He tells me to come in. I do. I’m feeling scared, defiant, and sorrowful. I spent too much money by an irresponsible error.

“I’m going to milk your nipples,” he tells me. I cried my arms over my chest and whimper. “You don’t have to like it,” he tells me. “But you’re going to do it.”

He sits, fully clothed, on the chair. “Take your clothes off,” he says. I do. “All of them.” I whimper and do.

“Sit here,” he gestures. I hesitantly approach. He gestures to his lap. My outer lips are already quivering. I’m afraid of what might happen if I mount those denim legs, so I start to perch ladylike on them with my legs to one side.

“No.” He is quiet but firm. “Face me. One leg on each side.” He flexes his fingers. "I'm going to milk your nipples, but I think that might milk you other places, too. We'll see what the good little girl has to offer as part of her punishment." I tremble and straddle him, once leg on each side, facing him. My breasts hang between us.

His hands find my breasts and begin to massage, warm, gently. "I know your mistake today was an accident. That's why I'm not doing to hurt you." The massaging moves to my nipples, where two fingers rhymthmically pull my aerolas and nipples out between his thumbs, stroking outward at the pace of a slow, steady heartbeat. My nipples get hard and my pussy tightens. I try not to gasp for breath.

"What does the little girl say?" Rhythmic hands continue to pulse me. It hurts, it's uncomfortable, and I want to pull away. At the same time, my nipples send signals like lightning down to inside by pelvic bone, and a dull throbbing starts up there, echoing the rhythm of the stroking. I feel like I am being milked. The shame makes the throbbing inside me pulse harder. I am torn, confused between pleasure and pain. I moan.

"My little girl made a mistake today, didn't she?" Pull, pull. "And she considered not telling me." As he pulls, he rolls my aereolas with his thumbs. I gasp.

"Yes" I gasp, and against my will my hips thrust, just a little, on top of his denim thighs. The friction both hurts and feels good. I will myself not to do it again.

But he is talking to me, lecturing me, telling me how sad and disappointed I have made him, and the rhymthic pulling on my nipples is now unmistakably mirrored in the slight pulsing thrusts of my hips. I don't know how to stop, I know I should, but I don't want to because it feels... good. I close my eyes. The hands on my breasts continue their inexorable pulling. I put my head down on his shoulder, and he continues stroking me, pulling my nipples, telling me how much he loves me and how disappointed his little girl has made him. Suddenly, my pussy gushes hot, flowing water onto his leg. There is no way he will not notice - I am situated on his lap, straddling him, soaking his jeans. After this session he will have his pussy-soaked jeans as a prize to show that his wife is a writhing whore. I writhe against this thought.

One hand trails down my breasts, over my soft stomach, and plays with the hair there. Swiftly, he strokes my outer lips, making them tremble and making me spread my legs, wanting more. He strokes the lips, always missing the clit. "Please.... make me sorry," I whisper.

He flips me over onto his lap, and this time he inserts my vibrator, the one that fills and stretches my pussy even while vibrating over my clit, and as it is both too full it hurts yet feels good. I strain against it, but he turns it on low and begins to spank me. Slowly. Rhymthmically.

My body is confused on how to respond. The spanks hurt, but between each spank is the light vibration of pleasure. The rhythmic pain confuses the pleasure but keeps in rhythym with it. The pleasure in the tissues around my clitoris increases.

I am his, and he is mine. 

Disciplining Your Wife

I get tired of websites that decry Christians being involved in BDSM or DD. I think when it comes to BDSM, other Christians are offended both by the kinky-sex element and the inequality inherent in D/s and power-exchange relationships. When it comes to DD, CDD, and Taken in Hand, other Christians are offended by the idea of power exchange, especially discipling your wife.

I've dealt before with the issue of being Christian and having kinky sex. I don't see a cognitive dissonance between the two. Within marriage, I don't think God dictates that couples only enjoy vanilla sex.

I'll deal today with the second issue common to both BDSM and CDD: wifely discipline. You can find this topic addressed in Jewish, Christian, and Muslim religious traditions.

Any site you'll ever read for or against Christians disciplining their wives will quote that all-famous and ubiquitous verse, Ephesians 5:21-27. If you don't know it, here it is:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5 clearly states that a woman doesn't need to submit to every man, but to her own husband. Yet advocates of egalitarian Christian marriages will try to invalidate Ephesians 5 by saying this means the man and woman are more or less equal, but perhaps he gets the final decision if they just can't agree, sort of like a 51/49 power relationship. While men and women are certainly equal in abilities, worth, and before God, this verse in no way makes them equal in power while on earth. A 51/49 relationship sounds nice, but it completely ignores that tricky quote, "wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Even the little stuff. Even if she doesn't want to. Even if they can't agree. So Biblically, I just don't think you can make a sound argument for a 49/51 power split. The man is in control, all the time. And with it comes a lot of responsibility to love your wife and create her to be a better Christian, "without stain or wrinkle."

Other Christians will try to explain away Ephesians 5 by saying that verse 21, "Submit to one another," means that God is looking for a 50/50, equal partnership. I argue that takes the quote completely out of context and ignores the following part. Rather, Paul is introducing his topic (submission). He then goes on to explain in great detail exactly how we are to submit: wives to their husbands in everything, children to their parents, and slaves to their masters.

