11/30/2009

Sex Toy Pricing

Okay, so my readers like to buy sex toys, but they want to know where to get the cheapest ones.

Well, here's your answer! I spent this morning perusing my favorite sex toy websites, comparing prices on the two most popular sex toys ever: The Hitachi Magic Wand and the We Vibe. The Hitachi has been around forever and is the quintessential vibrator for women. The We Vibe, on the other hand, is new and immensely popular. It provides women with both internal and external stimulation, and can be worn during sex. Wow!

Needless to say, I don't own either of these, but I'm aching to.

Here are how the prices break down on these two vibrators:

Good Vibrations:
  1. Hitachi Wand: $52
  2. We Vibe: $130

Babeland:

  1. Hitachi Wand: $54
  2. We Vibe: $130

Eden's Fantasy:

  1. Hitachi Wand: $45.99
  2. We Vibe:$130

My Pleasure:

  1. Hitachi: $74.95
  2. We Vibe: not available

Sensual Sutra:

  1. Hitachi: $64.95
  2. We Vibe: not available, but the We Vibe II is sold for $149.99, on sale now for $79.99

Healthy and Active:

  1. Hitachi Wand: $39.95
  2. We Vibe: Regular $129.99, on sale now for $73.95

Amazon.com:

  1. Hitachi Wand: Normally $60, on sale now for $39.95
  2. We Vibe: Normally $130, on sale now for $75.94

11/25/2009

Holiday Savings for Online Sex Toys

It's the holiday season, and as Thanksgiving comes and goes, the Christmas season and subsequent shopping spree will begin.



Did you know that sex toys are becoming one of the most popular gifts this year? It's true! Right around the time the economy started to fall, lipstick and sex toy sales went way up---people started buying small, economical gifts for themselves and their loved ones that they could enjoy without burning a hole in their pocket. And while sex toys are usually more expensive than lipstick, these gifts can help you create a date night where you and your loved one stay in to celebrate the holidays and go easy on your wallet.



I've been checking out sex toy and fetish websites, scouring the web for good holiday deals for my readers. Here's what I've found.



As always, I started with Babeland and Good Vibrations, because these are two stores I've worked with a lot in the past and I true. I like how both these stores are women-friendly, sex-positive stores that focus on quality products and sex education, not sleazy pornographic pictures and sky-high prices. These stores are friendly to all types: straight or gay, Christian or not, woman or man. They also have a great selection of all sorts of lubes and sex toys, although their BDSM and bondage section is pretty small, and both stores have good customer service and discreet shipping every time I use them.



Once I'd checked out the holiday deals at those stores, I checked some other stores I've used. Some were having holiday sales; some weren't. I also found some new sites that are offering holiday deals or have a particularly low price for some top-selling toys I think my readers might be interested in, such as the Hitachi Wand (the most popular sex toy ever, as far as I can tell) or the We Vibe, a new luxury toy meant to be worn during intercourse (I want it! I want it! I want it!).



Here's what I found. None of these stores has asked me to do this and I'm not getting any sort of compensation for these reviews; this is all just information I found that I wanted to share with my readers as the holidays begin.




  • Babeland is having several holiday specials. Their Black Friday Extravaganza is going on from now til 11/30, and you get a free vibrator + free shipping if you buy anything over $70. From now til Christmas, you can have free shipping on any orders of $50 or more (that's one good sex toy, so it's worth it), and if you own a blog you can also write a short post about one of their Objects of Desire that you want for Christmas (or any other holiday!) and enter a drawing. The winner will be picked on Christmas day and will receive $1,000 worth of sex toys from the store, so if you like sex toys, you might as well enter and test your luck.

  • Good Vibrations isn't having any holiday specials (yet) that I've found, but they do offer a $5-0ff coupon if you sign up for the email newsletters. This store also has a wider selection of BDSM, fetish, and bondage toys than Babeland, including several good books and some toys not only intended for beginners.

  • Eden's Fantasy is having holiday sales, including free shipping on orders over $59. They're also offering 35% off California Exotic Rabbits and 50% off on some selected toys. For cute stocking stuffers, they also have some cheap vibes and toys for under $10 on their Sale page. This store passed the important "Anal Lube Test" (meaning, like Babeland and Good Vibes, they don't sell desensitizing anal lubricants, which are dangerous for customers and indicate a store cares more about making a buck than customer safety), and Eden's Fantasy also has a decent bondage and fetish collection for sale.

  • I was really pleased to discover the online store My Pleasure. This store's webpage is neat, tidy, and classy. There are no pornographic images and customers can feel good about purchasing there. My Pleasure has an education section with loads of information about sex, toys, lubricants, and more; they also pass the Anal Lube Test. They're also having a holiday sale on several vibrators, dildos, costumes, lingerie, and other items. During the week of Thanksgiving, you can get 10% off all purchases, 15% off purchases of $75 or more, and 20% off purchases of $125 or more.

  • Xtreme Restraints is, in my opinion, not a classy, customer-friendly sex store. I really hate the online stores that show pornographic ads and seem to think sex is a dirty secret to make money on rather than a special bonding experience between two adults. Not surprisingly, they failed the Anal Lube Test. However, I felt this store was worth mentioning because it offers a wide array of BDSM toys and gear for everyone from total beginners to Masters with years of experience. Whether you want medical gear, fetish wear, costumes, head gear, chastity devices, enema supplies, mouth gags, or serious bondage equipment, this store offers it. Xtreme Restraints is also having a holiday sale and is offering free shipping on orders more than $69.

  • Sensual Sutra is another site I found that passed the Anal Lube Test and is classy and positive about sexuality. On the other hand, you can tell a lot about a store by their lubricant section, and I noticed this store didn't have a lot of quality lube (except the standards Eros and Astroglide that you find everywhere) but had a lot of flavored and sugary lubes that seemed more fit for a teenager's chapstick flavors than an adult's lubricant. This store has a few restraint items (mostly different types of handcuffs) and no big holiday product sales that I could find, although they are offering free shipping on orders more than $89.

While perusing these sites, I never found one that sold my favorite vibrator of all time, the Rabbit G, sold by Adult Toy Shoppe (that store, unfortunately, has not posted any holiday sales). If you can't decide what toy to get your loved one, I highly, highly recommend this one. Basically, it's fantastic--so fantastic I broke mine. (Oops.) Still, I use it even broken, and I long for the day I can afford a new one. This baby might be expensive, but it's well worth it--I've tried a plethora of dildos and vibrators in my time, and even other rabbit vibes, but nothing else even comes close.


Anyway, as Thanksgiving draws near, have a happy and safe holiday and start thinking about what to buy for Christmas gifts! :)

11/20/2009

Potty Play

Something my Dom and I have been talking a lot about lately is Potty Play.

This is, of course, my own term for it. You can find lots of sexual kinks that have to do with going to the bathroom (or the opposite--making someone hold it). There are lots of names for these kinks: golden showers, enemas, enema torture, scat, watersports, human toilet... I'm sure there are more.

First, what are these things?
(These definitions are mine and very unofficial!)
  • golden showers: urinating on someone
  • enemas: putting water or a liquid solution in the anus and bowels, resulting in a "cleansing" of the colon and solid waste removal
  • enema torture: giving someone an enema and making them hold their bowel movement until they go crazy
  • forced holding: making someone hold it to show your control over them
  • diapers: having someone wear a diaper and/or dirty the diaper in public or during sex play
  • scat: any sort of play with poop--pooping on someone, pooping during sex, etc.
  • watersports: any play that involves urination
  • human toilet: using a submissive or slave as your toilet; i.e. they drink your urine/eat your feces, or you use your tongue as toilet paper.

Second, are they dangerous?

Well, most kinks can be dangerous, and it just depends on how far you take it. For instance, eating someone else's feces, yes, can be dangerous. Water sports and scat can both be safe if you keep the contact to your skin and no mucus membranes. If you touch feces to mucus membranes (nose, eyes, mouth, vagina, penis, anus) the bacteria can get inside your body and make you very sick, but if you keep it to your skin and wash well afterward, it's safer.

Urine is generally safer to ingest than feces. This is because urine is sterile when it first leaves the body (unless your partner has some kind of kidney or urinary tract infection); it is only when urine touches the air that bacteria start to thrive. Of course, urine is body waste, and ingesting it could mess up your body's salt and chemical levels, but a little bit probably won't kill you. The more diluted the urine is (the more hydrated your partner is), the less dangerous it is.

Ingesting feces, on the other hand, can be dangerous. Bacteria that live in your intestines and bowels are not meant to be introduced to your stomach. Ingesting poop is a good way to transfer Hepatitis. Generally, if you want to try scat play, it's safer to try it with a partner you've known for a long time and who has no STDs. Also, if you live with someone your internal bacteria tend to grow more similar. This doesn't mean it's safe to ingest anyone's poop--even your own--but it does make it safer.

