2/26/2009

Review: Wild G Rabbit Vibe

The Wild G Rabbit Vibe from TheAdulteToyShoppe.com is one of the most expensive toys I've had the pleasure to review on this site (pun intended), but despite its cost, my recommendation is: Buy it, buy it, buy it!

Rarely can I say, with such emphatic certainty, that there is something in this vibe for everyone. The Wild G costs $65.99, and it is worth every penny.

Why can I sing the praises of this rabbit vibrator? Well, for starters, this was my first rabit vibe. I was excited to try it out, but once it arrived, I'll be honest--I was terrified. The thing was 10 inches long and 1.75 inches around! I was afraid it would be too big or painful for easy insertion.

I was wrong. I asked my partner to warm me up beforehand to allow easier insertion, and he did beautifully. Fifteen minutes later, the vibe slid in with no size problems at all--even without lube! In fact, in that aroused state, I loved the feel of size and largeness inside me. Then my world changed. He turned it on, and I immediately had the strongest vaginal orgasm I have ever had! Ten minutes later, with my partner's help, I'd come, and come, and come again. On each of the three vibrating intensities and each of the three rotating intensities, I came. We finished, and we were both a fan. I haven't been disappointed since, and each time we use it I am able to have multiple orgasms, and of far superior quality to the ones that come from vibes with just clitoral stimulation; while the orgasms aren't quite as intense when I use it myself as when I have my partner participate, it is still my new favorite toy.

The Wild G Rabbit Vibe is silicone, which means it is easy to sterilize and also a soft jelly material that gives and does not hurt like many hard plastic vibes out there. The clit stimulator is not a true "rabbit" in that it does not have two pronged rabbit ears that nestle your clit, but rather one strong nub that fits right onto it. I was afraid when the vibe was inserted the rabbit would not reach my clit correctly, but the two vibrating prongs beneath it ensure that if the main nub does not fit exactly on your clit, one of the prongs will. The whole experience is of very intense vulval stimulation that I've never found in another vibe, even the Laya.

As for the insertable, the silicone made it comfortable and smooth inside. The vibrations inside are nice, more gentle than the intense shaking you get from the rabbit outside, and the rotating beads massage the inside of your vagina right at the entrance. My favorite part, however, is the rotating head, which touches my G-spot and vaginal canal with rhythmic thrusts that made my intense and body-shuddering internal orgasms possible.

If you want a good sex toy for women, I honestly can't see a downside to this vibe. It's waterproof, versatile, comfy, easy to clean, and provides stimulation in several areas so that everyone is guaranteed to get something out of their wild ride with the Wild G.



Review: Aqua Wand Vibrator


The Aqua Wand from Babeland is delicate, discreet, and economical. If you are looking for a small toy to add to your "on-the-go" collection, the Aqua Wand will do the trick.
This toy is only a little over 5 inches long, and 3/4 of an inch around, so it is small enough to be portable anywhere. Because I travel a lot internationally, I like this, and would probably chose this toy for a long trip since it will fit in my purse or carryon and is less likely to draw astonished attention from an airport security employee.
The Aqua Wand takes 2 AAA batteries, and I was very impressed by its intensity. I need a medium-strong vibration to get off, so many toys this delicate and small don't do the trick, but this one did. The wand does not have multiple speeds or settings, so it won't work well for those of you needing variable speeds, but I like strong, fast orgasms from one high speed so I can't complain!
The only downfall I could really see for this little waterproof toy? It was cold!!! The head of the wand is metal, and I don't want any cold metal touching my clit. I tried it at first, and yeow! My partner and I fixed this problem by turning the vibe on and heating it up against our skin before applying it directly to my clit. Once it was warmed up, the vibe worked fine.
If you are interested in the Aqua Wand from Babeland, it is only $20 plus shipping. I always recommend buying from this store, as their website layout, customer service, positive views on sexuality, varied toy selection, and speed of shipping are unparalleled in my experience of toy stores.

2/17/2009

Pain vs. Control: Why Do People Sub?

Why is it that men and women who are educated, smart, efficient businessmen, professionals, teachers, doctors, educators, and students in their everyday lives are willing to go home and be bossed around, hit, controlled, beaten, and used? For many "vanilla" people, this is difficult to understand.

While I can't attempt to describe why each individual chooses to become a sub, I believe it boils down to two main reasons: pain and control. If you feel yourself drawn to a submissive lifestyle, you are probably drawn to at least one of these reasons (and maybe both).

Let's start with pain, since it is the most well-known in the vanilla world. After all, subs who like to be whipped and beaten by their lovers are much more likely to get vanilla attention than one who just likes to be ordered around!

Some people are addicted to pain. In the BDSM world, they are often called "pain sluts." A masochist is the technical term. These people may enjoy playing the bottom in a BDSM scene because they enjoy the catharsis of pain. It triggers endorphins and a "high" floods the body. Pain and pleasure are so closely interconnected that they can easily be confused, and pain can heighten pleasure and vice-versa. Pain sluts may also enjoy control in BDSM play, but they don't have to; they are there for the thrill of the pain. You can tell these people because in a sex store, they are the ones looking longingly at the whips, needles, canes, paddles, and floggers.

Some subs, however, are completely against any physical pain but love to be controlled. Physically or emotionally, they want to be overpowered by a strong Dom or Mistress. They crave letting go and letting someone else take the wheel. These people are often into what we call humiliation play, rape play, child play, animal play, or dirty talk. You can spot these people at BDSM events because, while the pain sluts are already tied to a St. Andrew's cross and screaming happily as a top beats them, the "control" subs are probably holding their Mommy's hand, sitting obediently next to their Trainer with a collar and leash, or quietly serving their Domme another beverage.

