Nipple torture

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Genitorture

Genitorture.

May not sound fun, right? Yet the fetish of genital torture is often used in scenes. Whether you want to incorporate it into an interrogation scene, be the "Mean Domme" for once, or just hear your slave scream, some genitorture may be right for you.

Generally, just the phrase "genital torture" is going to get your sub's blood pumping and fear spiking. Genital torture is so popular because it inflicts pain on one of our most intimate, vulnerable places. The psychological aspect is also huge, since you are attacking a place of vulnerability and sexuality.

My advice is to start slowly. You don't want to cause too much pain to your sub, or bring on the pain too quickly. The best idea is to mix pain and pleasure. Of course, play with a safeword.

If your sub is a woman, consider a pussy whip or other light, stingy instrument. You don't want to use anything hard or thuddy on tender breasts or vulvas. A speculum is a great idea, since you can insert this into the vagina or anus and then widen the hole slowly. This is great both for visual humiliation and to keep the orfice held open while you torture it.

As for actual torture, consider using many clamps and clips of various sizes and materials. Plastic, wood, and metal clamps are all available... my Dom simply uses brightly-colored plastic clothes pins. Sometimes he pretends to close them and laughs at my reaction, other times he clamps them and watches me arch and moan, other times he clamps them and then squeezes them tighter with his fingers (ouch!), and sometimes he just leaves them on while I endure the pain. I've found on my nipples, these clamps are highly painful and make my breasts sore for days afterward, but they also heighten sensations of pleasure. On my clit, the clips don't hurt at all, but give a wonderful pressure that has been known to make me ejaculate with no other stimulation! My Dom will flick the clit clamp back and forth to enhance the sensation. And as an added bonus, our cats love them and use them as toys!

For more advance pussy torture, try light slapping and pussy whipping. Insert dildos and vibrators that are just a little bit too big. If you have a clit suction cup, use it on the labia and clitoris. Some people even use needles to pin the lips open or temporarily pierce the labia. Others clamp forceps on the inner lips and tie the forceps to a table, effectively splaying the inner lips.

Of course, as the Dom, you don't want to only provide your hapless sub with physical stimulation! As you torture her, talk to her. Describe what you are doing or going to do, chuckle sadistically to yourself, and exclaim over what you see and the pain you are inflicting. "I'm going to spread you with this speculum, my sweet.... ahhh, that hurts doesn't it??? Just a little more.... there, there, don't cry.... you look so deliciously HOT with your pussy spread open! And now I am going to stick this big, bad dildo in you til you cry for me to stop" is going to make your sub a lot hotter than if you cause all this pain in silence.

What if your sub is a boy? This type of genital torture is called Cock and Ball Torture, or CBT for short. There are lots of toys you can buy to help with CBT, such as cock restraints or weights you hang from the testicles. But you can still have lots of fun at home with no fancy store-bought toys.

Just like with women, you don't want to use heavy canes or paddles for CBT. Stick to a light slapper or single-tailed whip. This will cause lots of pain but no actual damage. Some brave souls even use catheters and insert all sorts of terrible things into a male sub's urethra (ouch!). Others paddle, punch, or strike the testicles. Some men enjoy ball-busting, which basically means you kick, punch, and stomp on his testicles. I don't understand it myself, but I've read accounts from men who said a Domme had them knocked on the ground in the fetal position, kicking and stomping on their balls with high-heeled shoes, and that they loved it!

If you want to keep it a little lighter, you can squeeze, knead, push, pull, massage, and slap the genital area. The mixture of pleasure and pain is sure to drive him crazy! You can also tie his balls up and pull on the string, or simply hang something heavy from them and gradually add to the weight.

When playing with genital torture, be safe! Play with safewords, discuss your activities beforehand, and have fun.

Small Penis Humiliation

Being a girl, I was both amazed and confused by the BDSM phenomenon of Small Penis Humiliation (SPH). I found out about this unique fetish in a Fetlife chat group of men raving about the turn on of, you guessed it, being humiliated about the worthless size of their tiny penises. Even men who didn't have small penises sometimes enjoyed it! And here I was under the impression that all men had a Freudian complex and wanted bigger, better, thicker, and meaner pieces of meat.

