I'm going to spend this post answering a really good question that came to me via a comment on my older post, Christians and Polygamy.

I realize this is a fairly old post but I was just curious about your view
on another facet. You state polyamory as "having more than one BDSM partner."
But what if someone engages in casual play with another but abstains from sex
and romance with that person? Just wondering about your input on this.

While I personally am a Christian who is against polygamy, the Bible never specifically prohibits it, and so I don't feel comfortable saying it's a sin or that God doesn't want you to do it. I believe it's wrong, but there are other Christians who disagree with me. (For a full summary of both sides of the argument, see my original post on the topic at the link above.)

The reader above made a very valid point, however. There are some Christians in BDSM who "play" with another partner but do not engage in any sexual behavior. Obviously, for some people, spanking or intense emotional feelings that come out during BDSM are inherently erotic, and for those people, engaging in those powerful emotional or erotic feelings with anyone but your spouse would be wrong (see the many Bible verses about lust and monogamy for an example). On the other hand, for some people I think it is possible for BDSM play to not become sexual or erotic or romantic.

My husband and I don't play with other people because, for both of us, the intense emotions we feel are undeniably romantic and erotic. When he spanks or hurts me, he gets hard. Obviously, neither of us feel it would be appropriate for him to spank or hurt another woman. That would not be "keeping our marriage bed pure" as Paul states in Hebrews 13:4, and we would be sinning. Although I don't get sexually turned on by BDSM, the activities my husband and I engage in do make me feel very emotionally attached to him. I feel submissive, loving, and very emotional about the bearer of such pain and pleasure. For me to feel those romantic and emotional ties to another man or woman would be a sin, and could easily lead me on the road to adultery. So we don't play with other people, ever.

1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to "flee from sexual immorality." Not just to wander away, or jog, or even walk briskly away. FLEE.

Flee: To run away; to escape; To escape from; To disappear quickly; to vanish

Obviously we aren't supposed to even dabble in anything that even might turn into sexual sin in the future. If it is even possible that you might become sexually or romantically attached to your BDSM play partner, you shouldn't even entertain the possibility.

On the other hand, some people really do not see all BDSM activities as sexual or erotic. People enjoy being whipped, spanked, or hurt because the ensuing release of endorphins feels good. Other people, even married Christian couples, want to learn techniques from experienced kinksters. If they believe they can keep BDSM play as something fun and enjoyable, not sexual, not romantic, and not dishonoring God, then in this case it's possible nothing is wrong with it. Of course, the couple should read the Bible and pray about it first, just to make sure. God will often very clearly tell us when our desires are from Him and when they are not.

If BDSM play contains no nudity, nothing inappropriate or lustful between the two sexes, then the Bible gives us no clear direction either way. It's probably safer to keep activities that have such a potential for emotional and sexual attachment within a monogamous marriage, but the Bible doesn't prohibit it. My only concern with this non-sexual sharing of BDSM is the potential for it to become inappropriate or sexual. Tread carefully and be sure you honor God with everything you do. Pray about it, discuss it with other trusted Christians, and search the Scriptures.

I hope this helps!