Let's think of BDSM as a spectrum. On the far side are activities to do with pain. These include flogging, cutting, whipping, needle play, hot wax, pinching, biting, genital torture, hitting, punching, ball-stomping (yes, it's what it sounds like), and other things that require pain but not necessarily control. On the far other side of the spectrum are BDSM scenes that require lots of verbal, emotional, and physical control but no pain: these can include Parent/child scenes, dirty talk, humiliation, bondage, or being caged. And then of course there are the activities that fall somewhere wonderfully in between the two, such as rape scenes, animal play, branding, and spanking.

It goes without saying that to heighten an experience for a sub, you want to know what turns this particular sub on. Say you want to do a rape scene. If your sub simply adores control but isn't so much into pain, your scene will probably include lots of dirty talk, physically controlling her body, humiliating her, or tying her up. If your sub leans more to the pain side of things, you may focus more on fucking her hard, hitting and punching her, whipping her, and being sure to leave lots of lovely bruises.

Most scenes in BDSM can incorporate both elements; this is fortunate since many subs enjoy both elements. For example, I don't like pain for pain's sake, but I do enjoy being hurt if it makes me feel more controlled. It all depends on how my Dom approaches the pain.

If you are a sub wondering which side of the spectrum you fall on, or a Dom who is unsure what your sub likes, take a look at the following list and see which numbers seem hottest or most appealing to you:
  1. Your Dom ties you up, then fucks you hard, pinching your nipples and spanking your ass.
  2. Your Dom ties you up, then slowly inserts a vibrator and makes fun of you as you try not to come.
  3. Your Dom has you lay down on the bed, then paddles you as hard as he can. In between spanks, he pulls your hair and slaps your thighs.
  4. Your Dom has you lay down on the bed and tells you sternly you've been a bad girl. As a punishment, he paddles you hard and forces you to say "Thank you, sir," after each one until he thinks you've learned your lesson.
  5. Chili sauce is wiped on your anus and genitals and your Dom enjoys watching you squirm and scream.
  6. You are chained like a puppy and humiliated, forced to pee on the carpet, and eat mushy food from a dog bowl while your Dom watches.
  7. Your Dom figs you before spanking.
  8. Your Dom plays Daddy and watches you carefully color a painting, insisiting you get the paint perfectly between the lines before he lets you play or receive an orgasm.

If you think the odd numbers sounded hotter, you are probably more of a pain slut. If the even numbers made you most wet or hard, you enjoy mental and emotional control.

Of course, control can be used to inflict pain, and pain can be used to exercise control. Many of these activities can be tailored to exactly fit a sub's desires (or to exactly be the opposite, if your bad little horsie needs to be punished!). The better you know yourself and your partner, the more fun you will have. Go forth and torture. Enjoy!

2/16/2009

How to Tell When a Sub Has Had Too Much

How do you tell when a sub has had too much? This can be difficult to maneuver until you are more familiar with that particular sub's version of subspace and how he or she acts in a scene.

In subspace, a sub is like a different person. Well, at any rate, I know this is true for me. I cannot speak for other bottoms! When I am feeling "subby," I go from disobeying, being a brat, acting ornery, and evil laughs to quiet, dreamy, obedient, and eager to please. I may move slower and with less purpose, but that is because I feel dreamy and confused, not because I'm trying to annoy or disobey. Be sure you give a sub extra time and patience during this time. If she is trying to obey, but seems confused or listless, don't mistake it for disobedience. Just give her a gentle reminder or more specific instructions.

A happy sub will float, dream, obey, smile, and look at your adoringly. If you have an obedient, smiling sub, you are on the right track.

A sub who is nearing her limits will frown, clench her teeth or fists, furrow her brow, and whine. She may shake her head or appear confused. A whiny, complaining sub is not happy. I know that I tend to get whiny when my Dom does not accomodate for my switch from "regular space" to subspace. One minute I was fighting him tooth and nail for control, and the next I hear his voice get commanding and I go to my happy place. In this mood, I am moody and needy. Calling me names, talking down to me, or being harsh or demanding may turn me on other times, but not in this mood. If I perceive that he is being too harsh, unfair, or too "mean," I start to scowl and my voice gets whiny and plaintive.

A perfect example of things that make me feel hurt and wronged while in subspace:
  • "Are you going to do it or just stand there?!" (I'm going, but I'm slow because I feel dreamy!)

A better alternative would be: "Baby girl, did you hear me?" or "Do you need help?"

  • "You're a bad girl." (I'm trying to be good!)

Instead, try, "You're such a good little sub. You're so deliciously bad."

  • "You're a dirty whore." (Insults may turn me on most times, but not when I am trying so hard to please you.)

Try something like, "You're Daddy's precious little whore, aren't you?" or just a simple, "You're so dirty. I love you."

If you are pushing a sub too much--visible when she frowns, cries, or whines--it is possible she is not disobeying, but simply can't think on a complex level right then. I am an incredibly analytical person, a fast thinker, and decisive; I am also highly educated. However, in subspace my brain slows down. I can't think quickly or about anything too complex; I am more like a zombie who can only obey.

A sub may be able to infer or break down a complex command on her own in real life, but in sub space you may need to help her. If you give a command and she doesn't follow it, be sure she is really disobeying before you punish her.

If your command has many steps involved, try breaking it down and giving it to her in smaller, simpler steps, the way you would a child. Instead of, "Serve me dinner," try smaller commands like, "Go into the kitchen. Now get out two plates and put them on the table. Good. Now set out two glasses filled with ice. Very nice. Now can you bring me two forks and two knives? That's my good girl."