Like a true little journalist, I set to work right away digging up all I could about the SPH fetish. And to my great delight and profound gratefulness, I found many men on Fetlife willing to talk to me about their, um, small genitals, how it started becoming sexy for them, and why and how they enjoy SPH now. Read on for what my interviews revealed...!

Q: Why do men even enjoy SPH?
Two of my interviewees said their SPH fetish began for them in their teens, during gym class. They both had experiences with boys in gym pointing and laughing. One even had the boys come up, touch him, force him to touch their penises, make him masturbate, and call him queer. While this is a terrible testament to the cruelty of teenagers, both my interviewees grew past it. They began associating small penises with humiliation, and eventually with sexual pleasure. Since many, many people enjoy humiliation or degradation play as part of BDSM, I can see how this would make sense.

Q: Doesn't SPH hurt their feelings? :(
I asked all the interviewees if PSH hurt their feelings; as a girl, this would be my fear! They all said no; it had hurt their feelings at first, but eventually they grew immune to it. One said he just realized he couldn't help it, as he could his weight or his hair color, and decided not to worry about it but enjoy getting the SPH attention he craved. Another said he grew up and realized it was his mind and heart that made him a man, and not what was between his legs. (Kudos to him, I say!)

I also talked to two men who consider themselves average, but still enjoy humiliation or SPH. One told me he enjoys it because it is the most humiliating thing to be tormented over, and so the emotions are more intense and thus more enjoyable! Others pointed out to me that they enjoy this type of humiliation so much they make it a point to tell others how tiny they are, so they can be laughed at and subsequently turned on. One man told me he wasn't sure he would like to try SPH, as it might hurt his tender male ego, but then thoughtfully added, "Although... I suppose that's the point, isn't it?" :)

Q: Do women enjoy giving SPH?
Well, the point of being a Domme is to make your partner submit, and many Dommes truly enjoy giving emotional and psychological pain. I did read about a woman who enjoyed doing SPH to her lover (he also enjoyed it). She never let him have sex, saying he was "too small," and forced him to be a sex toy at parties with her friends: he had to give sexual favors or receive anal sex from anyone who wanted to use him. Obviously, this is not a biblically-accepted sexual behavior, so I wouldn't recommend it for Christians!

Q: Are there women who enjoy small penises?
I found one (ONE!) woman in all of Fetlife who was loudly proclaiming that she prefers tiny penises. (Sorry, guys, all my life experience and internet research indicates women do, indeed, prefer above-average penises...) I tried to contact her to ask her about it, but she slammed back an e-mail saying she would not deign to talk to someone interested in SPH, and wouldn't talk to me. My subsequent emails were ignored. Ouch! Personally, I consider it silly to refuse to answer someone's questions just because they may not agree with you.... how else would we ever learn about each other?!

Q: Do all men like SPH?
When I asked my Dom about this, he basically said that SPH did not turn him on at all.... it made him sad, hurt, angry, or defensive. Of course, we were trying this via email and not in person, and I'm sure being in person would make a difference, but heed the warning: many guys don't like having their penises made fun of, and saying it is too small is especially close to many tender male hearts, so don't ever just start berating your guy for his tiny manhood before you discuss this with him first!

Q: What about men with average or large penises? Where do they fit into SPH?
Well, I found some average-size men who were very open to SPH. One of my interviewees told me he knew several average men who had a complex about size, either because some woman told them they weren't large enough for them, left them for someone bigger, or complained about the man coming too soon. Others were teased about their penises in childhood or during teenage years, or raised in a strict religious setting where they were taught penises were disgusting, dirty, and evil. Also, one Domme said she had a partner with a huge penis, and tormented him about it, saying he was too big for her and she would rather have a "normal" partner. It seems many men are sensitive about their penises, no matter what their size.

Q: What activities are part of SPH play?
Well, three of my interviewees told me the idea about SPH that most turns them on. Ironically, all three men separately told me they fantasize about being paraded around naked in front of a group of people and laughed at. They said they would not find this hurtful, but very sexy and exciting. Of course, the details differed (one man wanted to be blindfolded, another to be forced to play with himself so he could be teased about the size of his erection), but I found it very intriguing that all three separately had this same fantasy about public torment over their size! Another also added he would like to be a cuckold, which means someone who is forced to watch his Domme have sex with someone else. I wrote back to ask him why this was, and he replied, saying he is too small to please someone sexually during intercourse, but having a sexless relationship with his Domme while being forced to watch her have sex with people who were "more man" then he was would be very exciting for him.

