks to kiss her stomach, cup her breasts, or roll her nipples gently between your thumb and forefinger, you will get her clit really tight. If you go long enough, she can orgasm and ejaculate multiple times as you keep teasing her body into ecstasy. The trick is to give her no clitoral or vaginal stimulation at all; nipple teasing is so light and slow that touching her with your hand or pushing your leg up into her vulva will be too firm and ruin all your hard, slow work.


If she can't orgasm from nipples alone, you have at least spent a good hour or two making her clit aching and tight. Now you can put your hand between her legs and skim above her vaginal opening and clit. Don't actually touch her. You want to make her think you are going to stroke her, and stroke an imaginary line about a quarter of a centimeter away from her body. Her sensitive vulva will be able to feel the heat and air from your finger. Keep slowly "stroking" her without touching her, making long, straight, slow lines upwards from the base of the vaginal opening to the top of the clit. Don't stroke both ways, or you will give her too much sensation; stick with bottom-to-top stroking. If she comes, great!


Your next step is to give her a short break. You want this to be between 2 and 4 seconds, but not longer. This lets the anticipation build, without waiting too long and killing the mood. Take your hand out of her underwear, then slowly start the whole process again. You will be able to tell if you're turning her on. Start the imaginary strokes again. Do 1-4, depending on whether or not she's coming and how much she likes it, and then remove your hand to give her a short break.


For me, the most sexy part that gets me closest to coming is the anticpation of the hand going inside my underwear and passing my mons pubis. So if this doesn't make me come, it is best to stick to one imaginary stroke, then back up and try again. Once you make me come, you can do 3 or four strokes to let me enjoy it before going back up and entering again. But often, for me, the action that gets me closest to coming is when I know my lover is about to reach his hand down my legs, not the actual rubbing of my clit or G-spot. It is the anticipation that works, not the fulfillment, so keep reaching down between her legs again and again, slow and steady, until she is fully aroused and aching.
If you do not bring her to orgasm without touch the first time, you will have still spent a very pleasurable few hours bonding... so this is always time well spent. And if you do, and can learn to repeat this strategy effectively, you will be her own personal hero, a king bearing gifts of relaxation and love, a lover slowly teasing her to the brink of orgasm.
And that can never be a bad thing.



1 comment:

How to Make Love to a Woman said...

let me thank you for the great blog. Very nice tips!!! Congratulations!!! My best regards,