How to Tell When a Sub Has Had Too Much

How do you tell when a sub has had too much? This can be difficult to maneuver until you are more familiar with that particular sub's version of subspace and how he or she acts in a scene.

In subspace, a sub is like a different person. Well, at any rate, I know this is true for me. I cannot speak for other bottoms! When I am feeling "subby," I go from disobeying, being a brat, acting ornery, and evil laughs to quiet, dreamy, obedient, and eager to please. I may move slower and with less purpose, but that is because I feel dreamy and confused, not because I'm trying to annoy or disobey. Be sure you give a sub extra time and patience during this time. If she is trying to obey, but seems confused or listless, don't mistake it for disobedience. Just give her a gentle reminder or more specific instructions.

A happy sub will float, dream, obey, smile, and look at your adoringly. If you have an obedient, smiling sub, you are on the right track.

A sub who is nearing her limits will frown, clench her teeth or fists, furrow her brow, and whine. She may shake her head or appear confused. A whiny, complaining sub is not happy. I know that I tend to get whiny when my Dom does not accomodate for my switch from "regular space" to subspace. One minute I was fighting him tooth and nail for control, and the next I hear his voice get commanding and I go to my happy place. In this mood, I am moody and needy. Calling me names, talking down to me, or being harsh or demanding may turn me on other times, but not in this mood. If I perceive that he is being too harsh, unfair, or too "mean," I start to scowl and my voice gets whiny and plaintive.

A perfect example of things that make me feel hurt and wronged while in subspace:

• "Are you going to do it or just stand there?!" (I'm going, but I'm slow because I feel dreamy!)

A better alternative would be: "Baby girl, did you hear me?" or "Do you need help?"

• "You're a bad girl." (I'm trying to be good!)

Instead, try, "You're such a good little sub. You're so deliciously bad."

• "You're a dirty whore." (Insults may turn me on most times, but not when I am trying so hard to please you.)

Try something like, "You're Daddy's precious little whore, aren't you?" or just a simple, "You're so dirty. I love you."

If you are pushing a sub too much--visible when she frowns, cries, or whines--it is possible she is not disobeying, but simply can't think on a complex level right then. I am an incredibly analytical person, a fast thinker, and decisive; I am also highly educated. However, in subspace my brain slows down. I can't think quickly or about anything too complex; I am more like a zombie who can only obey.

A sub may be able to infer or break down a complex command on her own in real life, but in sub space you may need to help her. If you give a command and she doesn't follow it, be sure she is really disobeying before you punish her.

If your command has many steps involved, try breaking it down and giving it to her in smaller, simpler steps, the way you would a child. Instead of, "Serve me dinner," try smaller commands like, "Go into the kitchen. Now get out two plates and put them on the table. Good. Now set out two glasses filled with ice. Very nice. Now can you bring me two forks and two knives? That's my good girl."

If your command is very simple and she still doesn't follow it, the sub may be thinking through it. Perhaps you have pushed a limit you didn't know about, or are nearing a limit. Perhaps she does not want to perform the task for some reason (it seems gross, she is too embarrassed, she doesn't want to leave your side, etc.). Watch the sub, and if she begins to frown, shake her head, or cry, check to make sure she is okay and not being coerced into something she doesn't want.

Remember, if you are playing the Top for a scene, it is your responsibility to keep both of you safe. Be gentle with a sub in subspace, get to know your sub, and be vigilant to make sure you have not pushed her too far.