Dominant Blogs

I read a lot of submissive blogs. Lately, I'm trying to find more blogs by Dominants.

And I mean good, quality blogs. Blogs written by men in committed relationships with one submissive woman. Men who have something worthwhile to share about their dominance and how their relationships work.

So far, here are some I've been impressed with:

• (Not So) Random Thoughts by Omega. Omega is a Master to the submissive blogger Mouse.


• A Dominant Character by Sir J. He is a 24/7 Dom who's been married 23 years.


• Husbandly Touch by Mick. Mick and his wife are in a DD relationship.


• Goreans of Reality. Jake's Kajira keeps copies of her Master Jake's writings here. He has good insights on how his slave's mind works.


• A Neo Dom's Journey by Neo Dom Tom. He and his wife have been in a full-time BDSM relationship for over a year.


• A Dauntless Journey by Dauntless Vitality. DV writes theoretical articles about how M/s and D/s work.


• The Training of My Lovely Slut by William. He is a Dom who uses elements of DD in his marriage.

I will add that all of these men are still actively blogging as of June 2011. I try not to follow bloggers who fall off the face of the earth. :) If they stop blogging in the future and the links no longer work, I claim no responsibility.

If you enjoy their writings, please support them by leaving a comment. And let them know Sexperts sent you their way!

BDSM Checklists

For those new to the world of BDSM, or even those (like me) who are not new, but have never done a checklist, I am proud to show you the BDSM Checklist!

These are extensive, often quite long lists of potential BDSM activities. They are often used for Doms and subs who are going to play for the first time, as it's an easy way to figure out what each one likes, doesn't like, and absolutely won't do (limits). You can also use them if you're getting into a new relationship, or you're in an old relationship and thinking about incorporating some BDSM into your dynamic. You can even use it if you're single, to help understand yourself, your desires, and your limits better.

These checklists are great tools. Some are online and others are hard copies meant to be printed, but they all include the same basic idea. You circle how interested you are in each activity, and also whether or not you've done it. These lists are a great way to start a conversation about kink and the what each of you wants and the role it will play in your relationship. You can use these as a conversation starter and as a way to quickly and easily identify your partner's limits and desires.

Just remember, there are two kinds of limits:

• Hard Limits: There is no way you will do these, and your partner shouldn't even ask you to. You're very clear that this is something you absolutely will not do, no matter what.
• Soft Limits: You really hate this activity, and would strongly prefer never to do it, but you might be open to it eventually with some time and work. If this is really important to your partner, you are open to considering it.

You want to be clear what are hard limits and what are soft limits. For example, for me right now, vaginal rape is a hard limit. It scares me too much and reminds me too much of past abuse in my life. This wouldn't be fun, or sexy, or even dangerous in a good way, but simply wreck who I am inside and show me my Dom could never be trusted. On the other hand, anal fingering is a soft limit for me. I hate it, and would never, ever want to do it on my own, and honestly it completely grosses me out. But if my Dom just really wants to do it, as long as he understands I hate it and would prefer not to do it, I'm willing to shut up and let him do what he wants. For me, that is the difference.

Here are some good BDSM checklists I found:

Checklist by BDSM Resource Center: fill it out online, then print or email the results

Checklist by Latches: copy and paste the chart, then print a hard copy to fill out and share

Checklist by Soul's Haven: print the chart, then fill it out by hand

Hair Bondage 101

Below is a link to a video by Graydancer on Hair Bondage 101. Graydancer is something of a rope guru, and his website and videos show viewers how to do everything from simple to complex rope bondage. If you can do a basic slipknot and have a spouse (of either sex!) with medium- to long hair, you can follow this simple hair bondage video.

Why would I want to tie up hair?, you ask.

I asked myself the same thing. I can see how tying someone's body would be sexy, but hair? But after watching this video, I can see the appeal. By binding someone's hair, you have greater control over their head and neck, without using dangerous neck bondage or messing with the pretty symmetry of their face. If you like control, or forced oral sex, or having physical control over your lover's movements, binding their hair and controlling their head will give you that.