If your command is very simple and she still doesn't follow it, the sub may be thinking through it. Perhaps you have pushed a limit you didn't know about, or are nearing a limit. Perhaps she does not want to perform the task for some reason (it seems gross, she is too embarrassed, she doesn't want to leave your side, etc.). Watch the sub, and if she begins to frown, shake her head, or cry, check to make sure she is okay and not being coerced into something she doesn't want.

Remember, if you are playing the Top for a scene, it is your responsibility to keep both of you safe. Be gentle with a sub in subspace, get to know your sub, and be vigilant to make sure you have not pushed her too far.

2/14/2009

SEXPERTS Now Available on KinkySexLink!

I'm thrilled to announce that my blog has been chosen for addition to the net's best bloggers list on Kinky Sex Link!
Kinky Sex Link (www.kinkysexlink.com) is a BDSM resource site run by Mystress Lady Evyl. It's an 18+ site for BDSM bloggers and avid blog readers, with loads of links to all the best sex and BDSM bloggers out there on the web. There is a monthly contest for the best blog submission (comment on your favorite post to nominate that writer), a monthly feature called KSL Beat that features various articles and reviews to keep you current with the BDSM world, and even the chance to submit your own articles and news for other kinksters online.
KSL also has a "Blogger Bio" page introducing you to the internet's best sex bloggers (check me out under "Sexperts"!) and their blogs, with writers ranging everywhere from married to poly, Master to slave, Christian, pagan, straight, transgender, queer, gay, and everything in between. Whatever your interests, these writers represent the best BDSM blogs out there, and KSL lets you read their posts all in one convenient location.
Mystress Evyl has also included a great Links page, which includes famous past KSL bloggers, online BDSM stores, localized BDSM news and attractions, erotica, toys, recommended reading lists, online fetish communities, and "how-to" guides for all types of BDSM, from Mastering to puppy training.
Please hop on over to www.KinkySexLink.com to support your fellow kinksters and their blogs!

My Imminent Spanking





Why do people spank? Well, there are three main reasons:

1. They find it erotic

2. They like the pain

3. They like to be "punished"

There are many physical, sexual, emotional, and mental factors that go into these three main reasons, and I'm not even going to attempt to go into them all. I will say that I have been an avowed anti-spanker since... well, forever. Spanking is something most of my teenage boyfriends tentatively tried with me at one point or another. They seemed to like it; I did not. First, I was uncomfortable with my butt, and like most girls, worried that it was "too big" or "too flabby." The jiggling that oft accompanies smacks to the bottom made me feel fat, ugly, and about as far from sexy or turned on as you could get-- spanking disgusted me. Also, I just felt ridiculous when they swatted me. It hurt, it didn't feel good, and I feel like a silly adult woman whose partner wishes she were smaller and about 5 years old. I hated it.

Getting into BDSM has forced me to re-evaluate spanking. The truth is, I've never had it done right, or by a Dominant. It's always been boys echoing they saw something on tv. Watching a naturally submissive man try to swat a woman just makes me cringe--the farce is so obvious it doesn't begin to be sexy. But now my Dom is interested in spanking me. I've had several months to weigh the options, do the research, and learn about the activity. We've talked and re-talked through our options, positions, fears, insecurities, and dirty desires. I know that he wants to hurt me and watch me suffer, squeal, and scream; I know the idea of him torturing me turns me on. He wants to put me in humiliating positions and make me cry; him having that power over me makes my clit get tight. Until we try it, I won't know for sure how I like "real" spanking, but I can share with you the tips and positions we've discovered.

Implements

You can spank with just about anything. Your hand, a wooden ruler, a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, and a ping-pong racket are just some of the household items that can be turned into paddles. Leather belts are also popular items. Real wooden paddles of various sizes and colors, some with designs or words carved into them, others with spikes or prods, and still more with holes cut out to allow a faster swing, are all available online (E-bay has some for under $10), in kink and sex stores, and as novelty items. Floggers, whips, slappers, and cat-o-nine tails are also options for the more advanced spankers among you.

Tips

Spanking is pretty much safe and fun if you stick to the meaty areas of the body. The most popular place to spank people is the butt, although anywhere meaty (thighs, calves) can be spanked. Just stay away from delicate areas like the spinal cord, the abdomen and back, or bony areas. When aiming for the butt, swing for the lower half of the butt, since the tailbone can easily chip or crack and then the fun is ruined for everyone.

One basic spanking tip is to start slow and light. The sub's pain tolerance will gradually get higher as you slowly increase the intensity.

Another tip is to practice on yourself and an inanimate object before you spank someone else. You practice on the inanimate object (pillow, bed, or couch) so you can practice your aim and not inadvertently break your sub's bones. You practice on yourself so you know how the paddle or whip feels, how hard you can hit, and if the area will bruise later.

Also, remember that bruises don't spring up automatically. Your sub may be on a pain-induced endorphin high and never feel his skin hurting, and you won't see bruises until the next day. When an area gets red and rosy, stop before it gets chapped, raw, bruised, or the skin breaks. You don't want permanent marks or bruises that last for weeks to pop up later!

Another great tip is to massage, rub, and knead the buttocks before, during, and after spanking. Spanking feels good because it brings the blood rushing to the genitals. You can aid this by "warming up" your partner with lots of rubbing, massaging, and gentle patting before you start lightly paddling. Every so often between swats, stop to rub and massage the sore area, giving the sub a break and helping diffuse the pain. Once you're done beating the heck out of your sub's bottom, bring them back down slowly by gently rubbing their skin and getting their blood flow back down to normal.