What a lot of people don't realize is that Ephesians 5 is just the tip of the iceberg. There are other verses that clearly put the husband in charge of the wife. My Dom always says that troughout the Bible, God loves heirarchies. The angels are in heirarchies. The Israelite society has heirarchies. The Israelite army works in heirarchies. Families work in heirarchies. The chain of command goes like this: God, husband, wife, children.

Let's go beyond Ephesians 5 and see what other parts of the Bible have to say.

In Genesis 3:16, God said to Eve:

Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Other translations say, "he will rule you" (GWT), "he will be your master," (BBE) or "he will have dominion over thee" (DRB). The meaning is clear.

In Titus 2:4, Paul gives women many instructions, including "to be subject to their husbands."

In Colossians 3:19, Paul tells wives:

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Like in Ephesians, he then follows it with a reminder of the man's responsibility to love her and treat her well. Nowhere in the Bible is submission a free gift; it does come with responsibility!

If you want to make the argument that Ephesians, Titus, and Colossians are all written by that misogynist Paul, I offer you a quote from Peter, another leader of the early church and Jesus' best friend. Peter 3:1-5 says:

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands...For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.

Paul here is referring to Genesis 18:12, where Sarah calls Abraham adon, the Hebrew word for lord, master, or owner. It's difficult for proponents of egalitarian Christian marriage to explain away how the words lord, master, and owner can be interpreted the same as husband--but they try because it's no longer politically correct to think of your husband as your master or owner.

I think it's interesting that in ancient Jewish culture, the endearment husbands used to refer to their wives, achoth and rayah, literally meant "sister" and "beloved female companion," respectively, while adon comes from a root meaning to rule, and can also mean a soveriegn, a Divine or human controller, or a lord, master, or owner. One clearly had the meaning of power and authority, while the other did not, though both were loving terms.

If you're curious what other religious traditions have to say about discipline, both the Jewish Bible (aka Christian Old Testament) and Koran mention discipline.

I've already quoted the Hebrew Bible when it comes to Genesis. It gives husbands the right to nullify their wives' vows or forbid them from fulfilling a vow in Numbers 30:6-8, a clear indication of their power in the relationship. In Deuteronomy 22:28-29 and Exodus 22:16, a man who raped a maiden had to pay her father a dowry and marry her; in essence, he bought her from her father and she became his. The Hebrew Bible also compares Israel to God's wife and shows Him disciplining her, both physically and emotionally. One example I love (because it speaks mostly of God's forgiveness and mercy) of God's metaphorical "marriage" to Israel is Hosea 2, where He disciplines her until she repents and returns to Him, and then showers her with love:

“Rebuke your mother, rebuke her,
for she is not my wife,
and I am not her husband.
Let her remove the adulterous look from her face
and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.
Otherwise I will strip her naked
and make her as bare as on the day she was born;
I will make her like a desert,
turn her into a parched land,
and slay her with thirst.
I will not show my love to her children,
because they are the children of adultery.
Their mother has been unfaithful
and has conceived them in disgrace.
She said, ‘I will go after my lovers,
who give me my food and my water,
my wool and my linen, my olive oil and my drink.’
Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first,
for then I was better off than now.’

These verses speak of God disciplining His wife, stripping her of privileges and punishing her until she has no choice but to return to Him, repentant. But the story ends happily; later in the same chapter, Hosea 2:14-19 says:

Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.

...I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.

Just like every CDD and DD site says, the point of discipline in this Judeo-Christian text is to rebuke and exhort, teach a lesson, get rid of the negative, sinful behavior, and replace it with godly behavior. It's not just abuse. The end goal is reconciliation with God and husband.

In the Islamic faith, the Koran clearly gives husbands the right to discipline their wives in although other verses also clarify that husbands must not be abusive and must be loving to their wives. Here's Sura 4:34:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them first. Next, refuse to share their beds, and last beat them; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means of annoyance: For Allah is Most High, great above you all.

The theme of discipline in marriage is just one I've been exploring and researching lately. Just because people in these cultures follow (or followed) these traditions doesn't mean everyone has to, but it's worth taking a look at where these concepts came from and how they are practiced today.

Punishment without Pain

When it comes to punishment, my Dom always seems to fall back on the obvious: causing pain!

Spanking, slapping, spanking, paddling, spanking, whipping, spanking...

I don't like pain. It annoys me. Once I burst out into hysterical and completely unstoppable laughter from his swats.

Aside from the many, many psychology and educational psych reports that spanking and other physical punishment are bad for children, teach them to fear and not to respect, teach them that power can be gained through violence rather than earned, teach them to solve disputes through violence, teach violence over rational, fair problem-solving skills, and moreover do not deter bad behavior, a lot of BDSM sites are really into spanking.

If it's because that turns them on, rather than they think it's actually a good way to teach people lessons, more power to them. A lot of people are incredibly turned on by being spanked or spanking. Recently, a couple I know who have kinky leanings (rough sex, biting, etc.) but would never call themselves into "BDSM", relayed this conversation to me:

"I asked him if he wanted to spank me with his belt. He spanked me, and at the
end, he thought about it and said, 'That turned me on a lot more than I thought
it would.'"