Enemas can be very safe, especially if you're using sterile water or a medically approved enema solution. There are others, however, that aren't good for your body and can irritate your colon and anus. I've heard of people who used alcohol or chili peppers to cause their partners pain, but this can actually irritate and cause tears in your colon's interior lining. Not a good idea!


Last, if I find this kind of stuff kinky or fun, what kind of stuff can I try?

Well, there's tons of gross-and-kinky stuff out there. I'm a little grossed out by body functions myself, so I can't give you any personal recommendations (yet?), but there are some websites that will give you ideas, list the potential dangers, and show you how to keep safe. They include:

Review: Truth or Dare Game

"Truth or Dare" is the new game my Dom and I got from Good Vibrations. Right now, the store is having a sweet 25%-off sale their entire site! I'd go over and check it out, if not for the Truth or Dare game, then for one of their rabbit vibrators, which are my very, very fave! :)

It took me a while to write a blog about this game because, well, there are so many cards to play with. My Dom and I tried it out, but we only got through about a quarter of the cards. So we waited a bit and then tried it out again... and then again. In my opinion, this is a very good thing, because you can have fun with this game over and over again without running into the same cards. A definite plus!

I loved the cute little box the game came in; it was elegant and sweet all at the same time. The cards are divided into two piles: truth and dare. In truth (ha! get it?), we had a lot more fun with the "truth" cards. In fact, I'd recommend buying this game simply for the fun, imaginative questions that will get you and your partner talking and laughing and getting to know each other's secret desires and funniest moments, whether you've been together for a month or forty years.

I'm big on bonding, so I loved the questions. Questions like, How much money would it take to get you to strip in public? and What were your earliest fantasies and what was so sexy about them? really got us talking. We loved giggling over the questions and sharing together. Rather than just answering the questions, we ended up talking and laughing about them for several minutes before moving on to the next one. Even things we had already talked about, it was fun--and sexy--to relive our best moments or hottest fantasies. And the cards suggested several fun questions we'd never even dreamed of! This game is great if only to get you and your honey communicating more and better---which is always a good thing for a relationship and a good sex life!

As for the "dare" cards, I wasn't so sold on those. Some of them were sexy and cute, but some were just a bit weird: for example, my Dom got one that said, Pretend you're at the gym and make up a sexy workout routine for your partner to watch. Hmmm.... awkward. I mean, it might turn him on to watch me stretch and bend, but to have a grown man do it--- not so much. (Not for me, anyway.) Now, if you want to get into some light BDSM, these cards will help you do it: One of you gets to be the Master for 5 minutes, and the other one must obey is a light, fun way to introduce your partner to some light bondage and submission, but if you're already into heavier aspects of BDSM, these cards aren't really going to stretch your limits.

In the end, Truth or Dare is a fun game for couples to play, laugh, and have some sweet, sexy times together. Good Vibrations has it on sale now for just $12.71 (normally $16.95) and it's definitely worth that just for the good laughs and sexy ambience the game provides.

And please take advantage of the store's three-day 25% off sale--it's worth it!

10/25/2009

Unmarried, Christian, and Kinky: A Dilemma!

In a lot of my posts I just assume that two kinky, Christian sexual partners are married. This isn't because I think it's always the case, but because it is easier to not get into that murky area of unmarried sex.

But unmarried Christians can still be kinky, can still be involved in the BDSM lifestyle, and can still want sex. If you take the Lord at His word when he tells us:


Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. -1 Corinthians 6:18-20.



and
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. -Galatians 5:19-21


and
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality. -Ephesians
5:3


and... okay, you get the point!--

then it's pretty obvious that, Biblically speaking, single and engaged Christians don't yet have the right to enjoy sexual intimcy with each other. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen quite a lot, even among true and devout Christians who truly want to follow God's ways.

How can a kinky, unmarried Christian stay pure without indulging in sexual sin?

Of course, the most basic, obvious answer is to do just what the Bible says--Flee sexual immorality--and not have anything to do with kinkiness or sex until you're married. I think it's telling here that the Bible uses the word "flee" sexual immortality. God isn't telling you to leave, or to sowly walk away, dragging your feet, or to flirt with sexual immorality a little bit and then ultimately slip away before you "sin." God is telling you to flee!!!! That's a strong word in the English language. I wish I knew Greek so I could tell you what it means in the original version, but I know that to flee sexual immorality means to keep it out of your life, thoughts, daydreams, actions, words, and heart until such a time as it is no longer sinful: when you're married.

On the other hand, it's really, really, really difficult to flee something that seems such a basic part of our human natures as kinkiness and sexuality. Our sexuality is a gift, something precious given us by God to enjoy in holy matrimony, so don't ever believe the people who try to tell you that God hates sex! I think it's one of His best gifts.

I can tell you that, unfortunately, being kinky isn't something that just magically appears on your wedding nigt (I wish!). It's something you'll have to struggle with probably from your teens until you are married. That would be a lot easier back in the days when people were kept from the opposite sex until marriage, and then married off at 15 or 16 as soon as their bodies were ready for sex, but in today's Western cultures, we put off marriage until we are 28 or 29 a lot of the time---more than a decade after our bodies are ready to start having sex!

Those years in between wanting sex and marriage can be a hard road for a Christian. I know I started having fantasies about being raped about the age of 14 or 15, long before I knew the words kinky or BDSM, and when I became a serious Christian at age 18 I just had to train myself to stop fantasizing or having impure thoughts. It was hard, and took a lot of discipline, but I eventually did it. I still struggle with it now, seven long years later, but I'm happy to say I'm getting married to a Christian, kinky man in 2 months and our long, hard wait is finally about to be over!

Are there things a Christian can do that involve kinkiness and sex, but don't involve sex (vaginal, anal, oral, or manual versions of sex are all still sex)? Sure.

Here are a few ideas. You can find out a wealth of information about each on the web, ask questions on Fetlife, or click the links to see more about that topic in my past blogs.

Compare each to the Word and ask fellow Christians or pastors if you feel comfortable. Judge my advice by God's Word and, in the end, pray about it before you decide what is right and holy for you to do as an unmarried, kinky Christian.

  • making out can be sexy and kinky. Only you and your partner can know when it goes from "sexy" to "sexual sin," so be careful and communicate here. When we first started dating, my fiance and I experimented with kinkiness by making out, wrestling, and him pulling my hair or slapping me a little. This incorporated BDSM into our lives without any penetration or sex happening.
  • Bondage can be sexy without ever leading to sex. There are a billion books or videos on different bondage techniques and "rope art." Experiment with these!
  • Spanking and other forms of hitting can also be a sexy, cathartic release without having to lead to sex. Slapping, hitting, spanking, and other physical forms of torture like pinching, pulling hair, or light choking can be sexy and fun. Try these out now, before it has the pressure to lead to sex, and see what each of you likes and how far you can take it. On the other hand, if you want to try choking and asphixiation, read my Dom's warnings on this kink before you try it.
  • Try chastity devices. Before marriage is a great time to try out chastity! These can be a sexy form of control before marriage that reinforces your BDSM bond while requiring sexless love.
  • Pray together. This will strengthen your bond as a couple, your relationship with God, and help you fight the urge to sin when it arises.
  • Without sex, see if you can exeriment with subspace. Do lots of research on it. See if the Dom or Domme can get the sub into subspace with just your voice or a glance.
  • Use this time to do a lot of talking. Decide on your safe words, talk about what you think is sexy, determine your limits and do lots of research on types of BDSM like Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) or 24/7 Power Exchange.
  • If you'll want totake your BDSM into your marriage, talk it out now, before your marriage starts. Here are some examples of contracts you can check out.

Making a Sub Submit


A discussion I've started on Fetlife is about how to make someone submit. I'm very curious to know more about this topic.


A lot of people have trouble with the idea of "making" a sub (or slave) submit, because BDSM is, of course, completely consensual and voluntary. So if you start to force someone to submit who doesn't want to, some people fear it becomes abuse and no longer consensual BDSM.


Well, while I see that, I'm not sure I always agree. In my "regular" mentality, I'm a total control freak. That powerhouse of a woman I am would not dream of letting my fiance boss me around, especially since in regular life I feel I'm the more capable of the two of us. I know what needs to be done and I do it, or I remember errands that need to be run and I have to be in charge of reminding him to do them. Now, I'd love to be in a situation where my fiance was in charge all the time, but that's just not the way we are. I'm a control freak, a perfectionist, and a driven force of nature, and he's more laid back.


So until I'm in my "sub" mentality, I don't let go. Oh, it's not that I don't want to! But I'm a strong, capable woman, and I'm not about to let go of the reins until I know he can be trusted with them. So I hold on to them with a death grip until he forces them out of my hand. If he can't force them out of my hand, I know (for right now) I'm still the stronger one and I need to be the one in control. This is not a great thing about me, but it is true; I struggle with submitting!


