10/28/2011

Labels: Am I DD or D/s?



Labels are good because they help us define what we are and what we are not.






But sometimes we get carried away with labels.






For instance, on this blog, should I call my husband my Dom or my HoH? Or even my Master or my Daddy? Some of these labels are ones that those in the BDSM scene will identify with and some are used more by those in DD, although I do see some crossover.






All four terms could apply to him at different times in our relationship. So I generally just call him my Dom, because that's what I started calling him when I started this blog.






Of course, when I started this blog I thought we were into BDSM. Now online BDSM forums have led me to discover that we are actually more similar to CDD or Taken in Hand.






I try to keep one foot in both communities.









No, you won't find me at a munch or wearing a black leather bustier at a local dungeon. On the other hand, most of my punishments aren't OTK and I don't have a list of rules like many DD couples do.






As this post aptly pointed out, BDSM and CDD and DD and Taken in Hand don't have to be seen as completely separate lifestyles. There is actually quite a bit of overlap.






Punishments and spanking... total power exchange... male-led relationships... there's not a huge difference between being a "Christian kinkster" and being in a "domestic discipline" relationship. They both share these common characteristics.






I worry about other people getting caught up in the labels, though. Will people from both communities judge me? Will BDSM writers dismiss my blog because I'm Christian, monogamous, and against activities like pornography, sex work, public play, homosexuality, and polyamory? These things are sometimes seen as basic parts of BDSM. On the other hand, will DD bloggers be turned off from my site because I use terms like FetLife, Dom, and nipple torture? I worry about how to straddle that line.






I wonder sometimes if my Dom and I are D/s (Dominant/submissive, which is a BDSM term) or CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline, which is a DD term). I often follow DD blogs and comment more on those kind of blogs, because I connect more with a community that is mostly married, monogamous, and often Christian. On the other hand, I hesitate to distance myself completely from BDSM because that's where my husband and I started our journey into power exchange. We actually don't use spankings that much and we still like to use bondage, punishments, and nipple torture.






Does that mean I can't be part of the DD community?






I hope not.

5 comments:

Conina said...

Perhaps I'm on the wrong side of this fence to even comment, and if it doesn't make it's way out of moderation that's fine.

But it really is just a bunch of people interacting - like you, I tend toward following the monogamous married sorts of blogs, just because I do identify more with them. I'd like to think that people who venture into these various practices and choose to share their experiences online would be fairly accepting of anyone who felt they were included.

That could just be my relentless positivity though.

I, for one, am not caught up in any labels.

Grace said...

Why try to fit in a box or worry about conforming to some label? It works for you, right? And that's what it's all about, regardless of what you call it. Who cares what label someone else wants to slap on it anyway? ;) (btw, I just stumbled upon your blog & this is the first post I've read...off to explore more now)

Jenny said...

I don't comment much on blogs but I wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. We are monogamous and not into most of the extremes of BDSM, but we like a bit of nipple torture and he's more fond of the cane than his hand. Whatever forum I go on I find myself revealing only part of who I am to avoid being dismissed as "not real" by either side. That's why I like your blog, and why we just stick with the term "TTWD" instead of a label. I bet there are more like us than we realize!

Sexperts said...

@Jenny, so true! Thank you for the encouragement.

@Grace, welcome! I hope you find something interesting!

@Conina, I think it's great to not get caught up in labels. It can be overwhelming how label-specific some kinksters get. Coined terms like "pansexual" just make me feel tired.

Krystal Watters said...

All I can say is I haven't met a single person I agreed with them on everything. Disagreements shouldn't be a reason to make someone's opinion/point of view invalid. Doing so just makes you selfish and narrow-minded.

We all get labeled and often the label is silly or okay depending on the way it's meant. I personally would never call my Dom, my Daddy; it would creep me out. Doesn't mean I mind others doing so, but certain thoughts will come to mind with that term.

I think people need to be more tolerant (which doesn't mean saying you are, but willing to listen and evaluate another's view through critical thinking.) Its like one shouldn't like someone just because they are Christian or hate them because of it. They should be based on different level like is he/she a decent person, their values, views, nature, etc.

That was a bit verbose of me, but...it's been a big issue in my life and many I've met that always frustrate me.