Positions

I love this part! For me, positions have been the sexiest part of researching spanking. Pictures of naked butts don't get me turned on, but reading all about the possible positions sure does! Here are a few of the basic spanking positions:
  1. OTK (Over the Knee): This position is ideal for sexual stimulation or for parent/child play, depending on what you want. The spanker sits on the edge of the bed (or chair/bench/whatever) and bends the spankee over his knee, bottom exposed. If his arm gets tired, he can make the spankee switch positions. This position is ideal because for women, and with careful situation of knees and legs, you can ensure that every swat puts pressure on her clit. It is also good for parent/child punishments because this is a position many parents use to spank their children, and as such may humiliate the spankee or make them feel very young and vulerable. (see black and white photo immediately above)
  2. Hands on Ankles: If your sub is flexible, you can have him bend down and grab his ankles. This will make the spanking more delightfully painful, as it stretches the skin of the buttocks tight. However, this position requires flexibility on the part of the spankee, and it is easy to spank too hard and overbalance the sub. (see color illustration at top of page)
  3. Hands on Bed: This is an easier version of the "Hands on Ankles" and I like the sound of this better. Rather than making the sub bend all the way to floor or ankles, you make her bend over to place her palms flat against a bed, couch, chair, or table. This is more comfortable for the sub and still exposes her bottom beautifully.
  4. Kneeling over Bed: This one sounds hot! Like a small child being punished, have the spankee kneel on the floor facing the bed (couch/chair/etc.), then bend his torso over the bed. In this position, his arms and chest should be lying flat on the bed, with his knees and calves on the floor and his bottom exposed.

Just discuss what you both want out of this spanking: is it sexier if it is for fun, during sex, for a punishment, or just to experiment? Do you want a few light swats or pain and bruises? Do you want the sub to be silent, to scream, to moan, to whine, to beg you to stop, or to cry? What will your safeword be if one of you needs to stop? Has your sub been a "bad little girl," a "dirty whore," or is she just being an obedient wife? Do you want to spank her for the power, to feel like a parent, just to hurt her, to punish her, or to make her cry? Is it hotter if you act the scene out as yourselves, or if you play a Daddy/bad little girl scene, a boss/wayward secretary scene, or a principal/student scene?

Stay tuned in a few weeks to hear how my first spanking session turns out...



Resources:




Article on Christian BDSMers

I enjoyed this amateur article about Christians and BDSM. The article can be found under the AC (Associated Content) BDSM Lifestyle section. The author is not a Christian, and I think it is good to see our views and lifestyle as viewed by those outside it. The text deals with some of the common misperceptions of Christians by others in the community and the hardships some Christian couples face. This author treats the subject respectfully and fairly, in my opinion; it is worth a read.

Click here for the article!

2/12/2009

Reporting STDs to Your Partner

We all know sex is fun. What we pretend to forget is that sex is also dangerous.

In BDSM as well as in bars, college campuses, and singles' apartments across the world, sex with strangers is a reality. For all Christianity's focus on abstinence until marriage, many Christians have still been exposed to various STDs--perhaps through kissing, fingering, oral or anal sex, premarital sex, extramarital affairs, sharing chapstick, lipstick, or drinks, or any number of ways.

The scary facts are the STDs are real. Even if you have had only one partner, you can have an STD. Even if you have had only two or three partners, you can have an STD. Many people seriously underestimate the risk of having an STD. For example, I've heard a friend say, "I've only had sex with two people." Well, this may be true, but this friend had only had vaginal intercourse with two people. One of them had had three previous partners, none of whose sexual history is known (count: 5). He had also had oral sex with 5 other girls (count: 10), each of whom had performed oral or vaginal sex with one or two other guys (count: 20). He had kissed or made out with an additional 11 girls (count: 31), two of whom had previously had sex (count: 33). So in essence, my friend who claimed to have "had sex" with only two women, has in fact had sexual contact with the various STDs carried by thirty-three different adults, many of them unknown to him and with unknown sexual histories.

If you are sexually active (and by sexually active I mean anal, oral, and manual, not just vaginal), you need to have an STD test. If you do indeed have an STD, you must inform your current partner and all past partners. In fact, in many states this is law. Many American states (including California, Missouri, Washington, and New York) make it a criminal offense to negligently pass on an STD, even one as "harmless" as oral herpes (often called cold sores). In Missouri, one man was sued for not informing his girlfriend he had the disease, and the woman won the case. In 2007, another Missouri man was sentenced to life in prison for not informing his partner he had HIV. You can be prosecuted for failing to inform your partners if you know you have an STD.

Even if you find out too late you carry an STD, you still need to inform your past partners. If doing so over the phone or in person is too scary, there are other services available. The local health department often contacts people who have STDs to make sure they are aware of the situation. Some already offer a service where they will offer to inform past partners for you. If your local department does not, call and ask if they will anonymously inform your exes. The website InSpot also allows the residents of some Canadian and American states to anonymously alert previous partners; InSpot then provides the recipient with information on support, links, and treatment options. If you need to inform past partners anonymously, an anonymous Gmail account can be used to send an email or e-card. Or, simply have someone you trust inform your partner confidentially that they need to be tested.

Also, don't simply trust your partner to tell you. I've made this mistake several times: I asked a man if he had STDs, and he told me no. Some people will purposefully lie in this situation, but I believe my partners had less malicious motives. When I asked them how they knew they had no STD, they often responded that they'd only had one partner (meaning vaginally, of course, and never taking into account how many partners she'd had), that they had given blood recently, or they had received a check-up. To continue, please see part two of this post, common myths about STDs in our world.

