Tickle Sex Store

I've just discovered another online sex toy shop that I really like, My Tickle Spot. I like Tickle because their site is elegant and easily laid out. You can search for toys by most popular and by category, but also by circumference, hypoallergenic materials, shape, and special features.



They also have the We-Vibe II, which I have been lusting after for... oh, about a year now.



They also have some great BDSM books, including S&M 101 and How to Be Kinky: A Beginner's Guide to S&M, but I didn't see any great bondage kits or BDSM toys on their site. :( However, I did notice that their collection of BDSM and fetish books is tres cheap, ranging from $8 to $21. For instance, S&M 101 is only $19.50, and How to Be Kinky is on sale for a phenomenal $13.26. These are the cheapest I have found these books at any sex toy store, so if you want to add to your fetish book collection (I do!), here's the place to do it.



And if you use the coupon code above, you can save 30% off your purchase! I was impressed by this since most stores won't give more than 10% discounts.

And, if you own a blog....

Become a Tickle affiliate! Through the Tickle affiliate program, you receive a 20% commission on all sales through your site, 5% on all sales through the sites of friends you recommend to Tickle, and 1% of all your friends' subaffiliates. If you like their sex toy products, simply fill out this form and start promoting their toys on your blog!

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Terms & conditionsTerms and Conditions<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This Agreement (“Agreement”) contains the complete terms and conditions concerning the TicklePartners Program, the purpose of which is the establishment of a link (hereinafter, “The TicklePartners Link”) from your website to our website, "MYTICKLESPOT.COM" (the “Tickle Website”). Please note that the TicklePartners Program is administered through TICKLEPARTNERS.COM owned by Tickle Industries LLC and is a software by Quality Unit.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This is a legally binding agreement. By completing and submitting the online application, you acknowledge that you have read, understand and agree to be bound by this operating agreement.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />1. Enrollment<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Submit a complete application via the Tickle Partners Website. Your application will be evaluated in good faith and we will notify you of its acceptance or rejection. Your application may be rejected if we determine (in our sole discretion) that your site is unsuitable for the Tickle Partners Program. Unsuitable sites include, but are not limited to, those that promote violence; promote discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation, or age; promote illegal activities; include “Tickle Industries,” any other trademark of Tickle Industries, or its affiliates, or variations or misspellings of any of them, in their domain name or other HTML tags, including page titles, meta-tags, or HTML comment tags, or in any paid search programs. By participating in the Tickle Partners Program you agree that you will not engage in any such activities. If we reject your application, you are welcome to reapply to the Tickle Partners Program at any time. 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I'm On Vacation!

I'm going on vacation!

My father and I are heading to Europe to spend a few days in Paris and then some sightseeing in England and Ireland. I used to live in France, so I'm terribly excited to be going back, especially with my dad, who was a history teacher and will love Paris. I'm also excited to have a real croissant and pain chocolat again.

I've never seen England or Ireland, so I'm tickled to be seeing those for the first time ever, especially the Cliffs of Moher.

Maybe I'll even find some European S&M clubs that I can visit just for kicks. ;)

I will miss my Dom and our cats terribly, and I'll miss my lovely online community of bloggers and FetLifers, but I'll be full of delightful stories to tell when I come back! I can't wait to get back and read all the news and drama that has happened in my absence.

Below is our trip map so you can see and feel jealous. :P


In the meantime, you can follow me on Twitter and Formspring until I get back to the world of sex and BDSM blogging. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them on Formspring or my blog. I hope everyone has a great end of July and enjoy the rest of summer! Bon voyage!

My Rant: Why Christians CAN be Kinky

Why do people think Christians can't be kinky?

I mean, cognitively, I understand it. I understand that people think most devout Christians are Bible-thumping, conservative, blue-state, pulpit-preaching jerks. There are many Christian leaders, politicians, and groups out there that have earned the rest of us that nasty reputation (thanks for that, by the way, guys. ::rolls eyes::).

But that isn't ALL of us.

When people say "Christians can't be kinky," I tend to reply, "You're confusing what a Christian is." A Christian isn't someone who goes to church or votes for George W. Bush (::eye rolls again::). A Christian is someone with a relationship with Christ. We are followers of Christ. We're not perfect, we make mistakes, and sometimes we make asses out of ourselves as a group. I'm not even going to list all the embarrassing things Christians have done in history, but as a group we've done some pretty terrible stuff. But as a group we've also done some really great stuff. And I just tell myself that's because people who follow Christ may be human and imperfect, we are all sinners, but you should not confuse Christians with Christ. If I had to look to some of the small-minded Christians I know for my faith, I'd be turned off, too. Luckily, I don't. I can ignore them--they have their own path of faith to follow--and concentrate solely on Jesus. And seriously, He was one cool guy. Strong, fearless, leader, servant, obedient, divine but still flesh. You never saw Jesus claiming to do one thing and then doing another. Jesus was never a hypocrite. Jesus was never malicious or judgmental or unforgiving. We, his followers? Yeah, we're all those awful things and more, because we're human. But you can't confuse one Man with all us sinful beings following Him.

It just makes me so mad when I see these groups on Fetlife and around the internet asking "How can Christians be kinky?" Some of the more inflammatory get away with saying we all follow "the undead zombie from the sky," like we're some kind of idiots who believe fictional myths without any proof. It just angers me to no end. I'm an intelligent, educated woman who chose to be Christian after much research and study. My husband and I both have a Masters and he has a university degree in Religious Studies (it was my minor). I'm not an idiot and I resent people who assume I am because I'm a Christian. People think BDSM must be against the Bible (it's not). They think BDSM must incorporate sin (it can, but it doesn't have to). They think you can't be Christian and kinky.

Well, I'm Christian and kinky.

I'm also things that many stereotypical "Christians" are not. I vote Democratic, all the time. I've visited mosques and synagogues and would go again. I'd vote for gay civil unions if it ever came up. Yeah, I'm saved. I'm devout, conservative even in my religious beliefs (I'm pretty much pro-life, anti-premarital sex, and I do believe Jesus is the only way to heaven. I read my Bible, go to church most every Sunday, and have a crucifix in my house). But I also have friends who are not Christians, people I love very much and that I respect. I think they ask good questions that challenge my faith. My faith is not threatened by a friend who is pro-choice or Republican or Muslim or atheistic. And my faith is not threatened by BDSM.

