The Christian Debate: Is BDSM Okay?

While browsing the internet, I found sites both advocating and decrying BDSM in a Christian context. While most BDSMers are not Christian, many still are (in one internet survey I took, over a fifth of respondents were Christian. 246 BDSMers responded and 55 identify as Christians, whether evangelical, Protestant, or Catholic).

Some Christians can't imagine being into BDSM--isn't it sinful? Don't people beat each other, have wild orgies, and watch porn?

Likewise, some BDSMers can't imagine Christians being into kink. I had one man tell me BDSM was "blatantly" against the rules of Christianity; he laughingly asked me to give a presentation on the kink lifestyle to my congregation and let him know how it was received. And I have to admit, he had a point.

Despite errors in thinking on both sides, Christian BDSMers do exist. But there is an online debate over the morality of this, even if the debate has not yet seeped into our churches and congregations.

Here I must put a declaimer. Obviously, I am a Christian and a BDSMer, and as my blog suggests, I find no moral problem in my BDSM lifestyle as it submits to my Christian lifestyle. Sure, being Christian might mean I stay away from polygamy, pornography, and same-sex experiences, but those only comprise a small portion of the wonderful array of activities available in kink. So please be aware that I am a biased reporter. Nevertheless, I believe we can always afford to have our knowledge expanded and our beliefs challenged, so here I will summarize for you the main sides of the "Christian and Kinky?" debate.

Against Christian BDSM

The main website I found against BDSM for Christ's followers is Porn Free. Below is a sample of what this website claims:

1. BDSM degrades and dishonors God's temple: Our bodies are made in God's image and are intended to be vessels of worship (Romans 12:1-2; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20). When we mistreat someone's body, or allow our bodies to be mistreated, we degrade them and dishonor God. This is basically mocking the dignity of God's image. This dovetails with Satan's objectives of marring, abusing or destroying our bodies such that they cease to glorify God.
2. BDSM perverts sexual pleasure by mixing it with pain: Pleasure and pain are opposites, but BDSM attempts to bring them together for sexual gratification. Pain is a byproduct of sin (Genesis 3:16-17; Genesis 6:6) and was not intended to be part of creation. It will be eventually removed from creation by Jesus at the end of the age (Revelation 21:4).
God designed us to enjoy many different pleasures, including sex, food, work, art, music and sports. Our fallen nature tends to combine sinful acts with our outlets of pleasure. God does not take pleasure in evil - nor should we as his followers. David wrote, "You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell." (Psalm 5:4 NIV) Consider what Solomon wrote: "A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom" (Proverbs 10:23 NIV)
3. BDSM stifles the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives: When you consider the definitions of the words involved with BDSM and its associated acts, it's apparent that they are not based on love. Rather, they are based on malice, hate, cruelty, lust, selfishness, control, and domination. These attitudes are part of our sinful nature (Mark 7:21-23) and are directly opposed to the attitudes or "fruits" of the Holy Spirit. The fruits of the Holy Spirit are "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV).

For more information on this site's arguments, please visit it here.

Hugo Swyzer, a Christian, feminist, and male blogger, expresses doubt at the ideas of BDSM for Christians. This man calls himself an "egalitarian," meaning he does not believe the man leads the wife, but that they should be exactly equal (how does he explain Ephesians 5?). It is this lack of equality that troubles him about BDSM. He says:

Regardless of who is assuming the dominant role, BDSM celebrates the erotics of asymmetrical power. Even if that asymmetry only applies in the bedroom (and not, say, in the divvying up of household chores), isn’t it at odds with the egalitarian worldview? If God intended spouses to practice “radical domestic democracy” (which is how I like to describe the egalitarian outlook), shouldn’t how we make love be congruent with how we live out every other aspect of our marriage? If we are committed to equality in decision-making and chore-sharing, shouldn’t our physical delight in each other also be egalitarian rather than hierarchical?

This is a valid concern, but many Christians believe the Bible emphasizes male-dominated marriages. Even so, today's couples have managed to leave Christian wives room to exercise their intelligence, experience, thoughts, and suggestions in a loving marriage. And I must ask, is it possible to be even in all things? If you do the dishes so I can bathe the kids, isn't that a little unequal? Life can be unequal and still be just.

Swyzer also adds:

We live in a world where men and women are taught to delight in the abuse of power. We live in a world where rape and abuse are so common that they have affected how many of us think about sexuality. We know that what “turns people on” is a consequence of both biological and cultural influence; too often, the culture sends out a message that tells both men and women to eroticize domination, degradation, abuse. So even if a couple practicing BDSM is doing so with great care, even if each partner in the relationship feels valued and loved, if they delight in radical inequality in their sexual life they may be bringing the brokenness of the outside world into their intimate private sphere.

There are also many non-Christians who dislike the idea of Christian BDSM. "The Blog Blog" contributor Wiseblood says, "Leave it to the Bible thumpers to pervert perversion." Referring to the Christian view, wildly unpopular with secularists, that wives should submit to husbands (Ephesians 5:22), he says:

Misogyny impacts nearly every aspect of the Christian life and the bedroom is no exception.

Slog News and Arts makes fun of the same ideas in the blog post, "Praise the Lord and Pass the Deluxe Adjustable Nipple Clamps" (I say, bonus points for the witty post title!). The blog really gives no reason biblically why Christians shouldn't partake of BDSM, just makes fun of the idea that Christians would try to apply their out-dated sexist and puritanical views to kink. I did, however, enjoy this line:

There’s no porn—heaven forbid!—at ChristiansandBDSM.com. But anyone that’s ever asked himself “WWJD with these tit clamps?” can find Godly direction and spiritual uplift clicking here.

Sarcastic? Yes. But you have to admit it's funny.

For Christian BDSM

The main reasons to support BDSM are as follows:

1. The Bible does not specifically forbid it.
2. Within a monogamous marriage bed, any sexual activity agreed upon and enjoyed by both parties is permissible.
3. The Bible gives us clear guidelines about sexual activities we are not to engage in (homosexuality, bestiality, incest, premarital sex, adultery, withholding sex from our spouse, fantasizing), yet never mentions anything about pain or power play. All these sexual taboos seem aimed at keeping sex confined to a heterosexual marriage; within that marriage, one presumes BDSM is acceptable.
4. The Bible encourages discipline, including physical discipline. Issues of slavery, bondage, submission, dominance, and power exchange are very biblical.
5. A man is given authority over his wife (Ephesians 5:22-24).
6. Christian history is rife with examples of torture and physical pain. Look at self-flagellating monks, stigmata, and physical penance. For that matter, look at the torture and beating of Jesus and the Crucifixion itself!
7. The Bible abounds with examples of submission and dominance: Jesus submitted to His Father, the Church submits to the Son (Ephesians 5:24), Sarah submitted to Abraham (1 Peter 3:6), wives are to submit to husbands (1 Peter 3:1), adults are to submit to governing authorities (Romans 13:1). BDSM is just one more earthly symbol of the submission of Christ's Church to Himself.

For more information on BDSM within the context of Christ-centered marriage, please see the following links:

Christian BDSM

Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD)

Christian BDSM FAQ

BDSM Is the Sign of a Sick Society