At the same time, I have no desire to be the Domme. I yearn for a man who is in control, in charge, and powerful all the time. Someone who can force me into subspace with a glance or a certain tone. Someone who can remind me of my place and that's it's behind him, not out in front crusading and leading the way. I'm simply not sexually interested at all in a man who is a sub to my Domme.


Well, this sometimes gives me trouble. I want to submit, but I don't want to submit!


Welcome to being a woman, I guess. :)


Some fellow sub-women on Fetlife seem to be able to just give away control easily. I admire them and envy them. However, it is not in my nature to give up leadership to someone who is less fit for it than I am--I live my life by strict principles of what is just and right. If you want to lead, you have to earn it. If you want to lead me, you have to do a better job at it than I would. Otherwise, what glory is there in your position of "Dom"? It isn't real, it isn't something either of us can respect, and we are both just living a lie.


Now sometimes, my fiance becomes my Dom. He doesn't seem to really be sure how he does it, because he can't do it on command---it just happens or it doesn't. (This is frustrating to both of us!) I've tried to explain to him how he does it. He just seems.... so much more confident. He doesn't bully me or use control in a bad way. But on the other hand, he isn't laid back or passive. He sometimes hits this perfect balance of domination that just works for us. He is calm, confident, and manly. He is gentle, stern, guiding, and self-aware. He doesn't boss me around, but in his requests I hear an underlying manliness that makes me know they aren't just requests.


I love this state. I love how it makes me feel. I love that then I feel more relaxed, more feminine. You see, I don't like to be in control all the time. I would prefer to have a manly, strong, formiddable, gentle man--like in the books--to lean on for decisions, to get things done, to match my own fiery personality and drive in life. Sometimes my fiance does this, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I really crave it, and I whine and sulk because "we aren't doing BDSM enough." I complain that "I'm sexually bored." Of course, this tends to make him defensive and me critically and nagging. We end up arguing about whose fault it is---mine for being too picky or his for being too uncreative in bed---which, of course, is totally against the Bible. After all, our faith tells us:

"As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18).

Nagging, criticism, and bickering over sex-- the one thing God designed to be perfectly uniting and selfless---it totally not what two Christians should be doing. Yet sometimes we find ourselves there.


So can you make a submissive submit? In my opinion, what I want my fiance to do is NOT abuse. If a man or woman MADE someone submit when they didn't want to, that would be abuse. But in my heart of hearts, I want to submit. I yearn to be pushed forcibly into subspace where I can relax and know that the man who loves me is in charge of everything and will take care of me. But I don't trust him or anyone else enough to just go to such a place of submission and lack of control unless I know they can be trusted to take care of me once I'm there. I have to have it proved to me.


In the end, what I want is a fight---and I want to lose. I want to fight him, tooth and nail, so that when I am finally defeated, I know it was a real defeat, not simply that I pretended to fight and then bowed down to an undeserving adversary. I want someone worth his salt, someone who can make me submit, someone who compels me to be submissive by the very fact that he is so dominating. I know some kinksters would not agree with me on this, and say a sub must submit voluntarily.


But that is not something I know how to do.

10/15/2009

Breast Cancer and Lubes!

It's October, and that means it's Breast Cancer Awareness month. It's time to support all the stores out there who are supporting women, and there are a lot of them. Some of these stores include NFL, Home & Gardens, Babeland, Twitter, and more!

For all you women out there, here's how to do a self-breast exam. Doing this simple procedure once a month can help protect you from breast cancer by finding the warning signs early.
Babeland has a great program for the month of October. Buy any of their Pink October toys and they'll donate part of the proceeds to fighting breast cancer!

Also, Babeland has a great, great savings program right now that I love! It's called Stock Up and Save. Basically, the company is giving you a 25% discount on the three things we all use most in our sex lives: lubes, condoms, and batteries.

Now, I don't use condoms, so I can't be any help to you there (but all products have customer reviews at the bottom of the page), but I am a very picky lube user, so I'm excited about this sale. I am picky about lubes because both my Dom and I have sensitive skin. We didn't know this until we tried two varieties of lube (from a store other than Babeland) that were perfectly fine for vaginal use but that stung like MAD during anal use. And let me tell you, there is no less sexy way to end a BDSM session than when I have to jump up and run to the bathroom before I scream. Not only did it disappoint us both, but I totally lost any arousal we'd had worked up. So the moral of this story? Only use lubes that you trust.
My favorite, favorite lubricant ever is Entice by Babeland. My Dom and I love it since it's clear, colorless, odorless, and easy to use. And the best thing about it is that it is completely comfortable and painless, even with anal use. Any time we use sex toys, dildos, butt plugs, or even when we tried fisting, we used Entice. You can get a bottle for $6 or even try a sample for just $1.50.

Another thing I like from Babeland is that you can sample a lot of items for cheap before you have to invest big bucks in a bottle of something you might not even like. If you are new to the lubricant world, or just like to try new samples for cheap, Babeland has a cool Lube Sampler Pack where you can try six mini-packets of lube for $7. And the sampler pack includes my fave, Entice, so if you want to sample it because you don't trust me when I say it's awesome, this gives you an easy way to do it.

Babeland also has Babelicious, a flavored lube, that is still glycerin free. I don't do flavored lubes, but a lot of people love them, so give it a shot if that's your thing.

They also have popular and famous lubes like Astroglide and Maximus, which is a really heavy lube safe for anyone wanting to do anal play. The Maximus is on sale, anywhere from $1 for a sample to $16 for a big bottle.
Anyway, because I don't believe in sending my readers to buy batteries and condoms online when they could get them at their local grocery store for cheaper and without the shipping costs, I went online and checked out some prices for AA batteries like the ones Babeland sells. I was surprised (and impressed), but Babeland actually sells their batteries at the same mark-up as major stores like Walmart. So you won't lose money by buying your condoms and batteries there, especially with the 25% Stock Up and Save discount, and you'll definitely get a better quality lubricant than you'll find in local pharmacies and sex shops. Check it out!

Review: Stroke 29 Cream

Ooops. When I bought this, I just read the description (not the title) and I thought I was just getting regular lube.

Oh well.

Needless to say, I was a bit shocked when I got the box and it said "Stroke 29: Masturbation Cream!" While this is a type of lube, it is a lube only to be used for hand jobs, not for vaginal or anal sex, so I didn't get what I thought I was getting. Silly me, since once I went back and read the description again, it was pretty clear I'd made a mistake and not understood what I was getting. Oh well! I handed it to my honey and shrugged.

As far as Stroke 29 being the best male masturbation cream ever, I can't tell you because my Dom is not a big jerker and when we do it together, I prefer to do it dry. But we gave it a go, and he liked it.

Stroke 29 is definitely a cream, not a liquid, and it's thick and gooey at the beginning. I liked that it was easy to warm up in my hands (I don't want to put cold goo on his dick!) and that, once we'd started, we did not need to go back for more. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. My Dom can go forever (a whole 'nother story, there...) but this stuff lasted. It was like the Energizer Bunny! This made my life easier, plus made the entire experience easier on my hands and wrists.

As far as the company's claim that the cream will eventually feel like "aroused human tissue".... *snorts*. I think not. Sorry, but no cream, lube, Fleshlight, or fake vagina is ever going to feel like the real deal, no matter what sex shop adverts try to convince us. Oh well... my Dom and I didn't expect my hands to magically turn into a moist vagina with this cream, so we weren't disappointed when it didn't happen.

I've just asked him what he thought and he says that, unlike other lubes, this cream was slick but not so slick that he couldn't feel any friction. In other words, it stayed enjoyable even when it was slick and fast.

I will say that the cream is smooth, it's easy to use, and it's easy to clean up. The thickness evaporates quickly and after a few strokes you are left with a silky glide much like other lubes and lotions I've tried, but without the mess. It also has coconut oil and Aloe Vera, making it good for the skin and leaving my hands (and his nether regions, I'd imagine) soft and smooth afterward. It was like a manicure, but free!

Stroke 29 isn't cheap---it's normally $22 at Babeland, but on sale now for more like $17---but the jar is huge so I can't imagine we'll have to buy another one anytime soon. So as far as lubes go, if you and your hubby like to start out with a nice, long hand job, it's worth your money because this jar will last forever. Energizer Bunny, remember?

Enjoy!

9/24/2009

Oral Sex Tips You WON'T Find Online

I'm so tired of "sex advice" columns giving the same old, same old, same old advice. Whether you read it in Cosmo or someone's blog, the advice is pretty much the same.

Well, what about us women who don't really like oral sex when it's done that way? What about those of us who want oral sex in a different way that goes past the standard tips they give you?