One man on FetLife was just such a guy who doesn't see how people can be both Christian and kinky. He started a discussion called M/s, BDSM, and Christianity, which if you have a FetLife account you can read even if you're not part of the Masters and Slaves group, but unfortunately I'm not part of that group so I couldn't respond. So I'm venting on my blog. I'm going to outline the original poster's questions, both in the first discussion and in his follow-up post, and I hope that for once people can stop assuming all Christians are Bible-thumping, gay-hating, anti-sex, ethnocentric idiots. Some of us are, and they annoy me just as much as they annoy you. But just like all Americans don't think the same way, all Christians aren't represented by the small, bigotted, yet strangely vocal minority.

So if you are one of those who identify as Christian, how do you resolve the cognitive dissonance between the M/s you engage in (the BDSM, the polygamy, the sex for recreation instead of procreation and so on and so forth) and the Christian doctrine? Any kind of fun, kinky sex within a Christian marriage is okay, so there is no cognitive dissonance between M/s and BDSM. As for polygamy, the Bible is unclear whether God is for or against it, and theologians differ. If a man is married to all his wives, he is technically not sinning by being polygamous. It is only a person who is not married to all his partners who is fornicating. As for the "sex for recreation instead of procreation," only a minority of Christian groups believe this is wrong, mainly Catholics and Mormons. Most Protestant sects have no problem with sex for recreation and bonding without the possibility of procreation.

And that One True Way, Christianity or following God’s words, seems to be very opposed to most of what is considered the norm for M/s and BDSM. This is true. For Christian kinksters, some things are just flat-out forbidden by the Bible. No sex before marriage, no swinging, no threesomes, no porn, no orgies, no bestiality, no sex with close relatives, no adultery. Even if both partners agree, those kinky activities are out for Christians, because their marriage is a three-way relationship between the spouses and God, and all three of them must agree. However, this still leaves tons of kinky activities open for Christian kinksters, including Master/slave, puppy play, rape play, roleplaying, pain, spanking, bondage, punishment, dirty talk, etc, etc, etc. I personally feel like most of the activities associated with BDSM can easily be kept within a monogamous marriage.

So without resorting to Ephesians 5:22-24 (way too easy), which is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of how much this religion is phenomenally misogynistic, just how do you resolve the cognitive dissonance between being either Master or slave and being Christian? Part one. I do not think Christianity is misogynistic. I think the Bible was written by misogynistic men living in a misogynistic culture, but honestly, most cultures back then were. The only time women are supposed to submit is 1. during church services (1 Timothy 2:12) or 2. to her husband (1 Peter 3:1). That leaves 99.9% of situations and men that she is completely an equal to. Most Christians do not follow the 1 Timothy 2 verse about women not speaking in church; that was seen as a cultural command and not a moral one. For every verse about a woman submitting to her husband, there is one about men and women are equal in Christ and equal spiritually.

Part two. I don't think there is a cognitive dissonance between being a Christian and a kinkster. The Bible makes it clear that we are all called to different positions in life. Some of us are slaves, some are teachers, some mothers and fathers, some leaders, some warriors. If a Christian woman wants to be a slave to her husband, that isn't required by the Bible, but it isn't forbidden, either. She is free to give us much submission to him as she wants, even up to 100%.

So for those who say they are M/s Christian and not in monogamous relationships, there has to be some cognitive dissonance. Or have I got it wrong and do you just simply willingly commit sin? For those Christians who are not in monogamous relationships or at least striving toward that (we all sin!), they either usually believe that the Bible shouldn't be taken literally (in which case why are they Christians?) or they justify it using some vague verse in Matthew about how we are not under the law and only need to love God to be a good Christian. I don't agree with this interpretation at all.

In Ephesians it becomes clear that the wife should not disobey the law of God under the guise of submission. This is where the cognitive dissonance question I asked in the OP comes into play. At what point does the Christian/slave/wife deny her Christian/Master/husband’s command? If such a command is something defined as being ‘sin’ in the Bible, does the Christian slave then defy God or the Master? This is a great question and one that is addressed in virtually every book written about Christian submission within marriage. Even non-kinky Christians need to know "Where does submission stop?" The answer is: a Christian woman should submit to her husband in everything that is not specifically defined as a sin in the Bible. She submits to her husband as he submits to God, so ideally her husband would never lead her astray. God is leading both of them to truth through the authority of the husband. But, husbands are human and they sin, too! In that case, a woman should submit to God first. If her husband commands her to do something against her faith or the Bible, she has a right to refuse.

So that is it. You don't have to be Christian to get something out of my blog. You don't have to be Christian to be friends with me or have an important place in my life. I totally understand and respect the right of each person to chose for himself. But I am so tired of people who assume Christians can't be into BDSM or they are doing something "wrong"!

Is Christianity perfect? No. It's made up of a group of sinful humans who are striving to be better and trusting they are saved through grace. Is it possible to be a Christian and kinky? I hope so. Here I am... doing both... being both.

10% off coupon code to Fascinations

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Bondage Rope and Shots Scenes

The other day, my Dom used our bondage rope for a wonderfully devious purpose--to force me to do his will during the scene. Instead of tying my wrists or ankles with the rope, he looped it around my neck in a gentle knot. I was stuck.

This extra control was great for him, because with just a slight tug or pull he could force my head and body to go wherever he wanted them. He forced me to kneel before him on a pillow, tugging at the rope whenever I was too hesitant or slow for his liking. Then he forced me to give him head, even with me saying no and protesting and turning my head away, by pulling on the cord around my neck until I had no choice but to take him in my mouth. (For those new to the blog, we have a relationship of consensual non-consent and I am always allowed to use my safeword.)

I can't lie, the control was hot. Not the things we were doing, but being forced to do them. With just a soft rope around my neck and him pulling it like a leash or lead, I was at his mercy. I think we both enjoyed it.

Later, we went to a hookah bar since I'd never tried the hookah bar. Some people we knew were there, so we stayed very late, and during that time I told him "no" several times, so afterwards for my punishment he took me to a seedy bar and made me take 2 double shots of whiskey, which I don't like. I pouted and whined and promises to be better next time, but he was completely firm, and no amount of pleading, cajoling, or rationalizing worked. Finally, I took my two shots worth of punishment and we headed on home, me feeling tipsy and even more at his control. We ended the night by cuddling up in bed and falling into an exhausted sleep, but it was a very fun night out.

