D/s or just a good husband?

A lot of what makes my Dom a "good husband" is that he takes care of me.

He takes care of real life things so that I don't have to be stressed out by them. I'm the flighty, creative, emotional one, and he's the down-to-earth one that takes care of what needs to be done. We both bring different strengths to this relationship.

I'm lucky that he takes care of me. When I was single I took care of the car and the little box and getting bills paid, but I'm airheaded and forgetful about them and frankly, they can stress me out. With him in my life, I can let him worry about the details and spend my time with my head in the clouds, or singing, or researching, or being my emotional self.

What things does my Dom take care of?

• Finances. We make the budget together and talk about big purchases, and I have my own credit card that I pay off each month, but he keeps track of most of the bills and makes sure they are paid. House, rent, mortgage, car payments, insurance, his credit card, utilities, trash, and water--he pays all of them. The only two things I'm in charge of paying are my own credit card bill and our tithe. He does this because he is less forgetful about these things and he doesn't want me to have to stress about when and where to pay things.


• Cars. He takes care of everything with our cars: he keeps them both filled with gas (aside from the rare instance I run out when he's not around) and remembers things that never occur to me, like changing the oil and getting the license plates registered.


• Litter boxes. He isn't very good at remembering to do this, but once I remind him a few times, he cleans the litter boxes and refills them. I haven't had to clean a litter box in years.


• Trash. He takes out the trash and recycling and hauls the trash bins back in once the trash has been collected.


• Mowing. Small details like how overgrown our yard is getting completely escape me. He likes mowing, so he gets the gas for the mower, pays attention to when we're becoming an embarrassment to our neighbors, and happily mows away with his iPod and his pipe.


• Putting away laundry. I'm the one who gets the laundry into the washer and through the dryer, but then it sits there. And sits there. And sits there. So once I've washed it, he folds it and puts it away, or else it sits in a clean pile for 3 to 4 weeks.


• Big decisions. We talk about big decisions, I worry myself sick over them, and then he makes them. Our last car, we talked about several options we were both okay with, and when one came open he bought it without even asking me so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Sometimes I am not happy with his decisions (like moving here a few months ago) and I get bitter and resentful, but I do appreciate it that he tries to be a leader and keep me from worrying about them by just making them for us.

When I worry that he "isn't dominating enough" or some such thing, his answer is always, "But I take care of you." This is undeniably true, but I think it's possible for a man to take care of a woman without it being D/s. Sure, it's male-led, but that doesn't necessarily also imply that he dominates me or that I submit to him. It means he's a good, nice husband for sure though!