Here's a few I've thought of, though I'm sure there are more:
  1. don't get too heavy on the saliva; clits like friction, and an overly wet finger or tongue just starts to feel slimy instead of good---and slimy is never sexy.
  2. once she's turned on (you can tell when she's bucking her hips), use your fingers to gently peel back the delicate skin of the hood and expose the tiny bead of her clit. Separate it from the skin, pull it into your mouth, and suck. Do this for about 5-10 seconds and then stop before it gets too intense.
  3. Use your tongue to create friction, not wet.
  4. Don't just use your tongue! Use your breath, your outer lips, and your inner lips.
  5. Put your face right next to her clit so your lips are barely touching her---and then talk to her. Tell her all the sexy things you're seeing or feeling. The movement of your breath and the feathery touch of your lips against her will drive her crazy.
  6. Try licking a larger area: lick lightly from her perineum all the way up to her mound, or reverse and lick all the way from the top to the bottom. Or try licking all the way horizontally from one inner thigh to the next. See what she likes; covering more ground can feel better than simply focusing on her vulva.
  7. Don't go to town on her clit like it's a lollipop--or a dick. Clits don't need constant stimulation to come; in fact, some of my most intense orgasms come from barely being touched at all. Try licking once, very lightly, and then pausing for 2-5 seconds before giving one more lick. If this makes her clit swell, she likes it! Focusing on spending more time away from her clit than on it.
  8. Bury your legs in her thighs.
  9. Moan. Either the sound will turn her on, the vibration from your mouth will, or both.
  10. She's very vulnerable now. Talk sexy to her, or dirty, or describe her pussy to her--whatever floats your boat. Focus on reminding her how vulnerable she is. Tell her what her sexuality and her vagina tell you about her--that she's open, and beautiful, and giving, and wanton, and everything good!
  11. Try giving just a HINT of pain. See if she likes it.
  12. Gently take the outer fold of her lips in your teeth or lips, just to give her a new sensation. Try nipping rather than biting.
  13. Try giving her a mix of fingers on her clit, mouth on her vulva, and fingers around the entrance to her vagina. Change what you're dong every few seconds or minutes, instead of just fingering her or just giving oral sex.
  14. Pull back her hood with your fingers and stretch the hood taut. This will increase the sensitivity of her clit and also make her clit more accessible to you.
  15. If she's open to it, gently insert one finger into her anus. Don't overdo the finger motions; her butt isn't a vagina! Just let the presence of your finger stimulate the skin around and just inside her butthole, barely moving it or not moving it at all. Just letting your finger rest slightly inside her will give her a great sense of pressure "back there."
  16. Gently insert on finger partway into her vagina, but don't get carried away--intense internal stimulation can deaden the lighter sensations going on outside. Don't get carried away with multiple fingers, deep penetration, G-spot stroking, or thrusting: just be gentle! A gentle fingertip swirling around the lips of her vagina, then disappearing, then gently stroking her inner vagina, then disappearing, will give a great sensation to accompany your mouth, lips, and teeth on her vulva.
  17. If she doesn't come easily from oral sex, don't try to make her come from it. Use it to get her turned on, or simply to add variety to your lovemaking and foreplay. Rather than knuckling down and performing hard-core oral sex on her for 10 to 20 minutes, give her some gentle mouth attention for a few minutes, then go back to gently fingering her or caressing her breasts. Don't get locked down in one place!
  18. Trim or shave her pussy hair. Having your head and hands so close to her "down there" will excite her, and electric razors give a nice buzzzzzz. Plus, something about this act feels very vulnerable for some women, and some men love to mark her as theirs!
  19. As she gets more turned on and needs harder, more foreceful stimulation, oral sex might need to get passed up in favor of stronger stimulation. There's only so much you can do with your lips, but your fingers, dildos, and cock can give her more when she's ready for more thrusting, stretching, and hard sensation. Don't get stuck on one thing!
  20. Try some pussy torture if BDSM is your thing. Light slapping with a slapper or whip, needles, piercing, and pricking might be fun things to try.

When Vanilla Isn't Enough?

A question I have been pondering and working through lately is how much vanilla should be a part of a kinkster's life.



Of course, there is no right or wrong answer here; we all have different tastes. One couple may engage in FT M/s (fulltime Master/slave) 100% of the time, while another is vanilla 99.9% of the time and engages in occasional rough, kinky sex to spice things up. If that works for them, it's all okay.



But what has worried me is where exactly I fall in this spectrum. I always pictured myself as being an even 50/50 split between BDSM and vanilla. I wanted the rough, painful, scary, exhilarating scenes, but I also wanted the calm touches, the tender moments, and the slow lovemaking. I pictured myself doing a full-blown scene one day, then being made love to as equals while my Dom looked lovingly into my eyes the next.



What I'm discovering, the more we delve into BDSM, is that I may not be that exact 50/50 split of vanilla and kink that I had envisioned as being my "ideal." The more we get into kink, the more kink I need. Sometimes I want my Dom to push me higher and faster than he does, because he is worried about pushing me too far and hurting me, but I am craving something more than last time.



The result is that I'm losing the ability to enjoy vanilla sex. Regular, day-to-day things like making out and calm sex are becoming boring for me.



Okay, they were always somewhat boring. I could do them, and enjoy them, but I've always wanted something more---my wrists pinned above my head, being called a name, a face slap, rough screwing.



But now I can't even enjoy them. I can't get turned on. It's just totally... boring.



I'm having to re-craft my self identity. Whereas I pictured a nice, safe life of kink and vanilla, it seems I'm leaning more toward the kink side now. Whereas once a slap from my Dom turned me on and got me into the scene, now that doesn't do it for me anymore. I have experienced more, and I need more. That limit has been pushed, and so it isn't a limit anymore. I can go into my head, retreat into that space in my head I used so often when my mother was abusing me, and it is getting harder and harder for him to pull me out.... it requires more and more violence for him to get me out. And yet I want him to get me out.



This brings up lots of scary questions and looming possibilities for me. Am I not as vanilla and safe and "normal" as I thought? Am I losing the possibility of making love? Can I not enjoy tender, loving sex? Why do I need to be hit and beaten and scared to get into sex? Why does regular making out bore me to tears? If I need more and more to have my limits pushed, am I eventually going to hit a wall where either my Dom seriously injures me, or I'll just never enjoy sex again? Why can't I feel connected to him anymore through regular making out and sexual activities?



I've talked about a lot of issues on my sex blog, but this is one thing I don't have the answers to. It is scary, even for an adult, to wonder these things about yourself. To not know where the path ahead leads. To change your idea of who you thought you were. To wonder if your partner and you can keep finding new and higher heights of kink, higher limits to push, stronger boundaries to cross. To wonder if you are normal, or a total freak, that you can't enjoy kink AND vanilla.



A cursory glance around Fetlife seems to reassure me that I am not, at least, a freak. There are lots of women on here who seem to have settled happily into the knowledge that they are not what society tells them to be, they are not who our culture calls "normal." And they seem okay and happy with that. So I hope I can follow their lead. But it is still scary.

It's something I'm trying to figure out.

9/18/2009

D/s and Ayn Rand?

I've been re-reading Atlas Shrugged, a monstrosity of philosphy and a masterpiece of literature. While I can't agree with Ayn Rand (Ayn is pronounced as though it rhymes with 'mine,' not 'man'), I'm struck anew by the many passages relating to one of her themes: a cold, strong, powerhouse of a woman is dominated sexually by a colder, stronger, more powerhouse of a man.

It's both academic and sexy.

Below are some examples from this novel:

The diamond band on the wrist of her naked arms gave her the most feminine of all aspects: the look of being chained.

and

Fransisco stopped, looked at her, and slapped her face.

She felt ...[a] violent pleasure that Francisco had done it. She felt pleasure frm the full, hot pain in her cheek and from the taste of blood in the corner of her mouth. She felt plesure in what she suddenly grasped about him, about herself and about his motive. She...stood facing him in he consciousness of a new power, feeling herself his equal for the first time.

"Come here," he ordered.

She laughed, stepping back. "Oh no. I want to keep it as it is. I hope it swells terribly. I like it."


and

He seized her, she felt her lips in his mouth, felt her arms graspig
him in violent answer, and knew for the fist time how mch she had wanted him to
do it. ...He held her, pressing the length of his body against hers with a tese,
purposeful insistence, his hand moving over her breasts as if he were learning a
proprietor's intimacy with her body, a shocking intimacy that needed no consent
from her, no permission. She tried to pull herself aay, but she only leaned back
against his arms long enough to see his face and his smile.


She knew that fear was useless, that he would do what he wished, that the
decision was his, that he left nothing possible to her except this thing she
wanted most--to submit.



and

She felt as if she were crying to him: Don't ask me for it--oh, don't ask me--do
it!


Sexy literature! :)

9/15/2009

Eye Contact and Making Love

The other night, my Dom and I had a great experience through eye contact.

We cuddled, talked, and he held me while we talked softly about my past sexual traumas. This is something I actually enjoy talking about, since it opens up an emotional, vulnerable side of me that lets me access my deeper emotions. It is easier for me to feel emotionally close, vulnerable, and loved when sharing the pain of my past with someone.

