1. They find it erotic
2. They like the pain
3. They like to be "punished"
There are many physical, sexual, emotional, and mental factors that go into these three main reasons, and I'm not even going to attempt to go into them all. I will say that I have been an avowed anti-spanker since... well, forever. Spanking is something most of my teenage boyfriends tentatively tried with me at one point or another. They seemed to like it; I did not. First, I was uncomfortable with my butt, and like most girls, worried that it was "too big" or "too flabby." The jiggling that oft accompanies smacks to the bottom made me feel fat, ugly, and about as far from sexy or turned on as you could get-- spanking disgusted me. Also, I just felt ridiculous when they swatted me. It hurt, it didn't feel good, and I feel like a silly adult woman whose partner wishes she were smaller and about 5 years old. I hated it.
Getting into BDSM has forced me to re-evaluate spanking. The truth is, I've never had it done right, or by a Dominant. It's always been boys echoing they saw something on tv. Watching a naturally submissive man try to swat a woman just makes me cringe--the farce is so obvious it doesn't begin to be sexy. But now my Dom is interested in spanking me. I've had several months to weigh the options, do the research, and learn about the activity. We've talked and re-talked through our options, positions, fears, insecurities, and dirty desires. I know that he wants to hurt me and watch me suffer, squeal, and scream; I know the idea of him torturing me turns me on. He wants to put me in humiliating positions and make me cry; him having that power over me makes my clit get tight. Until we try it, I won't know for sure how I like "real" spanking, but I can share with you the tips and positions we've discovered.
Implements
You can spank with just about anything. Your hand, a wooden ruler, a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, and a ping-pong racket are just some of the household items that can be turned into paddles. Leather belts are also popular items. Real wooden paddles of various sizes and colors, some with designs or words carved into them, others with spikes or prods, and still more with holes cut out to allow a faster swing, are all available online (E-bay has some for under $10), in kink and sex stores, and as novelty items. Floggers, whips, slappers, and cat-o-nine tails are also options for the more advanced spankers among you.
Tips
Spanking is pretty much safe and fun if you stick to the meaty areas of the body. The most popular place to spank people is the butt, although anywhere meaty (thighs, calves) can be spanked. Just stay away from delicate areas like the spinal cord, the abdomen and back, or bony areas. When aiming for the butt, swing for the lower half of the butt, since the tailbone can easily chip or crack and then the fun is ruined for everyone.
One basic spanking tip is to start slow and light. The sub's pain tolerance will gradually get higher as you slowly increase the intensity.
Another tip is to practice on yourself and an inanimate object before you spank someone else. You practice on the inanimate object (pillow, bed, or couch) so you can practice your aim and not inadvertently break your sub's bones. You practice on yourself so you know how the paddle or whip feels, how hard you can hit, and if the area will bruise later.
Also, remember that bruises don't spring up automatically. Your sub may be on a pain-induced endorphin high and never feel his skin hurting, and you won't see bruises until the next day. When an area gets red and rosy, stop before it gets chapped, raw, bruised, or the skin breaks. You don't want permanent marks or bruises that last for weeks to pop up later!
Another great tip is to massage, rub, and knead the buttocks before, during, and after spanking. Spanking feels good because it brings the blood rushing to the genitals. You can aid this by "warming up" your partner with lots of rubbing, massaging, and gentle patting before you start lightly paddling. Every so often between swats, stop to rub and massage the sore area, giving the sub a break and helping diffuse the pain. Once you're done beating the heck out of your sub's bottom, bring them back down slowly by gently rubbing their skin and getting their blood flow b
ack down to normal.
Positions
- OTK (Over the Knee): This position is ideal for sexual stimulation or for parent/child play, depending on what you want. The spanker sits on the edge of the bed (or chair/bench/whatever) and bends the spankee over his knee, bottom exposed. If his arm gets tired, he can make the spankee switch positions. This position is ideal because for women, and with careful situation of knees and legs, you can ensure that every swat puts pressure on her clit. It is also good for parent/child punishments because this is a position many parents use to spank their children, and as such may humiliate the spankee or make them feel very young and vulerable. (see black and white photo immediately above)
- Hands on Ankles: If your sub is flexible, you can have him bend down and grab his ankles. This will make the spanking more delightfully painful, as it stretches the skin of the buttocks tight. However, this position requires flexibility on the part of the spankee, and it is easy to spank too hard and overbalance the sub. (see color illustration at top of page)
- Hands on Bed: This is an easier version of the "Hands on Ankles" and I like the sound of this better. Rather than making the sub bend all the way to floor or ankles, you make her bend over to place her palms flat against a bed, couch, chair, or table. This is more comfortable for the sub and still exposes her bottom beautifully.
- Kneeling over Bed: This one sounds hot! Like a small child being punished, have the spankee kneel on the floor facing the bed (couch/chair/etc.), then bend his torso over the bed. In this position, his arms and chest should be lying flat on the bed, with his knees and calves on the floor and his bottom exposed.
Just discuss what you both want out of this spanking: is it sexier if it is for fun, during sex, for a punishment, or just to experiment? Do you want a few light swats or pain and bruises? Do you want the sub to be silent, to scream, to moan, to whine, to beg you to stop, or to cry? What will your safeword be if one of you needs to stop? Has your sub been a "bad little girl," a "dirty whore," or is she just being an obedient wife? Do you want to spank her for the power, to feel like a parent, just to hurt her, to punish her, or to make her cry? Is it hotter if you act the scene out as yourselves, or if you play a Daddy/bad little girl scene, a boss/wayward secretary scene, or a principal/student scene?
Stay tuned in a few weeks to hear how my first spanking session turns out...
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