Today has been rather unactive. My Dom found a kitten outside that was obviously alone and hungry so we've let her in and given her food and toys. Our two kitties are very unhappy with this; one is watching her every move like a hawk and the other is hiding in the back bedroom. I'd love to keep her, but we can't keep three kitties so I will eventually put her up for adoption. She's a cute cat and very young so we hope we'll find her a good home.

Well, that's all my news for the day. I think the scene from last night was very good, so if you like any of the ideas, feel free to use them as suggestions for your own scene ideas with your sub or Dom.

Oh, and I'm on Twitter now, so if you want to follow me, go to http://twitter.com/Sexperts_!

The Eden's Fantasy Dilemma, or Why I'm Through

All right, I'm blogging about it.

Although I mostly read and subscribe to D/s blogs, these overlap enough with the "sex blogger community" (I think that would include BDSM, but those in the group write about mostly sexual health and toy reviews) that I noticed when the whole blogger community got in an uproar this May about Eden's Fantasy.

Just before the big fiascos came out, I signed up to be an Eden's Fantasy (EF) reviewer. The name Sexperts was taken (sad face), so I couldn't sign up under that name, but I did a few free reviews for them. Ultimately, I was hoping to receive toy reviews and get more involved in the EF community, which is substantial. There are blogs, forums, reviews, messaging, and more.

There will always be bloggers screaming about how they were mistreated, and if it were just one or maybe two bloggers, I'd probably ignore it.

The thing is, though, many prominent members of the sex blogging community have written openly about their issues with EF and its leadership. Finally, this thing got so big I also felt I needed to write about it.

Essin' Em has written about her issues with EF when she was employed by them. She was unhappy with EF for backing out of a Sex Bloggers Calendar, for sharing some bloggers' public information on the web (!!) and then not taking responsibility for it, and then for allegedly lying and saying they never had a Google doc spreadsheet of the bloggers' contact info. Fred, the owner of EF, wrote a rebuttal about the Google doc spreadsheet incident here.

AAG also worked for EF and was fired, which was not her issue with the company. Her issue is that she has not been reimbursed for the final week of work she did before leaving the company. Of course any boss has the right to fire an employee, but not to withhold pay simply because he was unhappy with the work prior to firing.

Epiphora has recently been blocked from the EF community without being given warnings or specifics as to what she did wrong. In my opinion, the worst part is that EF then wrote a public announcement about this to humiliate her, then later wrote that since she didn't try to appeal but only wrote about it on her blog, they stood by their decision. Well, her original notice said the decision was "final." And they are mad because she didn't appeal?! Very high school.

After the to-do about Epiphora being blocked, Just Your Average Guy wrote a public post saying he was disappointed in EF and would be leaving. As you can read in the comments, an administrator temporarily locked his account for a "cooling-off" period because he had been "spamming."

Curvaceous Dee is unhappy with EF because they accidentally made public some bloggers' private information, including her real name.

That Sex Toy Chick has, without naming EF, made it clear that "a company" she disagrees with is the same company AAG and Essin' Em wrote about. She was forced to file with the state to be awarded money that was owed her. The owner of EF, Fred, also stopped her from creating a new sex toy called ChillDils by accusing her of copyright infringement, but did not give her proof of copyright when requested. She says EF is now selling their product again, after years of it being dormant, right when she was ready to start her own Chilldils. I don't know the name of the product, so I cannot verify that.

Maybe Maimed But Never Harmed by MayMay wrote a popular article called "EF's unethical technology is a self-referential black hole." This author had discovered that EF's links to their reviewer and bloggers' websites were actually not giving traffic to these sites. In other words, they're lying to and screwing over their community. According to Women's Tribune, an initial inquiry about it on the EF forum was deleted (you'll have to enlarge the screen shot), but another forum discussion opened by a community member asking about it. A staff member, Victoria, said the post was deleted because the staff had already gone home for the day and they have now talked it out and addressed the issue. Fred (I feel like I know him already!) wrote an explanation of EF's linking practices. Furthermore, after reading Fred's explanation, MayMay said it makes no sense, and said, and I quote, "I call bullshit on Eden Fantasy's response."

The author of Women's Tribune made a post on the EF forum that the explanation did not make sense, and her post was deleted and then she was blocked (read her story for details). Mistress Kay was also blocked from EF for similar posts.

Maria wrote on the EF forum and said she was unhappy with EF, can't trust the company, and is leaving. Aside from the aforementioned drama, she is unhappy because EF divides its toys by male and female, and even gay and straight, which is both confusing and politically incorrect. After many months, EF still had not changed the toy categories. The owner of EF, Fred, wrote her a comment defending the company and saying he invited this discussion on the open forum. He says the problem is being fixed.

Epiphora also wrote a great post about many people who worked or reviewed for EF and shared their bad experiences with her anonymously. I'd recommend reading them before you make a decision.

The sex blogging community is rallying in support, including posts by:

Sexy by Sarah

The Smack Dog Chronicles

Ask Garnet (this is where I first heard about it all!)

Julietta

Carnivalesq

Feminina Deliciosa

Hello Saraid

At a Kinky House

Heartbreak Nymphomania

and honestly, so many more I'm tired of typing them out. lol.

For a list of all the links that have to do with Eden's Fantasy, check out Britni's site. You can get some great info there, and if you're new to this whole debacle it's a great place to start sorting out the truth and the madness.

So, I guess that's it. I won't be buying from EF anymore, or writing reviews for them, or being part of their community at all. I feel beholden to support my fellow sex bloggers, especially these women who are putting their hearts and souls into making the online sex community a more wholesome, healthy place. Babeland and Good Vibrations are still awesome, and I'm always in the market for more cool stores that are sex-positive, friendly, and not full of porn and sleaze.

At first glance, EF really seemed more like Babeland and Good Vibrations, but after soooo many bloggers are decrying them, I feel like there's something wrong there. There could be a good reason for one blogger to boycott them, or maybe two, but not these dozens of people whose names I know. So add me to the list of sex bloggers boycotting EF. I'm sure they won't even miss me. And hey, if you decide to boycott them too, please let me know in one of your comments or with a link back here!

