My Current Rules

My Dom and I are embarking on yet another exploration of D/s.

(In case you're new to my blog, D/s stands for Dominance/submission.)

We are not like many D/s relationships, in which you sign a contract one time and are signed up for life, or until one of you decides to end the contract. We are married first, and D/s second, so we tend to take D/s slowly and make sure our particular brand of D/s lines up with the Bible as well as with the particular BDSM relationship both of us want, which is often different. So rather than jump into a 24/7 dynamic, we do small trial periods of increased power exchange. There is certainly a power exchange dynamic present in our relationship most of the time, but sometimes we will add to it, and I will give him additional power for a set period of time. After the time is over, that allows us to step back and evaluate the experience: Did it work for us? Was it harder than expected? What issues came up that we hadn't foreseen? Could we maintain this 100% of the time, and do we both want to? I've found that often, adding more power exchange in real life is not nearly as easy or simple as it sounds when we're talking about it and researching it, so these trial runs allow us to try them out and see how they really work before we commit to them fully. Then we can decide to add that particular dynamic full-time or perhaps for another trial run. This way, we never commit to a new D/s element we're not ready for.

This trial run starts today (well, this morning at about 1 am if we're technical) and we decided to do it because the last one had worked well and I hadn't been as happy since we stopped. We usually do trial D/s runs for 5 days, and the last one wasn't perfect, but after I got the "power" back I was unhappy, jittery, and didn't feel safe. I need that feeling of safety and confinement, and the stricter he is, the more secure I feel.

After about a week of him encouraging me to commit to a more complete power exchange, I gave in. I was tired of having the power, control, and never being able to relax or feel safe. Sure, I was in more control, but I constantly felt panicky. I realized he was right, and not only did he enjoy having extended control over my life, but I felt safer, even if I didn't always like his decisions or relish my lack of power.

So for the next 5 days, we have agreed to a total power exchange. This is reminiscent more of a Master/slave relationship than a Dom/sub, which is what we normally have, but we are both open to it. I do not identify as owned property, so I guess that doesn't make us M/s. However, he has total control and can do anything he wants for these 5 days. Normally he isn't much of a rule-maker; he is more laid back than I am and he tends to simply make requests or demands as he wants something. However, I'm more structured and he's discovered I need the safety and confinement of full-time rules to give me a sense of being dominated even when he is away at work or we can't be together. It gives definition and structure to my days.

So here are my new rules, and we'll see how I do at them.

1. Be home waiting for him when he gets off work every day.
2. Get up to answer the door and let him in every day when he comes home from work.
3. Have dinner cooked and ready by 5:30 pm every evening.
4. Say "please" when making sexual requests or asking for a favor (this is a terrible habit of mine.)

I don't feel any of them are too difficult, although the cooking will take a lot more time than I normally devote. I'm guessing I'll get more rules added to this later today when he comes home and we talk about it, but for now that's it.

There are also some things he's mentioned he'd like me to do, but they aren't officially rules and I don't think he gets too upset if I don't do them. These may become actual rules, but right now he isn't too consistent about them so I don't consider them "rules".

1. Say "thank you" after every orgasm.
2. Greet him with a kiss on the mouth or cheek when he comes home from work.

We'll see how this work out, and if I get any more rules for this week I will add them here!