For more information, see the following resources:

Common Myths About STDs

STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) are an alarming reality in our society. Many people believe they are safe when, in fact, they are not. I've had partners assure me they were disease free, only to find out too late their idea of "disease free" and mine were completely different. Here are some of the most common myths about STDs today:

Not many people have STDs.
False. 65 million people in the USA have an STD, and 19 million more get affected every year. That's 36 Americans per minute. Put another way, 1 in 5 Americans has an STD.

If I had an STD, I'd know.
False. Many STDs show no symptoms whatsoever. Genital herpes, which affects 1 in 4 adult Americans and is the most common STD, goes undiagnosed in 80% of the people who carry it. 75% of women and 50% of men with chlamydia have no symptoms; 60-80% of females with gonorreah have no symptoms. With diseases such as trichomoniasis, human papillomavirus (HPV), and HIV/AIDS, people can be infected for years and transfer the disease without having any symptoms whatsoever. Genital herpes, HPV, and Hepatitis B are all STDs that can go undetected because there may be no symptoms, only mild and undetected symptoms, or sores that are located inside the vagina, penis, or anus and are never noticed by the carrier.

I've had my yearly checkup, donated blood, or had bloodwork done by the Army. If I had an STD, they would have notified me.
False. Yearly exams at a doctor's office or gynecologist will not test you for STDs unless you specifically ask for it, even if you have bloodwork done. You must specifically ask for many STD tests. Likewise, giving blood to a charitable organization such as the Red Cross does not ensure your blood will be checked for STDs. Due to money and time constraints, these organizations will often only scan blood for HIV and a few other "major" STDs; unless you have one of them, you will not be informed of your infection. Another common myth is that the U.S. Army annually tests its soldiers for all STDs. In fact, the yearly blood tests done by the Army only test for HIV unless the soldier specifically asks for other tests to be run.

I'm a virgin, so I can't have an STD.
False. The current definition of "virgin" often refers to a vaginal virgin. However, sexually transmitted diseases can be contracted through oral and anal sex just as easily as through vaginal. For example, genital and oral herpes can both be transmitted through oral sex. HPV and genital warts can be transmitted through fingers or skin-to-skin contact (i.e. fingering, hand jobs, cuddling with your legs entwined, etc.).

Okay, I mean I'm a real virgin--I haven't done anything sexual. I can't have an STD, right?
False. Many diseases can be transfered through salivia and kissing, including herpes. Hepatitis B has been transmitted through sharing a razor with an infected person, unsterilized tattoo needles, kissing, and coming into contact with an infected person's saliva. Trichonimiasis can actually be transmitted through any damp object, such as a towel, toilet seat, or wet clothing.

Even if I get an STD, they are all treatable.
False. While everyone knows HIV isn't curable, what is less known is that none of the viral STDs can be cured. This includes HPV, genital herpes, some strains of Hepatitis B, and HIV/AIDS.

I use condoms every time I have sex, so I don't have an STD.
False. Condoms are meant to stop sperm, not diseases. A virus or bacteria is much smaller than sperm cells and can pass through a condom; condoms are not an effective barrier against sexually transmitted diseases. However, some protection is better than none, so you should always engage in protected sex.

I've only had one partner, so I don't have an STD.
False. First, many people mean "one vaginal partner" or "one anal partner" when they say this, and do not take into account the many people they have kissed, shared food and drink with, shared razors, clothes, or towels with, sat on the toilet after, had oral sex with, or received manual sex from. Likewise, many people completely fail to take into account the partners of their partner, and those people's partners, and those people's partners, and so on.

I have an STD, but I can't transmit it to my partner when I'm not having an "outbreak."
While your infection is more transferable during an outbreak, it is always transferable, even years after your last outbreak. You should still inform potential partners and use protection.

STDs can't be transmitted through fingering or jacking off.
False. While it is easier to get an STD through oral, anal, or vaginal sex than through manual sex, it is still possible. For example, HPV (the cancer-causing and wart-causing virus) can be transferred through the fingers.

Cold sores aren't an STD.
False. Cold sores are another name for oral herpes, which is an STD. Oral herpes can also be transferred through kissing, sharing chapstick or lipstick, oral sex, or touching the cold sores. (Cold sores are, however, different from canker sores, which are not an STD.)

Even if I get an STD, it won't affect my life.
Sometimes this is true--you get diagnosed, receive treatment, and move on. Many bacterial, and some fungal and parasitical, infections can be treated and cured. Others will affect your life--and your partner's life--forever. For example, chlamydia can scar the fallopian tubes, resulting in infertility. It can also contribute to cervical cancer. Gonorrhea, when left untreated, can result in infection to the heart, nervous system, muscles, and joints, as well as contribute to miscarriage in pregnant women. Hepatitis B and herpes can infect and kill the infants of infected mothers during birth, and some adults with Hepatitis B and C can contract liver disease and liver cancer, resulting in death. Genital herpes can also cause premature delivery in pregnant mothers. HPV is the primary cause of cervical cancer, and more than a third of women who develop this cancer will die from it. HPV can also cause penile, oral, anal, and vulvar cancer, as well as develop fatal warts in the throats of infected infants. Syphilis, when left untreated, can cause paralysis, blindness, and numbness for adults, as well as result in stillborn or premature delivery for infants. HIV causes an immune system deficiency that results in fatal illnesses, cancers, and diseases. In addition to the danger of illness and death, plus the many risks to unborn fetuses, many of these STDs also result in painful urination, genital inflammation, and pain or burning during intercourse. For your safety, the safety of your partners, and the health of your future children, please get tested regularly.


