Punishments are used to correct negative behavior. Of course, I'm assuming here that you have already begun training your sub, and she knows what is expected of her. The two of you should agree on your behaviors, what you expect of her, and the punishment she can expect if she does not obey. It's not fair to punish someone for something they didn't even know they were doing wrong. Your sub is human, and she will make mistakes! You must let her know it is okay to be human and make mistakes, and should not punish her for honest errors.
Your sub must know that you are going to enforce your training 100% of the time. Not 90%, not 98%, but 100% of the time. Threats do nothing but teach her she can get away with it next time.
Of course, if she did not know what you wanted, you should not punish her for your own lack of communication--admit your mistake, communicate it clearly, and move on. Subs aren't mind-readers! If she exhibits a behavior you dislike, but you had not mentioned it before, simply stop whatever you are doing, tell her you dislike the behavior and why, and clearly tell her what behavior you want and expect instead.
But what if your sub did know the expectation, but she forgot--or, more likely, was testing you? Then you should punish her. Punishment must be tailored to fit the slave. For example, whipping a slave who enjoys pain is not going to be an effective deterrent next time. Also, calling names or losing your temper is just going to make you look out of control and devestate your slave. Be calm and in control; tell your sub clearly what she did wrong, what the punishment will be, and then enact it. This can be anything from removing positive pleasures (orgasm, computer, car, tv, music, phone, etc.) to enforcing negative ones (whipping, standing in corner, bondage, sitting without talking for a certain amount of time, being shut in a closet alone to think about her behavior).
Please remember that punishments should make the bad behavior less desirable in the future--not to damage your sub or hurt her feelings. Many people go too far with punishments, meting out consequences that are too severe for the transgression. Tell her clearly beforehand how long the punishment will last--1 minute? 10? 20? Punishments should not go on for hours or days--that is emotional abuse.
A word of caution: if your sub has been abused before, be very careful with punishments. Make sure not to withdraw love as a punishment, because that only teaches the sub that she has to be perfect and not fail to earn your love. You never want your sub to feel your love is conditional! Denying sex, orgasm, quality time, cuddling, or ignoring your sub may work quite fine with someone who has never been abused, but will just teach an abuse victim that your love is conditional. The point of punishment is to be negative, but not devestating or abusive, and you must know your sub to see the difference. Ask yourself, are you correcting a behavior or are you wounding a soul? If your sub is a victim of past abuse, I recommend sitting down and discussing acceptable and nonacceptable punishments for her before you begin training.
Don't act angry when you punish your sub---she needs to know this is for her own good, not because you hate her or are angry with her. Remind her you love her and want the best for her, and that is why you give her consequences.
Many times, you can give your sub a choice. If she is creative and knows herself well, simply ask what she believes is a fair consequence. Discuss it together, and mutually agree on a consequence. If she has no ideas, you might try giving her a few options to choose from. Say, "You know better than that behavior, because we discussed it. Now you have to have a consequence. Would you rather write me a letter apologizing and explaining what you did wrong and what you will do better next time, or stand in the corner with your nose holding a ping-pong ball for 20 minutes?" This allows the sub to have some choice in her punishment, and you can avoid unwittingly pushing a button that triggers past abuse.
Ideas for punishments are:
- bondage (be sure not in a tight position, and check regularly to feel her circulation)
- whipping, paddling, or flogging
- writing you a letter stating what she did wrong, how it made you feel, and how she will fix it next time
- writing "I will not ________" so many times by hand
- taking away her computer, phone, or car for a set amount of time
- making her clean, scrub the floor, or some chore she dislikes
- forcing her to perform a sexual act for you that you know she dislikes
- make her exercise (you can do it with her)
- give her healthy foods she doesn't like
- tie her to the bed and leave her there for a set time (check on her often!)
- verbally chastise her, telling her exactly what she did wrong
- make her stand against the wall, holding a ping pong to the wall with her nose
- make her stand in the corner
- tie her up like a dog and force her to urinate on a tile floor (or in a bowl) like a dog, then clean it up
- make her eat her meal off the floor with her hands or mouth
- needle play
- forced anal dildo or anal beads
- put a speculum in her ass
- put nipple clamps on her and yank her around
Punishment does not need to be mean and nasty to be effective. For example, if your sub knows it is a rule to address you as "Master" each time she speaks, and she does not, this is not as grievous a blunder as if she wrecks your car because she is mad at you. The punishment should fit the crime. A simple slap, short spanking, or letter of apology will suffice for smaller transgressions. Your sub is a smart, savvy lady--she is going to know if your punishment does not fit the crime and resent you for it. This defeats the purpose of correcting bad behavior.
Any parent can tell you that sometimes a long discussion about "choices" will deter a behavior just as well or better than physical forms of punishment. With animals, we have to physically punish them because we cannot speak to them; with your sub and other people, a conversation can do wonders!
Before or after your punish your sub, you must just want to have a conversation with her. Why is she doing this behavior? What triggered it? How is she feeling? What was she hoping to achieve? Does she realize it was wrong? Is she sorry? How can she make it up to you? How will she ensure the same mistake doesn't happen again in the future?
Often, subs are disobeying for many reasons. You may find she did not understand what you wanted. Perhaps she simply forgot part of her training because she was concentrating on something else (like sex!). If she did do it on purpose, there could be a multitude of reasons. Psychologically, there are many reasons subs resist change:
- she feels threatened by change
- you are challenging her core beliefs, values, or ideas
- it feels strange and alien to try this new lifestyle, actions, and thoughts
- she does not fully trust you
- she is afraid she will get hurt
- she thinks you may not be able to handle training and controlling her
- she does not see the point of this training or how it will benefit her
- she resists giving up her freedom to you
- she resents her loss of choice/freedom
- her individuality feels threatened
Be patient and understanding. It is natural for her to feel flooded by many negative emotions as you change her lifestyle. When you need to use punishment, do so, but remember that for every negative consequence or remark, she needs 4 positive rewards and compliments.
Keep your sub's best interests at heart, talk to her openly, ask her opinions, and enjoy!
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