This story is so sad I thought I'd share.
In a powerful reminder that those of us who play with BDSM play with fire, two members of the Philadelphia BDSM community have died this week. It seems Goeke, a 37-year-old man, accidentally killed his girlfriend during consenual sex. How? They were playing with asphyxiation.
Goeke strangled his girlfriend, and a few days later committed suicide by jumping off a bridge. His suicide note apologized for the tragedy. Police have confirmed the marks on the woman's body are consistent with accidental asphyxiation (not murder).
BDSM is playing with fire. Like fire, BDSM has many positive uses. We can use it for fun, for healing, for enjoyment, for catharsis, for intesity, for release, for orgasm. But like fire, you have to be safe.
My Dom and I play with light asphyxiation. He will often use his hand to block some (not all) of my airflow. For me, this leads to a few tantalizing seconds of shock, fear, and adrenaline rush. The subsequnt gasp of air feels oh-so-sweet! He loves to see my eyes bulge in fear as I struggle to catch a full breath. We never use anything but his hand (no ropes, no chains, no cloth) to strangle me so he can remove it immediately, and we only do it lightly (a second or two, not 10 or 20 or 60). It is enough to be light and kinky, but not enough to put me in danger of unconsciousness or death.
Obviously, since I engage in a little fun asphyxiation play from time to time, I'm not here to stand on a soapbox and tell you how to live your BDSM lifestyle. Your kink is your own, and if it weren't considered "weird" or "dangerous" by the vanilla world it wouldn't be called kink. I will, however, point to this Philadelphia story and remind you: Safety first!
Play hard, play fun... but play safely.
Please keep these two unfortunate BDSMers, their families, and their community in your thoughts and prayers.
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