There is absolutely nothing wrong with spanking if it turns people on. Spanking and punishment (real and simulated) can be very sexy, trust me! But what about when a Dom or Master or Mistress or Daddy wants to actually teach a lesson, perhaps a long-term lesson that will takes weeks or months, and cannot just be solved by one spanking?

Here are some ideas for punishing without using violence:

• lectures (make them meaninful, learning experiences, not just scoldings)


• withdrawl of priveleges (may seem too infantile to some subs)


• cage or corner time (also a bit infantile... some people are into that)


• carefully explaining the desired behavior, why it is desired, and why it is best for the sub and the couple


• modeling better behavior yourself


• not being allowed to initiate any physical contact for a set amount of time


• saying simply that you are disappointed and offering a better solution for next time


• bondage for a set amount of time


• writing a letter explaining what was done wrong and how this will be corrected in the future


• cold showers


• no dessert


• cleaning chored, with a only a toothbrush if you're feeling really evil >:-)


• deciding upon a punishment together, with the input of the sub


• back up and re-do the situation immediately, this time with the correct ending


• lose furniture priveleges


• lose collar


• write sentences

A lot of Doms and Dommes will say to ignore the slave, but I have to warn you that giving "the silent treatment" is a form of emotional abuse and is not a healthy thing to start doing in your relationship. Also, if you have a sub or pet who was abused in the past, even slight emotional abuse may set them off.

Other suggestions I read included sensory deprivation, but this should only be used for a SHORT time since people can hallucinate and experience dementia after very short bouts of sensory deprivation.

Honestly, it's more important to have a healthy, stable slave than to punish him or her. I wouldn't ever recommend using sensory deprivation or the silent treatment and risk your slave's emotional health.

Also, talk this over with your sub. Some subs (like me) hate to be treated like children. I am a submissive, not a child! So I don't want to be punished like a kid, with spankings, writing lines, or being "grounded." My Dom is not my mother and I prefer to be treated like an adult. Therefore, I'd always prefer punishments that we agree on together--either beforehand or after the fact--or that focus primarily on adult, problem-solving discussions where he tells me what he didn't like, why he didn't like it, and how he would like the problem to be fixed in the future.

On the other hand, I know there are many subs and slaves who adore being treated younger and giving up that power! For those people, spankings, writing lines, or corner time may be a great idea and may turn both partners on. In the end, it's whatever works for the two of you.

Our CDD Trial Period

This week, my Dom and I have decided to try CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline). I was very nervous about this since I adore the theory of it and find CDD to be very sexy to read about and contemplate, but whenever we've tried it I've always flipped out and backed out.

If you're not sure what Christian Domestic Discipline is, check out my blog series on it.

Anyway, we agreed to try CDD. I have slowly begun to trust my Dom to lead me more, both as a man, a dom, and especially as a Christian. I still wasn't sure I wanted to give up total control, but in the end it seemed safe enough to do--for a few days, at least.

This will be the third time we've tried this. The first time, when I was still in France, I was so terribly turned on by all the reading I'd done about CDD that I couldn't wait to try it. (I even made an emergency trip to a European sex shop for the occasion!) We talked it out and discussed CDD in depth. My Dom and I even made a list of our expectations, rules for me and responsibilities for him, plus very specific instructions for what punishments I could expect. We mutually agreed upon in and were about to start incorporating CDD into our lives... when I flipped out. I panicked--utterly panicked. I started to hyperventilate and protest that he wasn't enough of a leader, I was an adult woman, he had no right to control me, etc, etc, etc. We abandoned the effort before it began.

The same thing happened the second time.

My Dom wisely waited it out without pressuring me, knowing I'd been the one attracted to it in the first place and I'd probably come back again.

Finally, last night, we decided to try it. I was still very nervous and gun-shy, so I insisted we only do it for three days. He agreed, and our trial period is going on now.

So far, it's gone well. Our lives haven't changed much, really. But now when I do something disrespectful or mean, I get a spanking at the end of the night. I've found it to not be too bad... in fact it's quite pleasant! For one, I have accountability. For another, my Dom is actually being consistent this time around, something he didn't do as much before, and I feel safe and secure inside my new boundaries (this is paramount for a sub feeling safe to submit). And finally, the spanking is pretty darn sexy.

I can handle it because my Dom isn't spanking me when he's angry or to get back at me, which is how it appeared to me before (when I bailed). He is sure to stay very calm and loving as he tells me what my punishment is. Even though I pout, I feel safe that he has noticed and is keeping me within my boundaries; his consistency reassures me. And I feel tight inside as he describes to me how he's going to spank me and why I'm being punished. I feel loved and sexy as he gently lays me over his lap, embarrassed and turned on as he lowers my pajama bottoms to uncover my behind as though I'm a little child. It still feels fair since he asks me what I've done wrong and if I have any rebuttals about the fairness of the punishment---I can complain if I feel I'm being treated unfairly somehow. I feel small as I'm spanked, and afterward I pout and enjoy feeling small and powerless and he holds me and rubs my aching bum. In the end, we feel closer, I feel small and submissive, we both feel turned on, and I feel safe and loved. We both win.

This is going on for one more day, so we'll see how our "CDD trial run" goes!

Begging

Begging is probably a pretty common fetish, although I don't have the numbers to prove it. Even vanilla people do it. In BDSM, begging can add some flavor to an already-hot scene. Many Doms and Dommes find real pleasure in being begged or pleaded with by their sub or slave. It is up to you to decide what type of begging you most enjoy, and how to get your sub to do it.

