Men Never Feeling Hot

I just read the article Of Never Feeling Hot: The Missing Narrative of Desire in Straight Men's Lives by Hugo Schwyzer.

It was pretty amazing.

He's a straight guy blogging about sex. One important thing he said was that a lot of straight men are never seen as desired. Women are seen as desirable, sexual objects who are physically attractive to men, and gay men are, too, but not straight men. They are seen as being judged by their character and achievements, but physically they are taught that, unless you look like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, women are never going to desire your body for physical reasons alone. I think this is shockingly true.

In our culture, we're raised to see men as valuable, but not desirable. The average male (not the Brad Pitts of the world, who are a very small minority) is valued for his work, his achievements, his stability and strength, but rarely his looks. The women in his life may make him feel that they appreciate how they can rely on him, how he provides for them, and how he loves them, but society rarely teaches us to show him how hot he is. Sexually, he may know how it feels to be appreciated for how good he makes her feel, but probably not just for being physically desired.

Most men do not look like Brad Pitt. Even the few who do will inevitably age and lose their looks. Certainly, a man's character and heart are far more important than just his looks. But we women, while we want to be seen as smart and successful and funny, also must admit that we love to be told how pretty or beautiful or hot we are. I love it when my husband compliments my body or how I look in a particular dress. Then why do we not reciprocate?


Do you let your husband know when he looks hot? When you want him sexually, not just because you're feeling "in the mood" anyway but because he inspires you to be horny? When you find him desirable and irresistable?

And if not, why not?