CDD: Why Women Want a Strong Man

For more info on CDD, see the rest of my series:
CDD: Introduction
CDD: Discipline and Punishment
CDD: A Typical Punishment Session
CDD: Why Women Want a Strong Man
CDD: The 3 Ds and Other Offenses
CDD: To Read More

Most DD and CDD relationships (no official studies have been done, but about 75% according to one website owner) are male-HoH, female-submissive models. However, there are growing numbers of couples who find pleasure in the wife assuming the role of Head of Household (HoH). Is it possible for a woman to lead, or a gay couple to participate in DD? You betcha! However, since most of these relationships have a male head, and I myself am part of a Christian relationship working toward this model, forgive me if I seem sexist in my use of pronouns.

Why do women (or those in the submissive role of CDD/DD) want a strong leader?

Some people, aghast at the "violence" and "control" behind CDD, assume the women have once been abused to want this type of relationship. This is easily disproved by the many online testimonies of women who have never been abused and yet willingly participate in these marriages. Others believe it is a religious idea founded on old-fashioned sexism, misogyny, and male patriarchy; this can't be true since many self-proclaimed (male and female) feminists participate, and many participants are in no way religious, nor would they tolerate male domination outside their marriages. Another criticism is that the men must want all the control, but I must say I see men getting more responsibility and work than control. The last common argument against CDD is that the men force their poor wives into this; however, in my research I've noticed almost all of these CDD/DD sites are started and run by women, catering to other women who are curious about the lifestyle and want to know how to introduce their husbands.

The final conclusion one comes to is that these women must want a strong male figure in their lives. Not a king, not a master, not an owner, not a Daddy, but a strong, kind, loving, just, and firm husband.

Different theories for this desire in many women--and some men--abound.

Evolutionary Response

Mr. Fondman quotes Dr. Skynner, who points out that men have evolved to be violent, dominant, and aggressive in order to hunt food and protect their families. In today's nonviolent world, when office jobs, national security forces, and grocery stores nullify the need for overt displays of dominance, many men have "lost touch" with their masculine side. Society expects them to be calm, quiet, and kind of wussy.

"Women don't want men to fizzle away," Dr Skynner said. "They want men to be men still. They want a man who's a man, and sticks up for himself in more ways than one. If he doesn't they despise him. That's what men have to do, they have to fight it out."

Mr. Fondman believes women seem to pick fights and test men subconsciously. This is a "mate-testing mechanism." Women have a need to feel safe and secure. In the wild, they wanted a mate who would protect them from wild animals and attacking men. They needed this for the safety of their homes and their children--for their very lives.

So the woman doesn't want to wait til the wild animals are at the door. She wants to test the man NOW, while danger is still far away; she tests him herself to see if he is the type to stand up and say, "Enough!" or slink away from a fight. Today, women may not need protection from Huns and wolves, but they do need protection--from rapists, terrorists, hateful mothers, back-stabbing friends, and soul-draining jobs. They need to know they and their children are physically and emotionally safe. Mr. Fondman believes this is why women "test" their husbands when they are feeling insecure, upset, or unsure about their husband's resolve. If he stands up to her, she feels safe and reassured; if he retreats, sulks, explodes in anger, or acts like a wimp, evolution tells this women to pack up and move on to the next--stronger--man!

He points out,

"Many women cannot abide men who do not stand their ground. Many women fall out of love with a man who doesn't deal decisively with the shit a woman can dish out."

If this is true, there is indeed an evolutionary basis for women seeking authority and boundaries from a strong, confident, and loving man.

God-given Basis

Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all are well-known for their male-dominated cultures. Indeed, male domination can be found many times in the Bible. After the fall of humanity in Genesis, Eve had just shown herself to be a confident and headstrong woman, while Adam had proved himself to be a meek follower (Genesis 3:6). Yet God gave them the opposite roles: he made Adam the head over the woman (Genesis 3:16). Whether you take this tale to be a literal account or a metaphor, it seems even the ancient Hebrews recognized a divine source of male leadership and a female longing for authority.

The New Testament says women are not to have authority over men (1 Timothy 2:12), wives are to submit to their husbands (1 Peter 3:1, Ephesians 5:22), and husbands are to love their wives and make them holier, improving them as people (Ephesians 5:23-27).