After this, he held me and kissed me as he looked down into my eyes. Always afraid of eye contact, I found myself wanting it now. Sometimes, I would get too self conscious about a face I was making, and shut my eyes. Sometimes, it would feel too intense and I'd wonder what he was thinking, and shut my eyes.

But mostly, mostly it was wonderful.

Sweet, tender, amazing.

Intense.

I'd never known eye contact could do that. It changed "sex" into "making love."

Afterward, I cried. Real, happy tears. Sad tears, too. But it felt wonderful.

I highly recommend it.

9/10/2009

The Sex Blog of a Christian Doule

I've been meaning to do this for a while.

I got busy with the beginning of school and work, and I kept drafting this blog in my head, but I didn't get around to it until today. For that, I apologize to Doule.

What I've been meaning to share with my readers is the blog by Doule.

Doule, for those of you who don't know (I didn't), is the Greek term for a bondwoman, servant, or attendant. That's the word doule. The person Doule is my friend--well, not friend in the real-life sense of the term, but she feels like a friend because I've come to know her through so many of her online writings on Fetlife and her blog. Eventually in the Christian groups on Fetlife, you begin to see postings by the same people, and they begin to become real people to you, not just names; people with personalities and beliefs and idiosyncracies and characters. Doule is one of those. She used to go by the FL name "Mze", which I now believe are initials but I always pronounced to myself as "maze," but she changed her screename a few weeks back to Doule. And Doule she is.

I wanted to share her blog because I believe it will be of interest to my readers. Her blog is a BDSM blog, a sex blog, a kink blog, a Christian blog, a woman's blog, a blog about a journey, about love lost, about a relationship with Christ, about the Holy Scriptures, about anal sex, about random ponderings, about breaking up, about sex toys, about thinking, and about life.

It's written totally different from my own style of writing, which I think is good. She has a very deep quality to her writing, yet her posts tend to be short and varied in nature. I go away thinking.

Whether you're an agnostic, a Christian, a Master looking to be a better leader, a sub wondering how to submit, a slave wondering how to live her faith, or a kinkster looking for kinky reads, you'll like this blog.

I like it because it's a real sex blog about the real sexual experiences of a woman who is first and foremost a Christian, yet undeniably a slave (doule). Whether you're there for the sex, the faith, or both, you'll like it.

Want to know more about FIOMA (Focus Is On My Ass) and how one woman struggled with it throughout a relationship where the man loved anal but she hated it and felt completely unloved?

Want a thought-provoking Biblical analysis on the difference between "submit" and "obey"?

A commentary on the moral and Scriptural case for or against Christianity and BDSM?

Are you and your kinky lover interested in chastity rings? (Can we say "Ouch!"?)

Or perhaps you're a Christian man who is or is hoping to be a Christian husband. Or a Christian woman who is or wants to be a godly wife. Or maybe you're a Christian couple who wonder how you can incorporate BDSM into your faith--or, possibly, how you can incorporate your faith into BDSM. This description of a husband's love and a wife's submission are for you.

Do you ever wonder how you can be a better slave to your earthly Master? Or a better slave to your Heavenly one? So what is a doule, anyway?

I loved this description of a dance of love between husband and wife, Christ and church.

Are you a slave or submissive who's ever struggled with balancing your desires and your submission?

As a sub, how do you relate to your Top and to your ultimate master, your God in heaven? As a top, how do you lead your sub and also submit to your God? This post will give you some food for thought!

Or if you're done with religion and BDSM for the day, this post on anal orgasms might tickle your fancy. I promise, it's completely about sex and sexuality, with no tricky religious problems thrown in. But it's still interesting!

Can a sub still have desires? When does she desire too much? When does she cease being a sub? When is she too submissive and becomes untrue to herself? Read The Tension to get some new perspective.

Need some spiritual uplifting? Check out the post God's Bride.

For Christians, what is the difference between a helpmeet and the weaker vessel? Can a woman be both? What does Scripture say?

And what is a Kyrios (Master), anyway?

I liked this commentary on 1 Peter 3 so much that I shared it with my Dom.

How can I, as a woman, be a better helpmeet to my mate?

I can't give you a taste of everything Doule has written on her blog, but these should get you started. Read, drink it up, post comments, read some more.

Enjoy!

The Servanthood of a Master

"Masters have to be more selfless than anyone."

This gem of a quote was taken from Fetlife member Seya, and I thank her for it.

I don't know is Seya is a Christian or not, but it spoke worlds to me. It's not a popular thought, certainly, that Masters (and Doms, tops, Daddies, Mommies, trainers, the list goes on...) would have to be anything but completely selfish, egotistical, self-pleasing sex machines. Some people have this idea that Masters must be the most selfish people in the world and all subs and slaves must be doormats.

Well, that's not always true.

But first let's talk about the times when it is true. There is no right or wrong way to do BDSM, so everyone gets to decide what is "right" in their relationship. Some Masters really do control everything about the slave and receive great satisfaction from having every sexual and emotional whim catered to. Likewise, there are some subs and slaves that honestly love to put their Master's needs first and live a completely selfless lifestyle. In these relationships, both members have carefully designed the relationship to fit their needs, and hopefully everyone is happy.

Then there are some Masters--usually single and trolling online dating and fetish sites--that seem to think that's what they want and that's what they're entitled to. They can't tell the difference between "a sub" and "MY sub." They automatically assume they can boss around every person who claims to be submissive without regarding that person's needs. It's sad but true: Fetlife and CollarMe are chock full of wanna-be Doms and Masters who will write a sub, completely ignoring the sub's profile, list of requirements, interests and kinks, or relationship status, and give them a list of commands that is both dirty and gross. I'm yet to meet a sub this worked on, but maybe they're out there.

But that's not the way it works in Christian relationships.

At least, not mine.

My Dom has far more asked of him than he asks of me. He takes the words of Scripture very seriously:

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
-Ephesians 5:28

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing. -1 Peter 3:-9

My Dom tries to love me like God loves the Son, like Christ loves the Church, the way a man should love his wife. This calls for that popular Christian term, servant leadership.

Is he the Dom? Yes. It is always easy for us? No. Not with a fiery red-headed control freak in the house and a calm, people-pleasing man!

But he does it for me.

First Peter talks about husbands loving their wives as the "weaker partner." I've read commentaries that refer to women being physically weaker. My Dom and I agree that not only am I smaller and less strong physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Sure, I'm a daughter of the Most High God and a powerhouse, but I still struggle. The world hurts me more than it hurts him. My feelings get hurt easier, I cry sooner, I whine more, I'm needier and more clingy, and I am more prone to doubts and valleys in my relationship with God.

So my Dom tries to do what God intends for him to do: be compassionate and humble. Even with me, his sub.

When I snap at him and am impossible to please, he forgives me and holds me.

When I'm stressed and unhappy, he puts his own stresses aside and holds me and "squishes my head" (my favorite safe-feeling position).

When I yell at him three times in one day over something stupid, then come crawling back saying how sorry I am, he is quick to forgive and let go. He does not repay insults in kind, but with blessings.

He wants to show me how God loves me.

So you'll see my manly Dom holding me and reassuring me instead of getting sex. Yes, and you'll even find him telling me that's okay, and he doesn't want to have sex if it will hurt or frighten me.

Yep, ladies and gentlemen, here is a Dom who puts my needs first.

You'll see him hopping up from the couch to bring me more food or water because I'm tired and I've had a hard day, even though he has, too. You'll see him crawling out of our warm bed because I just realized I forgot to lock the door. You'll see him giving me a loving back massage every night because I am terribly prone to physical ailments like knots and tensions that cause me pain. And because I like them.

I used to worry that made me the Domme and him the sub, because he was serving. But then I realized, he may have been serving, but I wasn't leading. And for me to be the Domme, I'd have to play the leader to his servant. Instead, he was leading me--and sometimes, that meant serving me. I was just the lucky recipient of his ministrations---not because I'd asked for them, not because I deserved them, but because he wanted to take care of me, body and soul.

Sounds a bit like Jesus, doesn't it?

In the bedroom, he still leads. He is the one pulling hair, slapping faces, calling names, and giving commands. I am the one trembling in terrified ecstasy to see where he'll take me next. But even sexually, my Dom is giving. Just like in the other areas of our life, he wants me to be taken care of. Like a good Master, he takes care of the needs of his sub. And so normally, you'll see him going without sex if I need to be held instead. You won't see him pushing anal sex on me because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. If I start to look uncomfortable or if I safeword out of a scene, my Dom stops and holds me, which makes me realize once again how terribly concerned he is about my safety and wellbeing. Most of the time, he brings me to multiple orgasms and then holds me as we drift to sleep, never once complaining about blueballs or a lack of attention to his Domly Organ. Why? Because he knows I'm uncomfortable with sex, and particularly penises, after several bad experiences in my past. So he doesn't push me to service him, or even to touch him if I don't want it, knowing that to do so would just freak me out and send me right back to being a victim. At first, I thought he was just waiting patiently for me to "get over it" and give him some, but after months and months and months of this behavior, I've finally realized that he really is content just to make me happy.

