There are two types of submission: natural and learned. Each of us has both inside us, even our tops and dominants. For those of us who identify primarily as submissives in our relationships, rest assured that we all carry both elements of submission inside us.
What is submission?
Submission: the act of submitting; usually surrendering power to another. Meekness: the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness.
Submission can be an inborn trait, but it can also be learned. It can also be enforced from the outside by a stronger power, but that is more similar to conquest. Submission can be an attitude or an inner strength. You can also have submissive actions.
The Bible speaks a lot about submission. We are all called to submit to one another.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. -Ephesians 5:21
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. -Romans 13:1-2
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. -James 4:7
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not
come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. -1 Peter 3:1-7
Submissives are full of inner strength, grace, and quiet beauty. It takes a strong woman to submit and an even stronger one to develop a fully submissive attitude. As a submissive, you can bring many blessings to your family and your partner, as well as to your church and community.
One thing I do not like in BDSM communities is the talk about a "true submissive." This implies that there is a right and a wrong way to be submissive. It insinuates that some submissives are better than others, that they are "more truly" submissive. Not only is this rude and degrading to other submissives, but in my opinion it shows an alarming lack of humility.
Some submissives will post about how they are "natural submissives," as though that makes them better than those of us who have to work at it. I dislike this attitude. We are all working toward a common goal, and the only judge of how "submissive" we are should be Christ, ourselves, and our husbands--in that order. No matter how "naturally submissive" you are, you still have areas you could improve upon. That is why we all have dual natures to our submission: the natural and the learned.
Natural Submission
Natural submission is something all of us, even the most toppy Master, have. All of us have times in our lives when we naturally acquiese to the desires of those around us, whether to our parents when we were younger, to our partner or children, to a policeman or other civil authority, to Christ and the authority of His Church, or to our boss. We don't have to fight our natural instincts to submit; we just recognize an authority over us and do as we are asked. This is natural submission.
Learned Submission
Learned submission is what we fall back on when we run out of natural submission. Maybe we don't want to do what we've been asked or told, even if the request comes from an authority figure. In those cases, we make a conscious decision to submit anyway. Perhaps we disagree with our boss, but we do it anyway. Or you are angry at your Dom and feeling bratty, but you swallow your pride and accept his authority graciously. That is learned submission.
I often find myself using learned submission in my relationship with Christ. Perhaps I don't want to follow His rules (stamp foot here). Sometimes it is hard for me to not want to try pot, or engage in premarital sex, or drag myself out of bed to church. In these instances, I rely on my self-discipline to get me through, not any naturally submissive tendencies of my own.
Additionally, there are two types of learned submission: types you teach yourself, and types you learn from others. You can work on your self-discipline and submissive mindset on your own, especially with the wealth of great submissive resources out there on the web. Also, your Dom could train you in an area he especially wants you to improve in. Or, if your Dom wants you to learn to serve a formal dinner, but has no idea how to do this himself, he could arrange for someone else to teach you, perhaps by paying for a class or having a friend do it. A large part of any Dom's job is training his sub to be the person he wants her to be.
For those of us who identify as Christian submissives, we have the ultimate example of perfect submission and self-sacrifice: Jesus Christ. He was completely obedient to His Father, yet He was never a doormat. In fact, there are many lessons in the Bible that can teach us about Jesus' earthly life and how He balanced being a true submissive and a true King and leader at the same time.
As submissives, our lives can be both challenging and greatly rewarding. Welcome to the journey!
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