I've been reading on FetLife about no-contact punishments.
I'm not sure I agree with that idea, and I'll tell you why.
A no-contact punishment is when a Dom decides that, for whatever reason, he (or she) will basically disappear from the sub's life as a consequence for bad behavior. For a set amount of days, there is no seeing each other, no phone calls, no emails, no texts, and no online chatting.
I'm sure it's an effective punishment. I can't really imagine anything worse than being completely ignored by the person you most love and trust in the world.
But I'm not sure it's healthy or productive.
To me, no-contact punishments smack of abusive behaviors, a type of silent treatment. The silent treatment, according to Dove Christian Counseling and Abuse 101, is still emotional abuse. Abuse 101 says:
I'm not sure I agree with that idea, and I'll tell you why.
A no-contact punishment is when a Dom decides that, for whatever reason, he (or she) will basically disappear from the sub's life as a consequence for bad behavior. For a set amount of days, there is no seeing each other, no phone calls, no emails, no texts, and no online chatting.
I'm sure it's an effective punishment. I can't really imagine anything worse than being completely ignored by the person you most love and trust in the world.
But I'm not sure it's healthy or productive.
To me, no-contact punishments smack of abusive behaviors, a type of silent treatment. The silent treatment, according to Dove Christian Counseling and Abuse 101, is still emotional abuse. Abuse 101 says:
The silent treatment...is the worst form of emotional abuse. It is a punishmentMy Dom has never used this with me, and he really couldn't because we live together. No-contact punishments wouldn't really work for married couples because we're forced to see each other and at least be in the same house. Still, I know married couples who use the silent treatment (I used to and am still sometimes guilty of it) and it is abusive. Ignoring someone is the opposite of trying to live in peace and find reconciliation.
used by abusers to make you feel unimportant, not valued, not cared about and
completely absent from the abuser's thoughts. It is used as a form of
non-physical punishment and control because the abuser mistakenly thinks that if
they don't physically harm you then they are not abusers.
No-contact punishments, to me, are unhealthy ways to deal with a problem. Sure, it punishes the sub, but it also makes her feel ignored, unimportant, and makes her wallow in guilt. That can't be healthy for her psyche or the relationship.
2 comments:
I read it on fl as well, and I cannot agree more.
I grew up with no-contact punishments at home. Not planned, "this is how it will be," though, just...withdrawal. It was horrible. I would jump through any hoops to avoid that silent anger - but I couldn't always. She would never ever hit me, but sometimes, especially as I grew older, I wished she would.
I totally agree with you.
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