What Masters Look for in Subs

Since yesterday I did a post on what I look for in a dominant, it seemed only fair to do some research into what folks on the interwebs are looking for in a sub.

If I were looking for a sub, I wouldn't actually start looking for obedience or submission right away. This would overlook a lot of new or untrained subs who may not be able to exhibit those qualities yet. Looking for a "submissive personality" also presupposes that women and men with dominant, assertive personalities cannot make good subs or slaves, an attitude I completely disagree with.

What I would look for would be honesty, self-awareness, communication, and a willingness to learn. Even the most assertive person can learn to exhibit submission, if they desire it, but the willingness to learn and the ability to introspect and communicate openly have to be there.

What do actual Masters and Mistresses look for in subs?

I found a good article by Mistress Constance. She seems to suffer from the same problems a lot of new subs do on the internet: people writing her, wanting to be in a relationship with her before they really know her, talking only about BDSM. It's important to remember that in a BDSM relationship, most of you time is just going to be spent being vanilla. Things like jobs, family, kids, housework, errands, and bills don't disappear so as to kindly allow you the freedom to do nothing but lock yourself in the bedroom and play with chains and whips all day. You have find someone that has similar interests and values as you, and not just as it relates to BDSM.

Also, a sub should not be completely self-absorbed. It's great to know what you want and need from a relationship, but if you come in to a potential Dominant and can only say what you want to get out of the relationship, not what you can give to it, why would that Dom be interested in you in the first place?

I do disagree with Ms. Constance that a sub with a long list of limits is a turn off. She says:

If, instead, you have long laundry lists of limits, perhaps this isn't the
lifestyle for you. I've had novice submissives tell me that their limits were
absolutely no pain, absolutely no bondage, absolutely nothing at all in a public
setting where anyone else might ever know that they were submissive, and that,
in return for this carte blanche, they would be willing to "help out" with the
housework. Oh, and I could, if we lived far enough apart, have other
relationships. It doesn't work that way. You should know your limits, but if
you're unwilling to explore any of the darker sides of this dynamic, perhaps
this is a poor choice for you.

Personally, I think that's a bit harsh. The hypothetical sub in question sounds like a newbie to me more than a sub who just isn't cut out for BDSM. For a new sub who is just exploring new desires, there may be a lot of "limits" just as a measure of self-protection. I think as a sub learns and grows, hard limits may gradually become soft limits and then eventually not limits at all.

Raven Shadowborne also points out that necessary qualities in a sub are ability to control yourself and obedience. If you can't control yourself, your Dom will be constantly trying to keep you in line with no help from you. It takes both of you to make sure you stay within the parameters of the boundaries your Dom has set.

Attitude, understanding, and selfishness are more desirable submissive qualities listed in an article by Jack Peacock. Like I said before, even the most headstrong individual can be conquered by the right person if he or she has the right attitude about it. You have to be willing to be conquered.

Understanding is also important because Doms, Masters, HoHs, and Mistresses are not perfect. They will have off days. They will disappoint you. Your BDSM dreams will not turn out to be all that you hoped they would be when you first delved into this lifestyle. We need to be understanding that sometimes our Perfect Man or Woman will not be so perfect after all.

I don't think an exhaustive list of submissive qualities is possible, because subs vary so much in personality and style. Each Dom will want to find someone with the raw material he (or she) is looking for and then train that person to fit his standards.