12/11/2008

Anal Fingering for the Beginner

Anal activity is a difficult thing to ease into for many people, but it is a popular BDSM and vanilla activity! Anal sex can be intimidating for anal beginners, so this blog is about how to ease into it: with a finger or small sex toy. Anal can be pleasurable for either sex, as well as kinky and fun for both the receiver or giver. So whether you are interested in anal or a skeptic, read on.

Why are some people against anal? Some think it is weird or gross. The butt is usually considered a "gross" part of the body! Others are worried about germs or feces. Some men seem to worry that enjoying anal makes them "gay." To this I say: straight people had anal sex first! Are you going to let someone deprive you of sexual variety and pleasure just because of a silly concept that "only gays have anal sex"???? Think of it this way: gay men have oral sex, too, but does that make you gay for enjoying it? Of course not! It is not where you have sex, but with whom you have sex, that determines your sexual orientation!

My friends tell me anal is pleasurable for them. For both men and women, the anus is a sensitive area. For women, it can sometimes stimulate the G-spot through the vaginal walls. Orgasms are possible through anal penetration for women, but usually it is just another activity that feels good. For me, it doesn't feel good alone, but it certainly heightens the pleasure I feel in other areas! And for men, the prostrate (P-spot) can only be directly stimulated through anal, which (I've heard) can lead to an entirely new and wonderful type of orgasm.

Interested? Great. I won't talk about actual anal sex today, since that is something you need to work up to. But to begin with, a finger is a great place to start.

First, for anal insertion you always need lube. You want a thick lubricant and you want to keep applying. This is because your anus doesn't naturally lubricate, and the tissues are very delicate, so you could hurt yourself or do internal damage if you don't lubricate. I've found with one finger inserted I don't need lube, but if you are inserting anything else I would err on the side of caution.

And about lube: use real stuff! Lubricant is cheap. My friends and I have used (I shudder to admit it) such random and weird lubes as vaseline, spit, and hemorroid cream, but the point is, that's not what they're made for and they won't do as good a job!

Also, never use desensitizing anal lube! This is very dangerous! Pain during anal play is your body telling you something is wrong. You should stop immediately; never push on despite pain. Lube that numbs your body so you can't feel warning signs of pain is incredibly dangerous, and I advise you never to buy from stores that sell this, as it indicates they don't care about the safety of their customers!

Another rule of thumb for anal play is not to use anything without a flared base. While the vagina is only a few inches before you hit the cervical wall, the anus goes on...well, forever. Objects won't just magically stop in the anus. They can go up past the anus, into the lower intestines, and get stuck. This requires a really embarrassing emergency room trip and often surgery. Don't risk it!

Your finger is safe because it can't go in past the last knuckle! Anal toys such as dildos with a flared base or butt plugs are also safe because manufacturers make them specifically to stop at the base. Some people seem to feel the need to stick strange things up their bums (I've heard of brooms, cucumbers, alcohol, ginger root, and eggs!), and my advice is: Don't Try This! These things aren't made to go up your butt, so don't put them there! Materials with certain coatings can cause bleeding, abrasions, or an allergic reaction. Even natural products such as ginger and cucumber can cause irritations, rectal bleeding, and get stuck up there in Never Land. If something isn't mad to go up your bum, please, don't stick it there! If you simply must engage in kinky butt sex, use your finger or an anal sex toy--you can get these toys from $3 for anal beads to $10 for a cheap butt plug or dildo. It's just as cheap to buy the toys, and much, much safer, so stick with products made for this type of play!

Okay, now that we've gotten those safety rules out of the way, let's talk logistics.

My experience with anal is that it is best to start slow and small and work up. Of course, talk to your partner first; they won't appreciate it if you just shove a huge butt plug up their arse and yell, "Surprise!" Discuss both of your fears and hopes about anal sex, if you have any qualms, and how to know if one of you wants to stop.

