My Dom has commented before that I spend more time online reading, researching, and writing about submission than actually doing it. I'd like to think that this is because I'm something of a scholar (nerd, if you will), but the truth is it's also because I'm afraid of submitting. While growing up, my family life was something like this:
and nothing at all like this: 
The official idea in my family was that men and women are equal, but the practice was something very different. When my mom said, "Women are equal" she meant "women are better." Although my parents made decisions about parenting and finances together, my dad was laid back and usually happy to do whatever my more forceful mother thought was best. The idea in our house, reinforced through attitudes and games where men and women were always on opposite teams, was that men were useful for cooking, cleaning, ironing, giving foot massages, and waiting on you hand and foot, but were not too bright and lacked initiative without a strong woman to help them fulfil their true potential. They were also good to have around for help with childcare, fixing cars, mowing lawns, lifting heaving objects, and sending on errands to the store.
Needless to say, submission does not come easily for me.
But my Dom is right. It's easy for me to get wrapped up in the online kink community without really acting it out much in real life, especially outside the bedroom. My Dom is taking steps to correct this, as he's recently figured out some small-yet-effective ways to remind me who's boss when we're in public or I'm feeling particularly feisty, but I spend most of my day at home alone. Reading, researching, writing, blogging, commenting, and not really doing a lot of actual service around the home.
So today, I got my lazy, very tired (awake early from nightmares, remember?) butt out of the bed and did some housework. Not all of it, but some. I put on The Little Mermaid: The Musical soundtrack (the one from the new Broadway musical, which rocks out even more than the movie version) and sang and cleaned. The dishes went in to the new dishwasher we recently had installed (side note: after repeated requests to rinse the dishes before he puts them in the sink, my Dom never remembers to do it, and when it comes time to put them in the washer, they are caked with food and goop, completely voiding the idea of not doing dishes by hand behind the washing machine), I cleared away some things in the bathroom and living room, and rinsed the table and countertops.
We're trying to sell the house, so a month ago we went through the entire house and made it insanely neat. I mean, closets, garage, cabinets, drawers, you name it. It either got boxed up, given away, or thrown out. And it was pretty easy to keep it neat, since I'm at home not making a huge mess and we had to worry about prospective buyers coming over at any time. But now, the summer wanes on, and no buyers are coming, so we're losing the urgency of constant spotlessness. It's starting to get some of its old clutter back, and I hate that.
Yesterday, we didn't get to play or do any dominating (pout pout) and today we have a party to go to. Speaking of which, I guess I should go cook something, too. Sigh.
So, I tried it. I tried to clean, keep the house neat, although he hasn't told me that he wants me to be in charge of this or to make it an aspect of my submission. For me, it's just something simple that I don't really want to do, and doing it helps me grow both in self-discipline and selflessness. Which is what submission is really about.
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