Given this, there is religious grounds for a matrimony in which the husband submits to God and the wife submits to God and to her husband.

Harmonious Marriage

Many women claim CDD creates a more peaceful, harmonious marriage. With no one fighting for the upper hand, there can be no power struggles. With no power struggles, more peace ensures. This does not mean the women are doormats who do not get a say; ideally, a husband will ask her advice, discuss with her, listen to her contributions, and they will decide together. However, when no agreement is possible, if both parties already agree that the man's decision is final, it can make difficult decisions much shorter and less painful.

Security

I myself am drawn to CDD because of the security it offers. I am fully capable of handling life, but at times I don't want to. With so many demands on my time and energy, I feel I can't relax and enjoy life the way God intended me to. What a relief when my partner says calmly, "I'll take care of that," and then does!

One woman on ChristianDomisticDiscipline.com says:

I am no longer in control, & I love that! I asked for it all to cease out of
fear; but knowing that, he pushes on. I am helpless & completely at his
mercy. Isn't it amazing that I have never felt more loved or cherished than I do
in this moment right now.

These are some of the common theories; choose the one you like or none at all. Below, I discuss some unintentional consequences of women craving the firm leadership of a strong, loving male.

Bratting
"Bratting" is when a woman purposefully misbehaves in order to receive a punishment. This is an example of the woman needlessly pushing or testing the man to make him react. Not only is it manipulative, but it's incredibly tempting! Many times I "brat" without even realizing I'm doing it. Whether I need attention or just reassurance that he is still my strong man I don't know. If he asked me if I were bratting, I'd honestly and with full astonishment insist, "No!"

The truth is, sometimes women want to test their boundaries to make sure they are still there, to make sure they are still safe within them. This is why some couples practice "maintenance spanking," which is a ritual spanking for no reason every week or month, so the woman knows her man is still holding strong and protecting her and can get a needed emotional release. Others will have "erotic spanking," which means they incorporate spanking for pleasure and fun. Or perhaps the man simply needs to step up and act more firm and confident that day, or perhaps ask her what her fears are and reassure her. One woman says:

I also find that when I get worried, or start to feel insecure about anything, I act up - which is his clue that I'm looking for a physical statement that he has everything under control.

Because bratting can become a real headache for both parties, always give a spanking to the recipient who requests it. No one requests pain for no reason; if your wife feels she needs a spanking, whether to keep her in line, make her feel secure and loved, give her a needed release and catharsis, or feel your strength, if she needs it, you supply it.

"Test the Man's Resolve Mode"

Mr. Fondman explains this far better than I ever could, building off his previously-mentioned Evolutionary Theory.

This in-built, instinctive "man testing" mechanism, (Lord forgive them for they know not what they do) is obviously an evolutionary advantage since women need a man who can defend her and her children against wild animals and the Hun. She does not want to find out that her man is weak when the Hun come over the horizon - the automatic test method has evolved to detect signs of weakness during ordinary life, when the Hun are likely to be far away and while she has time to seek out another man. (A successful quest leads to the most dangerous manoeuvre in a woman's life - buttering up the new man, without arousing aggression in the first and then leaving the first one for the second without getting killed in the process - but this is getting off topic.)

So she leaves the man who does not act decisively and falls in love with the biggest brute she can find, often dreaming that she can win his heart and make him tender and caring towards her, but remain a pushy bastard towards everyone else. Such a bloke, if he is truly the leading, action packed man she seeks, won't take any nonsense when she (instinctively and non-deliberately) taunts him. The right bloke will hit out - hopefully putting her over his knee and belabouring her backside in no uncertain fashion. The wrong bloke will think twice, will try to negotiate and appease. This is not the behaviour associated with real hunters and protectors - so the whingeing woman thing can be seen as an instinctively driven test (handed down and refined over tens of thousands of our ancestor's generations) to sort the men from the wimps at an early stage. A successful result is the man taking no time at all to quell the misbehaviour (hers or anyone else's) - with bluff or commanding instructions, backed up by physical force - or simply with physical force. An unsuccessful result is a man who backs down, who hopes it goes away - perhaps even a man who doesn't spank hard.

Note: "whingeing" is a British term for whining.