My Cat Messed Up My BDSM Scene

Today, my Dom and I were trying to fit in a little action between when I got off work and when he had to go to work.

Cat #1 was being her normal huffy self, off somewhere being a cat. Cat #2 was happily following us around, purring the whole while.

We moved things into the bedroom and climbed under the covers. We spent a few minutes giggling about a conversation we were having. In the meantime, I noticed all our BDSM toys are still out in the shed, where we put them when we thought we'd be moving. I really miss my nipple clamps and my ball gag--they just set the mood in a way nothing else does. But I had the happy thought that we did have our bondage rope in the house, some good thick stuff that is still soft on the skin. My Dom climbed out of bed, retrieved it from a drawer, and hopped back under the covers.

Of course, the rope was hopelessly tangled. He spent a few minutes trying to untangle it. We kept talking and giggling.

Suddenly, from out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash a movement! My younger cat leapt from some undisclosed hiding position like a furry white rocket and landed right on my stomach, claws splayed and mouth poised to kill. She enthusiastically "killed" the bondage rope and then stood, proud huntress in all her glory, atop both of us and the pile of rope, surveying the damage she had done with a smug face.

Of course, we both burst out into laughter. She did not understand this, and ignored us both, then continued to lie next to me and purr for the next 10 minutes, enthusiastically thwarting all my Dom's attempts to untangle the rope.

Finally, we decided the mood of somber bondage had been ruined and let the cat have her day. I think she still feels quite proud of herself for her "killing leap." Either way, I'm sure the bondage rope has been tamed for the time being.

And my husband and I? We left the rope for the cat and continued with our previous plan, sans bondage.

Bondage Rope and Shots Scenes

The other day, my Dom used our bondage rope for a wonderfully devious purpose--to force me to do his will during the scene. Instead of tying my wrists or ankles with the rope, he looped it around my neck in a gentle knot. I was stuck.

This extra control was great for him, because with just a slight tug or pull he could force my head and body to go wherever he wanted them. He forced me to kneel before him on a pillow, tugging at the rope whenever I was too hesitant or slow for his liking. Then he forced me to give him head, even with me saying no and protesting and turning my head away, by pulling on the cord around my neck until I had no choice but to take him in my mouth. (For those new to the blog, we have a relationship of consensual non-consent and I am always allowed to use my safeword.)

I can't lie, the control was hot. Not the things we were doing, but being forced to do them. With just a soft rope around my neck and him pulling it like a leash or lead, I was at his mercy. I think we both enjoyed it.

Later, we went to a hookah bar since I'd never tried the hookah bar. Some people we knew were there, so we stayed very late, and during that time I told him "no" several times, so afterwards for my punishment he took me to a seedy bar and made me take 2 double shots of whiskey, which I don't like. I pouted and whined and promises to be better next time, but he was completely firm, and no amount of pleading, cajoling, or rationalizing worked. Finally, I took my two shots worth of punishment and we headed on home, me feeling tipsy and even more at his control. We ended the night by cuddling up in bed and falling into an exhausted sleep, but it was a very fun night out.

Today has been rather unactive. My Dom found a kitten outside that was obviously alone and hungry so we've let her in and given her food and toys. Our two kitties are very unhappy with this; one is watching her every move like a hawk and the other is hiding in the back bedroom. I'd love to keep her, but we can't keep three kitties so I will eventually put her up for adoption. She's a cute cat and very young so we hope we'll find her a good home.

Well, that's all my news for the day. I think the scene from last night was very good, so if you like any of the ideas, feel free to use them as suggestions for your own scene ideas with your sub or Dom.

Oh, and I'm on Twitter now, so if you want to follow me, go to http://twitter.com/Sexperts_!

Two Takes on Bondage

I'm happily listening to Katie Clarke sing "The Light in the Piazza" with a sick kitty stretched adoringly across my lap (how do they sleep with their feet touching their heads, anyway?). It's a good Sunday!

I've just found this good video from Kinky Sex Link about how to tie a handcuff bondage knot. This is really interesting for me, since my Dom and I were just talking about bondage last night in bed.

The question is, how do you handle it when the two of you have differing ideas of what bondage is?

My Dom and I have basically stopped using bondage much, because I'd often complain about the way it was done. What we discovered last night is that we have two different ideas about what makes bondage good, hot, and fulfilling.