I'm Lovin' It

Yes, I'm humming the McDonald's theme song.... and not because I like Mickey D's (ew), but because I'm happy in my D/s relationship.

I don't think it matters if you are vanilla, M/s, D/s, Taken in Hand, codependent, CDD, or whatever else you want to be, as long as you are both happy. In fact, even though I identify as D/s as well as CDD and Taken in Hand, I still have long and fruitful talks with my vanilla girlfriends about sex, relationships, and men. Relationships are just relationships, and even my BDSM marriage has more in common with a vanilla relationship than it differs.

Right now, I'm frustrated because Blogger doesn't have a gadget so I can publish my comments that I make to other people's blogs. There are so many great blogs out there to do with D/s, that I find through the blogrolls of the blogrolls of my Google Readers, and I comment on them because they're good and they make me think. I want my readers to be able to see these great blogs as well as my comments on them, and I also want to be able to find these blogs later once my "internet trail" is all but forgotten in a blitz of right-clicking and opening new tabs from the blogs I'm on. I'm always amazed by how many good D/s blogs there are out there.

So why am I happy?

I got a lot of sleep. That's always awesome for me. I was traveling the last five days and up late every night. When I got home, I kept my exhausted body up til 2:30 am with my husband, first fighting and then making love, and I slept until 2:30 in the afternoon the next day! (!!!!!) I mean, I normally sleep til 8:30 or 9 am. Sleeping in til 10:30 is a great morning for me. I cannot remember a time I have ever slept that late, but it really screwed up my sleep schedule since at 5:30 am this morning I was awakened by a purring kitty and felt wide awake.

I'm also happy because of the cats. We have two kitties, near and dear to my heart. One of them, the snobby one I've had since she was a kitten, is cuddly and nice about once a week, and the rest of the time is aloof, grouchy, needy, jealous, and whiny. But today, since I was gone for five days, she has been purring and laying on my lap, even though I'm typing.

The other one we adopted when she was about a year old from a family who had saved her from being put down by a neglectful owner. I'm not sure WHY this owner would ever put her down, since she is the most laid back, low-maintenance, lovey and friendly cat I have ever met. It makes me so mad when people do not take care of their animals. When we got her, she was ugly and scrawny, bony with nasty, gross-feeling yellowed fur that felt icky no matter how many times I gave her a bath. Now, a year after being in a happy, healthy home with regular access to nutrition and meals, she is a gorgeous, white, chubby kitty with soft, fluffy, healthy fur. I'd like to just punch her old owners in the face, whoever they were.

Anyway, this second one is usually pretty self-sufficient and uses humans only to be petted. I knew she loved to cuddle and get pets, but I assumed I was about as important to her as any warm machine that could deliver the same amount of cuddles and pets. However, leaving for 5 days has proved me wrong! She has followed me around for two days now, purring at a ridiculously loud volume and basically loving all over me. Cuddles, tummy rubs, purrs, kneading, and batting at the air have been going on for two straight days now. I think she actually missed me! In fact, last night I climbed in to bed, and she climbed up and flopped down next to me and started rolling on her back and pawing the air so energetically that she forgot where she was and slid right off the bed. It was hilarious! I saw her realize she was going down, too, and her little ears went back and she tried to grab the bedsheets as she slid down with a crash. It was pretty funny!

Anyway, aside from cats and lots of sleep, I'm happy in my relationship. It's such a strange feeling for me, after years of never trusting or being happy. Trust and happiness are still elusive for me, but it's improving. I don't always trust my Dom, but I'm slowly starting to more and more. We both hope that after years of marriage, I will eventually be able to open my heart to him and be fully healed.

We've had sex three times in three days, which is unheard of for us with my past of sexual abuse. I can go for 4 to 6 weeks with no sex without blinking, which drives him nuts. In fact, he really hurt my feelings the other day by telling me that although sex is great when we have it, the lack of frequency makes our sex life unfulfilling for him. I pride myself on being good at sex, and on fulfilling him in other ways than vaginal intercourse, so that news really, really hurt me---and made me less likely to want to have sex with him. Sexual healing is a vicious cycle.

Last night he gave me some new rules (hurray!) and although I don't like all of them, I am excited to have that structure. I don't think there's such a thing as too many rules for me, as long as he is able to remember and consistently enforce them all.

One of my rules is to have dinner ready at 5:30 pm. Yesterday I was very bad and got hooked on reading blogs, so I had to grab a fast dinner (cold chicken pasta salad on crackers) to get done on time, and I was really cutting it close at 5:28 pm. But I still made it! It wasn't a culinary masterpiece so I'm not really proud of it, but there's so much left over we'll probably have it for dinner the next two nights.

Another of my rules is to be sexually available at all times. This is also hard for me, due to the aforementioned lack of sex. I'm just normally not that interested. Intercourse scares me and makes me feel used and disliked. It's hard to train myself otherwise, even though in my head I know he loves me.

Last night, we had sex and it was very nice. But for some reason, I couldn't handle the "tender lovemaking" scene. I felt needy and spread too thin, like there were a billion ways I could go and I felt completely overwhelmed by them all. I didn't like it when he was trying to bring me pleasure tenderly. It just made me feel panicked. (I'm sure a psychologist would have a field day with this confession, but hey---I admit I've been screwed up and I'm healing, and I admit I prefer a codependent and enmeshed marriage to an independent one.)

Anyway, part of my training---he hasn't said this, but I can tell---is that he's trying to train me to ask for what I want, emotionally and sexually. This is very difficult for me. I tend to hint, or whine, or complain, or demand, or beg, but never simply make a request. I don't know why. Making a request makes me feel too needy, too scared, and too vulnerable, so I attempt other means to get what I want. Unfortunately, he seems to have caught on.

So he's slowly forcing me to make requests. He's stopped responding to my hints and moans and scrunched-up, unhappy faces, even though he usually probably knows what I want. Sigh. He forces me to say the words out loud and finish them with a "please."

Well, I don't like to ask for stuff sometimes. It's embarrassing to ask him for my vibrator or to ask him to hurt me. I feel like those desires aren't "normal" and they are shunned by society. A Christian wife should enjoy lying there, being made love to by her husband. But as a submissive, I want more. I don't want to be made tender love to (at least not usually, but sometimes I do!). I want to be hurt, controlled, and made demands of.