Begging can have many uses. For the Dom, it is a power trip. It gives him more control over his sub. It can also be highly erotic. For the sub, it can be a lesson: teaching her humility, showing her that her body is not hers and only her Dom has control over how much pleasure and pain she receives, or as a punishment. It can also be a very effective type of humiliation play and emotional humiliation. Of course, it can also be a turn-on.

Do you want your sub to beg? Decide what would turn you on the most. Is her body posture important to you, or just the words? Would you rather her be kneeling before you, lying on the floor with her head down prostrate before you, kneeling between your legs and kissing your feet or your balls, or standing in front of you with her hands crossed demurely and her eyes lowered? Do you want her to be handcuffed? Would you prefer if she is tied to an object or chained to your ankle or wrist?

As for the words, what do you want? Will you be satisfied if she begs once, or are you going to make her repeat the same humiliating phrase 20 times perfectly before she is released? What specifically do you want her to beg for (to orgasm, for sex, to stop hurting her, to spank her again please)? Do you want her to use curse words and vulgarity for added humiliation ("Please fuck my dirty cunt harder, Master. Please let your dirty cumslut cum, Sir.")? Do you want her to call you something specific (Daddy, Sir, Mr. [insert your last name here], Master, Sergeant, My Owner)? Also, do you want lots of pleases and thank yous, or will a simple request be enough?

Your sub can't just guess what you want. Ordering her, "Beg," is not going to tell her what you want. Be specific! "I want you to kneel before me, lick my boot, and repeat 'Please whip your servant, Sir' fifteen times before I will forgive you" is clear and specific; "Beg for me" is not. Read this article, think about what behaviors you want your sub to perform for your pleasure, and communicate that to her clearly. You may want to have different requirements for different situations, so be specific so she knows what you desire.

Do you want to show her that you have control over her body and decisions? Make her beg before she can do something she wants, like have sex, get oral sex, perform a blow job, or receive a spanking. You can require her to ask permission before speaking or moving: "Please, Sir, may I touch your cock? Sir, may I please jack you off? Master, may your servant get up to get you a condom?"

Do you want to teach a proud, headstrong sub humility? Then you have to humilate her! Make her use vulgar language or refer to herself as a dirty name every time she talks. Make her say please and thank you before and after every activity: whether she is receiving pain, performing something on you, or receiving pleasure. Make her assume a humiliating position, such as kneeling in front of you, kissing your foot, lying on the floor in front of you, spreading her legs for you, or kneeling beside you and licking your balls (or ass). Require her to do something for you every time she talks: (Licks your balls/boot/ass), Please don't hit me, Master. (Licks your balls/boot/ass), please, don't hit your dirty cum recepticle, Master. (Licks your balls/boot/ass), I'm a dirty, bad girl, Master; please forgive me."

If your sub is too headstrong to do this, you are probably going to have to fight her on this and train her gradually. You can seriously tell some subs what you want and they will do it. Others will sit back and say, "Ummm...hell no." For these, you have to break their will. Do something they hate, like leaving them tied up (don't leave them unattended, but check in on them regularly, just don't speak to them), ignoring them, beating them, hurting them, or shutting them in a closet. It depends on the sub and what is going to work for them. For example, I don't mind being shut in dark spaces, but I would hate to be tied in a painful position and left until I agreed to beg.

Do you want to use begging as a punishment? Make your sub beg for something she doesn't want. For example, if you are whipping her as a punishment, force her to ask for the spank before each one and thank you for the spank before each one. "Thank you, Mr. Jones. May I have another, please?" You can use many things as a punishment: make her beg to be spanked or hurt, beg to do something you know she doesn't like or finds humiliating (anally fingering you, giving you a blow job, spreading her legs), or beg to be punished and spanked. Even when she hates something, such as a spanking, and is already screaming and crying for you to stop, it can be a powerful mindfuck to force her to beg for the next stroke anyway. It is a wicked mind game, but it is fun for you and will break the sub!

Of course, you can combine these, as well. A fun combination of "punishment" and "humiliation" would be, "Please spank your dirty whore, Mr. Jones. Thank you, sir. Please punish your cumrag, Mr. Jones. Thank you. Please fucking hurt this dumb fuck, Mr. Jones. Thank you." And, to be really evil, you can add in a physical humiliation as well: make her kneel to say it, or make her lie down prostrate, or force her to do some humiliating action like crawling on her hands and knees. She will be crying and miserable by the end!

Some things you can make her beg for: permission to orgasm, to touch you, to service you, to please you, for a collar, for a sex toy, for a favorite activity, for a scene, for more play time, for rougher play, for you to cum, for attention, for the next strike, for the next spank, for you to mark her, for your cock, for you to use her pussy/mouth/ass, to be let out of punishment, to play longer, for forgiveness, for a rape scene, to hurt her, to let her use the restroom, to take off painful clamps, to stop genital torture, the list goes on...

Just in case inspiration still hasn't struck you, here are some good phrases to get those creative juices flowing!

