8/24/2011

Fatigue

Fatigue is making it really hard for me lately. But then again, I guess it's making it easier too.

It's making it hard for me to spend good quality time with him. Usually I think he doesn't seem interested enough in my day. Now, when he asks about it, I wave him away with a tired, "I'm really... too tired to talk about it... can we just read or something?" Instead of feeling sad he isn't spending time with me or asking me out on dates, I'm lying prone on the couch, semi-conscious and just trying to make it til 8 pm so I can finally fall asleep. I don't have much energy to go on dates or go out shopping with him. My feet hurt too much. I can barely walk. I'm too exhausted.

It's also making it easier. I just don't have the energy to be disobedient or bad. I don't have any desire to fight with him. I don't feel angry or like he's being unjust when he tells me to do something. You want me to wash my face before bed? (Pause pause pause. Too tired to care.) Okay. And I go do it.

I'm not getting everything done I need to. Laundry... calling the credit card company... but he understands I am just too beat to do anything but the very bare essentials. I do what we have to do TODAY, to live and get through the day. And then I crash. And he can see that I am in no position to do anything but what I've done, and he lets me veg out. (Thank you!)

Suddenly, the fire has gone out of me. I don't want to fight with him. I don't feel angry or put out over... well, basically over anything anymore. I just don't have the energy for it. We're at peace a lot more.

I am too busy at work, too busy at home, too busy trying to get my poor body caught up on some rest so I can function in the workplace.

I kind of like it, as far as it pertains to us. It makes D/s a whole lot easier. I just don't have a strong preference with many things anymore, so I'm content to let him pick whatever it is that he wants to do.

Just as long as it means I can be in bed by 8.

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