He makes me happy by leading me, and he leads me by serving me.

And that, my friends, is the servanthood of a Master.

9/02/2009

Turn-ons and Turn-offs

Communication is so important in any relationship, and especially in a BDSM one, where lack of communication could mean emotional mistakes and physical pain. The more we communicate, the better we know one another, the more we understand how to turn one another one (emotionally and physically), and the more we can avoid hitting a raw nerve in the relationship.

Want to help your communication?

Both you and your spouse should write down your top 10 turn-ons and top 10 turn-offs. Don't share!

Once you're done, you should sit down and discuss the list. Don't just swap lists and read each other's silently. Go through each item one by one together, discussing it, asking questions, giving examples, and really making a discussion about it. You'll learn so much more about each other that way!

Don't judge each other's responses. Just discuss. The point here isn't to try to convince your spouse he's wrong or that she should change her mind, but to understand them better.

To give you an example, here are my top 10 turn-offs and turn-ons.

Turn-Offs:
  • men who make me feel physically less feminine (short, thin, small hands and feet, unattractive, girly)
    whining
    not taking responsibility for your own actions/making excuses
    disregard for the less fortunate
    not caring when I'm upset
    certain smells (hot sauce, smoke, bad breath)
    cruelty to animals
    lack of chivalry and manners
    lying. Lying. LYING! Did I mention lying? Or any sort of dishonesty.
    male masturbation.

Turn-Ons:

  • A warm smile and personality
  • being good with kids and animals
  • a light, clean scent
  • selflessness
  • physically making me feel feminine (being tall, having big hands and feet and dick, leading me with your hand at the small of my back)
  • being extra thoughtful
  • worrying about me
  • being traditionally masculine
  • talking dirty to me
  • being vocal in bed (lots of feedback, moaning, etc.)

9/01/2009

Commands for your Sub

All you tops, Doms, Dommes, Mistresses, Daddies, and Owners!

Sometimes in BDSM, the "real world" keeps a couple from the kinkiness and sex. You're too tired, too busy, or it's hard to get into the mindset of "Dom" and "sub" after a long day at work.

Here are some commands and phrases to try that can help a Dom and sub get into the right mindset:

  • Look at me.
  • Come here and kneel before me.
  • Come to me, Slave Girl.
  • Three...two...one.
  • Mouth on my cock now.
  • Excuse me?
  • Try that again.
  • Answer me, please.
  • Come be my slave now.
  • Do it now.
  • Would you like to rephrase that?
  • Try again.
  • Pet, listen to me.
  • Answer me.
  • Come here.
  • Over here, now!
  • I'm going to spank you for that.
  • I don't like your tone.
  • I don't think so.
  • What did you say?
  • Come serve me.
  • Kneel here, my pet.
  • I want you to run my shower and then wait here to dry me off.
  • Go set out our toys on the bed.
  • Go set out my nightclothes, please.
  • Refill my drink, Beloved.
  • Don't you resist me!
  • You'd better offer that ass up to me!
  • Sit!
  • Stop fighting it.
  • Enough!
  • How's that working for you?
  • I'll give you a minute to rephrase that before you try that again.
  • You know what to do and I damned well expect you to shape up and get it right.
  • Understood?
  • Didn't I tell you that already?
  • Because I told you to.
  • You're my bitch. Obey me.
  • Get up, girl.
  • On your knees.
  • Get down.
  • Sweetheart, you're not listening to your Daddy.
  • Listen to Master.
  • I said now!
  • Get in position.
  • Suck it now.
  • Harder.
  • Get into your position.
  • Lean up against the wall with your hands. Now.
  • Spread your legs for me.
  • Spread your fucking legs!
  • My sweet pet, you're going to get it later.
  • Lower your pants and bend over my knee.

Also, for many subs it is the look in your eye and the tone of your voice that do it! It doesn't have to be mean or yelled, but a simple, calm, quiet command or a low grown will do wonders!

All these ideas due to the wonderful kinksters at Fetlife.

8/23/2009

My Core: Journal Prompt for Submissives/Slaves

My Core


1. Your core is who you are. Who are you?

2. What makes you feel joy, pain, fear, excitement?

3. What part of you is most touched or healed by submission?

4. What part of you is most challenged or repulsed?

5. When you share your core with someone, in the right hands, it thrives. In the wrong hands, it withers. What makes your core thrive? What makes it wither?

6. What do you do, if anything, to keep tabs on your core, so that you may be growing and evolving, but not changing or compromising it for someone? What internal measuring sticks do you utilize to keep your inner being in tact while submitting, and how do you communicate it to your dominant/master/etc. if you feel you are being compromised?

7. Do you protect your core? Do you feel you need to? And if you do, what measures do you take to do so?

8/20/2009

G-Twist Vibe

I got to review the G-Twist Vibe from Good Vibrations. Not only do these vibes come in a host of fun colors (mine was dark blue, my favorite!), but they definitely live up to their name: they hit the G-spot, and the twisted ribbing around the shaft gives much more sensation than the poor attempts for texture seen in many other vibes.

While I still don't love any vibe as much as my trusted rabbit vibe, the G-Twist was a fun break and served to warm me up wonderfully.

The curved tip provides G-spot stimulation, while the vibe is really quiet. It works on two AA batteries and goes from mild stimulation to more intense. If you need to start with a smaller vibration and work your way up to more (like me!), this is a good feature that some other vibes won't have.

Of course, anything that runs on battery power isn't going to be as powerful as the more expensive electric plug-in vibrators such as the Hitachi Magic Wand. I'd say this vibe ranges from light intensity to medium, but it never does reach what I'd call a high-intensity vibration, even when compared to some of my other battery-powered vibes.

One thing I did really appreciate about the G-Twist is its soft, squishy material and flexible shaft. One thing I hate about vibrators is, after looking forward to receiving them in the mail, they end up being made of such hard plastic that it is painful to use them. However, the G-Twist has a soft silicone body that won't injure your sensitive spots even with vigorous thrusting. I was doubly pleased that this shaft is flexible and can bend with your body, since I tend to contort my body in all sorts of strange ways when near orgasm and hate vibrators that won't bend with me, or worse, cause pain when I move. I've even broken a vibe in the past doing this, much to my dismay. Thankfully, this vibe won't break even if you move around a lot with it; it just molds to your body and bends with you.

Oh, and one more thing: the vibrator's description says it has a "strategically placed clit ridge," which had me all happy and excited because I find it difficult to orgasm without inside and outside stimulation. However, I'm a pretty normal height (5'5 1/2") so I assume I have a pretty normal body size, but the shaft was too long for the clit ridge to come anywhere near to resting against my clit. So get this vibrator if you like internal stimulation and lots of ridged textures on the inside, but don't count on the clit ridge hitting you in the right spot on the outside.

If you're curious to read more reviews or see a description, swing by Good Vibrations and check out the G-Twist, available for $64 plus shipping and handling.

Clover Nipple Clamps


I had the opportunity to review these clover nipple clamps last week. How did they measure up?
Love them, love them, love them!
First, these clamps are so sexy yet terrifying at the same time. As soon as my Dom put them on me, I was hooked. These clamps hook tightly to the nipples, giving me a much more intense and painful sensation than the plastic clothespins we used to use.
My partner liked them too, saying he appreciated how cold they were against my skin and how that made me shiver in anticipation. He also liked how he had better control of the clamps because he could just grab the chain and tug if the pain was starting to subside for me. This made the clamps tighten so we never got bored, and it also helped because he could tighten both clamps simultaneously instead of having to fidget with one at a time.
Plus, I felt damn sexy with that chain hanging down between my breasts.
The down side? First, they hurt--a lot--so they aren't a good idea to just whip out on a partner who has never tried nipple pain before. Also, these clover clamps eventually have to be taken off---and trust me, if they've been on for very long, the pain when you suddenly remove them is un-be-liev-able. The first time we used them and took them off, I was in such agony I thought my nipples were going to be out of commission for days (they weren't, of course). But by the next day, they were fine and I was craving more of the clover clamps... only this time, I quickly reminded my partner to take them off after a few minutes of play.
I like these clamps because they're more attractive than many other types of clamps (to me), made of simple metal and therefore easy to clean, and give a lot meaner "bite" than a lot of the so-called "BDSM and bondage" toys you find in a lot of sex shops... it's always disappointing when the "BDSM" section turns to be a bunch of fuzzy handcuffs and some light paddles. These are actually a real BDSM toy that give a real BDSM sensation--awesome! I also like them because they can be used on both men and women.
I am sure I'll be using these clover clamps for some time to come. I was never that into nipple pain before, but I'm growing to like it more and more the more I try it!
For anyone interested in some sexy nipple clamps, I'd recommend you head on over to Babeland and order these clover clamps, available for $24 plus shipping and handling.