• "Please, Daddy, please let your bad little girl play with the whips."
• "Mistress, will you allow your slave to lick your cum?"
• "Please let me suck your dick, Master. Your slave needs to feel your hard dick in her mouth."
• "May I speak freely, Ma'am?"
• "Please spank me, Daddy. Thank you so much, Daddy."
• "Please let your cuntwhore cum, please, please Master!" "Do you deserve it?" "No, Master, no, I don't deserve it! I'm a bad, bad slut!" "That's right, bitch."
• "Master, may your girl cum for you, please?"
• "Please hit me harder, Sir. Thank you. Please hit me again, sir. Thank you."
• "What do you want right now?" "I need to cum!" "Beg for it."
• "Kneel in front of me, kiss my dick, and beg for forgiveness until I tell you to stop."
• "For every second of my time that you have wasted, you will lie on the floor in front of me, chained to the door, and beg me to take you back. That's 120 seconds. And you'd better call me Mommy every time you do it!"

Resources:

http://fetlife.com

http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/ravenbegging

The Art of Phone Sex

Phone sex is a hot and wild way to love your partner from afar. During the course of your relationship there will be times when you can't be together. One of you will be on a business trip, at a conference, or visiting sick relatives. These separations don't prevent your ability to be intimate; in fact, they can be a great exercise in love! The idea may sound hokey or strange to you, but if you quit judging it and give it a try. You could be greatly rewarded!

This being said, what makes for good phone sex? I believe it takes a close partner that is not only willing, but creative. They also have to know your turn on/offs and how to build you up.

In the beginning your partner should build you up slowly. The conversation turns sexy and turns you on. Great! Take full use of this by taking it a step further. Ask questions like, "Does it excite you thinking about this?" or "How do you feel when I do this?" Then follow with questions that make them consider touching themselves. Once they are comfortable with this, tell them to start touching. It doesn't have to be direct stimulation, but start slow with a caress on the tummy or arms. Work your way in to the erogenous zones of the body: shoulders, armpits, thighs, or butt.

Give them boundaries, too! Discipline is a very sexy aspect of phone sex! Instruct you partner on where they are able and not able to explore with their hands. Let them desire this and build up tension inside before you give them permission.

During all this fill their head with images of things you would like to do to them or have them do to you. This is instance where learning how to talk dirty is handy! You will provide tension for the body and the mind. Concentrate on their biggest fantasies, driving them closer and closer to an orgasm. Use repetition and make some noise yourself! You partner could use their own cheering section! Guide them slowly to an orgasm. Let them come and pick them back up again.

Have some time afterward to talk and bond before you hang up the phone. Phone sex is a great way to show someone how much you love them while they are away. It is very rewarding and a great addition to any sexual repertoire.

Some great phrases for phone sex are:

• Yeah, you like when I talk to you like that, don't you?
• You're such a good, sexy little bitch.
• Mmm, grab that cock for me. I want your hard cock in my hand right now.
• Baby girl, you're such a good little slut. You make Daddy happy, you know that?
• Do it harder. Harder!
• Touch yourself slowly. Are you imagining it's me? Tell me what you feel.
• Ask my permission before you come.
• I wish I could hold you down and slap you right now. You sound so turned on!
• Mmm, I love to hear your noises. You're soooo hot right now.
• Imagine spreading my ass cheeks open and jamming that hard dick up my ass.

The point is to be creative and graphic. You can't be there in person, so you have to make up for that in lots of talking and moaning that you wouldn't normally do. It's okay--and better--if you get turned on talking to your partner! The more turned on your voice is, the better it will be for them. Try bringing each other to orgasm together, or separately so you can enjoy the conversation. Try commanding your girl to use a vibrator or dildo on the phone with you. Make her ask permission before she takes off each layer of clothing or touches herself. This is a great way to combine BDSM with phone sex.

Enjoy!

"Task" Ideas (Homework for your sub)

First off, sex isn't school. So why is there homework? Well, you don't have to incorporate homework, but some subs like it (I don't). Also, some doms and Masters enjoy it.

Remember, your goal as a Dom or Domme is threefold: to bring you sub closer to God, closer to themselves, and closer to you. If giving them an assignment will do any of these three, it is a worthwhile activity that can help grow your sub into a better person.

There are multiple reasons to give tasks to your sub: to train them in obedience, for practice submitting, because they enjoy writing or research, so you can learn about something new without doing the work, to have them research something you like to get to know you better, as a punishment for something they've done wrong, to discipline them, for Teacher/student or Principal/student roleplaying, because you think it's hot, because your sub gets off on this kind of humiliation, or purely for the power rush of making people do what you say (this is actually why I became an educator. Just kidding. At the time, I thought it had something to do with changing the future, leaving the world a better place, yada yada...).

If you want to give your sub an assignment, and it isn't one of their limits, go for it! Remember, the point is to strengthen your sub or your relationship, not to be a controlling jerk. Here are some ideas:

• read Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) or a Christian sex book


• do a devotional of your choosing, reporting back to you at the end of the week (or do it together!)


• do housework with one hand handcuffed or tied, while you watch


• do housework with a dress code (forced feminization for guys, or wearing just an apron or just crotchless panties for girls) while you watch


• writing: erotica, fantasies, or letters to you about the relationship, things they'd like to improve, or favorite memories with you


• writing letters to God


• journaling every day (or once a week, etc.)


• doing research: any subject you'd like to know more on, BDSM, sex tips, relationship advice, etc.


