11/15/2008

Sex Toy Stores for the BDSM Enthusiast

For those of you interested in trying light BDSM, or furthering your current BDSM reperetoire to include fun, innovative new techniques and toys, this post is for you.

It occurred to me (a Sub) that to be a successful Dom, you have to constantly be on your toes. Once you and your sub have decided you like BDSM, you can never stagnate. Submissives have a need to be constantly...well, dominated. :) As soon as you try one trick, they fight you, it's sexy, and it's over... well, then they mentally add that to their "Been there, done that" list and eagerly await your next new, kinky idea that will once again have them shivering with terror and delight as you subjugate them to your will in some new, farfetched way of pain and humiliation beyond their wildest dreams. Needless to say, you have to learn to advance pretty quickly from "Oooh, I'm going to tie you down and spank you a bit." And for a Dom, this can been mentally exhausting! The more intelligent, creative, and imaginative your sub, the harder it will be to stay ahead of them--which is, of course, what both of you want.

To do a lot of the suggestions in our previous posts, you have to know how to really frighten your sub. You have to be able to turn them on, scare them, hurt them, and anger them--and the trick here is to really do it, not just "pretend." These wonderful emotions are what heighten and intensify the experience for subs, and just like a drug, you have to up the dosage every time. When you find a new way to terrify or reduce them to a sniveling wreck, it will probably only work a few times. And if you want to play the kidnapping, rape fantasy, interrogation, bondage, and roleplay games that both of you want and need, your sub has to really feel that.


So how do you do it? Of course, it's different for every sub. But one great, great way to do it is sex toys. Sex toys are fantastic as they are completely safe to use during sex because, well, that's what they're made for! It's much safer to "rape" your sub with a dildo than with any household objects you may find lying around the house.

For those on a budget, I can make a list of "cheap or free sex toys" to use, but that deserves its own post. However, if great sex, intimate bonding, and constant excitement are what you and your lover want, sex and bondage toys are really an investment that will be worth your time and money. I would recommend experimenting with many types, brands, and styles. Don't be afraid to seriously, truly hurt, beat, or frighten your sub--that's why they have a safeword! And as a sub, I would honestly recommend buying some painful and awful toys on your own and surprising them with it mid-scene one night. Don't be afraid to cause pain! And once you find a toy or position your sub really, truly hates, use it! If they hate being paddled, then an intense beating is going to be your most effective training tool. If they despise a certain torture toy, then using it as a threat is much more effective than, "Oh no, I'm going to spank you..." when they actually love being spanked. Keep this in mind when you're tempted to give in to them or "go easy" on them... you are only inconveniencing yourself.

Most sex stores will ship to your door in small, unmarked boxes, and there are discreet storage bins available so you don't need to worry when your mother-in-law comes over. And the more you buy, the more toys in your arsenal so you and your partner can enjoy each other, both inside BDSM scenes and without.


That said, let's begin with some ideas.

Some very basic needs for all BDSMers are bondage toys. The collar and cuffs in the left picture are from Early2Bed, and they have velcro and plastic cuffs, collars, blindfolds, bondage tape, bondage rope, and cuff connectors for anywhere from $12-50. You can also get under-the-bed restraints to tie someone spread-eagle or doorjam restraints to immobilize someone from the top of a door. Fun, fun, fun!

The photo on the right shows some nipple clamps. Also from Early2Bed, these clamps range from $15-20. Nipple clamps are just what they sound like: clothespin-like clamps that pinch your nipples. They often come with a connecting chain. They work on both males and females, and some stores sell them with a third chain and clamp that fastens to the penis or clit. These are used in BDSM for nipple torture; at first, the clamps cause a nice pressure, but a Dom can pull, yank, or lead you by the chains to cause more sensations. Also, they may feel fine on, but they will hurt coming off! The longer you leave them on your sub, the more terrible pain they will feel when they come off, so you can use them for a few minutes for some fun, light play or for longer periods for a serious punishment. Other nipple toy ideas are suction cups (enlarge nipples and increase sensitivity) and pasties.

Another cool idea is this hog-tie kit from Smitten Kitten. This hog-tie cuff toy (left) is $40, to give you an idea of price.





Other great toys are riding crops and paddles (right). Riding crops are smaller, and will therefore leave smaller welts and marks on your partner. Paddles tend to be wider. Both can come, like the the heart paddle on the right, with carved designs or words to leave indentations on your sub's body. They'll be wearing marks of your adoration for hours! Depending on your strength and how hard you hit, crops and paddles can vary from light spanking to incredibly painful. Good Vibrations has a good online selection for beginners varying from $16-22.


The flogger on the left comes from Babeland. (Go to babeland.com!)Their whips and floggers vary from $16 to $65. If you want a fun, colorful toy for light smacks, a cheaper one will do, but if you want a serious one made from real leather that delivers actual pain, you'll have to shell out more money.

Now let's up the intensity a little. Thus far I've shown you some of the very basics for beginning BDSM. But what if your sub is already bored, or getting mouthy or cheeky, and you can't come up with new ideas to tormet and torture the poor thing? If your lover is needy when it comes to new thrills, and you're very brave and heartless, maybe some meaner sex toys are up your alley.


This Pinwheel from Babeland scares me just looking at it. I'm not sure what you'd do with it, but whatever it is, I'm sure it wouldn't be pleasant. I think you could actually draw blood with this thing. (If drawing blood sounds hot to you, and you want it, it's only $25--a small price to pay for the vampiric BDSMer!)