For me, I want to be completely tied up. I don't want to be completely immobile (although there are fetishes with complete immobility bondage or body suits), but I like to be pretty tied up, for example both my wrists and my ankles and perhaps a ball gag. If I feel like some part of me can still move, I feel like I have a obligation to fight. This can get exhausting, and always ends up making me feel angry as I fight and squirm, so to have no choice but to lay back, relax, and let my husband have control is a nice change from everyday life for me, when I have to fight and work and strain and fret and worry and be in control. I like the feeling of calm and peace that washes over me when I can't fight back and can just relax. It's why I like BDSM; it gives me a reprise from everyday life.

On the other hand, my Dom prefers to not use rope or bondage tape or anything else--he likes to use his hands. It feels more intimate to him, and he feels more powerful. He says it is the fight and the subduing me with his hands that makes bondage hot for him.

Of course, this can cause problems because obviously we have two different goals from bondage sessions. If he uses his hands, it's hot for him, but it is simply impossible to completely subdue a full-grown woman with just two of your hands. If he lets go of one hand, I feel like I have to start fighting again. If he grabs my wrists I can still kick my feet. If he grabs my feet I can still squirm away. On the other hand, if he uses rope or bondage tape so I can't move, he misses the physical, hands-on aspect of it that he enjoys.

It can be difficult when you want two different things. In this case, I think the best solution is to use a little of both at different times. That way, we're both happy.... eventually.

Review: Under the Bed Restraints

Hello and we're back with another review!! This under-the-bed restraint set from Babeland is my newest kinky find. I really enjoyed them!

The first plus is the set's ease of use, both for "put up" and "tear down" time. Like the door jam cuffs, I like these because my Dom and I have lots of friends and family members over who are not kink friendly, so we can't exactly have dungeon implements and permanent restraints drilled into our walls. So we use lots of restraints and handcuffs that are easy to use and just as easy to make disappear into a drawer.

These under-the-bed restraints do that, and they are the only temporary restraints we own that allow for total immobilization. Since I'm the one who loves playing with bondage (pain is more his style!), I was very excited to try them. We have a few sets of handcuffs, but none that attach to my ankles.

The cuffs were comfy on my wrists and ankles, with no pain even when I pulled and--at one point--flipped myself completely over. I was worried the adjustable velcro on the cuffs wouldn't hold, but it did. I do have fairly small wrists, and the cuffs were almost too big to fit me, but by pulling them tight my Dom made it work. If you or your partner has exceptionally tiny wrists, these might not fit.

My Dom got the cuffs set up under the bed in no time. First he secured my wrists. I was waiting, but not too patiently, because as soon as he fastened my ankle cuffs, I whined, "These ropes are too long; I can still move!" I pulled on the ropes to demonstrate. With a sigh, my Dom grabbed the adjustable straps (that I hadn't noticed) and said, "The people who made these are smart, sweetie. Just wait." He pulled, and the straps adjusted just as quickly and easily as backpack straps that work the same way do, and suddenly our under-the-bed restraint was a perfect fit for me: my hands and ankles were all tied, in a comfortably tight position!

The only downside of these cuffs is the same downside of any bondage gear: you can't use it too long or your partner's hands/feet will lose circulation. When using bondage, check every few minutes to make sure your partner's hands aren't getting cold, because that's the first sign. And trust me, freezing and numb hands make it impossible to concentrate on a scene.

Overall, I found these cuffs to be comfortable, easy to use and adjust, and effective. I loved being restrained at both my wrists and ankles, not just my wrists. And for my Dom, it was easier to spank me when I had only limited mobility and couldn't wriggle away!

The cuffs are removable and made of fabric for easy cleaning, and the set is adjustable so it fits any mattress size. The best part? It's easy to put away completely, leaving no traces that you have to awkwardly try to explain away to your mother-in-law next time she visits and wanders into your room. Click here to purchase the cuffs or learn more, and check out Babeland's newest deal: a free bottle of lubricant if you purchase their new music-activated vibrator, Freestyle!

Hair Bondage 101

Below is a link to a video by Graydancer on Hair Bondage 101. Graydancer is something of a rope guru, and his website and videos show viewers how to do everything from simple to complex rope bondage. If you can do a basic slipknot and have a spouse (of either sex!) with medium- to long hair, you can follow this simple hair bondage video.

Why would I want to tie up hair?, you ask.