• wear butt plug to do housework or for day (at work or in public)


• apply tiger balm to clit before housework: if they do well, reward with sex, if bad, reapply and give them a good caning. (Tiger balm burns!)


• Remember, this NOT just to get work done you don't want to do--must be something that makes either YOU or your sub feel erotic about doing!


• wear vibrator or remote-controlled sex toy to work or party---fun fun fun at your hands all night!


• take pictures for you


• have them describe themselves to you in sexy terms in permanent black marker. They can pick the four words that are most "Them" and write them, one on their chest, each inner thigh, and just above the crotch.


• cut up old panties into strips and make knotted rope to tie self with


• online or real sex diary, to build confidence or libido


• 15 minutes positive reflection per day


• 15 minutes doing something they enjoy and need but don't do: healthy food, singing, going to the gym, walking outside, dance class, reading, bubble bath and candles, soothing or devotional music, etc.


• tasks geared to help worriers relax: yoga, reading, bubble bath, playing or listening to music, praying, devotion, going to an extra Bible study or praise and worship session in the week


• tasks geared to help low self-esteem get better: list of positive things about themselves (add three things a day!), positive reflection, taking pictures of body parts they don't like as beautiful art, drawing body parts they don't like as beautiful, reading self-esteem books, etc.

Anything that will build your partner up sexually, emotionally, or physically is game. So is anything you both feel comfortable with that will make one or both of you feel sexy or more intimate. As a Dom, you want your spouse to be as happy and healthy as possible! And as their leader in the sexual realm, you can help make that a reality in real life.

Training Your Sub (A Dominant's Perspective)

I would like to begin this post by stating it is meant to act as a general guide on how effectively train your sub. I'm speaking from experience not only from sex, but also in real-life situations. Through my work experience I have been extensively trained and involved in the training of many people. My goal is to give you a foundation and from there you should customize your experiences to your liking.

Let's consider why you are thinking about training your sub in the first place. You obviously like to be in charge or in control of things, hence you are the Dom. You are likely not training the sub to get off on issuing commands alone. No, you probably relish the fact someone is not only intimate with you, but also trusts you completely. It is with this in mind we want to train our subs.

Our goal in training is to present our subs with a stimulus and have them react in the way we prefer. Pavlov's dogs heard a tone and then were given food. Eventually the dogs would react with an increased saliva production when hearing the tone, even if food wasn't provided. All training is essentially the same. I'm not meaning that your sub is just like a dog, but we want the sub to react consistently to us. When I issue a command or suggestion I want it done.

Let's use a concrete example. If I say, "Spread your legs," I want it to happen. The command is the stimulus I give the sub. Now, provided you said this in a firm manner and your sub is a natural, they will do what you want. Suppose you weren't firm enough or the sub is having a bad day and decides not to follow your command. Now, we have to reinforce our command with a consequence. If the consequence is negative/positive enough the slave will do a cost-benefit analysis quickly and decide they want to do what you tell them in the future. Pavlov would call this a conditioned response. After enough times the sub will do what you tell them without thinking.

An example from my life was getting my sub to say "please" and "thank you" when she wanted something. When she wanted me to bite her neck I asked her, "What do you say?" When the answer didn't come quickly, I slapped her (she likes this). She then said, "Please." The stimulus was my question and the negative punishment was the slap. She was and is a very fast learner. It took her a total of two times before she started saying please and thank you after every request.

Slapping is only one of four different avenues for enforcing discipline. You can give something nice to your sub. This could be a compliment or reward in concrete form. You can take something positive away from the sub. Say they don't do something fast or enthusiastically enough. Okay, take something away from them. I've mentioned how I presented a negative in the form of slapping. You can also reward by taking a negative away, such as removing a torture device. For a good article on this click here.

Now that we understand how the mind works. You have to decide what you are going to do with this information. You can train someone to do your bidding 24/7 and live this lifestyle all the time (this is technically a Master/slave relationship). You could also train your sub to do things a certain way like, how you want them to posture during sex. You also have to decide how this dynamic will survive if you are in a switch relationship where you decide you want to share the power.

The goal is about learning to trust someone completely enough to let go and give them control. I've heard that this is a liberating feeling for those in the sub role. Even though there is pain (emotional or physical) involved, it is a good feeling--like being high. I know that there is a rush of excitement when my sub does what I tell her or something she knows I like. It is important to remember the more you train, the more it becomes second nature.

The three most important parts of training are getting to know your sub, communication, and repetition. When you get to know your sub well you will know which type of reinforcement you should use, whether it be negative or positive. You will know what their limitations are and how far they will go to please you. It is also important to communicate effectively at all times. You need a safeword in case they decide they can't handle that type of training or punishment. Your sub needs to know what is expected of them and what type of punishments to expect when they don't follow through. Finally, the more training exercises you have the more comfortable your sub will become in following you. You will develop your own routine and hopefully feel intimately connected with your sub. I wish you well and happy training.

Places to Hit, Spank, Bite, and Where Not To!

Discipline (the "D" in BDSM) is probably growing to be one of my very favorite S&M activities as a Sub, but it wasn't always that way. This is probably because 1. I dated Doms who were too vanilla or just too big of a pussy to ever hit me, and 2. I regarded people who had to be hit to enjoy sex as weird, sexually dysfunctional perverts who just couldn't enjoy making love and had some unhealthy desire to be hit. This just goes to show how little I knew about discipline and its wonderful variety.

