6/14/2011

The One Twue Way



In [insert your community here: BDSM, D/s, DD, CDD, Taken in Hand, M/s, etc.], in all these very interrelated communities, there is always someone who feels like they are not following "The One Twue Way."


No, that's not a typo. The twue way is just like a twue sub or a twue dom. There is no one right way to do it. There is no way you must be.



The online blogger communities are great for me because I can get so many great ideas. I can see how these relationships work in real life. I can see what works for me and what doesn't. I always try to share really good quotes or posts with my Dom, so he can share in this community, too.

In my online meanderings, I've found slaves with very detailed lists of rules and slaves with no real rules. I've met subs who love to submit and please, and subs who have to be forced into it and conquered. I've read posts by DD or CDD women who had to beg their husbands to discipline them and women who still beg their husbands not to.



Love it or hate it, if TTWD (This Thing We Do) is also TTYD (This Thing You Do), you fit in here.


It doesn't matter if you have rules or not. If your husband spanks you or not. If you have rituals or not. If you are good at submitting or not. If you call your husband a Master, Sir, Dom, or Head of Household, or none of the above.


This community has enough room for everyone.





The sad thing, I think, is when reading others' blogs and participating in online communities (like Fetlife and Taken in Hand) makes us feel alienated and alone, instead of encouraged and inspired. I've felt that way. Other bloggers (I'm specifically thinking of Libby, Kaya, and Stormy, but there are more) have also recently written about it. I think at some point, many of us feel like maybe we don't fit in here. Yet the point is to learn from others--their mistakes and successes, but mostly just their stories.



Each one of us is in a relationship that is completely and utterly unique. I believe God planned a specific person for each one of us. As Genesis 2:18 says:



God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

The word for "man" here is the Hebrew word hadam or adam, and it means man, mankind, or human. The word applied to the woman is ezer, meaning a help or helper, someone who gives aid. For this specific man, God created a specific helper who would fit him-- in other words, they complemented each other. Eve probably wouldn't have fit so well with any other man, because God hadn't created her to be a lifemate to anyone else. These two went specifically together.

There are a lot more of us on the earth now, but the basic principle remains the same. Each couple is made uniquely to suit. I can see how God knew, even better than my husband or I did, how we were going to complement each other and fit each other's needs. Sure, in the past I had dated other, very nice, boys, but I prayed hard about who I should end up with and so I trust that I was led to the right one for me.


So of course it seems obvious that what works for my Dom and me is not what's going to work for many other D/s couples. Our communities should be here to encourage and support one another--to give us the edification that yes, there are other people out there like us, other people struggling along similar journeys and having similar experiences and making similar mistakes. We have a lot to learn from one another.

But there is no "right" or "wrong" way to build your relationship. If you are communicating with each other, praying about it, and staying safe, sane, and consensual, you shouldn't ever feel like you are a misfit or don't belong. There is no "One Twue Way."


Unless my Dom asks. And then, you should tell him it's my way.


Just kidding.

4 comments:

ariia said...

I agree, there is no one twue way. A relationship between two (or more) people is as unique as the people are. I agree there are MANY ways to do things, no matter what kind of relationship you have. Look at all the books out there on Vanilla Marriages and how many different books there are on BDSM relationships. If there was a one size fits all way, we'd only need one book. But we have THOUSANDS of them.

I think online communities are there to help bring people together in real life. I know I joined FetLife so that Master and I could find people around us who were also kinky, who would get the fact that we are different and we like it that way. I've dropped many groups for feeling there was only one way to do things. It drives me nuts to be told what to do or how to do something by anyone other than Master (and he drives me nuts sometimes too).

I've borrowed rules (or I should say Master has borrowed rules) from various sources, helping to make our rules fit our relationship. But not one single thing we have ever done is a carbon copy of what someone else has done. We live our lives for us, not for others. We live differently because we are different. I wouldn't want to be someone else (even on bad days, when I wish I looked like someone else). I like who I am, I like who Master is, I like that we are different, that we are the only two people willing to put up with the other for life. I love that about us. I get most of our ideas from blogs, and I get most of our real life relationships by meeting people from FetLife. It didn't go so well here in New York, but we have high hopes that Texas will be better (I hear they're friendlier and a bit closer to our age down there lol).

Anyway, the only true way, is what works for the individuals in that relationship. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to love. There never has been.

Miss Spider said...

I just wanted to say "thank you" for having this blog. Tonight I came out as a Switch to my father, and attempted to share a very private and personal part of my life with him... He, in return, called it unnatural, unhealthy, morally wrong, not comparable to a "real" relationship, and far from any kind of a true "Christian Lifestyle". In fact, he made me promise to speak with a minister and a counselor about my views because he believes they will agree with him and point me away from this "life of sin". Understandably, it has cut me deep and even as i type this, it still makes me want to cry.

Thank you for giving me even the smallest amount of encouragement that there isn't anything wrong with me, and that I am in fact following my True Master's plan for me (God). May He bless your Dom, you, and Y/your very precious cargo. <3 Miss Spider

Sexperts said...

Ariia, good luck in Texas! I hope the community there is more what you're looking for.

Miss Spider, I'm very sorry to hear that. A lot of "vanilla" folk do not understand BDSM except as a world of leather and porn. Just pray and read your Bible and God will show you what He wants for your life.

Chris said...

This was an excellent post and I hope more people realize that we can be Christian, sexual, complicated, and still moral at the same time. Heterosexuality comes in all forms and flavors and I hope that more in the BDSM community realize that there is more than their one, twue way of doing things.