12/08/2008

Friends of the Federation for Females Freely Farting

All right. This doesn't relate specifically to BDSM, but it is sex advice, so I'm still adding it. Bodily functions are definitely not one of my favorite topics, but I'm fed up and so I'm swallowing my natural fart-discussion inhibitions to write this blog. Please bear with me, and I hope you will be amused.

Now I have a question for you. Think of something gross for you: ejaculate, poop, garbage, rotting carcasses, anything. Now answer: would you rather touch and lick it, getting it all over your hands and face, or just smell it?

The answer is obvious: just smell it. You get no germs, you can't get sick from it, and it will go away quickly. No problem.

So what is the whole social stigma with farting during sex?! Sex. Is. Messy. Something about our society tells us that we should be "civilized," not animals, and this includes bodily emissions. Don't get me wrong; I'm profoundly grateful society frowns on bodily functions and emissions in public; I don't want to be privy to that! But in private, with a lover, during sex? Give me a break.

So many people are grossed out by this. And I don't understand it. Sure, it's not ideal. The sound and smell can be slight turn-offs. But compared to sex in general?

Let's consider for a moment. We are animals. We try to deny it, with deodorant, female moistening wipes, douches, shaving, trimming, plucking, perfume, scented soaps, condoms, maxipads, and a host of other products specifically designed to make us less animal-like and more "civilized." But come what may, you just can't stop people from being animals: we sweat, we poop, we pee, we burp, we throw up, we lubricate, we spit, we fart, we have sex. Without ever asking us, our bodies secrete sweat, spit, and other lovely mucuses such as snot, come, pus, scabs, and discharge. We devour the dead carcasses of other living beings, then poop them out in a grand, smelly, squishy finale. No matter how prim and proper we attempt to be on dates, with carefully shaved bodies, cologne, aftershave, and deodorant, at the end of the date we still find ourselves happily romping about in the bed, all queefs and sweat and moans and shudders and come. We roll apart, satisfied, but with our animalistic natures bared: we are now sticky, smelly, and sweaty, with our hands, faces, and bodies covered in saliva, ejaculate, vaginal discharge, and dripping with someone else's sweat, come, and "love juices." (I hate that phrase.) Yet we accept it, because we like sex.

So why is farting any different?

I'm not advocating a total repeal of social norms: I still think flatulence is best relieved alone, much like our other natural bodily urges such as sex, pooping, peeing, and vomiting. I have no desire to hear my lover farting away if he can help it.

But if he can't? Should I really care?

My thought is this: Many men say they are "turned off" if women fart in bed. I get this; our culture tells them women should be prim, proper, neat, and tidy. They should never belch or fart, and they only poop when they have to and even then, it probably doesn't smell bad. Women should also never sweat, moan, or ejaculate, and farting and queefing are definitely out. Men are animals; women are people.

WRONG! I can't speak for guys, but I know without a doubt that for women, farting is natural during sex. Just as natural as, say, breathing, moaning, getting wet and sticky, ejaculating, and coming.

Why?

Because for many women to come, we have to push. Yes, push. We push really hard. Our bodies get tight with pleasure, we arch our backs, and our entire bodies convulse and squeeze. Especially our P.C. muscles, which as you know are the muscles "down there." An entirely unintended, but natural, consequence of this heavy pushing during sex is, you guessed it, farting. And also coming. The two often, sadly, come together.

If you are one of the men (or women) who are grossed out and turned off by your partner tooting in bed, let me ask you: Are you okay with them being human? Because that means they are also an animal. And seriously, God became a human. If Jesus wasn't too good to poop, fart, and pee, why should you be?

So back to my earlier question. Would you rather smell/lick/feel/rub around in something gross? Or just smell it? Because men, your ejaculate is no picnic either. I'm sure you're aware of it, but your come is often a sticky, creamy, nasty mess. For many of us, it tastes disgusting and smells even worse. Yet you expect us to touch it, lie in it, lick it, swallow it, and let you deposit it into our pussies and asses, where it slowly dribbles out. And yet you can't handle some simple, temporary air?!?

I just think there is something inherently wrong when many women are afraid to let go and enjoy sex. They want to remain prim and proper and in control, keeping some strange idea of being "civilized" even engaged in the most raw, animalistic act possible with an intimate partner who supposedly accepts and loves them. They don't let go, because their bodies might betray them: they might pee, fart, queef, ejaculate, and yes, even orgasm.

So when we're enjoying sex, if we let go and push the way it feels good, will we sometimes do "gross" things like being human? Yes. Expect juicy farts and queefs. Expect thick, smelly discharge, lubricant, ejaculate, and sometimes pee or blood. Trust me: it's gross for us, too. We never want to share this with you. But the sad truth is, when our P.C. muscles are pushing for all they're worth, trying to help us come, it can create toots, farts, and queefs that didn't even exist before we started having sex. Lots of them. The more we push, the more they come. And so many women don't push. But I ask you this: would you rather your woman be a wild animal in bed, with lots of yuck and mess and squishy sounds, and at the end have a shuddering, writhing mass of happy, orgasming woman beneath you? Or have boring, safe, and very sanitary sex, with no sounds, no body functions, and little pleasure?

Think about it. And tell me, which are you? Another person afraid of letting go? Or a sex animal?

2 comments:

Chris said...

Sign me up for the sex animal!

Anonymous said...

Well think about it, most people repulsed by this have not crossed the BDSM threashold. Of course it's no big deal once you have done things to each other involving all kinds of other bodily fluids and not just cum or saliva. If I just ate out my doms ass, it's not gonna bother me that he farted. If I just puked on his cock because he made me choke on it, he's not going to care if I fart. But most vanilla sex has a lot of taboo involved still. I guess farting is one of them.