8/18/2009

Our CDD Trial Period

This week, my Dom and I have decided to try CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline). I was very nervous about this since I adore the theory of it and find CDD to be very sexy to read about and contemplate, but whenever we've tried it I've always flipped out and backed out.

If you're not sure what Christian Domestic Discipline is, check out my blog series on it.

Anyway, we agreed to try CDD. I have slowly begun to trust my Dom to lead me more, both as a man, a dom, and especially as a Christian. I still wasn't sure I wanted to give up total control, but in the end it seemed safe enough to do--for a few days, at least.

This will be the third time we've tried this. The first time, when I was still in France, I was so terribly turned on by all the reading I'd done about CDD that I couldn't wait to try it. (I even made an emergency trip to a European sex shop for the occasion!) We talked it out and discussed CDD in depth. My Dom and I even made a list of our expectations, rules for me and responsibilities for him, plus very specific instructions for what punishments I could expect. We mutually agreed upon in and were about to start incorporating CDD into our lives... when I flipped out. I panicked--utterly panicked. I started to hyperventilate and protest that he wasn't enough of a leader, I was an adult woman, he had no right to control me, etc, etc, etc. We abandoned the effort before it began.

The same thing happened the second time.

My Dom wisely waited it out without pressuring me, knowing I'd been the one attracted to it in the first place and I'd probably come back again.

Finally, last night, we decided to try it. I was still very nervous and gun-shy, so I insisted we only do it for three days. He agreed, and our trial period is going on now.

So far, it's gone well. Our lives haven't changed much, really. But now when I do something disrespectful or mean, I get a spanking at the end of the night. I've found it to not be too bad... in fact it's quite pleasant! For one, I have accountability. For another, my Dom is actually being consistent this time around, something he didn't do as much before, and I feel safe and secure inside my new boundaries (this is paramount for a sub feeling safe to submit). And finally, the spanking is pretty darn sexy.

I can handle it because my Dom isn't spanking me when he's angry or to get back at me, which is how it appeared to me before (when I bailed). He is sure to stay very calm and loving as he tells me what my punishment is. Even though I pout, I feel safe that he has noticed and is keeping me within my boundaries; his consistency reassures me. And I feel tight inside as he describes to me how he's going to spank me and why I'm being punished. I feel loved and sexy as he gently lays me over his lap, embarrassed and turned on as he lowers my pajama bottoms to uncover my behind as though I'm a little child. It still feels fair since he asks me what I've done wrong and if I have any rebuttals about the fairness of the punishment---I can complain if I feel I'm being treated unfairly somehow. I feel small as I'm spanked, and afterward I pout and enjoy feeling small and powerless and he holds me and rubs my aching bum. In the end, we feel closer, I feel small and submissive, we both feel turned on, and I feel safe and loved. We both win.

This is going on for one more day, so we'll see how our "CDD trial run" goes!

8/17/2009

Advice Column Tackles BDSM

I thought this advice columnist about explaining your BDSM activities to nosy or concerned friends and family gave the girl in question some wonderful advice. If you're interested to read the rest of the advice column, click here. Scroll down to Washington, D.C. to see the one about BDSM, but there are several others on the page. The advice about BDSM I've also copied and pasted here:


Washington, D.C.: My live-in boyfriend and I have been together for three years,
and our sexual activity tends to be a bit ... unorthodox. Both of us are into
BDSM, which (on occasion) leaves bruises and marks on whoever is "subbing" that
night. These activities are mutually fulfilling, completely consensual, and
always done safely and sanely (safewords, aftercare, etc.). Unfortunately, a
friend of mine with whom I work out has noticed a number of bruises and the
occasional mark when I've changed in front of her. Of course, now she thinks I'm
stuck in an abusive relationship. For the last few weeks, she's been referring
me to literature on abuse, calling me at odd hours to make sure I'm OK, etc.
Whenever I start to insist that, no, this isn't what she thinks, she assumes
that I'm just being defensive and validating her concerns. I don't feel
comfortable giving the details of my sex life to her or explaining that if she
were to see my boyfriend, he would look much the same. But I also don't want my
friend to think that my loving, understanding, admittedly kinky boyfriend is
harming me, and that I need help out of the relationship. How can I defuse my
friend's concern while still keeping my private life, well, private?

Emily Yoffe: You don't need to give her the details, but short of
telling her, "If you don't stop, I'm going to be tempted to flog you with a
whip—because that's what 'Sam' and I do for fun," you have to get a little more
explicit to get her off your back. Next time she brings it up say, "I understand
your concerns, and I know you think I'm covering something up, but Sam and I
engage in unorthodox, mutually satisfying activities that aren't for everyone,
but are for us. Please accept that I am completely in control of my personal
life, and I appreciate your caring, but this subject is closed."

8/15/2009

Submission through God

Yesterday, my Dom and I were having a talk about God, sex, BDSM, and the Bible.



Yes, all those topics were the same conversation.



Well, I'm that type of female who gets more turned on by talking then by doing. I've always been this way. I can read and research some BDSM technique for days and get far more hot than if my Dom had actually done it to me. I get more turned on by him whispering into my ear the things he wants to do to me than by actually doing the physical things themselves---just ask him sometime about a train ride in France. (It took us two hours to get home, and since we were on a train we settled for talking about what he wanted to do to me and writing down nasty names for him to call me. The end result was that, after all that talking, I was so incredibly turned on that I came immediately upon being touched once we got home, and that NEVER happens just from physical stimulation!)



We were discussing the difference in submission for a Christian woman as opposed to a sub or slave from a different religion. I was trying to share with him that, for me, it might be easier if he used terminology such as ezer, doule, handmaiden, and helpmeet, because those are terms that bear directly to my life and that I'm familiar with and comfortable with. Those are terms that mean something to me, terms I'm friends with and know what to do with, terms I've been acquainted with for years and already incorporated into my self-identity and my faith. On the other hand, terms such as sub, slave, Master, and submit, when taken in their purely secular forms, are fairly new to me and I struggle more with them.



I'd never thought about this before. But I knew that often, I had trouble "submitting." Other women who are subs or slaves seemed to do it so easily, just casting aside their "self" and submitting to a man. As a secular woman, this is foreign to me. I'm smart, educated, savvy, well-traveled, and self-confident. I struggled so much with casting aside myself just for the benefit of my equally imperfect, equally human Dom.



But to submit through Christ.... ahh, that was a concept I could sink my teeth into! To submit not as a secular woman, but as a Christian woman, a beloved of Christ, a handmaiden of the Lord, a servant and daughter of the One True God---that, I could do. It had never occurred to me until I read a blog by a fellow Christian submissive woman (more on that later), but once I read it, something clicked.



My Dom and I retired to bed and he "squished my head" (one of my most frequent requests, because I love to feel confined and safe) while I felt as safe as I needed to and he waited. When I was ready, I began to explain to him my new thoughts and revelations. I halting explained that while as a secular woman, submission was foreign, new, and unpracticed for me, if he could make me see that submission as linked to our faith, a new facet of submission would be opened to us. I told him that submitting to him, not because he's a man or a Dom, but because he's my spiritual head, caretaker of my soul, and the one responsible for my wellbeing and that of my children---that kind of submission, submission not to him but to God through him, that kind of submission I could do.



And as we talked and I opened my heart and he received it, I started to feel good. I began to get turned on.... I started to feel calm, drowsy, and dreamy, a welcome return to subspace after a frustrating inability to reach it for months and months... I started to feel closer to God than I had in a while and subsequently, closer to him. I suddenly realized that it had been struggle for me to try to reconcile being a kinster and a Christian, two identities I'd tried to keep separate but also tried to force together like two opposing magnets. And the struggle melted away as I realized I didn't have to be two opposing identities, but one complementary one: a Christian submissive. Not a secular submissive who also tried to be Christian, but a Christian submissive.



To submit to my Dom because he said so? Difficult. But to submit to my Dom the way I'd submitted before to my God, not because a human told me to but because my Lord and God called me to it in Ephesians 5:22? That I could do. I felt at peace, I felt loved, and I felt calm and turned on.



The most beautiful scene ensued.



I'm not sure how it happened; I asked my Dom how he read me so well and he said, "I just did." He couldn't explain it, but suddenly he seemed to be so much more in tune with me than normal. Usually, I feel like I'm in the scene wanting one thing, and he's doing the scene another way. Today, something in the air clicked.



I felt dreamy and like I wanted to submit to him. I wanted to submit to him because I loved him and because I loved God. Rather than him having to fight and force me into submission, I laid there, calm and serene. I felt needy and vulnerable, so I was unhappy when he tried to force me to do things; I wanted him to treat me gently like the husband in Ephesians 5:25-28. And so he was commanding, but not bossy; strong, but not forceful. He told me simply what he wanted and asked me to please do it. He stated his desires clearly: "I want you to bare your breasts to me. I want to use these clamps and I want you to hurt." His words turned me on even more as I dreamily obeyed and bared my most sensitive parts to his pain.