Last night, I needed to be controlled. "Making love" left open too many possibilities that just scared me to death. I wanted to be held down and used. Specifically, I wanted his hand on my throat, threatening that ultimate submission of lack of air.

I whined, and I scrunched up my face, and I twisted around, but he wouldn't do it. I think he knew what I wanted, too. Stubborn man. Sigh. I took his hand and put it back around my throat, but he wouldn't do it. Panicky me.

Finally, he laughed with a low growl and said, "Ask me for what you want."

Sigh. I hate asking. Especially for things society tells me I "shouldn't" want, even though I know in the BDSM community and with my Dom they are perfectly normal and acceptable, things "good girls" don't want or need like being slapped or hit or called names or having their husband grab them by the throat while they're making love. I just need something that makes lovemaking a little less intense and scary while I'm learning how to deal with it.

So, [groan], I asked for it. I even said please. My Dom didn't judge me for wanting to be held down and my throat grabbed, he just did it and kept one or both hands around my throat for the remainer of the time. When he took his hands away, I felt panicky and insecure. When he put them back, I was able to relax and go limp. I don't know why, but I needed that extra control.

Afterward, we cleaned off and drifted to sleep. I like it best when he grabs my hair or throat as I fall asleep, when he squeezes me tight against him with one hand and tangles his hand in my hair and pulls gently with the other hand. I need that slight tug of pain to feel safe as I drift to sleep.

This morning, I woke up at 5:30 because Cuddly Cat was flipping herself out purring so much as she snuggled her little face into my poor chin. Seriously, that cat was LOUD. I'm going to Europe in a few days and I can hardly wait to see how happy they'll be when I come back.

Anyway, I wanted to be squished, hair pulled lightly, body smushed down, but he isn't very good at that when he's sleepy. He just wants to cuddle vanilla-style. But then he woke up and asked if I wanted to have sex.

I was honest and said no, but I'd be willing. So he said okay and he had to go to work soon anyway. I think he wanted a little more enthusiasm on my part.

Well, one of my new rules is that I'm supposed to be available for sex at all times. I assumed this meant I had to be willing, even when I didn't want to. But as soon as I said I was willing, but not excited, he just gave in to me and said okay. So even though I didn't want to have sex, then my feelings were a little hurt because he didn't want to have sex with me. Even when I don't want to have sex, I want him to want me, you see? It's complicated, but then I'm a woman.

So I asked him if my feelings should be hurt, and when he realized I was willing and remembered he'd instructed me to be ready at all times, he went ahead and did it. He had to command me to open my legs a few times, and I wasn't warmed up so it was uncomfortable and it hurt. That excited me, since I like it when he enjoys me with little to no regard to my feelings or desires (maybe not all the time, but it's hot every once in a while!).

He pushed my legs over his head, and that hurt me so much I was crying out in pain, so he took pity on me and slammed me in regular missionary-style position. It hurt a bit, but not so much I couldn't take it, and I think he likes my breathing and cries when I'm in pain. I'm not sure if he knows which noises are "horny" and which ones are "pain," but I think he can normally tell and likes them both equally.

Once he was done, I took a quick shower with him and then he went to work. The sex may not have been mind-blowing orgasmic, but I've noticed that the more we have sex, the more open I am to the idea later, even if I'm not raring to go I'm at least willing. And it makes me just generally more open to his kisses and cuddles for the next several hours as well. I guess sex really is the glue that binds marriages together.

Today, I've been asked to drink some water (so I stay healthy and don't get a UTI from the sex) and also to put away my clothes. I'm not sure if he means my dirty clothes from my trip, or the clean clothes on top of the dresser, so I'll just do both.

It's a hot, muggy summer day here in Missouri, but life is good and I'm a happy sub. I'm finally being given rules, sex, structure, and commands. Life is good!

Asking Permission to Do Things

Today there was a discussion on Fetlife about what kinds of things slaves and subs must ask permission to do. While most D/s relationships have rules, the non-kinky domestic discipline groups like CDD or Taken in Hand tend to only have a few rules, and ones that are obviously helpful to the woman (to keep her safe, to make her a better person, to keep her healthy, etc.). On the other hand, in Master/slave and Dominant/sub relationships, some people prefer to have many rules for the sub.

What are some examples of things slaves and subs could be required to ask permission for?

1. Going to the bathroom.
2. Using furniture in the house (including beds, tables, and chairs).
3. Using the phone or internet.
4. Leaving the house.
5. Shopping or spending money.
6. Corresponding with new people on Fetlife or the internet.
7. Posting photos to Fetlife.
8. To talk to other Dom/mes or Masters/Mistresses.
9. To ask Doms and Masters permission to speak to their slaves or subs.
10. To begin eating.
11. To masturbate.
12. To orgasm.
13. To sexually pleasure the Dom or Master.
14. To leave the Master's presence.
15. To drink anything other than water.
16. To change a profile picture online.
17. To speak or ask a question.
18. To go out late with friends.
19. To open the mail.
20. To read or respond to messages online.
21. To smoke or drink.
22. To sleep in bed every night.
23. To post to online blogs or journals.
24. To visit friends or family.
25. To choose the clothing for the day.

Depending on how strict or laid back a Master wants to be, the rules can be very general ("You don't have to ask permission to do anything unless I am in the room with you") or very strict ("You can't use public or private toilets with the seat down"). It all depends on the couple!

My Current Rules

My Dom and I are embarking on yet another exploration of D/s.

(In case you're new to my blog, D/s stands for Dominance/submission.)

We are not like many D/s relationships, in which you sign a contract one time and are signed up for life, or until one of you decides to end the contract. We are married first, and D/s second, so we tend to take D/s slowly and make sure our particular brand of D/s lines up with the Bible as well as with the particular BDSM relationship both of us want, which is often different. So rather than jump into a 24/7 dynamic, we do small trial periods of increased power exchange. There is certainly a power exchange dynamic present in our relationship most of the time, but sometimes we will add to it, and I will give him additional power for a set period of time. After the time is over, that allows us to step back and evaluate the experience: Did it work for us? Was it harder than expected? What issues came up that we hadn't foreseen? Could we maintain this 100% of the time, and do we both want to? I've found that often, adding more power exchange in real life is not nearly as easy or simple as it sounds when we're talking about it and researching it, so these trial runs allow us to try them out and see how they really work before we commit to them fully. Then we can decide to add that particular dynamic full-time or perhaps for another trial run. This way, we never commit to a new D/s element we're not ready for.

