Polygamy and Christians

One of the most common aspects of BDSM is polygamy--called "poly" by many kinksters.

The majority of kinksters are poly, but I don't have specific numbers. Being monogamous is, at best, cheerfully tolerated as a "different" kink or, at worst, ridiculed by non-monogamous kinksters. Somo monogamists have reported being 100% welcomed in their local communities, while others have reported being snickered at or put down. It all depends on where you come from.

Being "poly" means different things for different people, but it always means having more than one BDSM partner. Some people are mostly monogamous but play with another person on occasion. Others have full-time houses where a Master or Mistress might have multiple slaves. In these cases, often there is an Alpha slave, and all other slaves fit into a heirarchy within the house. These are called poly households.

What really surprises me in many of these cases is that Christians in the BDSM community are not against a polygamist lifestyle. One of the most hotly debated topics on Christian forums is actually polygamy, polyamory, and its morality!

I'll state right off that bat that I'm for monogamy. I don't think sex or love should be shared with more than one person; I don't think it's the way God intended it. But I'll also admit that the Bible is not totally clear on this issue, and many Christians who are poly do have Biblical backing for their stances.

Below, I'll list the main scriptural verses and arguments used by both sides of the poly debate.

Pro-Polygamy

• Many of the patriarchs in the Bible had multiple wives or concubines, including Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon.
• In Exodus 21:10, God gave a commandment that if a man took a second wife, he had to treat them both equally in all areas. God did not condemn polygamy, but protected the rights of the 1st wife. Deuteronomy 21:16-21 also seems to assume that some people in the Old Testament had multiple wives.
• In 2 Samuel 12:8, God gives David Saul's wives as a blessing.
• God never forbade polygamy, and in fact blessed men who were polygamists (Abraham, Jacob, David, etc.)
• When Genesis 2:24 refers to being "one flesh" with one's wife, it does not state you can not become one flesh with more than one person.
• In 1 Timothy 3:2, Paul says overseers, deacons, and bishops should be "the husband of but one wife." This implies Christians not in leadership positions could be poly.

Anti-Polygamy

• God did not give Adam two wives, and seems to have intended marriage to be monogamous when He created it in Genesis. Polygamy does not appear in the Bible until Lamech took two wives. Genesis 4:19-24 shows how Lamech was a prideful, boastful man whose heart was far from God in many areas.
• When Israel became a nation, God in Deuteronomy 17:15-17 commanded that the kings not take multiple wives or other possessions to themselves. Multiple wives would have turned their hearts from God (and this happened to Solomon).
• God never approved of polygamy, but tolerated it. He may have blessed polygamists such as David and Abraham, but He also blessed murderers and adulterers like David. Forgiving and loving the person does not mean He condoned their actions.
• Matthew 5:31-32 shows Jesus saying God only allowed divorce because the people's hearts were hard. He makes it clear a man can only have one wife or will be in adultery, which is a sin. Jesus taught a monogamous style of marriage.
• 1 Timothy 3:2 shows that monogamy is God's ideal form for marriage by making Christian leaders uphold a one-man/one-woman union. The verse may not even refer to polygamy, but to the fact that a divorced man is not eligible for leadership.
• A man is instructed to "leave his father and mother" and become "one flesh" with his wife in Genesis 2:24. You can only become "one flesh" with one person at a time.
• Old Testament verses regarding polygamy reflect the Israelis' ancient culture, not God's commands. God permitted divorce, polygamy, and slavery in the OT as part of His people's cultures, but that does not make them morally acceptable.

For more info on the Bible and polygamy, please see Question 150 and BibleBell for views against polygamy. I've used some of their information in this article.

Got Answers also has a lovely piece on Biblical polygamy. Other non-poly sites that nevertheless accurately report both sides are Bible Truths, Apologetics Index, and EadsHome Ministries. Please see Polygamy of the Bible abd Christian Polygamy for information on Christians who believe polygamy is acceptable; I was unable to find more sites on this topic, but please feel free to let me know if you find more pro-poly sites that are professional and reliable.