Graydancer's video has three basic segments, starting with simple and moving to more complex bondage. The first hair bondage trick he shows looks very easy, and I think anyone could do it with a rewind button and some practice. The second one involves braiding and is still very doable. For the last, and most complex, you have to have some patience and materials, but the whole video is very beginner-friendly.

The thing I didn't like about this video was, for no logical reason, both Graydancer and his female hair model are nude. In some BDSM vidoes, I can see why the model would need to be nude (body bondage, etc.), but in this case it just seems pointless. The good news is, you only ever see the girl's head and back, and Graydancer definitely does not have a porn star body. For the most part, the girl's head covers everything but his face and hairy chest, but a few times you can see his scrotum. (Gross.) Why? Beats me. Maybe they thought making psuedo-pornographic BDSM videos would market them to a bigger audience.

Oh, and at the end the model pretends to give head to Graydancer. Again, a superfluous little addition that doesn't really add anything to the video.

If you can get past the nudity and the hairy man-chest, this video really is quite easy to understand and would be a good place to start for rope bondage beginners.

If you're interested in rope bondage or trying out hair/rope bondage, check out Graydancer's video. And be sure to come back and leave a comment telling me what you thought of the video and what you'd like to see more of on my site! :)

Review: The New Topping Book

The New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, is a delightful little paperback on all things topping in BDSM. This book is a how-to guide on BDSM, from pitfalls and rewards of being a top/Dom/Master to suggestions, hilarious anecdotes, personal stories, and humor.

My review? Buy it, buy it, buy it! This book is a gem!!! I adored this book so much it is hard to put into words, and being an English teacher and incredibly well-read individual, I'm pretty darn picky about books I recommend!

Why is this book so great? First, there is something in it for everyone. In my opinion, this book should be required reading for anyone interested in BDSM. Whether you are a top, bottom, switch, unsure, or simply curious, read it! Being a sub, I was afraid this book would not be geared toward my interests, but I was amazed. I learned so much that made me respect what tops do. There are tips in it for bottoms, as well. In the end, this book did not convince me to become a top, but rather gave me a deep appreciate for what my Dom does (or could do!), my special role as bottom, and the communication and intimacy available through BDSM. It also made me want to try switching from time to time, just to "switch it up"! :)

Second, the writing style is superb. The book is short, catchy, and light, so it's a fast read. There are no grammatical errors or mistakes, and the authors have such a great way of communicating that I felt I was sitting with two girlfriends having a cup of tea and laughing about sex, rather than reading a book. There were time I laughed aloud! I loved this book and will be reading it again...and again...and again.

What topics do the authors discuss? Well, they explain what tops do. This book is very inclusive, and all genders, sexual orientations, and sub-groups of BDSM are going to feel included and acknowledged. They give encouragement for bad days and suggestions to make them better. They give you permission to fail, and the self-respect to succeed. The book also includes erotica, personal stories from the authors and their personal friends, a Bill of Rights and Bill of Responsibilities for tops and bottoms, and a long list of great new activities to try. "Safety first!" is the authors' theme throughout, and there are some great tips for being safe and secure throughout your play sessions. All in all, this book covers everything you could ever want to know about tops and BDSM.

So, no matter who you are: vanilla or kinky, Dom, Master, top or bottom, male or female, gay or straight, beginner or expert, read this book. If you have a lover who you want to introduce to BDSM in a light, pressure-free way, buy him this book. If you want to be a better top, bottom, friend, or lover, buy this book.

In the meantime, I'm eagerly awaiting when I can read the authors' other bestseller, The New Bottoming Book... stay tuned!

BDSM Activities Checklist

New to BDSM? A little confused about what activities to try, once you've exhausted the light bondage and spanking options?

I (Sub) found this great website online through the EhBC group (ABC group, but they're Canadian, get it?). This online form is quite extensive and you should have plenty of time set aside before you try it. Simply fill it out, then email it to your spouse. Have them do the same for you, and then you both have a great idea of what things would turn you on, what is a hard or soft limit (what are limits?), and what you're both curious to try.

Go to the website below:

http://www.ehbc.ca/resources/checklist.php

If you aren't sure what a particular activity is, Google it! This can be a fun and informative activity for you and your partner! Have fun!