This trial run starts today (well, this morning at about 1 am if we're technical) and we decided to do it because the last one had worked well and I hadn't been as happy since we stopped. We usually do trial D/s runs for 5 days, and the last one wasn't perfect, but after I got the "power" back I was unhappy, jittery, and didn't feel safe. I need that feeling of safety and confinement, and the stricter he is, the more secure I feel.

After about a week of him encouraging me to commit to a more complete power exchange, I gave in. I was tired of having the power, control, and never being able to relax or feel safe. Sure, I was in more control, but I constantly felt panicky. I realized he was right, and not only did he enjoy having extended control over my life, but I felt safer, even if I didn't always like his decisions or relish my lack of power.

So for the next 5 days, we have agreed to a total power exchange. This is reminiscent more of a Master/slave relationship than a Dom/sub, which is what we normally have, but we are both open to it. I do not identify as owned property, so I guess that doesn't make us M/s. However, he has total control and can do anything he wants for these 5 days. Normally he isn't much of a rule-maker; he is more laid back than I am and he tends to simply make requests or demands as he wants something. However, I'm more structured and he's discovered I need the safety and confinement of full-time rules to give me a sense of being dominated even when he is away at work or we can't be together. It gives definition and structure to my days.

So here are my new rules, and we'll see how I do at them.

1. Be home waiting for him when he gets off work every day.
2. Get up to answer the door and let him in every day when he comes home from work.
3. Have dinner cooked and ready by 5:30 pm every evening.
4. Say "please" when making sexual requests or asking for a favor (this is a terrible habit of mine.)

I don't feel any of them are too difficult, although the cooking will take a lot more time than I normally devote. I'm guessing I'll get more rules added to this later today when he comes home and we talk about it, but for now that's it.

There are also some things he's mentioned he'd like me to do, but they aren't officially rules and I don't think he gets too upset if I don't do them. These may become actual rules, but right now he isn't too consistent about them so I don't consider them "rules".

1. Say "thank you" after every orgasm.
2. Greet him with a kiss on the mouth or cheek when he comes home from work.

We'll see how this work out, and if I get any more rules for this week I will add them here!

The Different Kinds of Submission

There are two types of submission: natural and learned. Each of us has both inside us, even our tops and dominants. For those of us who identify primarily as submissives in our relationships, rest assured that we all carry both elements of submission inside us.


What is submission?

Submission: the act of submitting; usually surrendering power to another. Meekness: the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness.

Submission can be an inborn trait, but it can also be learned. It can also be enforced from the outside by a stronger power, but that is more similar to conquest. Submission can be an attitude or an inner strength. You can also have submissive actions.


The Bible speaks a lot about submission. We are all called to submit to one another.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. -Ephesians 5:21

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. -Romans 13:1-2

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. -James 4:7

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not
come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. -1 Peter 3:1-7

Submissives are full of inner strength, grace, and quiet beauty. It takes a strong woman to submit and an even stronger one to develop a fully submissive attitude. As a submissive, you can bring many blessings to your family and your partner, as well as to your church and community.

One thing I do not like in BDSM communities is the talk about a "true submissive." This implies that there is a right and a wrong way to be submissive. It insinuates that some submissives are better than others, that they are "more truly" submissive. Not only is this rude and degrading to other submissives, but in my opinion it shows an alarming lack of humility.

Some submissives will post about how they are "natural submissives," as though that makes them better than those of us who have to work at it. I dislike this attitude. We are all working toward a common goal, and the only judge of how "submissive" we are should be Christ, ourselves, and our husbands--in that order. No matter how "naturally submissive" you are, you still have areas you could improve upon. That is why we all have dual natures to our submission: the natural and the learned.

Natural Submission
Natural submission is something all of us, even the most toppy Master, have. All of us have times in our lives when we naturally acquiese to the desires of those around us, whether to our parents when we were younger, to our partner or children, to a policeman or other civil authority, to Christ and the authority of His Church, or to our boss. We don't have to fight our natural instincts to submit; we just recognize an authority over us and do as we are asked. This is natural submission.

Learned Submission
Learned submission is what we fall back on when we run out of natural submission. Maybe we don't want to do what we've been asked or told, even if the request comes from an authority figure. In those cases, we make a conscious decision to submit anyway. Perhaps we disagree with our boss, but we do it anyway. Or you are angry at your Dom and feeling bratty, but you swallow your pride and accept his authority graciously. That is learned submission.

I often find myself using learned submission in my relationship with Christ. Perhaps I don't want to follow His rules (stamp foot here). Sometimes it is hard for me to not want to try pot, or engage in premarital sex, or drag myself out of bed to church. In these instances, I rely on my self-discipline to get me through, not any naturally submissive tendencies of my own.

Additionally, there are two types of learned submission: types you teach yourself, and types you learn from others. You can work on your self-discipline and submissive mindset on your own, especially with the wealth of great submissive resources out there on the web. Also, your Dom could train you in an area he especially wants you to improve in. Or, if your Dom wants you to learn to serve a formal dinner, but has no idea how to do this himself, he could arrange for someone else to teach you, perhaps by paying for a class or having a friend do it. A large part of any Dom's job is training his sub to be the person he wants her to be.

For those of us who identify as Christian submissives, we have the ultimate example of perfect submission and self-sacrifice: Jesus Christ. He was completely obedient to His Father, yet He was never a doormat. In fact, there are many lessons in the Bible that can teach us about Jesus' earthly life and how He balanced being a true submissive and a true King and leader at the same time.

As submissives, our lives can be both challenging and greatly rewarding. Welcome to the journey!

Types of Dominance

There are many roles that Tops can be in BDSM. Here are just a few.

Top
A top is generally someone wielding the "instruments of terror" in the relationship. This is a very generic name for anyone who plays the top, including doms, masters, trainers, and the like. Also, a top often means there is little to no power exchange in the relationship.

