11/01/2011

Sex talk or no sex talk?




Some bloggers have mentioned an important topic: do we blog about sex or not? Two recent posts on this topic are by Conina ("On Why I Blog") and Grace ("Intimate Details").




The trend I've noticed is that BDSM blogs have a lot of sex details. It's heavy on what happened and how it happened. On the other hand, DD blogs often skip the intimacy. They talk about punishments and spankings and submission, but don't usually go into detail about the sex.




Of course, each blogger should only share the sexual details he or she wants to. But as a blogger, even if I'm comfortable sharing those sexual details, I have to wonder: will my sharing be offputting to some of my more conservative readers? Will I lose readers if I share too much?




Since I've also blogged about my stance against pornography in my post Porn and the Christian BDSMer, I also worry if, by sharing the dirty details, I'll just gain readers who only read my stories for the sexual titillation. I'm not sure if there's really a moral difference between erotica and porn-- isn't it possible that erotica is just written pornography? It's something I wrestle with.

On the other hand, I feel it's dishonest of me to pretend like punishments aren't erotic for me. Usually, unless I really, really hate one, they are erotic. D/s has definitely helped our sex life, giving it more of a "spark" and making me more interested in sex. This is because, through D/s, I see my husband as more masculine and strong. When we started D/s, I noticed I was much more sexually attracted to him. Suddenly it didn't matter so much what he looked like or that he'd gained 15 pounds and had lost those muscular arms I loved so much when we started dating; I wanted him because he was strong and awe-inspiring! He seemed like such a man to me.

Are there punishments that I hate? Yep. However, there are also punishments that I love. I've gotten aroused and even had orgasms just by being lectured and punished by him. I can't explain why it has that effect on me, but it does.

Still, I was sort of "in the closet" about that. I got the feeling that it was okay to talk about submission and spankings, but not coming or having my nipples pinched. It was okay to talk about crying through a punishment, but not squirting because of one. Spanking and lectures were seen as "okay punishments," but being forced to give him head or submit sexually were "not okay" punishments.

Well, I guess I'm coming out of the proverbial closet. If hearing about my sexual exploits makes my readers uncomfortable, I'm sorry. I'll try not to get too hot n' heavy on the details so I don't offend anyone. I also don't want this to become a place where internet creepers come to get their rocks off on written porn. But I do want to say that sex is part of my punishment dynamic with my husband, a very big part actually, and it's silly for me to feel ashamed of that just because other bloggers keep sex and punishment completely separate. In fact, when I first read about CDD, a big part of the draw was because the stories turned me on mentally in a way I'd not felt for years. The punishment-eroticism was very appealing to me.

Besides, one of my favorite things to do with my girl friends? Talk about sex. It's a rare and precious friendship where you can just talk unashamedly with your friends about your sex lives. It's a way to get things off your chest, discuss your worries and fears, learn from other people, and share part of yourself.

I think that's a good thing to do on my blog.





Want to read more on this topic? Read Bethany's article, Spanking in Relationships, to find out what she thinks of as a mixture between sexuality and spanking in CDD and DD relationships.

5 comments:

Grace said...

Thanks for the shout out! As for discipline and sex...oh yes, ttwd has most certainly spiced up our sex life. ;)

DannahB said...

Your dynamic is real and valid, and no, you should not have to hide it.

Sexual or sexually-enhanced discipline is a big part of the lifestyle. There is no shame in discussing it. It's your blog, write from your heart.

Readers come and go. It's good that you are being true to yourself.

Dannah

Conina said...

Thanks for the link!

Punishment-eroticism was what enticed me to TTWD too all those years ago, in addition to the slight non-consent angle. Now it turns out I hardly ever do anything "wrong" but I still dearly crave the "punishment" anyway. I've changed a lot from the girl who once said "not that I want you to torture my nipples or anything."

Write what you're comfortable writing.. people need real information. I totally understand the feeling of not-quite fitting though.

Sexperts said...

Another good site on discipline spanking vs. erotic spanking can be found here: http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/07/discipline-spankings-vs-erotic.html

Krystal Watters said...

I think the difference between the pornography and erotica is the visual versus imagination. It also depends on the detail. For me I think of it as Japanese terms, Hentai (Porn) and Ecchi (barely covering).

Is it considered Porn if it covers all the sexual spots? I say it could, but most of the time it hits the safe line. I also personally find it more visually appealing. It is the same with Erotica. If it goes into too much detail, it loses it's appeal with me. If it gets the point across and leave room for the imagination, then I find it good. So that's my opinion on that.

Personally I find sex a personal topic, so I don't discuss such things with friends in general; but I'm a very private person by nature. Of course, I'm, of course, not having sex, but a sexual relationship. I feel I'm always trying to make sure not to cross the line till marriage; it can be a difficult balance, especially with modern views and fetish pleasures.

SO feel free to talk about whatever you want, just keep the balance.