Dirty Talk 101

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Sex Toy Stores for the BDSM Enthusiast

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Figging (How It Really Feels)

I am one dedicated blogger! I'm lying here now with a burning, aching bum. I'd been reading about figging, an activity my Dom and I had decided to try and write about on our blog. We decided to have me do it, partly--I believe--because he was chicken, but mostly because I am the logical choice as a female can experience figging anally, vaginally, and clitorally. So today I decided to go ahead and try it, even though my dom's not here now. Am I brave or what? :) Read below for my minute-by-minute commentary (and my rear still hurts!).

If the links don't work, you can reach both these blogs in the "Links We Like" box on the bottom right of the page and find them that way!
First off, here is a great article by Franklin Veux that explain what figging is and how to do it.
And here is an article by Garnet Joyce that gives a common-sense warning about why figging can be dangerous and why not to do it.

That said, I did it anyway, and here are the results:

Figging (Clitoral)
5:10 pm: Cut giner root. Listen to some music; Girls Just Want to Have Fun? No, I choose Sarah Brightman. Root is surprisingly easy to cut, like peeling an apple. And smells good! 5:14 pm: Place ginger on my clit and cross legs. Feels cold! Strange, cooling sensation down there because of cold water. Ack!
5:15 pm: still cold, but not tingling or burning yet. Patience…
5:17 pm: is it working? did I do it wrong? less cool now… almost feels normal.
5:19 pm: I need chapstick. But don’t want to move. L
5:21 pm: is that a slight, slight burning sensation on my lower left outer labia? Sigh.
5:21 pm: Yes, definitely working now. Tingling, light burning sensation on my left side and clit…. can’t decide if it hurts or is just annoying… but really it’s so light, it’s easy to ignore.
5:22 pm: Oops! Now the right side started, too!
5:23 pm: Burning is now growing steadily. At least it works! But I don’t see how it is sexy or pleasurable. It just burns. On a pain scale 1-10, it’s only like a 3, but there is nothing pleasurable about this.
5:24 pm: Ow. Ow ow ow. Oh wait, okay, now this is better. Burning just subsided into an all-over tingling/lighter burning that is less concentrated and intense, more of a slow, sharp tingling all over my clit and labia. Still not turned on, but this isn’t bad!
5:25 pm: See how dedicated I am to my blog readership?
5:26 pm: This isn’t horrible pain. Like a 4. I can see how this would be sexy if I’d done something bad and my Dom tied me up and did this to me, instead of just sitting here waiting. I would feel a little pain and fear more coming. And couldn’t take it off when I wanted.
5:28 pm: I take that back. It really doesn’t hurt enough to be a sexy punishment. And I’m not even that into pain.
5:29 pm: still sort of burns/itches. Annoying. But still at a 4, so nothing I can’t handle. Sigh. I’m rather disappointed. The burn doesn’t seem to be growing anymore, so I’m going to take it off, throw this piece away, and start with the next “experiment.”

Figging (Vaginal)
5:30 pm: Take another small piece of ginger root. Still smells good! I’m only going to use the smaller knife this time. My clit still burns a bit, by the way, even with the ginger in the trash.
5:31 pm: Begin carving. The ginger smells fantastic, by the way! How can I incorporate freshly-cut ginger scent into my home decorating? Hm…
5:33 pm: Done carving. It’s hard to keep it smooth, and when you pull rather than cut the peel off, it gets stringy. Kind of awkward. My clit still sort of burns. *mad face*
5:35 pm: have now inserted ginger. Now it’s awkward to sit cross-legged to type.
5:37 pm: a much more immediate reaction! I could feel something the moment I put the ginger in. Now it is burning a bit. It also hurts, but I think this is due to my clamping my vaginal muscles around it to try to hold it in more so than the size or shape of it. I’ll try to relax…
5:38 pm: Again, nothing too painful, just an annoying, tingling burn inside and a soreness on the lips as they try to hold the ginger in (I’m sure this could be fixed by making it longer. But I’m sure this would be sexy to have a Dom tie me up bent over something, carve this in front of me, insert it in, and leave me, returning later once it burns a bit to spank or paddle me. Especially a big piece. *evil grin*
5:40 pm: The burn is nothing to the pain around my inner lips… it just aches and feels uncomfortable! Not fun! On the 1-10 pain scale, the ginger burn is about a 1 or a 2 and the ache is about a 4 (5 when I tighten up!)
5:42 pm: I can’t take it anymore. The burn is nothing, but this ache is not worth it. I must have shaped it funny, or not made it long enough so the end of the ginger is hurting the vaginal opening. Make it longer next time so the two don’t come in contact!

