Sex talk or no sex talk?

Some bloggers have mentioned an important topic: do we blog about sex or not? Two recent posts on this topic are by Conina ("On Why I Blog") and Grace ("Intimate Details").

The trend I've noticed is that BDSM blogs have a lot of sex details. It's heavy on what happened and how it happened. On the other hand, DD blogs often skip the intimacy. They talk about punishments and spankings and submission, but don't usually go into detail about the sex.

Of course, each blogger should only share the sexual details he or she wants to. But as a blogger, even if I'm comfortable sharing those sexual details, I have to wonder: will my sharing be offputting to some of my more conservative readers? Will I lose readers if I share too much?

Since I've also blogged about my stance against pornography in my post Porn and the Christian BDSMer, I also worry if, by sharing the dirty details, I'll just gain readers who only read my stories for the sexual titillation. I'm not sure if there's really a moral difference between erotica and porn-- isn't it possible that erotica is just written pornography? It's something I wrestle with.

On the other hand, I feel it's dishonest of me to pretend like punishments aren't erotic for me. Usually, unless I really, really hate one, they are erotic. D/s has definitely helped our sex life, giving it more of a "spark" and making me more interested in sex. This is because, through D/s, I see my husband as more masculine and strong. When we started D/s, I noticed I was much more sexually attracted to him. Suddenly it didn't matter so much what he looked like or that he'd gained 15 pounds and had lost those muscular arms I loved so much when we started dating; I wanted him because he was strong and awe-inspiring! He seemed like such a man to me.

Are there punishments that I hate? Yep. However, there are also punishments that I love. I've gotten aroused and even had orgasms just by being lectured and punished by him. I can't explain why it has that effect on me, but it does.

Still, I was sort of "in the closet" about that. I got the feeling that it was okay to talk about submission and spankings, but not coming or having my nipples pinched. It was okay to talk about crying through a punishment, but not squirting because of one. Spanking and lectures were seen as "okay punishments," but being forced to give him head or submit sexually were "not okay" punishments.

Well, I guess I'm coming out of the proverbial closet. If hearing about my sexual exploits makes my readers uncomfortable, I'm sorry. I'll try not to get too hot n' heavy on the details so I don't offend anyone. I also don't want this to become a place where internet creepers come to get their rocks off on written porn. But I do want to say that sex is part of my punishment dynamic with my husband, a very big part actually, and it's silly for me to feel ashamed of that just because other bloggers keep sex and punishment completely separate. In fact, when I first read about CDD, a big part of the draw was because the stories turned me on mentally in a way I'd not felt for years. The punishment-eroticism was very appealing to me.

Besides, one of my favorite things to do with my girl friends? Talk about sex. It's a rare and precious friendship where you can just talk unashamedly with your friends about your sex lives. It's a way to get things off your chest, discuss your worries and fears, learn from other people, and share part of yourself.

I think that's a good thing to do on my blog.

Want to read more on this topic? Read Bethany's article, Spanking in Relationships, to find out what she thinks of as a mixture between sexuality and spanking in CDD and DD relationships.