Shows of Dominance

On my earlier post Dynamic Needs in D/s, a reader left this comment:

"I like to be made to do something," I said. "I want to know that you have power over me and are stronger than me. My need is to be forced."

Can you explain the actual power and actual force that you want him to exhibit. I see this kind of complaint often but know one offering an example of what a solution would look like.

This is a good question. I am sure the answer is different for every sub or slave, but I'll try to explain the power and force I crave.




In the animal kingdom, animals show dominance in many ways. We humans are not much different! What do animals and humans have in common?

• They strut, posture, or "puff up" (I love when my tiny white cat does this!)


• They make threatening noises (growls and hisses for animals; tone of voice for us)


• They glare (same for animals and humans!)


• They go for the throat


• They go for the back of the neck


• They hit a "warning hit" (not to injure)


• When that doesn't work, they hit to injure

I like when my Dom uses any of the above. Sometimes it's just a fierce glare and a tone that brokes no argument. Once, we were on the verge of having a fight because he felt he should go help my dad paint the house and I wanted him to spend time with me. His tone did the trick. "I am going out to help your father," he said firmly to me.

"Fine! I'll just go shopping!"

"If you try to leave, I will start a fight in front of your dad. I am not scared."

Well, the tone worked. I made a pouty face and gave in, he came and hugged me, and he went out to work and I went and used my computer.

What are some other ways my Dom "makes me" do things?

Sometimes he uses his physical size to his advantage, even though he is not much bigger than me. He will hold my hands down or pin them behind my back. He will invade my personal space so I back down.

Other times, he will use the throat or back-of-the-neck technique. If he grabs the back of my neck and squeezes, just like a lion biting a lioness, I will squirm and then give in. If I'm being really out of control, he'll grab me by the throat, squeeze, push his face against mine, and threaten me in a low voice. That pretty much always works because it scares me and then I cry and give in. ;)

Animals will give "warning hits" without trying to injure. For instance, dogs will nip before they bite or cats will box each other before they pull out the claws and teeth. I think this is the equivalent of a maintenance spanking in DD or when my Dom will lightly smack me to get my attention. If my behavior gets really bad, though, he will spank me for real--until it really hurts. Of course, he has always been careful not to injure me or leave permanent marks or bruises.

And sometimes, it's more simple than that. He will stop, look me in the eyes, and say, "You'd better do what I say, or else ____________."

My brain does a fast computation of the risk (is doing X worth receiving the punishment Y? Is he bluffing or will he really follow through?) and usually, I give in, because usually, I decide that it's not worth whatever punishment he's threatening.

And that is what I mean by saying "He makes me."