Resources:

2/11/2009

Treating Your Sub Like a Whore

One of the most fun things about being a sub is getting to be treated like the nasty, dirty little whore I am! We subs are usually one of two things: sex kittens in disguise, or sex kittens. We all have that dirty, nasty, horny little whore in us; we are either open about it or not. Much of the fun of being a submissive is that we get to play the victim while our evil Doms beat and fuck us unwillingly. When the sub is a whore, everyone wins!

This post discusses how to deliciously humiliate and torture your beloved sub by making her feel like an actual whore.

What does a real prostitute do? She sells her sexual services in exchange for something she wants--money, food, clothes, weath, attention, you name it. How do you make your sub feel and act like a whore? You make her one! That's right, make her your personal whore. No, I'm not suggesting you rent your sub out to your friends at an hourly rate, but simply that you force her to act like a prostitute... by making her trade sexual favors and control over her own body in exchange for food, money, housing, attention, sex, and anything else she might want!

The possibilities for this are endless. Read below for some inspirational tips!

Money. If you are in charge of the cash flow--or even some of it--you have a way to control your sub. Make her perform sex acts (that you dictate) to earn money. Does she need money for gas or to pay the rent? Do you control your finances? Money is something she can't go without, so withold it til she earns it. If she wants money for a nice dinner out, "charge" her a blow job. If she needs her allowance for the month, you can go all-out with a several-hour sex session. The point here is to treat her like a whore, not a lover. You make the calls, you make the demands, and she receives no pleasure. She serves you, and you don't care if she likes it or hates it or if it hurts her---you are a total asshole. She services you, and you pay her. Climb out of bed, throw the money on the bed, and walk out to finish the game.

Material Possessions. Just like with money, he who has is in control and she who wants is not. Instead of paying her with money, pay your whore with things. Those things can include items she needs (food, toiletries, tampons...) or things she wants (new clothes, candy, theatre tickets...). Does she express interest in something (those new shoes at the mall)? Great. Name your price and set your demands. Remember, she can choose to say yes or no. If you tell her she can have the shoes for an anal fuck, and she decides she'd rather go without the shoes, no problem. Don't pressure her, and just set another price the next time she wants something. Just don't give in and get her the shoes without getting "paid" for it. And remember, if she is the whore, you are the one setting prices and making demands. She can't lower your price or whine her way out of it. She either pays your price, or she chooses not to, but those are her only two choices.

Activities. Make your sub pay you in sexual favors for activities she wants to do (or you to do). She wants you both to go to the park? Tell her okay, but you want a hand job first. She wants you to take out the trash? Sure--if she flashes you before you go. Making her perform sexual services for you in exchange for favorite activities is sure to make your sub feel humiliated and, let's face it, a little whorish.

Sex. Ahhh, this one is evil! So your horny slut wants some, does she? Make her be your personal prostitute first. Bargain with her: she can have sex if she jacks you off first, or you'll finger her if she takes it up the ass beforehand. Whatever you want, you get! Before you give, you get--that's the rule.

Basically, this can apply to anything your sub wants or needs! If she wants something, see what she will do to get it. At first, your sub may fight being treated like a common prostitute and stubbornly just do without to avoid giving in. That's fine; you have all the time in the world! Let her say no with no complaints from you, but the next time she wants something, name your price again. Eventually, she will want something badly enough that she'll obey your commands and trade her services for your favors. As time goes on, and she gets more and more used to being your personal whore, your sub will become accustomed to servicing you sexually to get the things she wants, and you will have your very own whore in the bedroom. Enjoy.

2/10/2009

Puppy Training

Puppy training is for the slave who is so low as to not even be human anymore--he is a base animal. Masters of puppies and other animals often train their slaves, just like a real dog. You teach your dog what behaviors are expected, how to please you, and how to act in specific situations.

In this type of BDSM, the puppy/dog is often naked when at home. If anything is worn, it is usually a collar, leash or lead, and perhaps a tail, doggie ears, or padded paws (to cover the hands). For your slave's comfort, knee pads may also be worn for prolonged "doggie time."

What kind of things do Masters teach their puppies? According to http://www.thedoghouse.org/, an incomplete, confusing, yet informational site, training a human puppy is about the same as training an animal.

The first, and simplest, element of puppy play is the command. The basics are usually used: Sit. Stay. Lie down. Roll over. Shake. For human puppies, slightly more complex commands can also be used, such as "Fetch my slippers," "Get the newspaper," or "Suck my dick." Of course, the dog in this scenario cannot speak or communicate like a human, but must be trained to follow commands exactly like an animal.

Other elements of training include eating, behavior, and mouth training. While canned dog food can be used for human puppies, it is best to research the type and brand before feeding it to a pet. It is unlikely your puppy will die from canned food or dry treats, but real dog food is still not made for human consumption. Dogs have different nutritional needs than humans, so the dog food may be too rich, too fatty, or simply make your human puppy sick. Also, real dogs have much stronger teeth than human ones, so the dry treats and food are likely to give your human puppy trouble.

While small quantities of real dog food can be used for humiliation purposes, get creative and think of human food that has the look, smell, or texture of dog food. Consider using oatmeal, porridge, or Sloppy Joe mix. Baked beans, chili, or dried snack foods are also options. Of course, a favorite option for your human dog can be cooked ribs so you can enjoy seeing him chew on the bone later.

