How to Start Your Own Sub Training

In my earlier post on sub training, I stated that I think it's best if a Master creates his own training program for his wife. Whether you call it rules or training, it makes sense for you to have control over what changes your wife makes and how she acts when in service to you.

You should take into consideration many things when creating a training program.

How will the training program be completed?

Will you write down a list of rules? Will both of you sign a contract? Will you give her a general topic to work on and research herself and report back to you, or will you do the research yourself and then teach it to her? Will your training program be printed, like worksheets and instructions kept in a folder, or verbal? Or, will you use email and blogs to send her assignments and receive her responses?

Will you use an online training program (such as Master David's or Gorean rules) or slave training manual (such as Miss Abernathy's or Master Nage's books) as a template, or create your own training from scratch? While these resources or the 128 Basic Slave Rules may be a good place to get ideas, they mostly apply to the leather or M/s community, and I encourage you to create your own specific training program that is tailored to the needs of your sub and your plans for your marriage together.

How long will the training program take?

Training is ongoing, since I've never heard of a sub that completely stopped testing limits, even in 20-year relationships. However, the idea is that initial training should be more rigorous to help your sub un-learn old habits and really solidify newer, positive ones. Then you can just keep maintaining the training she's already learned and adding new components as necessary.

For each specific goal, you need to decide how long you want training to take. Depending on how difficult a task is, your slave's personality, and how ingrained her old habits are, this could be weeks or months. Make the easier, simpler skills have a shorter "due date" than the more difficult ones. Having a set timeline is important; this ensures that when life gets busy, you don't both just stagnate and let the training stall indefinitely.

How will you keep tabs on her progress?

You'll need to keep tabs on her progress each day and week. I'd advise daily check-ins for some things (either tasks she completes daily, or that she struggles a lot with) and weekly for others. How often will you check in with her? How will you keep tabs? Will she email you her progress, including rules she's broken, or keep a private blog for you? Will she keep a journal or create a slave training folder for you to read? Will she text you throughout the day with her progress? Will you set a time each night to discuss it together?

What kind of person do you want her to be?

Since you are the Dom, you have ultimate say in what goes into her training and what doesn't, no matter what online sub training and DD websites say or don't say you should do. Look at your wife. What aspects of her personality are really great and should be kept? Which ones are negative and should definitely go? Which personality traits, skills, talents, and dreams does she have that maybe she is too afraid or shy or unaware to develop herself, and how can you help her develop them?

What kind of person does God want her to be?

I can't stress enough that, at least for people who adhere to a specific religion, it matters far less what kind of person you want her to be than who God wants her to be. For Christians, her relationship with Christ is the most important one of her life. He created her, He knew her before you knew her, He made her the person she is today, and only He can take care of her should you leave this world before she does. When she dies, she'll do it alone with only Him to help her.

When creating a training program, if you are a Christian, you must take into account Biblical commands and guidance. It doesn't matter how much you want her to be in a gang bang, because the Bible is clear that's not okay. Look at the Bible to see what kind of person God wants her to be. Does she struggle with common sins, such as worry, gossip, drunkeness, idleness, etc.? If you're going to lead her to be more like Christ, you have to know your Bible and you have to make sure your training aligns with it.

What kind of person does she want to be?

She's given you a great honor by giving you authority over her. Respect her wishes. What kind of woman does she want to grow into, under your guidance?

What is good and healthy for her and your relationship?

Many Doms will include emotional and physical health in training. Physically, does she need to exercise, stop smoking, or eat better? Does she need to eat more or less? Does she have a history of eating disorders?

Emotionally, does she have any past issues that are hindering your relationship together? Many women come to marriages scarred by past emotional or physical abuse. This may manifest in unhealthy behaviors such as lack of trust, emotional withdrawl, insecurity or jealousy, the silent treatment, or a nasty temper.

Everyone has self-defense mechanisms we use as a response to past hurts and to protect ourselves from being hurt again. In a marriage, those self-defense strategies often have the unintended effect of closing down communication. What self-defense mechanisms does your wife use? Silent treatment? Sulking? Criticizing? Yelling? Blaming? Closing off emotionally? Be aware of them and use training as a way to break down those bad habits and open the doors for increased intimacy and communication.

Can you stay consistent?

Don't even bother starting training if you aren't going to have time for it. If you're too busy at work or tend to be the kind of guy who forgets to follow through and lets things slide, this isn't for you. If you can't provide clear-cut guidelines for her and maintain daily or periodic check-ups to monitor her progress and provide feedback, correction, punishment, and encouragement, you'll just send the message that your relationship and her training aren't important to you.

Let me say it again: If the rules aren't important enough to enforce, they aren't important enough for you to make them in the first place.

How will you provide feedback, positive reinforcement, and consequences?

Will you provide feedback verbally, via email, text, blog, letter, or a mixture? How often will you give her feedback? It's also a good idea to set up specific "mini-goals" within each goal. For instance, if your goal is for her to be sexually available to you 100% of the time within a month, you might set a mini-goal that you will surprise her with a sexual request every 3 days at first. Eventually, you can increase your demands until you reach your all-the-time goal.

If she reaches her mini-goals, what positive reinforcement will she get? This can be as simple as praise or something more concrete like a gift from you. (I know one slave who receives a symbolic charm for each training element she successfully completes.) If she doesn't reach her mini-goals and long-term goals, what will the punishment be? It's important to set it out for her so she knows in advance what to expect.

How will you meausure each specific goal?

Goals have to specific. Something like, "In 1 month, you will be more respectful to me," is impossible to measure and therefore impossible to know if the training was successful. If you want her to improve in the area of respect, for example, make it something specific, such as, "You will not use insulting names to refer to me" or "You will keep your tone respectful in front of the children." Be specific about what exactly you want to see change. Also, make sure you can measure a goal. "You will be sexually available to me" is not measurable, but "You will be available for anal sex each night before bed" is. At the beginning, you may reward her for 80% success, but as training continues, she should get to 90 and then 100%.

How will you keep training ongoing?

Once the initial training is complete, you can't just expect her to never make a mistake again. Sometimes she will forget and make a mistake. And sometimes she will test you on purpose. Don't let all your hard work be for nothing by letting her slack off once the training is complete. You still need to make sure she is staying true to the new behaviors she's learned by communicating with her, letting her know when you see a problem, and providing immediate correction if she slips up.

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If you consider all these areas before you start your sub training, you'll have a good foundation to build upon.

I'm not going to tell you what rules you should make for your slave, because I don't know you or your slave. However, these are some general areas you should consider before designing your training program.