Figging (Anal)
5:43 pm: This is what figging was originally intended for, but it’s the one I’m least enthused about trying. Ick. Oh well, it’s research! My insides still ache ache ache, by the way!!! The burn is completely gone, but it did not sit well inside my body! But the burn was nothing, much less even than compared with my clit. I wonder if it’s because of my body’s natural lubricants? I’ve read lube decreases the effects, and I do self-lubricate a lot…
5:51 pm: I have inserted the root, slowly and carefully. I took much more care with this one to make it smooth and round… imagine the possibilities if I didn’t *shudder*. I do have to be careful to relax consciously, as it is thin and could break easily, and I feel my intestinal muscles could probably break it easily on accident. That would be…awkward.
5:52 pm: Once again, a much more immediate sensation! I can feel it right away, it’s neither painful nor pleasurable, just cool (from the water) and a light, almost featherlike tingle.
5:53 pm: a side note as I wait: Doms, if you want to try this, make sure you make your partner squeeze, both during and after. It makes it hurt slightly more, and since I’m getting barely any pain out of this supposedly-very-painful activity, it might be necessary. I wonder if it’sbecause my root was a few days old? It shouldn’t matter til you peel it, but maybe not-fresh root loses its potency.
5:54 pm: Yep, definitely burning now! Ow! Just a 3.5 on my pain scale, so if my Dom did this to me I would still be grinning smugly because I’m stubborn, but for just sitting around my room alone, it definitely hurts a bit!
5:55 pm: Still holding steady with a steady, even burn right about a level 4. Meaning I can feel it, it’s uncomfortable, but not too bad. Nothing to make me scream or fight. Might be worse if I were being spanked, but honestly, I think a good hard slapping session or paddling would be much, much better punishment.
5:56 pm: It’s just elevated to a definite 5 or 5 and a half. I’m a little excited, as this experiment has been mostly a bust!
5:57 pm: Okay, we’re to a 5 or 6. It burns, and it hurts! But if I were being punished, nothing. You’d still get no peep out of me. The point of hurting someone is to break them: make them moan, scream, cry, and beg you to stop even when they don’t want to. It hurts! But I could definitely take it with no noise. Definite 6 now!
5:59 pm: It just occurred to me that it may not be getting higher than a “6” pain level because I’m not clenching. I tried once, lightly, and I think my behind burst into flames. It would definitely be much, much worse if I seriously clenched down. So if you can do something to make your partner clench (like paddling them), that’s an idea, but I think it might be dangerous because butt muscles are strong and ginger is very weak. It would be terrible to break it inside you on accident and not be able to get it out… what an awkward trip to the doctor that would be! That said, it is probably not wise to ever put something in your bum that isn’t made to go there (like a dildo) so, be careful! A dildo covered in Bengay will do the trick for the pain and be much safer!
6:01 pm: Okay, I’m in some serious pain now, but still about a 6 and still nothing that forces me to make a peep. I’m considered this experiment done, for what it’s worth, and taking the ginger out. And then washing my hands.

That said, my recommendation would be that, if you want to try figging, stick to clitoral and vaginal stimulation (places where it can't get stuck more than 4 inches up your body). If you are interested in other anal play or pain, use a dildo or vibrator made for such purposes and cover it with Bengay for an evil burn. Figging was interesting once, but not all it's cracked up to be.

Signing off at 6:15 pm, with a still-burning bum.

Additional note: I had rectal bleeding the next day, and used a very small and painless piece. Online research suggests ginger and other irritants can cause this on sensitive skin. Stick to sex toys; don't try this!

What's Biblical and Not in Christian BDSM

After reading a bunch of stuff on BDSM, I realize that for many BDSM lifestylists, things are normal (and even expected) in BDSM that are 100% not-okay from a biblical standpoint. This will be a short article, but I think it is necessary for clarity.

