Blood Play

Blood play is a particular fetish that relates blood to sexual arousal. While it is considered edge play because it obviously carries the risk of diseases, with a monogamous partner this should not be a problem.

Humans seem fascinated with bodily fluids. I've heard of fetishes for blood, urine, feces, cum--basically everything except vomit. (Who knows? There may be a fetish for that, too!) Using cum or urine during BDSM scenes is the most common, but while wandering the online halls of the BDSM mansion you'll find some references to blood play.

Blood play is a fairly obvious fetish that doesn't need a lot of explaining. People get kicks out of incorporating blood into their scenes. Sometimes this has to do with the pain involved, so "pain sluts" (subs who enjoy pain) and their Tops will enjoy this. It isn't about the blood, but causing pain and leaving a mark. This can be as simple as a needle prick or a small cut. Making the victim bleed shows the Tops power and the sub's helplessness.

Blood play can get more intricate, of course. Some people get turned on by making love to a woman while she is on her period. Others taste or drink the blood of their victim, almost like playing at being vampires.

When I looked online for more info, most of the blood fetish sites had more to do with vampirism than with BDSM, but you can find some BDSMers into it as well.

If the idea of using a knife on your sub until there is a thin trickle of blood running down his back turns you on, you might be interested in blood play. If you think it would be sexy to frighten your slave with a needle and then lick the drop of blood, or if it turns you on to think about having sex with your wife when she's on her period, this fetish might be for you!

For more info, see:

• Wiki on blood fetishism
• Vampirism

In other news, I have a 10% off from Babeland's online toy store than I am offering to any reader who leaves a comment and gives me the most convincing reason why you need/deserve/want ten percent off from a sex toy store! You can buy sex toys, vibes, dildos, condoms, lube, handcuffs, paddles, and other bondage gear at Babeland, so whatever you're interested in, they'll probably have it! Tell me what you're lusting after and why you want the 10% off. The most convincing person (or, if only one person participates, that lucky poster!) will receive a code for 10% any Babeland online merchandise. I'll announce the winner in one week (August 18, 2009). Obviously, if you participate, you need to let me know how I can reach you to give you the code. If you don't want your contact info posted, feel free to send me a private email.

Also, I am super excited because I've just received clover nipple clamps! I can't wait to try them out! :) Look back here for a review later this week!

YKIMY

"YKIMK" is a common coin phrase tossed around. Its meaning?

"Your Kink Isn't My Kink."

This is a shortened version of the popular motif "Your kink isn't my kink but your kink is okay." In fact, some people will even spell the acronym for this longer phrase, YKIMKBYKIOK.

Because I like things simple, I stick with YKIMK.

YKIMK is a slogan in the BDSM world. People use it to remind each other not to judge.

Hard to believe, isn't it, that it one of the world's most misunderstood and "out there" alternative lifestyles, people in the groups are still pointing fingers at others in the lifestyle? Some people will get all bent out of shape. "Pretending to be a horse is so gross. You want to use drugs during a scene?!?! But asphixiation isn't SAFE! I just don't understand people who want to be raped. What is wrong with those monogamists?"

Yes, it's true; even in an alternative community, there are some activities (like polyamory, spanking, and age play) that are considered more "mainstream" and others that are considered more "taboo." Many people call these Edge Play because they tend to be more dangerous and out there "on the edge."

Sure, I think some people's kinks are wrong or immoral; I won't lie. I'm a Christian, so I have pretty fixed ideas about what is okay and what is wrong. While many BDSMers may be into poly, porn, and public scenes, I am not. Do I think their decisions are wrong and immoral? Yes. Is it my business? Nope. Do I feel the need to tell them my feelings unasked? Nope. I keep my beliefs to myself and respect others' rights to their own kinks. YKIMK.

Others I've heard about are against kinks they consider "weird" (like monogamy) or dangerous (like asphixiation). Several people on FetLife once criticized me for wanting to know if there were any chemicals or drugs that could be used to knock me unconscious or nearly so in rape play. They said it was too dangerous! Other kinksters thankfully stepped in and reminded them, Hey.... YKIMK.

Probably the most unpopular kinks are the ones that are illegal (beastiality, pedophilia, drugs). For those, I think YKIMK can be ignored.

Just remember, when you hear about someone doing something that you find weird, disgusting, repulsive, or just plain gross.... YKIMK. Sure, you may not like some kinks, but others may not like yours. An atmosphere of mutual respect is the best thing. Sure, you may not like it now, but maybe someday you will (my Dom once swore he would never be able to hit me! HaHaHa!). Even if you don't, others have a right to practice whatever weirdo things make them happy, as long as they are Safe, Sane, and Consensual (and legal!).

Remember... YKIMK.

Breath Control

I begin this blog with a warning, I'm writing about a breath control fetish as a way to study it. I'm not advising you go try it. Breath control (choking, sexual asphyxiation, etc.) is considered "edge play," meaning it is highly dangerous and many in the BDSM community believe you should never try it. The reason this fetish struck my interest is because it is so unsafe and yet so common. If you listen to anything like Loveline or pay attention to the news, people regularly die or force their partners into unconsciousness from this play.

This will be a short study of the breath control fetish, how it is implemented, and my perspective. I have also taken into consideration all types of play, from barehanded choking to gags.

The earliest documented history of this fetish is in the 1600s, when doctors prescribed it as a way to combat erectile dysfunction. The doctors noticed that bodies showed an erection after being hanged, and came to the natural conclusion that lack of air = sexual arousal.

Now this practice is commonly used for a control for the Dominant to use. I was reading opinions on this subject and one sub wrote it was the ultimate turn on, because her Dom had her life in his hands. This is very true! The sub also experiences a "high" from the lack of oxygen and the unusually large amounts of endorphins running through the blood stream. This method works as a turn on for both parties. The Dom's high is a of mental power rush and the sub experiences corporal pleasures.

I believe the safest way to do this is by using your hand only. There is no way for your hand to become stuck and unable to be removed. However, many people involved in "edge play" will uses all types of instruments to control breathing. Often times it could be as simple as a plastic bag or as intricate as a full latex suit with a restrictive apparatus attached. In either course of action I personally recommend you do not try this. If you decide the risks are worth the pleasure keep a working phone near, keep tools handy, and go get some training in CPR. The most important thing for the Dom to remember is to know your partner. We frequently state how communication and knowing your partner are the keys to staying safe. This case is no different! The sub may be unable to say a safeword and you should have a safe action if you are going to be unable to speak.

This is not only a couple's practice, but one that is frequently done during masturbation. The lead singer of the band INXS died performing autoerotic asphyxiation. It is normally practiced alone making it the most dangerous form of breath play. If the solo participant gets stuck or unable to open their airway, they will panic and quickly pass out. Death by strangulation is very quick! I don't believe in this case the risk ever justifies the rewards.

I believe breath play is a very sexy thing, but it is dangerous at the same time. I don't recommend you to try it. On the other hand, I enjoy breath play to an extent. I enjoy the rush of power and control I feel. I never, ever restrict the breathing of my sub to the point of unconsciousness. This is why I think it's important to know your partner. You might think my beliefs hippocritical, but ask a smoker if they recommend you start smoking.

Always, always stay safe, know your partner, and be a good Dom, take care of your sub.