Author F.R.R. Mallory describes a sub who is going about her regular day when the Dom decides he wants to begin a scene:
This space occurs when the Dominant in the relationship directs attention at the
submissive. This may be a glance, a light touch, a small sound or any
combination of these triggers. This marginal appearing contact drops the
submissive out of top space into a state of waiting and/or listening for
command. She stops. Generally she will cease talking even in the midst of a
comment. She may stop moving. She will generally attempt direct eye contact with
her Dominant to see if he/she has a direction or command for her. If nothing
further occurs she will most likely re-top. Or, go back to full functional top
space. If the Dominant mentally presses...she will generally descend further
into space.
The more you practice being a Dom, the better you get at it. At first, your sub may have a hard time getting into subspace. But as you get her there more often, it will become easier to get her there. Every time you get her there, you are conditioning her to go there. Eventually, you may just have to say a certain word or give her a certain look and she will start to get dreamy and obedient. (If you enjoy a good mental fight before you get your sub there, you will want to avoid giving her a particular look or phrase, because she will start to go to subspace quickly if you do!) I know the more I experience subspace, the easier it is to slip into it the next time--so if you want a quickly obedient and willing slave, practice makes perfect!
Like any training, you have to be consistent. You can train your sub to slip into subspace without her ever noticing. Every time you begin a scene, pick a certain phrase. Or, have a pet name you only call her during scenes. Her brain will subconsciously pick up on this. Soon, once you say the phrase or call her the name, she will stop what she is doing and make eye contact with you, waiting for a command. If you give it, she will probably go down into subspace.
What phrases or code words can you use? The best idea is probably to have a pet name for her you only use during scenes. Names have a particular way of affecting us. I've noticed during a fight, my Dom can say my name several times and I will keep ranting, but once he quietly says, "Pretty Girl!" (his non-BDSM pet name for me), I pause and wait for him to talk. Using that name makes me mentally pause and calm down. The same can be true for a BDSM name.
You can pick any number of pet names for your sub. Just make sure you use it lots and lots during a scene, and never use it outside a scene. This way your sub will associate it with going into subspace and obeying you. Once the sub is trained and used to this, all you have to do is use this name at the mall or during a party and your sub will look at you, start to feel submissive, and wait for a command. What fun for you! :)
Here are some pet name ideas. They can be related to BDSM or not, just make sure your sub only associates them with scenes and obeying.
- my pet
- my love
- servant
- slave
- Girl/Boy
- slut (use a foreign language for dirty words if you don't feel comfortable using them in public places)
- whore
- bitch
- Baby Girl/Boy
- Daddy's little girl
- Mommy's little boy
- My servant
- honey
- sweetie
- babe, baby, baby doll
- Freckles
- Dimples
- Chubby
- Blue Eyes
- my darling
So a scene might begin like this: if your sub isn't expecting a scene, you know you need to warn her you want something. You whisper in her ear, "My little slavegirl, go get me a drink, please," or "Freckles. Do you hear me? Listen and obey, Freckles. Please go to the restroom and touch yourself for 5 minutes." If you chose any name that is only used for the sub during a scene, she will know what you want and to obey!
If you don't want to use a pet name, a touch, glance, or code phrase will work. A light touch on the small of the back is often a very controlling guesture no one else will notice. Your sub will straighten up and look at you for more direction. You can whisper in her ear that she is turning you on and you want to begin a scene now. Even in public, you can whisper a command in her ear and enjoy her obedience while no one else knows. Example: At a fancy business dinner, you lightly touch her lower back. Since you only do this to begin scenes, she looks at you, surprised. You whisper: "Go get me a drink, my love." Obedient and surprised, she nods, and hurries off to do your bidding. No one else knows! :) You can have fun seeing how far you can get her to go in public without questioning your authority.A code phrase, such as, "This is what I want," "Do not disobey me," or "You don't want to disappoint me, do you?" will also work. These can be used in public or private. Just make sure you always begin a scene this way, and your sub will quickly associate the phrase with descending into subspace and obeying your every whim.
Of course, conditioning works in other ways, too. If every time she disobeys, you quietly say, "Don't test me, Green Eyes," and then give her a sound beating or punishment, soon all you will have to say is, "Don't test me, Green Eyes," and she will hurry to do your bidding!
The more you train your sub, the easier it will be to control her. Be consistent, be consistent, be consistent. Subs, like puppies and children, can be trained---just be firm, be merciless, and be consistent. Happy training!
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