In BDSM as well as in bars, college campuses, and singles' apartments across the world, sex with strangers is a reality. For all Christianity's focus on abstinence until marriage, many Christians have still been exposed to various STDs--perhaps through kissing, fingering, oral or anal sex, premarital sex, extramarital affairs, sharing chapstick, lipstick, or drinks, or any number of ways.
The scary facts are the STDs are real. Even if you have had only one partner, you can have an STD. Even if you have had only two or three partners, you can have an STD. Many people seriously underestimate the risk of having an STD. For example, I've heard a friend say, "I've only had sex with two people." Well, this may be true, but this friend had only had vaginal intercourse with two people. One of them had had three previous partners, none of whose sexual history is known (count: 5). He had also had oral sex with 5 other girls (count: 10), each of whom had performed oral or vaginal sex with one or two other guys (count: 20). He had kissed or made out with an additional 11 girls (count: 31), two of whom had previously had sex (count: 33). So in essence, my friend who claimed to have "had sex" with only two women, has in fact had sexual contact with the various STDs carried by thirty-three different adults, many of them unknown to him and with unknown sexual histories.
If you are sexually active (and by sexually active I mean anal, oral, and manual, not just vaginal), you need to have an STD test. If you do indeed have an STD, you must inform your current partner and all past partners. In fact, in many states this is law. Many American states (including California, Missouri, Washington, and New York) make it a criminal offense to negligently pass on an STD, even one as "harmless" as oral herpes (often called cold sores). In Missouri, one man was sued for not informing his girlfriend he had the disease, and the woman won the case. In 2007, another Missouri man was sentenced to life in prison for not informing his partner he had HIV. You can be prosecuted for failing to inform your partners if you know you have an STD.
Even if you find out too late you carry an STD, you still need to inform your past partners. If doing so over the phone or in person is too scary, there are other services available. The local health department often contacts people who have STDs to make sure they are aware of the situation. Some already offer a service where they will offer to inform past partners for you. If your local department does not, call and ask if they will anonymously inform your exes. The website InSpot also allows the residents of some Canadian and American states to anonymously alert previous partners; InSpot then provides the recipient with information on support, links, and treatment options. If you need to inform past partners anonymously, an anonymous Gmail account can be used to send an email or e-card. Or, simply have someone you trust inform your partner confidentially that they need to be tested.
Also, don't simply trust your partner to tell you. I've made this mistake several times: I asked a man if he had STDs, and he told me no. Some people will purposefully lie in this situation, but I believe my partners had less malicious motives. When I asked them how they knew they had no STD, they often responded that they'd only had one partner (meaning vaginally, of course, and never taking into account how many partners she'd had), that they had given blood recently, or they had received a check-up. To continue, please see part two of this post, common myths about STDs in our world.
For more information, see the following resources:
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