I asked myself the same thing. I can see how tying someone's body would be sexy, but hair? But after watching this video, I can see the appeal. By binding someone's hair, you have greater control over their head and neck, without using dangerous neck bondage or messing with the pretty symmetry of their face. If you like control, or forced oral sex, or having physical control over your lover's movements, binding their hair and controlling their head will give you that.

Graydancer's video has three basic segments, starting with simple and moving to more complex bondage. The first hair bondage trick he shows looks very easy, and I think anyone could do it with a rewind button and some practice. The second one involves braiding and is still very doable. For the last, and most complex, you have to have some patience and materials, but the whole video is very beginner-friendly.

The thing I didn't like about this video was, for no logical reason, both Graydancer and his female hair model are nude. In some BDSM vidoes, I can see why the model would need to be nude (body bondage, etc.), but in this case it just seems pointless. The good news is, you only ever see the girl's head and back, and Graydancer definitely does not have a porn star body. For the most part, the girl's head covers everything but his face and hairy chest, but a few times you can see his scrotum. (Gross.) Why? Beats me. Maybe they thought making psuedo-pornographic BDSM videos would market them to a bigger audience.

Oh, and at the end the model pretends to give head to Graydancer. Again, a superfluous little addition that doesn't really add anything to the video.

If you can get past the nudity and the hairy man-chest, this video really is quite easy to understand and would be a good place to start for rope bondage beginners.

If you're interested in rope bondage or trying out hair/rope bondage, check out Graydancer's video. And be sure to come back and leave a comment telling me what you thought of the video and what you'd like to see more of on my site! :)

Rope Bondage Play Last Night

My Dom and I haven't done BDSM in a while. Life gets in the way---work, school (for him), family here for my birthday, getting rid of the cats' fleas. Yes, it always sort of shocks me when the super-sex-blog writers have lives apart from being in scene 24/7, but they do, and so do I.

Last night I was craving some BDSM. I wanted to feel afraid, I wanted to feel excited, I wanted to scream. Strangely, I also wanted to make him scream (he said no).

I'm a talkative bottom, so long as I'm not in sub space (which is rare for me), and last night was no different. I complained and guided him through it: "Nooo, I don't want to be slapped! Kiss me!" We've decided to cut the sex out of BDSM for a while, which I think is good, because BDSM was becoming predictable: rough me up, make me wet, vibrator. Rough me up, make me wet, vibrator. You get the pattern.

I thought it would be a good idea if we took sex out of it, and he agreed. This way we could experiment with more physical sensations--hitting, teasing, slapping.

First, he did one of his favorite things, nipple clamps. He also did one of my favorite things, being tied up. I'm not sure why, but being bound just adds a heightened sense of awesomeness to a scene for me. The more places I'm bound, the better I like it. I think I feel that control has been taken away from me, so I don't even need to try to fight it like the independent, stubborn woman I am. I like the relaxation of lying on the bed, completely immobile, and waiting to see what my Dom will do to me next.

The nipple clamps he bought for me are awesome--they don't cause too much pain, they come in many pretty colors (yay!), and they are hard plastic so they don't permanently damange my skin. I was gasping and twisting and moaning, torn between turned on and incredibly hurt. I asked him to put one on my clit, which felt amazing. It's strange, because on the rest of my vulva, clamps hurt!!!, but right on my clit they just feel good. Yum.

Once we were done, my energy was high and my adrenaline was pumping. I begged him to let me spank him. I wanted one of us to scream, and I'm not a screamer. But my Dom has no desire really to switch, so he said no. :( Well, I wanted one of us to scream, so I asked him to take me into our guest bedroom (that bed has a headboard) and tie me up and make me scream.

I settled comfortably on the bed and asked for my gag. I love my ball gag---like bondage, it makes me feel so much more helpless and into a scene. Without it, I still have the power of speech: I can talk, control, command, beg, whine, and basically attempt to control the scene. But once the gag is in, my power of speech is lost. I feel (and therefore look) much more helpless. I can bite down on the ball, which helps me deal with more pain, and I can only whimper and scream to communicate. In addition, the ball gag forces my mouth open, so when I'm facedown I get salivia all over the bed---it's terribly humiliating and hot.

Then my Dom tied me up. He was just playing with the rope, but I was super happy because this was the first time we'd done any real rope bondage beyond hands and ankles! Before I knew it, my whole body was covered with rope. Each wrist was tied to an ankle, rope was going up my neck and over my shoulders, around my stomach, into a V down my vulva and snugly rubbing my bottom. I was held fast in a fetal position with my gag on, and we were ready for play.

