I'm happily listening to Katie Clarke sing "The Light in the Piazza" with a sick kitty stretched adoringly across my lap (how do they sleep with their feet touching their heads, anyway?). It's a good Sunday!
I've just found this good video from Kinky Sex Link about how to tie a handcuff bondage knot. This is really interesting for me, since my Dom and I were just talking about bondage last night in bed.
The question is, how do you handle it when the two of you have differing ideas of what bondage is?
My Dom and I have basically stopped using bondage much, because I'd often complain about the way it was done. What we discovered last night is that we have two different ideas about what makes bondage good, hot, and fulfilling.
For me, I want to be completely tied up. I don't want to be completely immobile (although there are fetishes with complete immobility bondage or body suits), but I like to be pretty tied up, for example both my wrists and my ankles and perhaps a ball gag. If I feel like some part of me can still move, I feel like I have a obligation to fight. This can get exhausting, and always ends up making me feel angry as I fight and squirm, so to have no choice but to lay back, relax, and let my husband have control is a nice change from everyday life for me, when I have to fight and work and strain and fret and worry and be in control. I like the feeling of calm and peace that washes over me when I can't fight back and can just relax. It's why I like BDSM; it gives me a reprise from everyday life.
On the other hand, my Dom prefers to not use rope or bondage tape or anything else--he likes to use his hands. It feels more intimate to him, and he feels more powerful. He says it is the fight and the subduing me with his hands that makes bondage hot for him.
Of course, this can cause problems because obviously we have two different goals from bondage sessions. If he uses his hands, it's hot for him, but it is simply impossible to completely subdue a full-grown woman with just two of your hands. If he lets go of one hand, I feel like I have to start fighting again. If he grabs my wrists I can still kick my feet. If he grabs my feet I can still squirm away. On the other hand, if he uses rope or bondage tape so I can't move, he misses the physical, hands-on aspect of it that he enjoys.
It can be difficult when you want two different things. In this case, I think the best solution is to use a little of both at different times. That way, we're both happy.... eventually.
2 comments:
I completely understand where you are coming from, for me it's about my lack of control but I do believe there is a compromise. I've found that if my husband can wrestle my hand to a cuff to tie me down I let him. That way he gets the fight and in the end, I am all tied up!
Actually, for my sub it is a turn-on to be tied up. Yet, at other moments, she finds it very exciting to just act/non-act as I say - verbal tied down, so to say. I always choose the latter approach during punishment, which adds to its effect.
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