Next, both partners should be clean, clean, clean! Healthy vaginas and penises don't contain any bacteria that can harm you if touched or swallowed, but butts do. Fecal matter can be invisible and can contain E-coli and other nasty diseases. The receiver should take a shower just before anal play and use warm water and soap outside the rectum. Some people like to try enemas or anal douches before play to really get squeaky clean inside, but I've never tried this. I will say that, even after a shower and enema, bad bacteria can be floating around, so wash your hands and toys after play.

The giver in this scenario also needs to do some pre-play grooming. Babeland toys suggests (for fingering, fisting, or anal!) that you should have "a manicure worthy of a meeting with the Queen Mother!" No, guys, you don't have to do your nails a pretty pink, but this means either gender should have clean, trimmed nails. Get those nails as short as possible, trim hangnails, file off rough edges, and wash wash wash. Scrub hard with antibacterial soap and HOT water for a full 60 seconds, being especially sure to scrub hard under those nails! A scratch or bacteria hiding under your nails can be dangerous for your partner.

Once everyone is clean and happy, I'd start with a finger. This is because it is small and won't feel uncomfortable. If you like that, you can move to two or to a small butt toy. But start small! Relax, work together, and communicate. My Dom asks me before he puts anything in anywhere, and is always open to my suggestions about how I like it--he doesn't get an ego trip about me giving feedback! For the receiver, just relax and see what you like: do you prefer just the outside of the rectum touched and played with, or some pentration, too? Do you like movement (in and out) or just holding still? I know some people love in-and-out motions, but it freaks me out and just makes me feel like I need to poop, so I'm not a fan. I am, however, a fan of the intimacy of letting my Dom know me so...well, intimately in a more "negative" body part, and of the feeling of pressure just being held firmly. It makes whatever is going on in my pussy much stronger and better!

Once you get the finger bit down, apply lube and try two fingers or a butt toy. Butt plugs are meant to just be held inside you for a nice sense of fullness. Anal dildos, on the other hand, can be used for movement. Some people enjoy thrusting, some like rotating or twisting, and there are all sorts of toys that cater to this, from ridged dildos to curved ones that hit the male prostrate perfectly. Use lube, and later if it starts to feel dry or uncomfortable, take it out and re-apply as needed!

Many people are afraid to try anal because they see it as gross, weird, or gay. I will admit, I have been one of those people. Others have tried it and didn't like it because it wasn't pleasurable, felt uncomfortable, or hurt. Again, I've been on of those people, too! As I keep blogging, I will continue sharing my new anal experiences, because I'm convinced the world of anal hides some wonderful and well-kept secrets, and I want to find them out.... so good luck searching and enjoy!

2 comments:

Char said...

OK, all that is common sense to me. I don't prefer it myself anymore, as I had a surgery that has made everything a bit tighter feeling. My husband hasn't really ever believed that- he's convinced that if I relax and try it, I will like it again. Even when I told him I have tried. Anyways, my husband loves anal. Not my gig, but I like to do it for him. I apparently do a pretty good job too. The only time I have a problem with his anal play is when he is not cleaned up. He tries to clean up, but it doesn't always happen that way. The last time was a lzy Sunday wakeup. I got a towel out for him. Problem was, he was not clean. I could smell feces almost immediantly, and I could tell it was going to get messy. So he is off to the tiolet, and I am off to the sink. I would have gone back to it, but he got embaressed and frustrated with me, and that was that. I was very kind and gentle, no biggy, wash up and we'll go again. He knows cleaning out is important, but I can't figure out how to tell him it is a big turn off when he is not clean. He will get upset. I'll have to go wander, see if I can find any advice on this subject.

Morning Angel said...

A Fleet's enema is so simple and quick and efficient. Insert a Fleet's in about 5 seconds; wait less than an hour for a cleansing bowel movement; shower afterward while inserting a finger with a lubricant (or I use a very mild bodywash) into the rectum. Clean hands and everything in the shower with lots of soap. You come out clean inside and outside! These preparations border on ritualistic for me, the small acts I perform for my Master to enhance our pleasure together. I love the feeling of assuming the icky part in order to spare him and of presenting myself as a suitable receptacle! It is a sensuous, "zen" or "subspace" time for me.