Q: I'm a Christian, so parading my husband around naked in public or making him watch me screw someone else isn't really an option. Can SPH fit into a Christian sex life?
Yes, of course; it just won't include other people! If you or your husband (or both!) are interested in trying SPH, talk about what he would like: how should you make fun of him, what things turn him on or off about it, what humiliation would excite him? Verbally and emotionally, you can ridicule or tease him about his size. Physically, you can make him stand naked while you tease him or measure him. You can even buy Male Chastity Cages (small cages that lock around the penis and you carry the key!), engage in Cock and Ball Torture (CBT), or force him to wear a strap-on a dildo for added physical humiliation. The ideas are limitless; just make sure it's consenual and all in good fun!

BDSM in History and Practice

Because I (Sub) am fascinated in not just the what, but the why, where, who, and how, I have a soft spot for historical research. (This is perhaps what led me to develop such huge crushes on my history, sociology, and religion professors...) Hence, I thought it was fitting that my first solo blog be about the many, many historical and scientific studies that have been done on sadomasochism. A complete unstyled bibliography will be available at the end, since of course plagiarism is very, very wrong, and I'd hate for my Dom to have to punish me for it later... :)

First, the history of sadomasochism, or BDSM as it is now commonly called.



History of BDSM

From all accounts, BDSM has been around for thousands of years; it can be seen in the artwork and paintings from ancient times. In fact, the Karma Sutra, the ancient Indian text known for being a sacred treatise on sexuality, even mentions different types of hitting and spanking that adventuresome lovers can try. Pictures on the Tombe della Fustigazione, a tombstone dated around the 6th century BC, show two men spanking and whipping a woman for sexual enjoyment.




The Marquis de Sade, one of the most famous BDSM cases of all time, spent the 1700s raping, whipping, beating, and humiliating his unfortunate victims, who were usually prostitutes or servants. During Victorian times, husbands began to use figging (the insertion of ginger root into the anus) on their disobedient wives: they would leave the root in until it began to burn, then paddle or whip them. Ouch!



BDSM Today

Until 1994, sadomasochism was listed as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders still used by psychiatrists today. In 1994 it was changed, so now only people who harm unwilling victims or are unhappy with their sexual desires are considered to have a mental disorder.



Scientists researching the BDSM lifestyle have found of all the sexually deviant behavior, S&M is one of the ONLY ones that has lots of women participants, too. For most other sexual disorders and deviant behaviors, it is just men. Also, this one is practiced by people of all sexual orientations.

Interestingly, they've also found people who engage in S&M are actually better educated and better communicators than the general public. They also haven't found any links to psychotic behavior; all the articles mentioned that most S&M practicioners will only be interested in S&M if the partner consents and if they have a "safe word."




They have found indications of S&M going back to marriages in ancient times. And a large percent of the population is into it. They said over half of the people in the United States have done mild S&M (specifically biting). But still 5% of the population has done more serious S&M, such as spanking, hitting, and bondage. So there are more people who enjoy beating and choking their partners than there are redheads in the U.S. Sweet!

In fact, BDSM is common enough that asphyxiation results in the accidental death of 1-2 million people per year! Can you believe that?! How many more people must be choking each other if that many people die from it?! They also were talking about asphyxiation as being from plastic bags and tying ropes around each other's necks, as well as more hardcore ideas like a whole-body vacuum. Still, even chocking your partner lightly with your hands can lead to accidental death or unconsciousness, so be very careful! A quick Google search alone will bring up a slew of court cases where a would-be S is pleading innocent to the murder of their poor, deceased M; a word to the wise!

I also thought it was very interesting the breakdown of what the people liked. For example, it wasn't split 50/50, half liking M and half liking S, as you would think. One study found that BOTH men and women enjoyed being SUBMISSIVE better. (This is definitely not true in my relationship!) So what ended up happening was that BDSM would just switch back and forth, taking turns being the submissive. So guys, don't feel bad if you secretly dream of being strapped to the bed by a hot female Dom who walks all over you in her high-heeled leather boots. You're normal!