I'd never been tied up like that before, but I loved it. Sure, it was uncomfortable at times, and required patience as my Dom tied me up, but it was so nice. It makes me think I might enjoy Shibari, a decorative type of Japanese art bondage often used in BDSM. In that position, I was helpless to move or squirm away as he hit me; I could do nothing as he roughly picked me up and put me in whatever position he wanted me; and my Dom could grab one of the ropes and force me into a certain position for better aim at a certain body part.

He started out with some light slaps with our slapper. I am pretty afraid of the slapper because hard slaps hurt a TON, but I enjoy light and medium slaps. They increase my skin's sensitivity to touch and keep me totally focused on what's happening to me. After a while, he started hitting me harder and I started whimpering, then shrieking, through the gag. Then he put the slapper down and brought out a leather belt. One of the great things my Dom does during scenes is using lack of light and my glasses to make sure I can never see what's coming next til it's right in front of my face. This element of surprise makes it much more deliciously frightening for me! My eyes got huge and he laughed down at me, saying, "Do you have any idea how pitiful you look?" He used the belt some to scare me, but it never really hurt too much.

My Dom roughly wrestled me into several positions. I loved the helplessness! (Of course, I say this now, but at the time I was just scared.) He put me on my stomach and thrust into my raised buttocks through his boxers, talking dirty to me as he did. It was an incredible turn on! A few times he even rolled my bound body right to the edge of the bed. I screamed in so much terror that at one point he stopped the scene because he thought he'd pulled a rope too hard and hurt me. When he asked if he'd hurt me, I simply shook my head and pointed in terror to the edge of the bed. It was so scary to be bound like that in the fetal position, knowing if he let me fall I'd be completely helpless to protect myself as I fell! Several times he pulled me past the point where gravity should have taken over, letting nothing keep me from falling but his body holding me up. It scared me to death!

Once we were done with that, my right ankle was starting to really hurt from the ropes and being pulled on so much, but I was loving the scene. I love the challenge of wondering if he'll be able to make me scream.

He put me on my stomach, bottom up, took off the ball gag, and started to use the wooden paddle. But he went too fast and too high up (near the tailbone hurts much more than near the thighs!) and I couldn't take it. I think if he'd gone slowly and steadily, letting the pain build up, I could have screamed, but this was too fast. Plus, my gag was out and I could talk again; for some reason, this lowers my tolerance since I start to concentrate on talking myself out of the beating rather than just on enduring it. I started shrieking for him to stop and I safeworded. We were done!

Of course, by then my right ankle was bruised and killing me. I'm not sure if it was too tight or just got yanked around too much, but he quickly untied me while I laid still and whimpered for him to be careful of my ankle. When we were done, he kissed my ankle and we had a shower.

After a scene like that, I always love the rope burns that stay on my wrists and ankles for a while after the scene. I feel so sexy, looking down at them and feeling a little bit owned. I also loved being tied up so much, and am really looking forward to future bondage sessions that go beyond just wrists and ankles--though perhaps with padded cuffs on my ankles might be a good idea next time! I'm hoping we can try a similar scene again soon (tonight???? hmmm....) so we can see if slow, steady spanks can get me to my limit and make me scream. Yummm....

I'm working on a series of blogs about leadership for tops in BDSM, so please be patient as I continue working on those posts! Once I've finished the series, I'll post them all at once, so check back soon! Til then, adieu!

Bondage for Beginners

The great thing about ropes is that they tend to be pretty tame.



Sure, you might flip your new boyfriend out if you say, "Put a leash on me and make me bark like a dog!" or "Slap me hard." But no one's going to get really bent out of shape if you want to indulge in a little light bondage. Ropes, handcuffs, ties, scarves, sheets, and all sorts of fun bondage devices can be found around the house for some light bondage.



I'm not a fan of fuzzy handcuffs because I don't see BDSM as being "fuzzy." If BDSM were a shape, I think it'd have all sorts of hard angles and rough, steel lines. It'd be sexy, hot, hard, intimidating, maybe even painful and cold, but not fuzzy. At least, not for me. :)



But fuzzy handcuffs can be a good way to introduce a lover to light BDSM. So can any cheap handcuffs you buy or receive as a gag gift. But I have to warn you: if you want a light, giggly scene the pink fuzzies will be fine, but if you want a more intense scene, stay away from the fuzz!

