Asking Permission to Do Things

Today there was a discussion on Fetlife about what kinds of things slaves and subs must ask permission to do. While most D/s relationships have rules, the non-kinky domestic discipline groups like CDD or Taken in Hand tend to only have a few rules, and ones that are obviously helpful to the woman (to keep her safe, to make her a better person, to keep her healthy, etc.). On the other hand, in Master/slave and Dominant/sub relationships, some people prefer to have many rules for the sub.

What are some examples of things slaves and subs could be required to ask permission for?

1. Going to the bathroom.
2. Using furniture in the house (including beds, tables, and chairs).
3. Using the phone or internet.
4. Leaving the house.
5. Shopping or spending money.
6. Corresponding with new people on Fetlife or the internet.
7. Posting photos to Fetlife.
8. To talk to other Dom/mes or Masters/Mistresses.
9. To ask Doms and Masters permission to speak to their slaves or subs.
10. To begin eating.
11. To masturbate.
12. To orgasm.
13. To sexually pleasure the Dom or Master.
14. To leave the Master's presence.
15. To drink anything other than water.
16. To change a profile picture online.
17. To speak or ask a question.
18. To go out late with friends.
19. To open the mail.
20. To read or respond to messages online.
21. To smoke or drink.
22. To sleep in bed every night.
23. To post to online blogs or journals.
24. To visit friends or family.
25. To choose the clothing for the day.

Depending on how strict or laid back a Master wants to be, the rules can be very general ("You don't have to ask permission to do anything unless I am in the room with you") or very strict ("You can't use public or private toilets with the seat down"). It all depends on the couple!

Submissive Rituals

I found a really cool article on SubmissiveGuide.Com called Regaining Submissive Mindspace Through Ritual. I think this is such a great idea since many submissives are not submissive in their daily jobs or with their families and children. Some of us have to work, be mothers and daughters and employees and church volunteers and community leaders. When we come home, it can be hard to take off the "free-thinking independent woman" hat and put on the "submissive" hat. For me, I know I tend to keep walking around in topspace until my Dom takes me out of it. Either way, many subs would like to make an easy switch from their day-to-day lives to a more submissive mindset.

Rituals are one way to help achieve that.

You'll find that a lot of D/s relationships focus on rituals, while other similar relationships like Taken in Hand or Christian Domestic Discipline really don't. For some couples, making up forced rituals and rules seems fake and unnecessary. For others, it's a great and simple way to enforce the power exchange in their relationship.

There's no right or wrong way to do D/s, so either way you and your partner prefer is fine. But if you do want to utilize rituals to help ground you and help you get into your submissive "zone," there are many available, or you can even make up your own. Many slave training guides and BDSM sites online will give suggestions for these rituals. You might also consider some of the ones below:

Rituals to Start the Day

• set your morning routine into a set schedule. Even if your Dominant is not home, following his orders for your day can set the whole day off in a more submissive tone.
• create a list of things your Dom wants you to get done that day. As you complete the list, focus on why you are doing this (to serve your Dom).
• Keep a submissive journal and write in it each morning. Many websites give examples of submission-related journal prompts for you to use.

Rituals When You Come Home

• Take a shower and wash away the stress and responsibility of the day. Emerge feeling refreshed and in a more submissive mindset.
• Spend extra time putting on makeup or looking sexy/pretty for your Dominant.
• Do something small to serve your Dom, such as kneeling before him or bringing him a cup of coffee.
• Submissive Guide also gives several other suggestions, such as putting on a special perfume reserved for your submissive space, meditation, using slave positions, or putting on a collar. (The photo shown here is the basic Gorean slave position.)

Rituals with Your Dominant

• He places a collar on your neck (or any symbol of your submission: a ring, a bracelet, a chain, a piece of sexy clothing, a collar and leash, a gag, handcuffs, etc.) for you to wear the rest of the day.
• He begins your interaction by having you serve him in some way that pleases him (the ritual of bringing him a cold soda, or removing his shoes, or bathing him, assuming slave positions, or sexually servicing him in some way).
• He spanks you or does some sort of "maintenance spanking."

The possibilities are endless. If one of you desires to use rituals, discuss the possibilities. Why do rituals appeal to you? How might they benefit your relationship? What additional strains or responsibility might they bring to your dynamic? How often and with how much consistency must you do these rituals, and are there consequences if you forget or disobey?