Although both sexes enjoyed being dominated more, they actually found that women were more versatile with what they liked. Women in general preferred to be dominated most or all the time. Men and women were about even with enjoying both roles and liking to switch. And then women also preferred to be dominating all the time. Men were just generally more in the middle. This is a great statistic since most people assume that in BDSM, men want the "traditional male" role of Dom and women want to be dominated by a strong, domineering man wielding a loincloth and club. Not true!

Another thing I thought was funny: A study said the most common safe word is "red." I thought that was funny.... who would just up and say, "RED!" in the middle of sex?!?! (My own "safe phrase" is a simple, "I can't..." because I think that anything so overtly non-sexual like RED would just ruin the mood!)

They also talked a lot about how S&M communities are really big on "safety first!" I think this is obvious, but I will reiterate it: Communicate communicate communicate! Make sure everything is consensual, always have safe words, and talk out your desires beforehand. If your Sub is not 100% okay with something, don't do it. If you are going to use a gag, you need to have the M person tell you any allergies, heart problems, or health issues before hand. Any time you tie someone up, you can never leave her alone. You must always be within arm's reach, and if you gag or blindfold them as well, you must always be touching them with at least one hand, AND you must make sure you have a nonverbal signal for the safeword since your Sub can't talk!

The nosy psychiatrists also talked a lot about common practices for S&M couples. I love it when people study me and put me in a box! It's so fun to read about! :)

Not surprisingly, the least painful and dangerous are the most often used. For example, a lot more people engage in some light bondage or spanking, and relatively few people engage in beating and mutilation. The more pain and danger involved, the fewer people do it regularly. This is one reason my Dom and I started this site; all the sites were either "Try spanking her lightly" (borrrring!) or "Pierce her back, tie her up, suspend her from the ceiling, and whip her til her skin bleeds!" (too much!).

All three studies I found said that the most common type of S&M used, by both gay and heterosexual couples, was spanking. (I thought that was weird, because although I am an avowed Sub, I detest spanking...) The second most common was always bondage of different types. They also talked a lot about role playing. All the studies mentioned a role playing game called "Master/slave" or "Mistress/slave." And then any other games, like teacher/student, cop/criminal, etc. were just sort of derivatives off the first "game." I did think it was interesting that while both gay and straight couples used spanking and bondage and games the most, slightly more straight couples used the spanking and bondage, and slightly more gay couples used dressing up in like, full-blown leather to play their role-playing games. I wonder why that difference is??

The articles also talked about the danger of using S&M. Like obviously, people can die or get hurt. But also they said that the ONLY difference between S&M and real sexual abuse and rape, is the "intent of the participants." Which is very true, and something like "intent" is so hard to judge and so subjective. So it can be dangerous to engage in something SO close to sexual abuse when it is only in your mind that it is different. Which is why you should ONLY engage in these fun, sexy pleasures with someone you know, love, and trust 100% before you try it.

The studies also found that most S&Mers started between the age of 20 and 25, discovering they liked this stuff. I must be an early bloomer, because I discovered it around the age of 19, but had fantasies about it from 15 or so.... and, hats off to my Dom because he didn't even discover the joys of BDSM til he was 27 and he is already way ahead of the curve!

Then they also talked about what I would consider more "hard core" stuff and why people do it... like actual hurting like whips and sticks. And they said the M person usually doesn't feel how much they are being hurt til later, so be careful! And also more permanent stuff, like tattoes and piercings. The study said that some people said the more hardcore stuff, like tattoes and piercings and wearing a collar was good because the people said it was an expression of their devotion and love for their partner. Oh yeah!, and also they mentioned people liking genital torture. I am not really clear on what that is and my server keeps blocking it (darn!) when I try to look it up... anyone tried it and willing to vouch for it?

There is tons of other great stuff out there on the internet, so have fun sexsearching!



Bibliography

(click the links below to see where I got my information)

TV Documentary on the Marquis de Sade
Psychiatric Site for DSM-IV Mental Disorders
Fascinating clinical study on S&M behaviors.
Scholarly Article on Masochism
I couldn't resist. Here is the Wiki article on BDSM, however unreliable it may be.