Other great ideas for casual, painless bondage:

• sheets (great for tying limbs to beds!)
• ties
• scarves
• duct tape (tie it sticky side out and be prepared to use scissors to remove it)
• bondage rope (softer than regular rope = no rope burns!)
• handcuffs
• computer cords (unexpectedly strong)
• bandanas
• old sheets torn into strips (great recycling!)

Honestly, I adore being tied up. I don't want to be tied hard, or in an uncomfortable position, or so my limbs fall asleep, but a little light bondage is a fast way to get me excited for whatever is coming next. It makes my body hyper-aware of whatever sensations are happening, and makes me feel totally at my Dom's control.

If you want to introduce your partner to some sexy fun, try bondage!

Computer Cords for Bondage

My Dom and I have been playing with bondage a lot. While he likes to use his hands to hold me down, I adore the feeling of being bound. The more the better! For me, being tied up, handcuffed, hogtied, gagged, or whatever means that I am relieved of the responsibility to "fight" him and I can just lie there, passive and still, waiting for the next blow.

We use our bondage rope, which is wonderful. Bondage rope is cheap (about 6 bucks online) and made specifically to not chafe against soft skin. It is great for those times you want to writhe and pull but not have ropeburn from it later.

But two nights ago my Dom discovered computer cords. This was because the bondage rope was in another room and he needed a quick way to tie up my feet.

He'd already bound my hands with the soft leather handcuffs we own. Since he wanted to spank me some, he also needed to bind my ankles so I could not throw my feet up and over my bottom (a favorite trick of mine when the pain gets too bad). Hurrying to find something to tie me with, he grabbed some computer cords and quickly bound my feet.

You'd think it wouldn't work, but it did. Not only did the cords hold firmly against my struggles, but they hurt! I quickly learned not to pull too hard against them or the cords bit into my ankles.

My Dom hogtied me in a horrible position. Either my legs or my arms were pulled too tightly, which I think is exactly what he wanted. I wasn't exactly in pain, but I wasn't comfortable, either! Then he stuck a vibrator between my legs and watched my poor, bound body arch and shudder with impending orgasms. It was delicious. For me, it was even better, because every time I came, my arching caused pain from the cords around my ankles, heightening and intensifying the orgasm. You want to come? Then hurt.

And come I did. Again, and again, and again. Begging him to hit me, moaning like a whore, and begging him to call me names. And he did. He called me names that made me moan gutterally with pleasure and hit my face harder than ever before. Because my pain tolerance was shooting through the roof, the blows didn't hurt, but only stang with a wonderful sense of ownership. I writhed and arched and hurt and came and moaned and hurt and came again.

Through it all, the computer cords held firm.

I definitely recommend it.

Good Idea for Rape Play

A lot of people really enjoy the idea of ravishment, being overpowered and taken roughly. Or maybe they want to be overpowered and then gradually find themselves getting wet/hard, enjoying it against their own will, and eventually orgasming, to their own great shame. Or perhaps they grab their partner, wrestle them down, pin their hands to the wall, and take them savagely.

No matter what your fantasy is, if it's along these lines, ravishment fantasies are probably something you'd enjoy! People call it rape play, ravishment fantasies, rape fantasies, a whole host of things. It basically means you like the idea of coercion, force, power play, struggle, mental and physical domination, and other yummy things incorporated into your sex life.

Of course, having these fantasies (having them done to you or doing them to your partner) doesn't mean you actually want to rape someone you love (or be raped). It means you like the idea, and pretending to have a scene where you "rape" your consenting partner will probably be hot for both of you!

Well, here's an idea that's easy to put into play:


The other day, my Dom woke me up from a happy 3-hour nap by tying me roughly to the bed and then having his way with me.

I was asleep, and he got up slowly and carefully, watching to make sure I didn't stir. I didn't. He crept into the other room and got out our bondage rope, some toys, and some vibrators. Then he took my hand and, without speaking to me, began to tie me to the bed posts.

I was groggy and it took me a while to react. "What are you doing?" I asked him sleepily. He did not respond, but simply went to the other side of the bed and kept tying me up. Both wrists were tied to the bedposts. Then my ankles were tied loosely to the bedposts at the foot of the bed. I began to slowly wake up, excited and afraid of what would come.

