Is a Submissive Just a Doormat?

A lot of people hear the words "BDSM" and immediately think it's a fancy name for an abusive relationship. They figure the man must just want an excuse to have everything he wants, while the woman probably spends her time cringing in fear and serving him. In other words, the sub is the Dom's doormat.

How is a sub different from a doormat?

I believe the two are very different. A submissive differs from an abused person or a doormat in many ways. These include choice, control, work, limits, and safety.

1. Choice. For one, a submissive is there by choice; an abused woman (or man) is not. BDSM may look like emotional or physical abuse, but the difference is that BDSM is consenual and abuse is never consensual. The sub and Dom decide together how much, when, and what kinds of emotional and physical pain they would like to experiment with; an abused person has no such control.
2. Control. A sub has control over her own mind, body, and soul. If she voluntarily chooses to give that control to the Dom, that is in her control, too. A sub can use safewords, soft limits, and hard limits to make sure BDSM never goes beyond what she is comfortable with. A good Dom respects and upholds this. A doormat has no control, because others take it from her; a sub has much control and she chooses to share it.
3. Work. Being a doormat does not take any work, but a BDSM power dynamic does! The Dom has to work hard to protect the sub, to give the sub what she needs while getting what he needs, and to keep the play safe, sane, and consensual. The sub has to work at communicating her wants and needs to the Dom, choosing to be obedient even when it's hard, and having her limits uncomfortably pushed so she can grow. Both roles take lots of inner strength!
4. Limits. A doormat is someone who just takes whatever other people dish out; a sub has limits. A sub has a safeword (or safe action, if she is gagged) that means the Dom will stop immediately if she uses it. A sub also has soft limits (things she does not really want to try but is open to) and hard limits (things she absolutely will not try) that the Dom is morally bound to respect. Safe words and limits ensure a sub has control over how much she can take.
5. Safety. A doormat is basically a person who accepts physical and emotional abuse, but a good sub will never give her control to anyone but a Dom she loves and trusts absolutely. This makes sure she is safe--spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally--during play. Both the Dom and the sub are worried about the sub's safety in BDSM, whereas people abusing a doormat are not.