The metal chain was cold on my chest. I felt sexy with the chain dripping down between my nipples. I felt strong as I withstood the pain. I felt loved as he hurt me in ways I wanted to be hurt. I felt victorious as I took the pain for him and knew that this pleased him. I felt obedient as I thought about my Dom leading me to the Lord as my appointed spiritual head on Earth. I felt grateful that he wanted to hurt me and lead me in all the ways I wanted.



He gently turned me over and began to spank me. Feeling as calm and relaxed as I did, the paddle did not hurt as much as it had before, and I was able to take the pain and absorb it. Somehow, he read me perfectly. Sometimes I had to take deep breaths and remind myself not to tense up and fight the pain, but mostly I stayed calm and limp. In between spanks he rubbed my back and told me how great I was doing, how strong I was, and how pleased with me he was. It made me happy in the most frivolous way, and I beamed as I enjoyed my wondeful back massage.



The next time he spanked me, it felt good. Instead of raising the intensity each spank like he normally did, he got me to a new place--a wonderful place on the perfect knife's edge balance between pleasure and pain, a place where I moaned with pleasure as I absorbed the pain--and kept me there. He maintained the same level of strikes, and he could have stayed there forever and I'd have been happy. Instead, he raised the level a bit more to push me. He must have felt very connected to me, because just when the pain was becoming too much and I started to think that one more was going to be too much, he stopped.



We stayed that way, alternating between spanks and back rubs, until it was time to go pick a friend up from the airport.



I felt so dreamy and safe during that scene. I wanted him to keep feeding my spiritual, submissive side, talking about BDSM and the Bible and Godly submission on the way to the airport. Instead, life cut in and I had to come back out of my head, start thinking and analyzing and worrying and planning again. I wistfully wished I could go back to our bedroom and my "safe place."



I hope this is a new beginning for me and for us.... a new journey, not struggling toward the unachievable secular submission, but now flowing toward a Godly submission commanded by the Bible, inspired by Christ Jesus, and directed toward God and my Dom.... first to and through the human, and ultimately to the Lord.

8/14/2009

Codependency and BDSM

Many people feel that D/s relationships, especially Master/slave ones where a slave is completely emotionally, physically, and financially dependent on one person, are unhealthy and that ever-popular word, "codependent." We're not really sure what "codependent" means (even the psychiatrists aren't sure---they each have a different definition!), but we're sure it means not being independent enough and being too closely melded with one other person.

My question is, is that a bad thing?

I often worry that my relationship with my fiance (both vanilla and BDSM) is codependent.

Why do I worry about this? Because when I have strong feelings, such as jealousy, guilt, or a need for him to love me and only me, it is then followed by guilt telling me I'm codependent. Is this because I'm codependent? Or is it because a counselor once told me I was codependent? Does that make me MORE codependent? Hmmm.

Below are some questions I've taken from other sites, along with my own personal answers. Feel free to copy and paste these questions into your own blog or journal if you feel so inclined.

Codependency Questions:

  • Am I sacrificing my identity, desires, or needs to make the other person feel good about themselves or to keep the peace? No, if anything I jump too quickly and vehemently to my own defense because I am so used to doing this in the past with my mother. It causes me to take NO crap from my Dom.
  • Am I expecting my behavior to make me feel loved and or accepted? Yes. It seems unreasonable to me that someone would love me even if I were mean, nasty, negative, nagging, and did no nice things for them. So I do things to try to make him happy so he feels in love with me still.
  • Am I trying to "manipulate" the other person to do or feel the way I think is appropriate? Sure, I will often fight with him, punish him, or give the silent treatment because I want him to feel or act a certain way. Isn't this what all fights are about---changing a person's actions/feelings because you don't agree with them?
  • Am I being compliant with the other person's desires just to keep peace even when I don't agree or want to participate in the particular activity? Nope, never do this! lol
  • Am I agreeing with the person so that I won't be rejected? Nope, never do this either!
  • Is my happiness bound up in what the other person thinks about what I say or do? Absolutely. If my Dom weren't happy with a decision I made or something I said/did, I'd be crushed. I worry constantly about what he and other people think.

    From http://www.nmha.org/go/codependency
  • 1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments? No, lol, I had enough of that in my childhood and have become quite the little fighter! I'm ferocious! (smiles)
  • 2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you? Yes, I worry all the time about this. Even people I hate and am mad at, I worry if they might be mad at me. I worry about why people don't like me. I worry that my friends don't actually like me for who I am and just hang out with me from habit or because they feel sorry for me. I worry that my parents like my brother more and think he's better than me. I worry that people at work are judging me behind my back. When I try to make a new friend, I worry I'm anoying them by being too forward or pushy or talking about myself too much. With old friends, I worry I annoy them by calling too much or talking about my life too much. Even when my best friend doesn't call for a few days I worry I've made him mad or he no longer wants to be friends. But I don't tend to worry so much about my Dom's opinion of me, because I know he loves me no matter what.
  • 3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem? No.
  • 4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you? Yes, my mother!
  • 5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own? I try not to make them so, but sometimes they are. In my head I'll tell myself it's stupid, I shouldn't care about their opinion, and to screw it, but I keep worrying uncontrollably about it anyway. My head tries to stop it but my emotions take over.
  • 6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home? Not sure what this means exactly...
  • 7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends? Yes. I feel very insecure and jealous when my Dom is with family or friends. I'm afraid if I don't have him under my watchful eye, he'll have more fun without me and stop needing me or realize I'm not as great as he thought before and I'll lose a part of his heart.
  • 8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be? I used to, but not anymore.
  • 9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others? Not with my Dom, but with friends and family I worry that I will offend them if I need to say something negative. I still try to be strong and tell them, however.
  • 10. Have you ever felt inadequate? Sure, who hasn't? Are they trying to say feeling occasionally inadequate makes someone codependent?!
  • 11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake? It depends on the mistake. If it's a small mistake that has to do with forgetting to do something, no. But if it's a mistake that has to do with disappointing someone, yes!!! Getting bad evaluations or angering my Dom or anything where people are not happy with my performance makes me feel miserable, like a failure and an awful person.
  • 12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts? No, I love them! :)
  • 13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake? Yes, when my Dom does something like make an awkward joke in public I feel very embarrassed by him.
  • 14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts? No, I think they are all mostly healthy, happy people! I used to surround myself with less healthy people, but not longer.
  • 15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done? No, my Dom does amazingly at this!
  • 16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss? Nope!
  • 17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life? Well, I do tend to drift from job to job, but I know who I am with no problem. It is more what I want from life and where I'm going professionally that I'm not sure about.
  • 18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help? I used to, and I still feel guilty, but now I'm great at saying "No!" to people when I don't want to do something---in fact, my mother would say I'm too independent and focused on pleasing myself!
  • 19. Do you have trouble asking for help? Not from people I trust.
  • 20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them? No, I've become a good time manager and I keep myself from getting too overloaded.

    From http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/codependency.htm
  • Do you find yourself making decisions based on other people's opinions? Often, yes. But I don't want to! It frustrates me that I can't tune out their opinions even when I WANT to. So for big things, such as my job or wedding planning, I often make the decision without asking opinions from my mom or someone else who I know I'll just let bowl me over.
  • Is it important to you that people like you and want to be your friend? Absolutely! I want EVERYONE to like me! My Dom is not like this and is okay with the fact that some people don't like him, and I wish I could be like that, but I'm not.
  • Do you have a strong desire to help others, but deep down you know you do it so that they will like or love you? Yes, I caught myself doing this the other day---I helped my good friend with her wedding stuff, but mostly it was because I was hurt she didn't pick me to be her maid of honor and I wanted to "prove" that I should be her maid of honor. However, I don't do this for my Dom---I know he loves me no matter what, which is why I'm often lazy and let him to the lion's share of cleaning, cooking, doing favors, shopping, and taking care of me. I know I don't have to be the Selfless, Giving Wonder with him and I can be my selfish, wants-to-be-pampered-for-once self and he'll still love me. I'm lucky!
  • Do you seem to notice everyone else's problems and have a need to tell them what you think they should do to solve them? No, not so much. I certainly have opinions, and I'll give them once, but then I let the person make his own mistakes and stop pushing.
  • Do you feel anxious, angry or upset when people don't do things you want them to do, or do things the way you want them to do them? Yes, of course! I put a lot of thought into the "right" way to do things, so once I have it figured out I feel my Dom should do it that way! :) I'm also pretty OCD so I feel stressed if things change or aren't done the "right" way or the way I expect.
  • Do you find yourself in relationships where you do all the giving and the other person does all the taking? Not anymore.... those sucked!
  • Are you involved in activities that demand all of your time and energy and you are neglecting your family or yourself? No, I put myself first and my family next and everything else comes after.

Interesting questions! :)