Although I'm a sub, I don't like all types of discipline. For example, I rather dislike spanking, which is probably the single most common type of discipline used. But as I've explored my sexuality with several Doms over the years, I gradually began to enjoy the feeling of intesified pleasure I got from a slight pinch or, eventually, a good bite. And now that I'm with a Dom I completely love and trust, I find for the first time I can open myself up to experimentation in this totally sexy and abandoned area of BDSM.

So, if you're curious about how to hit, bite, pinch, spank, paddle, or whip your Sub, read below: tips from a real-life Sub who knows what feels good and what doesn't.

First, some basic common sense is in order. Talk before you hit! Don't ever surprise a sub with a whack without a warning. Broach the subject with them beforehand and see how they react. Are they shocked? Disgusted? Surprised? Worried? Afraid? Excited? Depending on your partner, expect a mix of many of these. Sometimes you need to expose someone to the idea first, then give them a few days or weeks to mull it over. I can attest that there are some activities I greeted with a "No way!" only to find my curiousity piqued. As I became accustomed to the idea, I gradually found myself willing and even eager to try it.

Second, communicate with your sub. If you two agree to try spanking or biting, try it out gently at first and gradually work up. For one, the more turned on your partner gets, the higher his or her pain threshold will be, so don't ever try to hurt a not-turned-on person; it just hurts! As you work your partner into arousal, go slowly. A moaned, "Do it harder!" or a quick, "Ow, that hurt!" is all you need to find your sub's favorite level of pain.

Here are some general guidelines I've found for various types of inflicting pain on your loved one (and remember, to them it probably feels like intense pleasure; the pain won't sink in til later!)

Biting

I mention this first because it has long been my very favorite activity! Nothing is so sexy as being nibbled or bitten by your lover. Nibbling can feel great everywhere: nipples, breasts, arms,
ears, neck, feet, and thighs. Remember that armpits are actually an erogenous zone and try licking or biting there to see how your partner reacts.

When you want to bite a little harder, remember--stick to meaty areas. The pain will be too intense if you chomp down hard on a bony area or if you miss and only bite the sensitive top layer of skin. Aim for mucsley, meaty parts of the body! I'm a thin girl, and some of my favorite places to be bitten are my neck, shoulders, upper chest area, sides, and upper back. My Dom can really sink his teeth in and known my cry of pain is also a cry of pleasure.

For me, my thighs are too sensitive and the genitals are a definite, definite NO! They are both too sensitive and the pain just doesn't transfer to pleasure; it hurts!

One of the sexiest moves you can try is to flip your partner over and bite them on the back of the neck. This is what lions and other large mammals do to their mates in the wild to hold them still as they mate, and there is nothing so sexy and empowering as feeling your partner go weak and limp in your arms, submitting with a sigh of contentment as you sink your teeth perfectly into their upper shoulder/neck.

Hitting
This is one I honestly wasn't open to for a while because it reminded me too much of physical abuse. However, I've found that hitting can add a needed jolt of adrenaline through my body that feels absolutely great. As I've grown more comfortable with this activity, I've found myself fantasizing about being slapped ruthlessly as my Dom comes.

I would begin with an open-palm hit and not move to a closed fist until you and your partner are both comfortable with it; a slap may sting but a full-on punch could do serious tissue damage and leave you with a bruise. I enjoy being slapped across the face (lightly at first, with full force if I'm turned on and we are being wild) and my Dom says he loves the look of complete shock and then lust that comes over my face when he hits me. He also enjoys raising his hand and reveling in the feeling of power that comes as I cringe away: this is for those brave souls who are turned on by knowing there is nothing in your partner's mind at that moment but you--will you hit them or or won't you?

Slapping can be great and sexy, but remember not to hit someone whose mouth is open: you can knock their jaw out of whack or cause them actual pain. Also, alternate between regular slapping and backhanding, and try to get both cheeks evenly so one does not bruise too much.

Other great places to be hit can include the breasts, thighs, buttocks, and legs, but be careful not to strike the lower back because you risk injuring the vital organs. Personally, I don't enjoy having any of these areas hit as hard as I do my face, but I know some people do; still, there is something very sexual about getting several nice, light slaps across my inner thighs as my Dom spreads my legs--it brings blood rushing to my nerve endings and makes that part of my body extra-sensitive!

Spanking
Spanking is generally applied to the buttocks and upper thighs. You can do it with a flat palm, closed fist, gloves, or any number of objects (paddles, whips, canes...). Because these are meatier areas of the body, you can let loose and really hit hard, but again, watch out for internal organs! Try different types of gloves (leather, kitchen, boxing) or different touches (ending with an ass grab, a pinch, or clawing down the buttocks with your nails) to see what appeals to you.

For some people, sporadic spanks are all that's needed to provide a quick jolt of intensity without becoming too painful. For some, it's more about the emotional humiliation: being fiercly punished by a parental figure, exposing your cellulite-ridden ass for someone else's pleasure, or being pulled across a Dom's lap and furiously spanked like a child. Others need a more rhythmic, repetitive spank to turn them on and send delicious waves of pleasure through their genitals. (If your Sub is a woman and she is already turned on, bending her over your knee and spanking her repeatedly can really intensify the tightening in her clit; how hard you hit will depend on each woman.) Whether you tie someone up and whip her with a cane or simply give your partner a few lights spanks to encourage them to screw harder, spanking offers a veritable buffet for your sexual pleasure.