Behavior is another element of training. Aside from following commands, a puppy must be trained to behave the way the master wants. For example, when the puppy isn't active, you may want her to curl up at your feet, sit quietly in the corner, or retire to a large doggie bed in another room. A disobedient or unruly puppy can be punished with a shock collar, choke collar, or being beaten with a cane or rolled-up newspaper. Your puppy needs to get used to being walked on a leash and carrying items around in his mouth. If you want your puppy to bark, whine, scratch, or growl, include this in the training. Many Masters teach their puppies to hump their leg or boot (allowing them no sexual contact or release other than this), to suck their cock or clit, to whine or beg for food, and to lick them all over like a real dog. Of course, your human dog may love to lick your chest and face, but may be less excited about licking your ass or dirty feet--during training, you must teach your dog to act more like an animal and less like a human, which means licking you everywhere with equal enthusiasm.

Bathroom training for a human dog is often the same as for their animal counterparts. Masters can choose to train their dog to go outside, lifting his leg and pissing against a tree (for boys) or squatting and pissing in the grass (for girls). The humiliation of this for human puppies is often one of the most excrutiating elements of puppydom for the pets. If neighbors or daylight keep your puppy from being an outside-trained dog, you can house train your pet. Teach your dog to go on a pile of newspapers in his cage or in the garage.

Mouth training is another common element of puppy training. Without the use of hands or feet, a dog's primary mode of serving his master is his mouth. You may train him to bring your slippers, newspaper, beer, food, or whatever. If your BDSM relationship includes a sexual element, your dog must also learn to serve you sexually using only his mouth. I've heard of Masters who trained their human puppies to suck cock and lick ass for the Master's gratification; these dogs were never allowed to touch themselves with their paws (do real dogs do that?) but only to get off by humping the master's leg or a chair. Other Masters even require their animal-slaves to perform toilet duties, lapping up both their own and their Master's pee with their tongue to avoid having any mess for the Master to clean up. Some Masters (even in human slave relationships) even train their slaves to drink urine and cum directly from their penis, so the master never has to get up from his chair to make a bathroom break. Some trainers also make their pups lick their asses clean as a show of devotion and subservience, but I warn you that consuming feces can be dangerous for humans--even humans pretending to be dogs. As such, I don't recommend you try this activity, and always make sure consuming bodily fluids and waste is not a hard limit for either the trainer or the slave before assuming and making a fool of yourself.

The final part of puppy training is dog tricks. You can train your puppy to get up on her hind legs and beg for a scrap or a treat. You can teach him to sniff out your dirty socks or underwear with his eyes closed, going only by his sense of smell. Perhaps you want to train your puppy to fetch a stick, play with a ball, chase cats, roll over and play dead, or catch small bits of food thrown at him in his mouth.

I'm not going to lie; I have never been a puppy in my life as a sub. I have, however, seen enough of this fetish to know many people do it. And while I feel entirely too human to roleplay a puppy dog, there is something incredibly hot when my partner tells me I'm acting like a bitch in heat or when he tells me "If you're going to act like a dog in heat, I'm going to treat you like one." So if puppy play interests you, just be openminded and take it at your own pace. There is no BDSM prize for "Best Doggie Impersonator"--it is all about what you find sexy, hot, sane, and consenual.

For the slaves who choose a life as a dog, their favorite part of slavery is often getting to play, curl up at their master's feet, or getting a good head and belly rub for a job well done. If you are interested in training your partner to be a puppy, consider your goals and how you will punish your puppy when these goals are not obeyed (choke or shock collars are often a good punishment). Teach your pet to lick your boots, lap water from a doggie bowl, and sit chained in a cage. Go slowly, communicate during your slave's "human" times, and good luck!

2/09/2009

1950s Household


One specific type of BDSM activity is the 1950s household. This is just what it sounds like: a social and sexual dynamic that attempts to recreate the stereotypical male-dominated marital relationship of the 50s. In truth, this activity is more social and relational than sexual, although sex can play a part.


In a 1950s household, traditional gender roles are maintained. This is a type of "power exchange" based completely on gender roles. The man probably works at something "manly" like business, skilled labor, or management. He takes pride in his career and providing for the family.


The woman in this situation probably stays at home as a wife or mother. If she does leave the home, it is probably for her college studies or for pre-baby work in fields such as teaching, nursing, or other "feminine" jobs. Her main responsibility, of course, is her home and her family. This woman takes pride in cooking, cleaning, ironing, and raising her children. She may do outside activities such as volunteer work or being active in a church society.


Children are brought up with traditional values and a sense of the father being the head of the home. The man provides for, protects, and cherishes his wife; in turn, she makes his home a place of comfort and relaxation after a hard day's work.


I've never participated in a 1950s household (I think it lends itself more to a 24/7 relationship, which I am not part of), but from what I've seen, partners participate in 1950s relationships for far more than just sex or BDSM. It is a commitment to preserving a way of life; the focus is on traditional values. In fact, in a 1950s-style relationship model, the most well-known aspects of BDSM (sadomasochism, leather, whips, etc.) may not even play a part at all. This relationship is entirely based on the Dominant/submissive part of BDSM, and is simply a specific subgroup of Dominants and submissives; while participants may choose to engage in other elements of kink, they do not have to. (Of course, this is true of any element of BDSM, and just because the public seems to think all BDSMers wear tight black leather and carry around whips does not mean it is true.)