My Dom surprised me with a great scene! The tying up was followed by hitting and slapping, grinding on me til he came, rubbing the cum on me because he knows I hate to be sticky, and then whipping me with a slapper til I was writhing and moaning and begging him to stop. I kept turning away from the blows as much as the ropes would let me, which wasn't much, and letting out these awful wails as the slapper struck me again and again. I had welts afterward!

He was on a total power high, laughing at my protests and hitting harder. He slapped my face repeatedly, knowing this pushes my limits, called me dirty names, and made me beg for things. Grand finale was my fave rabbit vibe and a good orgasm!

WHEW! Our sex life has been on the rocks lately, I haven't been as interested in sex, but I have to say-----rape from being woken up was HOT. It made me feel more out of it, confused, and groggy.... took a while to figure out what was happening, and also I was hornier because my 'mind' hadn't kicked in yet!

Awesome idea for those would-be rapists who haven't tried it yet!

Bondage, Hooks, and Chains, Oh My!

Bondage is a sexy part of BDSM. Want some cool, creative ideas for how to tie up your lover without going back to Boy Scout basic training to learn to tie knots?

First, try sturdy plant hooks or other hooks from the hardware store. Make sure they can hold enough weight that they won't dislodge when your partner struggles! (If your partner is a 130-lb. female, this will be easier than if he is a 200-lb. muscle builder!) These are great ideas because once you have installed them with a simple drill, they just look like empty plant hooks when the in-laws come over. Likewise, hooks installed into the wall or near the floor can easily be installed behind a door or near a bed so guests won't ever see them.

Once you have these hooks installed, all you need is a pair of handcuffs and some rope or chain! Want a sexy idea? Have your partner get a piercing, or use one he already has. A small chain can easily clip to a small piercing on one end and the hooks in the wall or ceiling on the other. The ideas here are limitless! Here are some ideas:

• nose hooked to ring in ceiling or wall
• ear hooked to ring in ceiling
• lip or tongue hooked to ring in ceiling
• belly button hooked to ring in ceiling
• clit or cock hooked to ring in wall
• clit hooked to a chain held in your hand and pulled lightly when they disobey!
• nose or nipples hooked to chain held in your hand; you pull them around like an animal or slave
• nipples hooked to cock or clit

There are few ways your sub is going to feel more terrified, humiliated, and afraid to move than when she is handcuffed, and she is chained by her clit to the wall! While the actual bondage is very small, it is an incredibly vulnerable and humiliating position. If you handcuff her hands behind her back so she can't reach the chain, and place her as far from the wall as the hook will allow, she will be afraid to move at all! This kind of mental control is great. You can enjoy the view for hours, or even take pictures of your unwilling model to look at and enjoy later!

To be an especially fun and evil Dom, whip or paddle your sub in this position. If they move to avoid the blows, they hurt their nipples or clit (or wherever the chain is attached!). If they do not move, they receive the full brunt of your beating. Ahhhh, decisions! You can watch the terror and fear as your sub wrestles with two terrible decisions, trying to decide which will bring the least pain.

Another deliciously wicked idea is to bind your sub in an uncomfortable position. For example, tie her hands above her head and attach her to a hook in the ceiling, at just the right height so she can stand, but cannot comfortably put her feet all the way down. The pain and discomfort will heighten her humiliation and break her more easily. Or, attach his nipples to the wall, and his tongue or cock to a chain you hold in your hand. When you pull the chain, he will have to follow the movement, which will pull and hurt his nipples!

There are also hooks made especially for bondage. These hooks are sturdy and thick for internal insertion. They have a loop at the end so you can easily attach a chain or rope. Below are some hooks that can be inserted in the pussy, ass, nose, or mouth.

A great idea is also to buy or make some thigh cuffs. This pictures shows a commercial pair, but you can easily do this with rope, scarves, or belts. Be creative! Tie your sub's ankles and thighs together so they cannot stand or move away as you torture and enter them. Or, tie your sub's thighs and wrists together behind their back so they cannot fight back or defend themselves against your evil antics.

Bondage is fun, but some safety rules are in order: bondage can also be dangerous. Don't ever leave a bound person unattended. If you want the sub to think he is unattended, still be watching in secret. Have a safe word (or safe action, if the sub is gagged) so she can tell you if you need to abort play. Come in often and simply ask the sub if he is okay; he can nod or shake his head. For rope and tape, invest in a pair of emergency shears (shown in the picture); these are great for bondage and rape play because they allow you to quickly cut away clothing and bondage without cutting the victim. Also, don't leave a victim in the same position for more than an hour; change every so often so circulation stays healthy. Many people faint during bondage, so be prepared to quickly cut loose your sub in an emergency; offer small snacks if he gets faint. When bound, watch for changes in skin color: skin that is turning pink, white, or purple is getting too much or too little blood, and you need to loosen the bondage. Also, feel your sub's hands and feet every once in a while. If the extremities are getting cold or clammy, the bondage may be stopping blood flow or pinching a nerve.

