When Anxiety Hits

The last few days, I have been struggling with anxiety again.

I've been off medicine for about 6 months, right before we got pregnant. It was hard at first, but eventually that terrible first trimester ended and life became sane and happy again. Since then, I've been doing fine.

This week, I can tell I'm having a resurgence of anxiety issues. I can tell this because my "coping mechanisms" are popping back up again. Things like feeling fatigued all the time, feeling tired for no reason, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and nap when I'm sad, obsessively chewing my nails or gnawing my fingers, getting overwhelmed quickly during arguments and lapsing into the silent treatment, and having the desire to shut myself into rooms or closets.

I'm not sure exactly what's causing it, but it could be many things: pregnancy, moving, living with my Dom again after 6 weeks apart, being off the anti-anxiety medicine.

I try to stick with my less-unhealthy coping mechanisms, for example chewing my nails is far preferable to shutting myself into a closet. But it's still hard, and once I get into a funk I can stay there for days.

My Dom is trying to help me come up with healthy ways to manage my anxiety. He suggested exercise, but I hate exercise at the best of times, and there is just no way I am going to have the energy to exert myself when I am 5 months pregnant and my stomach skin is already painfully stretched out just from walking around. I'm also trying to drink plenty of water. I wonder if having regular sex would be good; it's not something we normally do but it might be a way for me to get exercise and stress relief without having to actually get out and run in the heat.

My Dom has also figured out that just getting me out of the house can help. So does eye contact with him--I find it grounding-- and having a list of things to get done that I can cross off and feel productive about. I whine and try desperately to stay in bed, but he looks into my eyes and tells me our plan, and eventually I get happier once we're out and doing things. I like having a purpose, even if it's just small things. For example, yesterday we went to lunch and then to run errands. Lunch was pretty miserable; I was grouchy and picking fights, but by the time we'd run 2-3 errands I was feeling better, so we ran a few more and then went and got a Tropical Sno and that cheered me up considerably. :)

Tropical Sno can really solve all ills. There's something about that brightly-colored sugar that just cheers me immeasurably.

I've never met a family member or boyfriend who knew me well enough or had sufficient control over my emotions to drag me out of an anxious, unhappy funk. It's just one more reason I think D/s control is helping our relationship. My Dom doesn't use it to get off or have an unpaid servant; he uses it to take care of me and keep me healthier. Because he has sway over my emotions, he can help me when they get out of hand. And for him, he enjoys the control and having a wife who is calmer and happier. It works well for both of us.