2/07/2009

Alternatives to Collars

Collars are an important symbol for many in the BDSM scene. These collars can symbolize ownership, submission, commitment, love, fidelity, kinkiness, or all of the above; of course, the most common symbol of collars is one of ownership, but it depends only on the giver, the receiver and what the collar means to them.
For a more complete description of how collars are used in today's BDSM world, check out my 2008 introduction to collars.
But some of us don't want to or can't wear a collar in our day-to-day lives. Maybe you don't like the idea of wearing a collar--it seems too like a slave or an animal. Maybe you like the idea, but have a high-paying professional job where you can't just be seen sporting a collar with your snappy dress suit. Maybe your mother would flip if she saw you wearing a collar, or you don't want to deal with your children asking all sorts of questions, or you want to avoid unwanted attention in public. Whatever the reason, there are some symbols you and your mate can decide upon, jewelry that can symbolize the same undying commitment, love, fidelity, or ownership as a collar, without actually wearing one.
If you and your partner are seeking an alternative to a collar, consider one of the following options:
  • ring
  • bracelet
  • choker
  • necklace
  • "dress" collar
  • brooch
  • barrette
  • hair comb
  • tattoo
  • piercing
  • anklet
  • pendant
  • earrings

My Dom and I have been playing around with options for piercings no one else will ever see (nipples, back, clitoral hood), but that will have the same meaning as a BDSM collar for us. Piercings or tattooes can be permanent markings that, unlike a collar, are easy to keep discreet. Other people simply pick any special piece of jewelry and give it its own special meanng. This jewelry can be worn anywhere, with anyone, and no one else will know its private meaning for the two of you.

For an idea of some of the cool kink jewelry sold by online stores, continue below!

PureTNT.com is an online store selling BDSM jewelry. Below are some of their BDSM rings, with prices.

(Left) BDSM Symbol ring, $30.00
(Right) Slave ring, $35.00, also available with Submissive, Master, or Mistress inscription.

PureTNT also sells earrings, bracelets, charms, pendants, anklets, padlocks, necklaces, and collars that are specifically made to look like dressy chokers for public wear.

Below, Rosybottom.com sells collars disguised as chokers/necklaces, keyrings, necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and cuffs. They also have a cute little feature where you can send amazing "spank me" e-cards to your friends for free! These crystal-and-chain bracelets are $28.00 at Rosy Bottom.

Chainmail and More Leather Store specializes in BDSM chainmail (slave cuffs linked with chain to other body parts), but these chainmail headbands, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and chokers
can be worn without attracting too much attention. The store also sells chainmail arm bands, body sets, headveils, wrist-to-hand decorators, ear cuffs, waist and belly chains, and barefoot sandals. To the right, this leather pride necklace is $18.oo.


Punching Fetish


I've just heard about a new fetish that honestly cracks me up: punching fetish. While of course I don't have any statistics about the prevalancy of this fetish, a cursory browse through Fetlife and Google suggests that, while it definitely exists, there are not huge numbers of BDSMers practicing it. Still, I thought it was interesting and worth pursuing here!
Any sort of hitting can be incorporated into BDSM. From what I've heard, probably the most common type is slapping. I've even had a few "vanilla" boys give me a light face slap during making out to turn me on (or turn them on?). My current Dom, back before I had even an inkling this sweet Christian man would turn out to be a dom, surprised both of us in our dating relationship by hauling back and slapping me across the face once while we were making out; he says he has never forgotten my subsequent expression. :)
If you are into hitting, slapping of course is the safest way to go. Many men don't like the idea of punching a woman, afraid they will do serious damage to her face or body, even if they are comfortable giving her an open-palm slap. This is because slaps sting, but rarely do much tissue damage. A punch can break skin, bruise, blacken eyes, break noses, and shatter cheekbones.
The next type of hit you might want to try is the back-handed slap. I've had this done to me, too, and it hurts more than a slap but not so much as to be unbearable. Also, there is something just so deliciously degrading about a man backhanding a woman--like she is his slave or his dog! Yum.
If you are worried about getting into a full-on face punch, let me remind you: your punch will only be as hard as you make it. From what I've read, men who punch their partners are careful to act angry and out of control while actually taking care to measure the strength behind their punch. They often aim carefully for the more solid parts of the face (cheek) than for areas that will break or blacken (jaw, nose, eyes) and stop the punch "on impact" rather than following through like they would if they were fighting an enemy for real. Of course, if you try this, aim carefully! The benefit of a punch is it will deliver a much more solid, thudd-y type of pain than a slap or backhand. Of course, it also has shock value!
Another sneaky trick is to punch as hard as you can, near her head, so she thinks you are actually going to punch her. A full-on punch to the bed, pillow, or wall next to her face will get you a convincing reaction worth the pain in your hand (if you hit a wall; I doubt a feather pillow will do you much damage).
Hitting, punching, slapping, and other delicious hands-on BDSM activities are not limited to just the face, either. Fetishes exist for almost every type of punching imaginable: body punching, face punching, gut/belly punching, ass punching, thigh punching, and--bizarrely--cunt punching and perineum punching (to the former: oww!; to the latter: how do you aim for that tiny spot anyway?).
The Doms involved swear that beating your sub with your own hands (or knees, feet, body, whatever) is a far greater joy than simply beating her with distant and detached toys. The physical connection is greater between the two people, which for some means a greater emotional and sexual satisfaction. Biting, scratching, kicking, kneeing, hair-pulling, slapping, hitting, and punching their subs gives them far greater pleasure than hitting them with a paddle or whip.
If this sounds like you and your partner, have a go! Take it slowly, because some people bruise easier than others. As always with BDSM safety, remember to stay clear of important parts you want to protect, like the head and skull (her brain lives there), lower back and stomach (her vital organs), spinal cord, or anywhere that causes a "bad" pain as opposed to the "give me more" kind. Other than that, dish it out and see what your sub can take!