Not Okay (includes but not limited to)

• polyamory (sex with more than one person, such as threesomes). Why? 1 Corinthians 7:2
• premarital sex. Why? Hebrews 13:4.
• adultery (cheating on your spouse). Why? 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.
• bi or homosexual activities. Why? 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.
• bestiality. Why? It's illegal! And, Leviticus 20:15.
• looking at pornographic texts or pictures. Why? Matthew 5:28
• doing something your Dom tells you to that you know is illegal, immoral, or unbiblical. Why? Galations 1:10
• anything not consensual. Why? It's illegal! Note to self: don't go to jail for rape.

Okay (includes but not limited to)

• women being Doms and men being Subs
• bondage, tying up, handcuffs, etc.
• hitting, spanking, paddling, whipping, etc.
• emotional humiliation (*if* the person wants it)
• rape fantasies (about your partner)
• using kinky sex toys
• anal play for men or women (it's not "gay" if you're not doing it with a member of the same sex)
• "human bestiality" (dressing up as puppy, horse, or other animal)

I think it is obvious that I did not, nor can I, list everything that is biblical and nonbiblical in BDSM, because BDSM is only limited your imagination. But many BDSM sites seem to assume that your Dom can order you to have sex with other people, have a bi or gay sex scene, have sex in front of other people, allow Masters or Mistresses to have multiple partners besides you, or participate in a threesome. Don't do anything that puts you at odds with God! If you have other questions, contact us or look it up.

Basically, the rule is this: if it doesn't harm someone else, is legal, is between two consensual adults over 18, and isn't specifically forbidden in the Bible or your Church, it's okay.

Click here for another (albeit somewhat incomplete) website on Christian BDSM relationships.

Collars

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BDSM in History and Practice

Because I (Sub) am fascinated in not just the what, but the why, where, who, and how, I have a soft spot for historical research. (This is perhaps what led me to develop such huge crushes on my history, sociology, and religion professors...) Hence, I thought it was fitting that my first solo blog be about the many, many historical and scientific studies that have been done on sadomasochism. A complete unstyled bibliography will be available at the end, since of course plagiarism is very, very wrong, and I'd hate for my Dom to have to punish me for it later... :)

First, the history of sadomasochism, or BDSM as it is now commonly called.



History of BDSM

From all accounts, BDSM has been around for thousands of years; it can be seen in the artwork and paintings from ancient times. In fact, the Karma Sutra, the ancient Indian text known for being a sacred treatise on sexuality, even mentions different types of hitting and spanking that adventuresome lovers can try. Pictures on the Tombe della Fustigazione, a tombstone dated around the 6th century BC, show two men spanking and whipping a woman for sexual enjoyment.




The Marquis de Sade, one of the most famous BDSM cases of all time, spent the 1700s raping, whipping, beating, and humiliating his unfortunate victims, who were usually prostitutes or servants. During Victorian times, husbands began to use figging (the insertion of ginger root into the anus) on their disobedient wives: they would leave the root in until it began to burn, then paddle or whip them. Ouch!



BDSM Today

Until 1994, sadomasochism was listed as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders still used by psychiatrists today. In 1994 it was changed, so now only people who harm unwilling victims or are unhappy with their sexual desires are considered to have a mental disorder.



Scientists researching the BDSM lifestyle have found of all the sexually deviant behavior, S&M is one of the ONLY ones that has lots of women participants, too. For most other sexual disorders and deviant behaviors, it is just men. Also, this one is practiced by people of all sexual orientations.

Interestingly, they've also found people who engage in S&M are actually better educated and better communicators than the general public. They also haven't found any links to psychotic behavior; all the articles mentioned that most S&M practicioners will only be interested in S&M if the partner consents and if they have a "safe word."




They have found indications of S&M going back to marriages in ancient times. And a large percent of the population is into it. They said over half of the people in the United States have done mild S&M (specifically biting). But still 5% of the population has done more serious S&M, such as spanking, hitting, and bondage. So there are more people who enjoy beating and choking their partners than there are redheads in the U.S. Sweet!

