The Art of Fingering a Woman

Warning: these pictures are not work-safe!



By the time you're an adult, chances are you've fingered a woman. Chances are you've even made one come by fingering. But unless you're consistently making her come with your fingering skills (I mean every time!), you still have some things to learn. Regular orgasms are just as natural to women as to men; getting there just isn't as obvious. And the sad truth is, anybody can make a girl come every once in a while; random rubbing around a sensitive area will do that. Unless she is coming about 98% of the time (I wish!), this article is for you.



William Martin's Hand Jobs for Women gave me some great ideas for this article, and will give you some helpful pointers from a man's point of view, so check out his article, too!

I don't want to be mean, but let's start with a reality check. Most guys seems to feel quite okay with themselves if they can get the woman to come at all. Never mind that they aren't even giving her an orgasm 50% of the time. Society has lied to you, telling you that women don't always come and you are not expected to deliver orgasms. But vibrators have proved society wrong. If women can come 100% of the time with their vibrators (and we can!), then they can come 100% of the time with their partners. Of course you should allow for the same issues that plague men: stress, fatigue, not feeling close to your partner, and illness can make for a no-show orgasm day, but if your lady isn't orgasming about 98% of the time, you've got a lot of work to do. She may not even know she can orgasm that much, but she can. She may tell you she doesn't mind if she doesn't come, and she enjoys it anyway (and this is true), but the truth is, we would prefer if you could give us orgasms consistently. Women have been on the losing end of orgasms for too long, and it is time to fix that. A good rule of thumb is: if she doesn't come, you don't come. That will motivate you to really pleasure your lady. :)


So the sad news is, guys, if you are giving her orgasms occasionally, but without any discernible pattern or regularity... you haven't figured out how to please her yet.


And I can attest personally that, if I go too long without being given an orgasm, I get resentful....grouchy....irritable...and then lose interest in sex. No one wins.


So how do you finger a woman? First, you stop concentrating on the clit and the G-spot so much. These get boring and overly sensitive. You might also want to see my posts, "The Art of Seducing a Woman" and "Giving a Woman an Orgasm...Without Touching Her." They will show you how to turn on a woman the way a woman wants to be turned on, and make your job much easier before you get to the actual fingering.



Of course, your fingernails should be trimmed down short, all rough edges filed away, and your nails and hands should be just-washed with hot, soapy water for 60 seconds! Any hangnails or rough edges should be gone. You don't want to scratch her or let invisible dirt beneath your nails inside her; I've gotten an ovarian cyst that way and it was unimaginably painful. Wash and trim your hands before you ever put your fingers inside your lady!

To begin fingering, start with the mons pubis. This is often called the "Mound," and is the skin at the bottom of her stomach, right before the clitoral hood and vulva are visible. Most men don't realize this, but the mons pubis is one of the most pleasurable places to be touched. Being stroked, massaged, and simply held there will turn me on much better than by trying to tease my thighs and clit, which rather bores me.





Try massaging slowly down, from the top of her pubic hair to the bottom. Then try stroking the area, rubbing her with your fingers, and massaging the skin. Try rubbing at different speeds and intensities to see how she responds. If you get no response, or a slight puckering of the face/frown between the eyebrows, she's getting bored. If she inhales quickly and arches her back, keep doing that again. Once she relaxes, you've done it too much and the area is no longer sensitive: move on to something else, but come back in a few moments to try it again.

Another great trick is to just press your palm firmly into her. Cupping your hand, cup her vulva and mons pubis in your hand. This pressure feels fantastic, and you don't need to do anything; we will probably start to rock against you if it feels good! Once the rocking gets really turned on, you might want to start pushing slightly against her thrusts, meeting her as she thrusts, for some extra sensation for her, but more sensitive ladies will just prefer you cup them firmly without moving.

My favorite place to have my clit stimulated is actually through the mons pubis. It feels wonderful there, right before your fingers leave my mound and touch the clitoral hood! But sadly, this doesn't occur to men. They want to stroke the clit or hood. However, by stroking the lowest, fattiest part of her mound, rolling it between your fingers, and pinching it softly, you are stimulating her clitoris indirectly, and it feels heavenly. You could probably keep doing this to me all day without me ever getting bored.



How do you know when to move on from the mons pubis? When your lady is arching her back in frustration, obviously trying to maneuver her body so your fingers touch her clitoral hood. Once she's done this for a few minutes, you know it's time to move on.