If you get off on seeing sheer terror come over your sub's face when you bring out a new toy, this Pump and Cylinder Kit is for you. It's actually not as scary as it looks, but I know if I were tied up and someone brought this out, I'd freak out. Like all these toys, it can be used on both male and female subs: the cylinder is placed over the clit or penis and the suction causes them to fill with blood. This makes the genitals (temporarily) larger and more sensitive. You can get this Pump and Cylinder Kit from Babeland for anywhere from $113-165. Good Vibrations has a a different model for $32.
These spreader bars are also from Babeland and are $65. I think they sound hot! You need handcuffs and cuff connectors, and then you can use the connectors to clip the cuffs to the bar. This forces the person to either keep their legs spread or keep their arms spread. Of course, you could probably make something similar on your own and save the sixty-five bucks, especially if you want two (for feet and hands).







The next terror-ific idea is a speculum. (Yep, that's right, all the women just tensed up with fear on their faces and all the men looked confused.) A speculum is what those evil sadists called OB-GYNS use on us poor females when we are forced to go to those yearly torture sessions called pelvic exams. While this toy can obviously only be used on les femmes, evil male Doms can use insert it into the vagina and enlarge it slowly (I've heard of really mean Doms who used speculums meant for or cows!). This would also be way fun as a prop if you are into medical play (Nurse/Doctor game, anyone?). Get it at Babeland for 6 bucks.

Since I put a girls'-only toy on here, it's only fair I add a boys'-only toy. The Prostrate Pleasure Kit below from Babeland is $69.The Prostrate Pleasure kit is for couples interested in beginning anal play. Since many men are understandably nervous about having something up their butt, this is geared toward those just curious and starting out. The book gives you instructions, and the dildo is specifically made for hitting the "P-spot" (prostrate) and giving a man a new kind of orgasm. Tie your male sub up and use it on him (with lube!!!) or have a fun time exploring together without the BDSM element.

A strap-on harness is yet another toy I've never tried but would like to (don't tell my dom!). Both men and women can use strap-ons; Babeland sells them from $65-105. It is a myth that strap-on dildos are only for lesbian lovers; many hetero couples use them. The woman can wear the harness to explore Bending Over (I'll explain that shortly), or the man can wear it.
Why would a man use a strap-on dildo, you ask? Well, for many reasons: because it's kinky and sexy, because it's fun, because he wants to try something new, because he has EFD (erectile fuction disorder), because he's using a Male Chastity Device for other BDSM purposes, because he wants his partner to feel something newer, bigger, or different. Only a dildo can achieve the variety you get with strap-on harnesses. A woman may want to experience sex with silicon, glass, or rubber dildos, or with a dildo/vibrator combination, or experience a new sense of fullness with a larger, rounder dildo, or try a dildo made specifically to stimulate her G-spot, or to get clitoral and G-spot stimulation simultaneously. There are a multitude of ways for partners to explore sex together like this. A male penis may be great, but it isn't made of cleanable glass and it doesn't come with a built-in vibrating attachment, and you certainly can't make it 10 inches long and 3 inches wide on command. So consider pleasing your wife in ways you were never capable of before, and your harness may become your new best friend.

For the truly evil Domme (female Dom) or the truly brave male, Babeland also has a Bendover Beginner Kit for $106. Bending Over, for those who don't know, is when women wear a harness and strap-on dildo and penetrate the male. This is so both partners can experience penetrative sex in a new way. This kit comes with two dildos made specifically for beginners (aka, smaller) and the DVD Bending Over Your Boyfriend. A word of warning, though: the website says the video actually shows you what to do. Obviously I haven't seen the video (I don't have $106 to waste on something I don't know if my Dom would even try!) but it doesn't sound like porn, but it is close enough that Christian customers should be careful. If you want, just buy a strap-on harness and the book version of the movie; no worries there!

Babeland also has lots more packages and kits for anywhere from $20 to 186. Whether you want a beginning sex toy kit, specific games or plays, massage and bath oils, etc., I would recommend browsing their site.

And last but not least, the Waterproof Throw from Holistic Wisdom! It may not be a kinky sex toy, or mean and nasty in any way, but I adore it so much I think it bears mention! If your play tends to get messy, this throw will be perfect for you. You can lay it on the floor, or throw it over a sofa or bed to protect your furniture, then wash it after use. Get it from Holistic Wisdom for $85.
This ends my treatice on sex toys. I'm sure there are many others I've neither thought of nor experienced. Alas, only time (and money) can heal my malady.
A note on sex stores: As Christians, be careful when you browse online. Although there are many things a Christian can legitimately purchase, stay away from pornography and sex toys geared specifically toward solo masturbation, threesomes, or homosexuality.
And finally, you may have noticed I used Babeland more than any other store in this post. That is because, honestly, I find their site to be the most attractive, user-friendly, and professionally done. It is one of the only sites that lists prices in the search, rather than forcing you to tediously click on each item to find the price. Go to babeland.com!
Easy2Bed is also fairly easy to navigate, although it concentrates more on male and female dildos and vibrators, and doesn't have as big a selection of BDSM and bondage toys. It is also very vegan-friendly (animal-rights friendly).
And it also bears mentioning that Good Vibrations has by far the largest selection of "hard core" BDSM toys and bondage gear if you want to take your sub to heights beyond light spanking and play flogging. It and Holistic Wisdom are the only sites I found with an absolutely spectacular array of sex furniture, couches, beds, pillows, inflatables, and other great stuff.
Happy playing!

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