In fact, BDSM is common enough that asphyxiation results in the accidental death of 1-2 million people per year! Can you believe that?! How many more people must be choking each other if that many people die from it?! They also were talking about asphyxiation as being from plastic bags and tying ropes around each other's necks, as well as more hardcore ideas like a whole-body vacuum. Still, even chocking your partner lightly with your hands can lead to accidental death or unconsciousness, so be very careful! A quick Google search alone will bring up a slew of court cases where a would-be S is pleading innocent to the murder of their poor, deceased M; a word to the wise!

I also thought it was very interesting the breakdown of what the people liked. For example, it wasn't split 50/50, half liking M and half liking S, as you would think. One study found that BOTH men and women enjoyed being SUBMISSIVE better. (This is definitely not true in my relationship!) So what ended up happening was that BDSM would just switch back and forth, taking turns being the submissive. So guys, don't feel bad if you secretly dream of being strapped to the bed by a hot female Dom who walks all over you in her high-heeled leather boots. You're normal!

Although both sexes enjoyed being dominated more, they actually found that women were more versatile with what they liked. Women in general preferred to be dominated most or all the time. Men and women were about even with enjoying both roles and liking to switch. And then women also preferred to be dominating all the time. Men were just generally more in the middle. This is a great statistic since most people assume that in BDSM, men want the "traditional male" role of Dom and women want to be dominated by a strong, domineering man wielding a loincloth and club. Not true!

Another thing I thought was funny: A study said the most common safe word is "red." I thought that was funny.... who would just up and say, "RED!" in the middle of sex?!?! (My own "safe phrase" is a simple, "I can't..." because I think that anything so overtly non-sexual like RED would just ruin the mood!)

They also talked a lot about how S&M communities are really big on "safety first!" I think this is obvious, but I will reiterate it: Communicate communicate communicate! Make sure everything is consensual, always have safe words, and talk out your desires beforehand. If your Sub is not 100% okay with something, don't do it. If you are going to use a gag, you need to have the M person tell you any allergies, heart problems, or health issues before hand. Any time you tie someone up, you can never leave her alone. You must always be within arm's reach, and if you gag or blindfold them as well, you must always be touching them with at least one hand, AND you must make sure you have a nonverbal signal for the safeword since your Sub can't talk!

The nosy psychiatrists also talked a lot about common practices for S&M couples. I love it when people study me and put me in a box! It's so fun to read about! :)

Not surprisingly, the least painful and dangerous are the most often used. For example, a lot more people engage in some light bondage or spanking, and relatively few people engage in beating and mutilation. The more pain and danger involved, the fewer people do it regularly. This is one reason my Dom and I started this site; all the sites were either "Try spanking her lightly" (borrrring!) or "Pierce her back, tie her up, suspend her from the ceiling, and whip her til her skin bleeds!" (too much!).

All three studies I found said that the most common type of S&M used, by both gay and heterosexual couples, was spanking. (I thought that was weird, because although I am an avowed Sub, I detest spanking...) The second most common was always bondage of different types. They also talked a lot about role playing. All the studies mentioned a role playing game called "Master/slave" or "Mistress/slave." And then any other games, like teacher/student, cop/criminal, etc. were just sort of derivatives off the first "game." I did think it was interesting that while both gay and straight couples used spanking and bondage and games the most, slightly more straight couples used the spanking and bondage, and slightly more gay couples used dressing up in like, full-blown leather to play their role-playing games. I wonder why that difference is??

The articles also talked about the danger of using S&M. Like obviously, people can die or get hurt. But also they said that the ONLY difference between S&M and real sexual abuse and rape, is the "intent of the participants." Which is very true, and something like "intent" is so hard to judge and so subjective. So it can be dangerous to engage in something SO close to sexual abuse when it is only in your mind that it is different. Which is why you should ONLY engage in these fun, sexy pleasures with someone you know, love, and trust 100% before you try it.

The studies also found that most S&Mers started between the age of 20 and 25, discovering they liked this stuff. I must be an early bloomer, because I discovered it around the age of 19, but had fantasies about it from 15 or so.... and, hats off to my Dom because he didn't even discover the joys of BDSM til he was 27 and he is already way ahead of the curve!