Stroking her clitoral hood will bring many woman to orgasm. You can try circular motions, shaking, vibrating, lightly pinching, and rolling the skin between your fingers. Just keep trying new things and see what she likes. Once again, pay attention to her body language. We're never mean enough to say, "I don't like that, you're boring me," but we can't help our body language. A woman who is biting her lip may be turned on, but she may also be frustrated and getting bored. If the lip-biting is accompanied by a pursued mouth, scrunched forehead, or frown, she's frustrated; this means you either aren't pleasing her yet, or you just did something that felt fantastic and then moved on too quickly. If she seems to be concentrating or frowning, she is getting less turned on, and you should ask her what feels good or ask her to show you. If she doesn't get too embarrassed, have her show you herself what feels good (but I find this too embarrassing and don't like it, so don't force them!).



Below the clitoral hood are the labia majora and labia minora. Her outer lips will be sensitive to stroking, massaging, light pinching, and rolling between your fingers. Her inner lips will become more erect as she gets turned on, and slightly moist as she gets wet. Try stroking them, first up-to-down, and then later try down-to-up, but never both together or you just get repetitive. Try rolling the inner lips between your fingers or tugging on them lightly. And possible the most sexy thing you can do is take your fingers and spread them apart. This is the universal signal for "I'm about to enter you" and it will excite your lover immensely!! If she loves it, gently place her lips back in place and do it again...and again... and again. Eventually she will be thrusting against you in impatience, longing to feel you inside her.



You can try spreading her lips apart with your thumb and middle finger, then slowly inserting your index finger. Or try holding her lips apart with one hand while you slowly insert a finger of the other hand. Few things feel more vulnerable and sexy than having your lips held open as someone enters you, whether it is with a finger, toy, mouth, or cock. Remember this move and do it often!



If you want to go inside her vagina, do it slowly. You can tell she's ready when she is thrusting against you. Make her go slowly; gently press one palm flat against her stomach so she quits thrusting as you enter her slowly. It is best not to plunge straight in, but enter gradually; slowly trace circles around her vaginal opening, eventually slipping the circles gently inside her. This is an incredibly sensitive area, and having a finger tracing gentle circles just inside your vagina feels fantastic. Don't rush inside to the G-spot, enjoy the sensations you're giving her right here, at the opening and just inside the vagina!



Reading her body language and thrusting to gauge when she wants you to enter further, slowly inch inside her, feeling her every inch of the way. The entire vaginal wall in the first several inches is filled with nerve endings and will feel pleasure from being touched, stroked, rubbed, and vibrated. If you feel her G-spot, rub it softly and see how she responds.



Websites will tell you the back 1/3 of the vagina has barely any nerve endings, and this is true, but that doesn't mean you should ignore it! The first 2/3 is more sensitive to touch; the back 1/3 is more sensitive to pressure! Press firmly and stroke her walls; see how she responds. I love to have firm, strong strokes and lots of pressure inside me. If your fingers are long enough to touch her cervix, try feeling it and thrusting against it. If they're not, use a toy or put her on her back with her knees held to her chest to shorten the vaginal canal. Many women aren't even aware this type of orgasm exists, but women can have a very strong, emotional uterine orgasm from having their vagina, cervix, and uterus (indirectly through the cervix) forcefully thrusted against.

When you are ready to go out, slide out slowly; the feeling around the inner vaginal entrance is sublime as things slip in and out. Try this several times, hitting her with your knuckles, if she likes it.

If she likes finger fucking or pain, once she is hot and ready is the time to start screwing her hard with your hand. It will probably hurt, both from your finger jamming into her vaginal wall and from your knuckles and fist slamming into her vulva; she will be bruised later. But if she is into this kind of BDSM, she may really like it: she either gets off from the pain, or gets off on being punished or used by you! The idea that my Dom wants to hurt me and be cruel to me is very exciting and sexy!



Moving on down, once you are done with the lips and vagina, you are left with the perineum. This muscley area between the vulva and anus is actually sensitive to touch, stroking, and firm pressure just like a man's is. Try pressing a finger or bent knuckle firmly into her skin, or try giving her perineum pressure with one finger or hand as you stimulate her vagina with the other.



Hopefully you realize that fingering is more than just turning her on and stimulating her clit and G-spot. Many men don't. Think of fingering her vulva as going to a buffet---you have an endless and varied list of delicacies to try, so don't just pick two and stick with it. A woman's vulva is a unique, interconnected mass of nerve endings and pleasure, much more complex than a man's penis, so it is okay to feel confused. Just experiment with different strokes, pressures, and touches, and if something works, remember it for next time but don't stay on any one thing for too long. Before long, you will be an orgasm-giving machine!

Good luck.