Punishment Clears the Air

I hate being punished.

But also, I kind of like it.

Confused yet? :) I'll explain.

I have a love-hate relationship with punishment from my Dom. Punishment is something I will go to great lengths to avoid. Whining, pleading, or--my favorite--using logic to reason my way out of it. At the same time, I think the idea of it is very sexy. It's a turn-on to imagine him having so much control and such sway in my life. Also, I'm finding it really helps clear the air.

Every day, tiny pieces of negativity can come up in our relationship that are so small they don't cause a real problem, but are there all the same. These negative things might be really small, like my bad attitude, him having a bad day at work, me having a disrespectful tone, or him not catching me on being disobedient. Maybe one of us is just grouchy or short-tempered.

My Dom lets these things roll of his shoulders, gets over them, and life moves on as normal for him. For me, they build up. They accumulate over time. After a few days, I'll find myself feeling surly and sulky for no real reason. I'm not mad at him; we're not fighting; I still love him. But for reasons I can't explain, I pull away when he reaches for me or my tone gets more hateful when I'm not happy with him.

Punishment helps clear those tiny, negative elements from our relationship. It gives us a chance to talk about what has happened. It gives me a chance to apologize for what I've done and actually feel remorse, which is very important to me in order to change the behavior. It also reinforces his power over me. It makes me feel an emotional release. It helps me breathe a huge sigh of relief that everything is now "fair," the slate is clean, and the air between us is cleared. And it has the added bonus of making me feel noticed, loved, and cherished, because he is engaging in our relationship and actively trying to help me improve in the areas we've agreed on or he's decided on. Also, I've noticed my Dom tends to approach punishments calmly and will even apologize for his part himself, instead of getting angry, blaming me, and inflaming the problem.

It really is an emotional catharsis.