Is it Necessary to Give "Total Submission"?

If you look at online kink forums and Fetlife, you'll sometimes notice that people seem to think a "good" sub is someone in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship.

That's great for people living in TPE relationships, but what about people who are in online relationships or simply can't or don't want to ve in full-time D/s relationships?

Is it possible to be a good sub and not submit 100% of the time? Yes. Is it okay to identify as a submissive or slave and still struggle with giving up your sense of self at times? Yes. Check out the following quote from a Fetlife member:

I wish I knew how to give total submission. I'm struggling to let go of my
personal power and give myself to my Master fully.

This is how I feel every day. Total submission isn't just something you can decide to give and then it magically happens. Like being a good wife, husband, or parent, it's a process. Like being sacrificial, selfless, or generous, there are things we must sometimes work at.

The good news is, the more you practice submitting, the more easily it will come to you. And the same goes for mastery over another human being: the more you are dominating, the easier it will be to get close to a 24/7 goal, if that's your goal.

But for those of you who don't really want to be in a 24/7 TPE relationship, that's fine. Don't believe all the BDSM websites that make it seem like the only niche for you in the BDSM world is either as a Master (Mistress) or as a slave.

There is room in BDSM for pets, owners, part-time lovers who just like to try a little spanking and bondage from time to time, submissives, switches, masochists, sadists, Daddies, Mommies, little girls, and part-time submissives. There is no "One Right Way" to forge your relationship and there is no "goal" such as, "You must become a completely submissive person within 3 months of entering your D/s relationship." Heck, my Dom and I have been D/s for two years and we still haven't mastered the full-time dynamic. I still act like a bossy brat sometimes, per my upbringing, and sometimes we just act like a normal vanilla couple.

And you know what? That's okay.