"Why Anal Hurts" Review

In his essay "Why Anal Hurts" the 40-year-old author is quick to point out that he advocates painful sexual submission, not sexual abuse or rape. However, he still has ideas most feminists would hate. His whole idea is that men were made to penetrate and dominate, and women were made to submit and receive penetration. From an evolutionary point of view, he's right, and he uses this to justify a man training and hurting a woman with whom he is in a committed relationship:

Anal sex, most sexual acts in fact, should be painful, degrading, humiliating, or some combination of the three for a woman. The reason for that is quite simple: When something pleases you, you are not submitting to it. You are not demonstrating to your man that his protection, shelter, and provision are worthwhile to you. You are not proving that, of the 110 million women in America of potential breeding age, he made the right choice in selecting you to be bound to for the rest of his life.

The truth is, my Dom would probably agree: most sexual acts should be painful, degrading, or humiliating. For him, it's not about showing gratitude for choosing me, it's about submitting as God calls me to and repaying him for taking care of me in our lives.

This explains another reason why anal sex must brutalize and torture your woman. For her entire life—at least as long as you have been hearing that you are a second-class citizen because of your cock—your little slut has been hearing that she’s the one with all the power and control in any and every sexual relationship because of her pussy.

Strongly put, but definitely something my Dom would also agree with. He loves to hurt and bruise me on the inside. He strives to never harm me, but to bruise.  He likes to go wild on top of me and know I am helpless to stop him. He loves to finger me as I try vainly to pull his hand away. And he does believe that too many women today are not dominated in the bedroom, and too many men today are raised to be wusses and wimps. In that, I can agree with him.

The essay is a bit pompous and self-congratulatory, but the author's message is valuable and I believe the article is definitely worth a read.

Being A Feminist's Daughter

Sometimes, in the middle of a scene, I'll lose subspace and come jolting back to reality.

This happened yesterday.

I hate it when that happens. I love subspace. I love the feeling of calm relaxation. I love feeling so close to my Dom. I enjoy feeling his strength and power and masculinity.

But then, suddenly, I am afraid of those feelings.

I've talked in a previous post about how I feel submission and feminism can go hand-in-hand. But that doesn't mean it's always easy for me.

I used to be afraid of giving oral sex. But thanks to a very loving, patient husband, I am slowly learning to give head on my own terms. I am learning to enjoy it and see it as a symbol of submission. I can now kiss and adore this masculine part of him and feel grateful that he's letting me.

As I descended into subspace yesterday, I got more enthusiastic. I lost my inhibitions.

And then, I got embarrassed. I am still my mother's daughter, after all. What would she think if she knew I submitted to my husband? I could feel the judgment. Not from my mother. But from myself.

I paused from what I was doing. Shook my head to clear it. I squeezed my eyes shut tight and got a tiny frown. My forehead wrinkled up.

"What am I doing? I'm losing control. I must look ridiculous." Enter self-loathing.

My nice, dreamy subspace fled.

Of course, within a few minutes, he noticed.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I sighed and laid my head against his thigh. "I lost it," I whined.

His hands reached for me. "It's okay, baby," he soothed. "We can get it back."

He knows that I struggle with this. That sometimes, I judge myself for what I think society and my family might think. That I struggle with letting go of total control.

Gently, firmly, with strong hands, he leads me back.

He takes the decision for me and decides this is what's best for us. He pushes me back into subspace, knowing that there I feel safer and happier and I can lean on him for support.

Sometimes he does it with punishment. Sometimes with a look. Sometimes with pain. Sometimes with pleasure. He is learning to play my mind and body like an instrument. He is getting better.

Someday, we will be experts at each other.

My mother is not in my marriage. She has no place in our bedroom.

Neither do my fears and insecurities. Slowly, he is showing them the door.