8/07/2010

Oh, People Love to Make Fun of Kinky Christians

That's right, the media is having a big laugh at our expense.

I can hardly blame them.

Christians have developed a reputation for being anti-sex, anti-fun, and anti-experimentation. This isn't really fair, since fundamentalist Christians that fit that description are really only a small minority of the rest of us (10% of worldwide Christians, although they do make up 60% of U.S. Christians), but it's a pervasive picture nonetheless.

I know Christians who drink and who don't drink. I know Christians who get wasted and ones who believe it's only okay to have alcohol in small amounts. I know Christians who never touch the stuff. I know Christians who smoke pot, smoke cigarettes, have premarital sex, have gay relationships, live with their boyfriends, have anal sex, have kinky sex, and don't even kiss before they're married. Sure, some of us are sinning, but it still happens. We're pretty much all across the spectrum, but people assume we're all fundamentalists.

The Christian focus on not sinning makes us look like a bunch of people who hate sex and only advocate it within monogamous, heterosexual marriage (the first part is false, by the way).

So when we Christians have kinky sex, or write books about great vanilla married sex, the media has a hayday with it.

Personally, I enjoy hearing about the views of people who don't agree with me, although I rarely want to engage them in personal debate. Also, it's my "cheat day" from my low-carb diet, so that's reason to be happy about just about anything!

Want to read some people horrified at/making fun of kinky Christians?

There are posts on Fetlife where people say being into BDSM is inherently against Christianity.

The article Need a Good Spanking? Try CDD! claims:

With descriptions such as those, who could resist the pull of a Christian
Domestic Discipline marriage? It has it all: domestic violence, homophobia, and
the humiliation of women. I had thought my marriage, based on equality, mutual
respect, and openness was solid. I see now that I have let my selfish feminism
cloud my view.


I mean, you have to admit that fundamentalist Christians bringing about spanking is a little funny, given the way the world sees them.

Praise the Lord and Pass the Adjustable Nipple Clamps is another witty and satirical look at Christian BDSM. Poking fun, not at CDD, but at Christian full-on BDSM websites, the author quips:

But anyone who's ever asked himself, "WWJD with these tit clamps?" can find
godly direction and spiritual uplift clicking here."

I almost think that, since the general population feels very threatened by fundamentalist Christians trying to tell them how and when to have sex, they feel even more threatened when those same Christians seem to enjoy sex, even if it's (gasp!) kinky. It's hard to connect a church you've decided "hates sex and fun" so you can feel justified to ignore them and do whatever you want sexually, when those same churches you've stereotyped now have married couples practicing BDSM according to Biblical rules. It certainly breaks the mold of the "typical Christian," I'll give you that.

Even more laughs can be found at What Happens When Fundamentalists Get Into BDSM? I mean, everyone knows Christians can't have good sex and should be ashamed of the sex they do have (assuming they have sex, since so many of them have kids!). So obviously, Christians into spanking and kink must just have stolen good sex from "real" kinksters and slapped a new name on it. See below:

Pray tell, what shall you do if you are a fundamentalist Christian who is into BDSM? Well, you change the terminology and call it "Christian Domestic Discipline". Thereafter, you declare this as an "enhancement" for your traditional marriage.

As is expected, someone has spent a great deal of time and effort building a website dedicated to Christian Domestic Discipline. The webmaster is Leah Kelley and she declares herself to be virulently anti-feminist. Not only is she proudly submissive, she declares this is God's plan.
I can definitely see the point that is made about some CDD websites out there, include this critique from Beating God Into Her:

If it’s not a zany form of Christian BDSM, then the alternate explanation of CDD must be that it’s a justification for domestic abuse invoking a higher authority. That’s where it transitions from kooky to sinister.

Yeah. I mean, if women are using CDD and Christian kink to let their husbands control and abuse them, make them skinnier, or keep them from cutting their hair too short (as the article suggests), I'd say that's pretty crazy stuff.

My last laugh comes from Something Awful, one of my favorite fun-poking websites, who has this to say about Christian D/s websites:

Christians have long been missing out on the joys of BDSM, but thankfully some guy on the Internet is going to change that. He's tearing off a chunk of the secular BDSM world's skin, polishing it up, and giving it to Christians. Turns out BDSM is A-OKAY if you're a Christian, just so long as it involves a married couple and the female is always submissive. So get out those whips and chains and enjoy some good old fashioned God-sanctioned ball-gagging and anal torture. If you still have questions, this inexplicable FAQ should clear everything up.

Okay, that's funny, but Something Awful also writes about everything terrible on the internet, from people screwing dogs and their neighbor's cows, to sites that advocate mother-daughter incestuous relationships, to people who drink blood and pretend they're vampires. Do "spanking Christians" really fit into the group with dog rapists? I mean, really?

My only conclusion is that people don't want Christians to have good, kinky, fun sex. If we're trying to control them from having all the kinky, nasty, sinful, albeit consenual sex they want, then by golly, we should not be allowed to enjoy sex, either! How dare we enjoy sex within our boring, two-person, monogamous, lifelong marriages? Never mind that research shows married women in long-term marriages have better sex than our "sexually liberated," younger, single counterparts.

So when the movement that is known for homophobia, sexism, and religious intolerance starts having fun, nonconventional, kinky sex, well, that is just too much! Christians should just hunker down and have boring, non-existent sex like we want single and gay people to do.

And when we do something they don't understand, well, like most people do when they don't understand something... they fear us... they make fun of us.... and if that makes them feel better, good for them.

While they're writing a blog worrying about why devout Christians shouldn't be allowed to live out their ridiculous, scary fantasies, I'm enjoying mind-blowing sex with my husband. Oh well.

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