Then they also talked about what I would consider more "hard core" stuff and why people do it... like actual hurting like whips and sticks. And they said the M person usually doesn't feel how much they are being hurt til later, so be careful! And also more permanent stuff, like tattoes and piercings. The study said that some people said the more hardcore stuff, like tattoes and piercings and wearing a collar was good because the people said it was an expression of their devotion and love for their partner. Oh yeah!, and also they mentioned people liking genital torture. I am not really clear on what that is and my server keeps blocking it (darn!) when I try to look it up... anyone tried it and willing to vouch for it?

There is tons of other great stuff out there on the internet, so have fun sexsearching!



Bibliography

(click the links below to see where I got my information)

TV Documentary on the Marquis de Sade
Psychiatric Site for DSM-IV Mental Disorders
Fascinating clinical study on S&M behaviors.
Scholarly Article on Masochism
I couldn't resist. Here is the Wiki article on BDSM, however unreliable it may be.

Links for the Beginning Sadomasochist

So for those of you interested in learning more about BDSM, we hope this blog will be of use to you. It will certainly be of use to us! We are excited to journal our sexual escapades and hope you will feel free to message or email us any questions you have about BDSM, sex ideas, sex toys, relationship issues, marriage, divorce, Christianity, faith, you name it; they all connect with how we humans relate in the bedroom!

Before we start blogging, we will give you beginners out there a crash course in common terminology used in the BDSM world.

• BDSM: Stands for Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. Refers to a sexual lifestyle where physical and emotional pain are used to heighten sexual pleasure. Also called Sadomasochism, Dominance and Submission, B/D, B&D, D/S, D&S, S&M, S/M. This practice is used by people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations, and differs from sexual abuse because all partners are consenting adults.
• Dom: Short for the Dominant, often called the "S" (for sadist), the Top, or the Master. This refers to the person currently playing the role of the Dominant, or Sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain.
• Sub: Short for the Submissive, often called the "M" (for masochist), the Bottom, or the Slave. This person is currently being dominated.
• Bondage: Any means of restraining or tying your Sub, including tying with rope, tape, handcuffs, or your own hands.
• Discipline: Refers to verbal or emotional "abuse" heaped on the Sub by the Dom, resulting in a sexy feeling of being humilated and dominated
• Fetishism: This is finding sexual attraction from culturally non-sexual objects. Common examples of fetishes are shoes, feet, and panties.
• Power Exchange: This is when the Sub willingly gives control (physical, mental, and sexual) to the Dom. It can be for one short scene or last for days or weeks, depending what the partners agree upon.
• Punishment: Physical "abuse" used by the Dom to enforce and maintain control over the Sub
• Roleplaying: A specific type of BDSM behavior including assuming a separate identity for sexual play. Examples could include Policeman/Suspect, Teacher/Student, Nurse/Patient, etc.
• Safeword: A safeword is a password agreed upon by both partners beforehand that will stop all play immediately. It is imperative that both the Sub and the Dom stop sexual activity as soon as the safeword is spoken. Safewords allow the Sub to cry, plead, beg, and scream, "No!" to their hearts' content, but as soon as they are genuinely uncomfortable, they can call it quits. Common safewords are Red and Pickle.
• Scene: A "scene" is the word for a particular roleplaying game. Participants decide upon a scene beforehand and assume their roles; scenes can last anywhere from a 5-minute play session to an all-day session where both lovers maintain their characters long term.
• Silent Alarm: A silent alarm is imperative for BDSM enthusiasts who are not in a loving monogamous relationship. When you begin to explore with a new partner, tell a friend who you are with, where you'll be, and what time you'll be home. If you are not home by that time, the friend is to call the police. Inform your partner what you are doing and encourage him or her to use a silent alarm, too.

Helpful Links for the Aspiring Sadomasochist:
Click on the links below for more information.
An article on safety for your BDSM adventures.
This website gives novice female subs info on how to stay safe as they begin exploring the BDSM community, and also offers links to reputable resources on BDSM.
Here is a general guide to BDSM.
Warning! This site contains pornographic pictures. It does, however, contain a humorous story on flogging and how to correctly use safewords.