Pinching
I believe pinching is an often-overlooked component of BDSM because, well, it seems childish and petty, like your 7-year-old cousin at the last family reunion. But I assure you, pinching can be anything but childish when done the right way. Like hitting and spanking, be sure to avoid just pinching skin; get some fat or muscle between your fingers, too! Explore with light to hard pinching (featherlight can be a real turnon to warm up!), pinching and squeezing, pinching and pulling the skin, and pinching and twisting. Try pinching your partner's sides, butt, thighs, and nipples. If you're brave, try light pinching around the genitals to see how that is received.

Hair Pulling

Again, it may seem petty, but hair pulling is an invaluable tool to make someone feel dominated and restrained without causing a lot of pain. The trick here it to grab a fistful of hair near the roots, where it won't be so painful, and control your partner that way.

If you're on top, you can use your grip to yank their head back and expose their lips, neck, or nipples to licking, sucking, and biting. You can yank their hair as a great preparation for a good, hard face slap. There is nothing so sexy as when my Dom yanks me by the hair, making me moan, and then backs up, ordering me to kiss him. The more I struggle and reach, the more his grip on my hair hurts me, and the more I risk being punished for disobeying. And since I have control over how much struggling I do, we never risk it hurting too much for me to enjoy!

If you're on bottom, you can control your partner by grabbing a fistful of hair and forcing them back from you, or directing their head wherever you want them to go. Or, if you're doggy-style, you can add a sexy new layer of domination and control by yanking their hair back, forcing them to raise their head and become utterly motionless as you control them utterly from behind like a true Master.

And one last tip: if you want to try this but are too scared, talk to your partner to make sure it's okay. Once you get the go-ahead, don't hesitate or let up on the pain. Not only does that decrease your control and the pleasure of your sub, but it makes you look like a total wuss. Be confident, be strong, and if your Sub whines, let up on the pain immediately but follow it with a new, agonizing manner of making them Yours.

Links for the Beginning Sadomasochist

So for those of you interested in learning more about BDSM, we hope this blog will be of use to you. It will certainly be of use to us! We are excited to journal our sexual escapades and hope you will feel free to message or email us any questions you have about BDSM, sex ideas, sex toys, relationship issues, marriage, divorce, Christianity, faith, you name it; they all connect with how we humans relate in the bedroom!

Before we start blogging, we will give you beginners out there a crash course in common terminology used in the BDSM world.

• BDSM: Stands for Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. Refers to a sexual lifestyle where physical and emotional pain are used to heighten sexual pleasure. Also called Sadomasochism, Dominance and Submission, B/D, B&D, D/S, D&S, S&M, S/M. This practice is used by people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations, and differs from sexual abuse because all partners are consenting adults.
• Dom: Short for the Dominant, often called the "S" (for sadist), the Top, or the Master. This refers to the person currently playing the role of the Dominant, or Sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain.
• Sub: Short for the Submissive, often called the "M" (for masochist), the Bottom, or the Slave. This person is currently being dominated.
• Bondage: Any means of restraining or tying your Sub, including tying with rope, tape, handcuffs, or your own hands.
• Discipline: Refers to verbal or emotional "abuse" heaped on the Sub by the Dom, resulting in a sexy feeling of being humilated and dominated
• Fetishism: This is finding sexual attraction from culturally non-sexual objects. Common examples of fetishes are shoes, feet, and panties.
• Power Exchange: This is when the Sub willingly gives control (physical, mental, and sexual) to the Dom. It can be for one short scene or last for days or weeks, depending what the partners agree upon.
• Punishment: Physical "abuse" used by the Dom to enforce and maintain control over the Sub
• Roleplaying: A specific type of BDSM behavior including assuming a separate identity for sexual play. Examples could include Policeman/Suspect, Teacher/Student, Nurse/Patient, etc.
• Safeword: A safeword is a password agreed upon by both partners beforehand that will stop all play immediately. It is imperative that both the Sub and the Dom stop sexual activity as soon as the safeword is spoken. Safewords allow the Sub to cry, plead, beg, and scream, "No!" to their hearts' content, but as soon as they are genuinely uncomfortable, they can call it quits. Common safewords are Red and Pickle.
• Scene: A "scene" is the word for a particular roleplaying game. Participants decide upon a scene beforehand and assume their roles; scenes can last anywhere from a 5-minute play session to an all-day session where both lovers maintain their characters long term.
• Silent Alarm: A silent alarm is imperative for BDSM enthusiasts who are not in a loving monogamous relationship. When you begin to explore with a new partner, tell a friend who you are with, where you'll be, and what time you'll be home. If you are not home by that time, the friend is to call the police. Inform your partner what you are doing and encourage him or her to use a silent alarm, too.

Helpful Links for the Aspiring Sadomasochist:
Click on the links below for more information.
An article on safety for your BDSM adventures.
This website gives novice female subs info on how to stay safe as they begin exploring the BDSM community, and also offers links to reputable resources on BDSM.
Here is a general guide to BDSM.
Warning! This site contains pornographic pictures. It does, however, contain a humorous story on flogging and how to correctly use safewords.