Do You Need a Training Résumé?

New submissives and slaves entering the lifestyle will find in a lot of the first websites you encounter via Google search about a mystical object every sub needs called a "Training Résumé." (I waded through those same websites when I was new, by the way... I have to say, most of them are utter crap.)

What is a training résumé? It's basically a record of all the D/s training you've had. It can be a tool you hand to a prospective Dominant so he can know you better, or something you use yourself to track your personal growth as a submissive. Ideally, it would include information on all your past D/s relationships, submissive skills you know, BDSM experience, related classes or events you've attended, even your goals and limits.

If you are interested in creating a training résumé, the Submissive Guide website has a good guide on how to start, including information on formats, what to include, etc. Luna K, the owner of Submissive Guide, will walk you through the process, including:

• how to start your résumé


• documenting your training history


• BDSM checklists


• Classes and convocations you've attended


• Your BDSM-related reading list

The danger here is that if you get sucked in by the myriad of crappy BDSM websites insisting you must have this training résumé, or even a well-constructed submissive resource like Submissive Guide, you can be tricked into believing that if you want to be a real sub you have to have a perfect little training portfolio.

Some of us don't need training résumés. Hey, if you want to do one, I have no problem with it. But I don't like the focus some sites put on having one. It isn't fair to new subs to make this seem like something they need to do, that every Dominant will expect.

If you are new to submission and plan to jump around from play partner to play partner for a while, trying out the field, then a training résumé might be a good idea for you. But if you are already in a vanilla relationship and are just trying to figure out how to make it kinky, or if you are a kinkster looking for a permanent, monogamous relationship, you probably don't need one. In the first case, you are already in a committed relationship, and in the second, if you're looking for permanence you will probably end up having a few serious relationships before you find it, rather than dozens of flings.

I don't have a training résumé.

Unless my Dom decides it would be a good project for me to start, I'll never have one. Now, if he decides on his own that he would like me to keep a portfolio of my submissive training, tasks I know how to do and tasks I still need to learn, my goals for personal growth, my past relationships, and kink-related books I've read, then I'll do it. I'm pretty good at lists, portfolios, and the like, and I really enjoy scrapbooking and such.

But for myself? It's not something I need.

Why not? Because I'm in a committed marriage with my Dominant. We're married, and our religion doesn't allow for divorce. I'm basically in this one for the long haul, provided one of us doesn't die young. He's the only Dom I've ever had and the only one I'll ever be allowed to have, so a training résumé just doesn't make sense for me in my position.

Therefore, if you're a new sub, don't get stressed out by what the websites say you "need" to have or documents you "should" create. Decide if it's really something you want or need, and go from there.