10/07/2011

Carry Your Cross

"Take up your cross and follow me," said Jesus (Luke 9:23).

We all have different crosses to bear. Sickness, heartache, money woes, family troubles, divorce, abuse, the list goes on. We all have them.

Sometimes I feel guilty when my cross is different than someone else's. I read online about people struggling with their own crosses. These are people I don't know, but often people I still care about. I read about their lives and stories, often stories more intimate than I would even hear about my closest friends, online and I keep up with them. I chat with my Dom about them. I am interested to hear the next installment.

It makes me feel strangely guilty when my cross seems to be what someone else is longing for.

I long for my husband to be more dominating, but another woman struggles to submit to her husband's demands. I read about people whose Doms or Masters have asked for polygamy and the subs are left heartbroken and sad, while I have a Dom who is completely against any kind of emotional or physical boundary crossing of any kind. I whine and whine about how miserable I am to be pregnant, huge, aching, not sleeping, and dreading labor, while other women write posts on BabyCenter about how they long for pregnancy and struggle with infertility. I lay about the house like a beached whale, crying about how my back hurts and I'm afraid to go into labor and how miserable and sick I am. And then I feel guilty because these women would give anything to be in my shoes. I worry and worry about money but I read about those who have far less. I complain about my job but hear about those who'd trade anything for a chance to work in these hard economic times.

I've finally decided I can't feel guilty. (I still do, a little). My crosses to bear are my own. I feel bad for their crosses, and wish them well. I want these other people to be happy and their problems to be solved. I wish I could give the infertile woman her pregnancy, or the lonely woman her perfect Master, or the struggling woman a nice fat check.

We all have crosses to bear. Perhaps it helps to know that the grass is not, after all, always greener on the other side.

We'd all love to switch crosses. But luckily there is One who has already borne them all and can help us on our way. That's why I love the song Cry Out to Jesus, the part about "He'll meet you wherever you are." It's so true. I can't switch burdens with these other people, or get out from under my own, but it helps to know others are struggling, too, and we are all in this together. Even if our crosses are not exactly the same.

2 comments:

kleintje said...

I completely agree with you - again. Sometimes I feel awkward too, because my life seems to be so smooth when I see what others have to go through. I only have to learn that I cannot help them by feeling guilty.

t1klish said...

I love your writing. You communicate very well, and every post is heartfelt.