Training a Sub

The phrase "training a slave" or "training a sub" always gets my Dom's goat. I think he sees it distasteful, like training a dog or a horse. Obviously, a slave is not a dumb animal.

I try to look at it more as "training" that we might encounter in our jobs or in the workplace. Training is a way our bosses make sure we are on the same page with the rest of the company: we know how to do things according to company policy, we understand how this particular job needs to be done, and we get familiar with what's expected of us by our bosses.

In D/s, some people also call this "breaking a slave." You can think of it as similar to training a horse, which is a beautiful, intelligent animal that also happens to be wild and fierce when unbroken. I think women are much the same way.

According to Submissive Guide:

Training is meant to adjust the slave’s core attitudes and behaviors to be more in tune with the Master. It certainly seems that as slaves, we do pass a point where the major force of our resistance and self-defensive mechanisms, the shell, is broken, and we enter a state of pliancy and moldability for our owners.

The training we undergo is also a from of breaking in. You will be told what is expected of you, learn the right and wrong way to go about certain tasks and anything else that the Master wishes to enhance or downplay in your manner or behavior. [emphasis mine]

Training is simply another word for learning or education. In a very simple sense, it could be considered "training" when my Dom tells me he wants me to get him a cup of coffee in the morning and to soap him down in the shower. These are behaviors I didn't use to do, so I have to practice them and he has to make sure I don't slip back into my old habits. A more complex form of training would be teaching me to submit to sex whenever he requests it or to submit to anal sex for a sub who says that's a limit.

Luna K gives a good example of training a sub: Perhaps your Dom wants you to receive your punishments in silence, without crying or speaking or moving. If your natural tendency is to fight, beg, scream, or cry, he'll have to train you to exhibit the behavior he prefers.

If your Master has preferences on how you will speak, dress, or act, that's training. If he has preferences on how he wants his dinner prepared every time, that's training. It's simply learning what he wants and changing your behavior to fit that.

It is important to note that training doesn't mean you wipe away your sub or slave's personality. You aren't creating a different person; you are simply teaching new, positive behaviors and eradicating old, negative ones. For instance, my Dom likes that I am playful and cheeky; he does not want to train me into a mindless, silent slave, but he does want me to be obedient and respectful while maintaining my spirit and wit. This requires him to train me, showing me which of my natural behaviors he wants me to express freely and which negative or self-destructive ones he wants me to outgrow.

There are on-line training programs, but I think it's better if each Master devises his own training program for his wife. This way, training is unique to each couple and guaranteed to be worth the work. There's no point spending time learning rules and behaviors that neither of you really care about, while possibly skipping some new behaviors that your Master would really like you to learn.

It's important to remember that training takes work on the part of both people. Deciding upon rules and behaviors, planning a training program, deciding how long to give each goal and how to measure each goal's success or failure, plus providing rewards and consequences for new behaviors is a lot of work. Please note that if you are going to train a sub, you must be entirely consistent. You cannot set forth a training program and then forget to check your sub's progress along the way and expect her to come out successful. You must be willing to be engaged in every step of the process, oversee how her training is going each day, and provide constant feedback and correction.