Sadist
A sadist is just what it sounds like: a top who enjoys inflicting pain on the bottom. This term usually means someone who enjoys hitting, hurting, flogging, pain play, and the like, without a power exchange.

Dom/Domme
This implies a power exchange, whether it is full-time D/s or only in the bedroom. This person may make rules, establish protocol, and otherwise control the bottom. However, this term doesn't imply the complete ownership that Master or Mistress does.

Master/Mistress
This is a full-time, total power exchange. The slave has no control once she has consented to the relationship. Like a Dom, the Master may have rules, rituals, and protocol for the slave to use. There may be restrictions on what furniture the slave may use or the slave may be required to ask permission before speaking, using the restroom, or eating. The Master often has complete and total control, and the slave is a piece of owner property.

Owner
While a Master is indeed a type of owner, the difference here is that a Master owns a slave and an Owner can own a slave or a human animal. The owner may have a puppy or kitty bottom, for example.

Trainer
A trainer is a specific type of top that, in my experience, owns a (human) horse. In BDSM pony play communities, there are often elaborate annual horse competitions where human horses must compete exactly like a real horse competition. Their owners spend months and years training them for these competitions.

Daddy/Mommy
Those tops who are engaged in age play or have Adult Babies (AB) are called Daddies and Mommies. Sometimes, the Daddy is also a Dom or a Master, but the "Daddy" persona is more tender, playful, and parental.

Of course, there is no reason that you have to pick one kind of topping and stick with it. Variety is the spice of life! My Dom is sometimes more of a "daddy" figure during scenes, and I change how I address him accordingly. Also, a sadist could also be a Master or Owner or Dom. You can be any kind of top you and your sub are comfortable with. Explore and have fun!

Slashy Speak

On online kink forums, I always hear more experienced kinksters groaning about how awful this thing called "slashy speak" is and how much they hate it [insert online groaning here]. This is always followed up by a question from a newer, younger person, "What on earth is slashy speak?"

Slashy speak is typing with slashes to indicate who is the Master/Mistress and who is the slave. An example of it looks like this:

W/we went to pick up O/our children after school so W/we could take them out to
eat ice cream.

Slashy speak extends from the idea that Masters and Mistresses deserve to be written about always using capital letters, while slaves and subs should only refer to themselves in the lowercase.

Not everyone uses slashy speak (in fact most don't), but some Masters and Mistresses do require their slaves to speak about them using only capital letters, and to use lowercase letters when speaking about themselves. The idea behind it is that it helps the slave remember who is in charge and it shows respect to the Master. Of course, that is fairly easy when the sentences look like this:

Every night, She lays down and i give Her a back rub.

Additionally, some Masters and Mistresses require that the slave speak only in 3rd person, making the post look more like this:

Every night, She lays down and this slave gives Her a back rub.

When Masters require their slaves or subs to capitalize references to the Master and keep references to the slave lowercase, it makes words that include both of them (we, our, ourselves, us) difficult to type. Therefore, people use "slashy speak" to differentiate between the two, like so: W/we, O/our, O/ourselves, U/us.

Slashy speak is generally very unpopular in online forums. Although it does not bother me, many people say it is distracting and hard to read. If slaves spend too much of the post in slashy speak, some people just won't read the post because it hurts their eyes. I can totally understand not wanting to decipher an entire post written in slashy speak.

For me, slashy speak isn't an issue because my Dom does not require me to put pronouns referring to him in capital letters. This is good, since that is probably not something I would agree to, anyway, since I use capitalized pronouns only when referring to God, Christ, and other manifestations of God's divine nature.

But for those of you considering slashy speak, remember: it's generally unpopular on online forums, and can be difficult to understand. Keep it to a minimum, or try using it only for private correspondence between you and your Master/Mistress.

Slave Positions

My Dom has asked me to research and blog about some common slave positions, so here it is!

The idea of slave positions comes originally from the Chronicles of Gor by John Norman. These Gorean slave positions are often used by Gorean slaves, kajirae for female slaves and kajiri for male. However, many non-Gorean BDSMers have adapted these slave positions and use them in slave and submissive training.

Below, I've outlined some of the more basic positions I've come across in my time on BDSM sites. By far the best site I've found on the topic is Kassar's, although B.E.S.T. slave training and Kohlteth's camp also have some positions with pictures.

Nadu

(Pictured above.) This is the most basic position in Gorean culture. The word means "kneel" in Gorean and is the defaul position for slaves. The slave kneels and sits on her heels with her legs spread to allow her Master to see all of her. Her head is high but her eyes lowered with respect, and her hands rest upturned on her thighs. I've also seen Nadu with the hands turned down.

Ko'lar

Ko'lar is the Gorean word for "collar." This position is a variation of the Nadu. The slave starts in Nadu, then raises her hands above her head and crosses them at the wrists, ready to be bound. Her head and gaze are down.

Bracelets

This is another variation of the Nadu position. The slave kneels, not sitting up on her heels, and crosses her wrists behind her back, ready to be bound with slave bracelets or rope. Her back should be straight and her head turned slightly toward the left.

Obey

The slave lies on her tummy, prostrate before her Master, and turns her head to rest the side of her face on his foot or shoe.

Whipping

The slave starts in Nadu position, then leans forward until the top half of her is laying on the floor. She sweeps her hair in front of her and raises her arms above her head, crossing them at the wrists. In this position, she can be easily whipped without her hands or hair hindering her Master's access to her back.

Sula

This one is very simple and often used by sexual slaves. The slave lies flat on her back, legs spread wide open, with her arms held loosely by her sides and her palms up.

Sula-Ki

As an alternative to the Sula, there is also the Sula-Ki position, where the slave raises her hips to allow easier entry.

Lesha

The slave puts her back to the Master and crosses her wrists behind her back. She keeps her chin raised and slightly to the left. In this position, the Master can easily bind her wrists and attach a leash (lesha is Gorean for "leash").

Submissive Journaling Prompts

To read my introduction to submissive journaling, please read this post.

Journaling prompts are themes that you can write about or questions to make you think more about your submission. Here are a few of my own submissive journaling prompts, and links below to some examples from other websites.

