Aftercare is something many subs, and some tops, need after a scene. A scene can really drain you, physically and emotionally. You can be dehydrated, zoned, in subspace (which is like being high or drunk for me), unable to speak, or just emotionally zapped.
Don't believe it? Trust me. ;)
I've written about some basic aftercare needs on this blog before, including water, rest, warm blankets or towels, and lots of cuddling to reassure needy, insecure feelings. Heck, I've even written about some of our (extremely funny)
aftercare mistakes when we were new at all this.
Aftercare is important because both partners can be physically drained after a scene. If there is blood, some Neosporin and clean towels are needed, and if there is stinging skin, a gentle massage or some Aloe Vera. You may also need emotional aftercare, especially if your sub has become a shivering, shaking wreck, is crying, or is so far into happy-fuzzy-subspace land that she can't talk.
My Dom is always good to ask me after a scene if I need water, since the heightened heart rate, extreme emotions, and sweating tussels can leave us both parched. Problem is, he normally asks me right after a scene, when I am still spaced out and want to do nothing more than burrow into my pillow and fall into a long, deep, exhausted, healing sleep. In those cases, I'll often just shake my head and try to go to sleep, not even realizing I'm dehydrated and not really caring if I do.
Sometimes, scenes can actually end up with a partner--usually the bottom--who is in something like shock. Yes, it's possible to die from untreated shock. That's why it's good to play with some extra things beside you BEFORE you start the scene, so you don't have to make a panicked trip to the store with a hyperventilating sub left gasping alone in the bedroom.
Subs after a really intense scene can find it hard to talk. (I do.) So you should know your partner enough to be able to tell when she is dehydrated (listen for sticky, dry sounds when they move their mouth) or dealing with depleted blood sugar.
According to the article
Diabetes Mellitus: Its Impact Upon the BDSM Lifestyle, temporarily low blood sugar can occur after really intense physical exertion. A sub with this problem will have cold, clammy skin, bad pallor, dizziness, and eratic behavior. In this case, you want to have these things easily accessible to you:
- orange juice or other juice
- soda
- candy (not chocolate; it takes too long for the body to absorb)
If your partner seems to be going into shock, it could be one of two things: insufficient blood flow to organs and tissue after an emotional or physical trauma. Especially if you are playing with triggers, mild or severe shock is a possibility in BDSM edge play. If your partner has clammy skin, fast but weak pulse, sweating, and rapid, shallowing breathing, she could be going into shock. In this case, you need to give immediate aftercare, give water, elevate the feet, wrap her with warm blankets or towels, and call a doctor or 911.
It's unlikely that your play will elevate into life-threatening shock, but BDSM has that potential. It's best to be prepared. For less serious issues, such as dehydration, mild shock, mild hyperventaliation, or a hazy, dream-like state, you can treat these at home with cool water, warm blankets, soft music, gentle cuddling, tender ministrations, and speaking in a gentle, soothing voice.
Honestly, I've never gone into shock or hyperventilation, but I've needed aftercare. I love the feeling of being in subspace; it's a very happy and hazy place for me. However, my Dom understands that in that state, I can't talk much and I won't be able to safeword or ask for things I need, like water or cuddles. I can nod or shake my head, so he goes by that. He covers me gently with a blanket, curls me up next to him, and holds me, stroking my hair and murmuring quietly to me. For me, it's a wonderful way to come out of a scene and drift into sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment