No funishment for me

I like the term "funishment."

This is a deragotory term some Doms and Masters in the blogging community use to refer to punishment that the sub actually finds sexy, fun, or pleasurable in some way.

Well, what can I say? Funishment is fun! I'd much rather have a sexy, erotic spanking than a not-sexy, not-erotic spanking. I don't like the spanking or the pain associated with spanking, but at least if I get something emotionally fulfilling (like subspace) or physically fulfilling (like sexual tension) out of the deal, I feel happier about the experience as a whole.

So several weeks ago I did something bad. I honestly can't even remember what it was--- I normally have a really good memory, so blame my pregnant brain. I think it was something to do with church; I remembered the head covering but didn't say anything or go get it to prove that he had, indeed, forgotten again, or something like that. We've been going around and around about that headcovering thing lately, actually. Once or twice I remembered and told him; he then claimed he would have remembered (HA!) and I sulked the rest of church... a few times I remembered and purposefuly did not mention it to prove that he would not remember it without being reminded (he didn't), once he had to threaten to make a big scene in church before I would put it on, and once we had a fight before church and I refused to speak or participate or sing for the first half hour of the service (mature, I know). So it was probably one of those times.

I don't even know why I make such a big deal about the headcovering thing. It doesn't even bother me, and I want to be more biblical in my life. I think it's more because this is an area I test him in, because I think he will forget and/or not enforce it if I don't take the lead on it, and I hate taking the lead on things.

But I digress.

Part of me (okay, most of me) was hoping he would do something sexy for my punishment, which he had done a lot of in the last few months. Not only does that make me feel actually more remorseful (it's easier to feel sad for hurting someone when you're feeling attracted to them and not spitting mad at them!) but it makes me feel more submissive and that lasts for several hours or days afterward. It's a really nice feeling.

And he came up with the most boring, un-sexy punishment EVER!!! I was horrified.

One, I have to wear the headcovering with my mother at church.

I was HORRIFIED. I am terrified my mother will find out about our male-led relationship and judge me for it. I've written before about how my mother the uber-feminist haunts my dreams as I question who I am in this submissive lifestyle. Although my mom lives in the same town as we do, we often go to church at different times, and in the past he had graciously allowed me to not wear the headcovering when she was with us because he knew it made me feel anxious and I worried nonstop about what she would think and what I would say if she asked why I was doing it. But now he wanted me to wear it once with her there, just to teach me a lesson!

Two, I have to volunteer to sing at church.

Ugh. I sing at church, and I'm a good singer, but I do not like to get up there in front of all those people and sing. I prefer to sit quietly with my family in the pews. I generally only consent to sing when one of the normal cantors is sick or gone and they ask me to as a favor. So he thought it would be good for me to volunteer my talents as a lesson.

Ugh, ugh, double ugh! Two things I hate: wearing that conspicuous headcovering in front of my mother, and singing in public!!!!! I whined a lot. Why couldn't he just torture my nipples or something sexy????

Nope, he said. He wasn't going to do some fun punishment for me to get off on the idea of it. This was real.

I sulked for a couple of weeks. He totally forgot about the punishment. (ha!)

I mentioned it once to see if I still had to. Yes, he said.

I was quiet as a mouse on the subject for a few more weeks.

Last Sunday, as we headed to church, I got a text from my mom. "R u coming?"

"I guess she's there today," I said. I texted her back and said we were on our way. My Dom said quietly, "I guess this is a good time to wear that headcovering then."

I looked at him in horror, and I asked several times if he would please let me off the hook since it was so long ago and neither of us remember exactly what I did, but he said no and I didn't really push it. I wore the scarf. My mother had to have noticed, but she did not mention it or ask me about it. She acted like she didn't see it. Maybe she chalks it up to us being "crazy conservatives" or something like that, who knows?

I'm still balking on volunteering to sing. But I know he's probably going to make me do it soon. Because he mentioned it again this week.

Sigh.

"Funishment" was so much more fun.