• Are you a natural submissive or a learned submissive or both? What parts of you are each?
• What does submission mean to you? Surrender? How is this different from passivity? Are the two connected?
• Would you rather surrender or be conquered? Why?
• When you were younger, what kind of fantasies did you have? Did you understand what they meant? How did you feel about them? Did you share them with anyone? Try to act any out? What happened?
• How do you feel about punishment in a BDSM relationship? Is it necessary for all Masters and slaves? Does it turn the slave into a child or make her a more responsible adult?
• What parts of you are submissive? What parts of you are dominant or a switch? How do you balance out these different parts of yourself?
• What actions your Dom does have you noticed make you feel immediately submissive or small? What actions just annoy or irritate you? Make you horny? Make you resentful? Afraid? Grateful? How could he recreate the good feelings in you and avoid the bad ones? Should he avoid the bad ones or do they help you grow?
• What aspects of your Master's leadership do you enjoy? What are harder to deal with? How do you find the inner strength and patience to endure the aspects you don't enjoy?
• What do you think about the phrase, "Topping from the bottom"? Is it always a bad thing? Do you do it sometimes? Why? How does your Dom react?
• What do you think are the top five qualities any Master should have?
• What activities or limits did you use to be afraid to try, but have now tried? Did you like them? How did you feel when you tried them despite your fears? Why did you try them?
• "A sub with a safeword is just a Domme on her knees." Do you think this is true? Why or why not?
• Do you ever desire to be a Top or a switch? In what situations? Why do you think these situations bring out that desire in you?
• How did you and your Master meet? When you first met your Master, what initially attracted you to him?
• What was your first introduction to BDSM? Who was involved? What aspects did you like or not like?
• When did you first begin to think you might like to live a lifestyle as a submissive? Did you enter the lifestyle with complete joy or did you have some reservations? How did you overcome them? Do you still have any reservations?
• What personality traits or habits do you most need to overcome in order to grow in your submission?
• What parts of yourself are not yet totally submitted to your Master? Why do you keep those parts separate? Does he know about them, and if so, how does he feel about them?
• Do you think you could be happy in a vanilla relationship? What would that look like?
• Describe what it would look like if you and your Master decided to have a vanilla-only relationship. What would change? What would stay the same? How would you feel?
  

More Resources:

Submissive Guide's Journaling Prompts.

These Inspirational BDSM Quotes can also be used as individual journal prompts.

My post with a journal prompt about Who You Are.

Amazon also has a book of journal prompts you can purchase, A Submissive Journey.

Submissive Journaling

Submissive journaling can be an important part of connecting to your inner submissive.

There are two types of submissive journaling: private journaling (for yourself) and public journaling (for your Dom or a public audience.)

Private Journaling

Private journaling is your private account of your trials, experiences, and lessons as a submissive. By journaling your experiences, you can keep track of your submission, including your most difficult areas. You can look back and see yourself improving. You can also just have a place to think about your submission, what it means to you, and keep track of your development.

Journaling for Your Dom

Journaling for your Dom is an important part of submission, and is often required for many slaves and submissives. My Dom does not require me to keep a submissive journal for him, but I do so anyway. This can be written on paper or as a blog set to "private." You can use your free Blogger account to create a blog that is set to private view and can only be seen by the person you choose. My Dom receives updates in his email box, so whenever I have written him another journal entry, he knows as soon as he gets home from work. It's a great way for us to communicate, since I have time to type out exactly how I feel, and he can leave comments and feedback on the site. This is great for us, as it allows me to share with him links to resources I want him to check out, sexy picture or videos of me I've made for him that I don't want anyone else to see, and my own private thoughts and expressions. Since I have more free time during the day than he does, whenever I find a new BDSM topic I'd like to explore together, I simply do the research and post the links to my journal. It's a great way to share what I've been doing during the day, not to mention keeping track of all the sites I've visited and want to visit again.

Public Audience Journaling

Journaling about your submission online is a great way to share your journey with other submissives. You can keep the blog as private as you like, viewable only to friends, or you can share your experiences with the whole web. Many, many slaves and submissives keep online journals like this. Check out Submissive Guide's Top 10 Submissive Blogs to check out a few, or look at my Blogroll to see some of my favorites. Eventually, you will develop online relationships with these fellow submissives, support each other in times of need, and create friendships that can help you become a better submissive.

Submissive Booklist

Click on the books to see more information.

The Story of O

Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot

The Submissive Activity Book: Building Blocks to Better Service

Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave

Power Exchange Books: Art of Slavery

Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude

The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle

S&M 101

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns

The New Bottoming Book

A Right or Wrong Way to Dominate?

"Do it the way you want to, otherwise you become a slave to the role of Master."

A lot of Doms and Masters want to know, "Is there a right way to dominate? A wrong way?"

Well, here's my answer:

There is no right way to dominate.

There are, however, some wrong ways to dominate.

Here's my logic: there is no "right way" to do something as personal as dominate another human being. Every Dom and Master will bring his (or her) own personality, strengths, weaknesses, goals, experiences, and styles to a relationship. Some will be very laid back, others harsh, others affectionate and playful, others stern and demanding. Some will be all four at different times! There are almost infinite ways you could dominate someone, and if that style makes both of you happy, it's okay.

On the other hand, there are definitely wrong ways to dominate. If you are not consistent, or if you are weak. If you are an asshole instead of a Dominant (you'd be surprised how often the two are confused by new Masters). And especially, especially this: if you are abusive. When your domination starts being nonconsenual, and about your control and power trip at the expense of your slave/sub, then it becomes abusive. Some examples would be beating your sub because you're angry, verbally abusing her, or harming [not hurting] her. If you cause damage to her psyche or body, that's not good domination. Masters want something out of the relationship for themselves, of course, but they must also give. They are responsible for the wellbeing of another person, and she is his treasure and greatest achievement. As he shapes her into the person he wants her to be, he must also ask, Is this who she wants to be? Is this is her/our best interests? Will this make her a better person in the long run? If the answer is no, you have a problem.

But some Doms and Masters think there is only one right way to dominate. However, do it the way you want to.

Do you want to give commands? Do it. Would you rather ask politely? Do it. Would you rather have your slave sit and you do it yourself? Do it. You have the power in the relationship, and that means you can choose how and when and where you want to wield it.

Be safe. Be sane. Be consenual. Always keep in mind the best interests of this being you love, who has given you control of her life. Enjoy the control. That's why you're Master.