And just for the sake of your sub's comfort, remember that a person who is sitting still and bound is going to get very cold. You are probably clothed, walking around, or working up a sweat by hitting or acosting your sub, and you may not feel this! Your naked, bound sub will. Feel his face, feet, and hands, and keep the heat up so a naked person can still feel comfortable.

If you get off on the idea of seeing your sub sitting spread-eagled, handcuffed and gagged, looking up at you with pleading eyes while her spread-open clit is spread to the wall, try it out! If you love the cruel feeling of power you get when you yank your sub around by his nose or cock, get him pierced and go to town! The ideas are limitless, and the evil is only limited by your imagination... *enter maniacal laughter here*...

Cheap Ideas for BDSM Play

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Affordable Restraints

I realize everyone is starting to feel the hit to their pocketbooks these days and I thought this is a good time to write a blog about affordable restraints. I know there are some many great restraints out there offered by companies and retailers. You can visit the links in the upper right-hand side to get your hands on some creative means to tie your sub down. Let's suppose you're like most people worldwide and watching what you spend. You may have to save up for little splurges like an under the bed or a door jam restraint. My purpose today is to give you simple ideas that will help you keep your sub under control.

The first place you should visit is your local hardware store! There are all sorts of good materials here to make dominating your sub so much easier. First get a shopping cart and make your way to the aisle where tape is sold. Don't be like everyone else and reach directly for the duct tape! You want something that is sticky and a little more pliable. My suggestion is that you buy several rolls of electrical tape. It's not as sticky and won't leave a residue on your sub's skin. You can also be smart about this and roll the tape on sticky side out. This will keep the tape from sticking to their skin and you can cut out your sub more quickly in case a safeword is uttered or you need to apply some quick after care. The other upside to electrical tape is that it's black and that's much more sexy than the ugly dull silver color of duct tape.

The other option available at the hardware store is rope, of course! There should be all types available to you. You may be able to buy it off of a spool or you could buy the bungee cords! The rope would be a great option if you wanted to cause a little bit of pain with the restraining, because the sub would struggle and chafe themselves. The bungee cords are a great idea when you have something sturdy to which to mount your sub. I'm thinking a headboard, fence, or the garage door railing. I encourage you to be creative. If you wanted to spread your sub's legs mount the rope on either side of the bed and watch them squirm as you fasten each leg down and apart.

The next option will bring out the handy man (woman) in you. Chains are available, too. Find the studs in your wall and bolt these chains to them. Now if you've purchased a little rope you can attach the rope to the chains and now you have a permanent pleasure center in house.

There are nicer and more delicate ways to subdue your partner. You can go to a discount store and pick up scarves for cheap. This can be used when you want to treat your sub to a sensual, seductive time. There is the option of fuzzy handcuff, but for some reason I can never take them seriously. The cuffs look like they belong to a muppet cop. Silk is nice and strong at the same time. Go to a fabric store and pick up some. Then go home and cut it into strips, this saves your from having to buy manufactured scarves you're just going to use for restraints only.

These are only a few ideas, but I hope they start you in the right direction. Doms I ugre you to remind your subs how good it feels to be owned today! Tie them down and let them know you love them and how dirty they are. Always remember to be safe!

Sex Toy Stores for the BDSM Enthusiast

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What's Biblical and Not in Christian BDSM

After reading a bunch of stuff on BDSM, I realize that for many BDSM lifestylists, things are normal (and even expected) in BDSM that are 100% not-okay from a biblical standpoint. This will be a short article, but I think it is necessary for clarity.

Not Okay (includes but not limited to)

• polyamory (sex with more than one person, such as threesomes). Why? 1 Corinthians 7:2
• premarital sex. Why? Hebrews 13:4.
• adultery (cheating on your spouse). Why? 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.
• bi or homosexual activities. Why? 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.
• bestiality. Why? It's illegal! And, Leviticus 20:15.
• looking at pornographic texts or pictures. Why? Matthew 5:28
• doing something your Dom tells you to that you know is illegal, immoral, or unbiblical. Why? Galations 1:10
• anything not consensual. Why? It's illegal! Note to self: don't go to jail for rape.

Okay (includes but not limited to)

• women being Doms and men being Subs
• bondage, tying up, handcuffs, etc.
• hitting, spanking, paddling, whipping, etc.
• emotional humiliation (*if* the person wants it)
• rape fantasies (about your partner)
• using kinky sex toys
• anal play for men or women (it's not "gay" if you're not doing it with a member of the same sex)
• "human bestiality" (dressing up as puppy, horse, or other animal)

I think it is obvious that I did not, nor can I, list everything that is biblical and nonbiblical in BDSM, because BDSM is only limited your imagination. But many BDSM sites seem to assume that your Dom can order you to have sex with other people, have a bi or gay sex scene, have sex in front of other people, allow Masters or Mistresses to have multiple partners besides you, or participate in a threesome. Don't do anything that puts you at odds with God! If you have other questions, contact us or look it up.

Basically, the rule is this: if it doesn't harm someone else, is legal, is between two consensual adults over 18, and isn't specifically forbidden in the Bible or your Church, it's okay.

Click here for another (albeit somewhat incomplete) website on Christian BDSM relationships.

Links for the Beginning Sadomasochist

So for those of you interested in learning more about BDSM, we hope this blog will be of use to you. It will certainly be of use to us! We are excited to journal our sexual escapades and hope you will feel free to message or email us any questions you have about BDSM, sex ideas, sex toys, relationship issues, marriage, divorce, Christianity, faith, you name it; they all connect with how we humans relate in the bedroom!

Before we start blogging, we will give you beginners out there a crash course in common terminology used in the BDSM world.

• BDSM: Stands for Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. Refers to a sexual lifestyle where physical and emotional pain are used to heighten sexual pleasure. Also called Sadomasochism, Dominance and Submission, B/D, B&D, D/S, D&S, S&M, S/M. This practice is used by people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations, and differs from sexual abuse because all partners are consenting adults.
• Dom: Short for the Dominant, often called the "S" (for sadist), the Top, or the Master. This refers to the person currently playing the role of the Dominant, or Sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain.
• Sub: Short for the Submissive, often called the "M" (for masochist), the Bottom, or the Slave. This person is currently being dominated.
• Bondage: Any means of restraining or tying your Sub, including tying with rope, tape, handcuffs, or your own hands.
• Discipline: Refers to verbal or emotional "abuse" heaped on the Sub by the Dom, resulting in a sexy feeling of being humilated and dominated
• Fetishism: This is finding sexual attraction from culturally non-sexual objects. Common examples of fetishes are shoes, feet, and panties.
• Power Exchange: This is when the Sub willingly gives control (physical, mental, and sexual) to the Dom. It can be for one short scene or last for days or weeks, depending what the partners agree upon.
• Punishment: Physical "abuse" used by the Dom to enforce and maintain control over the Sub
• Roleplaying: A specific type of BDSM behavior including assuming a separate identity for sexual play. Examples could include Policeman/Suspect, Teacher/Student, Nurse/Patient, etc.
• Safeword: A safeword is a password agreed upon by both partners beforehand that will stop all play immediately. It is imperative that both the Sub and the Dom stop sexual activity as soon as the safeword is spoken. Safewords allow the Sub to cry, plead, beg, and scream, "No!" to their hearts' content, but as soon as they are genuinely uncomfortable, they can call it quits. Common safewords are Red and Pickle.
• Scene: A "scene" is the word for a particular roleplaying game. Participants decide upon a scene beforehand and assume their roles; scenes can last anywhere from a 5-minute play session to an all-day session where both lovers maintain their characters long term.
• Silent Alarm: A silent alarm is imperative for BDSM enthusiasts who are not in a loving monogamous relationship. When you begin to explore with a new partner, tell a friend who you are with, where you'll be, and what time you'll be home. If you are not home by that time, the friend is to call the police. Inform your partner what you are doing and encourage him or her to use a silent alarm, too.

Helpful Links for the Aspiring Sadomasochist:
Click on the links below for more information.
An article on safety for your BDSM adventures.
This website gives novice female subs info on how to stay safe as they begin exploring the BDSM community, and also offers links to reputable resources on BDSM.
Here is a general guide to BDSM.
Warning! This site contains pornographic pictures. It does, however, contain a humorous story on flogging and how to correctly use safewords.