Not-So-Effective Ways to Avoid Punishment

Today, Stormy had a great post about her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Spanking. It really made me smile. It made me think about what techniques I try to get out of a punishment. ("Meeee?" *bats eyes innocently*)

Yep, I do it, too. I might add upfront that they do not work. This is because my husband is a pretty smart guy. They used to work in the past... sometimes... but not always. They pretty much never work now because he's gotten a lot more used to me and my wily ways. Oh, and he reads my blog. So he pretty much knows all my trade secrets. Drat it!

I don't mean to try to wiggle my way out of a punishment. But when The Fateful Moment appears, and I realize all my masterful dancing around the line has not worked and now I've actually crossed it, and I look at the paddle or feel the sting on my nipples, words just start coming out of my mouth in a torrent to try to save me from the fate I see in my very, very near future. I become convinced that it wasn't my fault and he should be more lenient! I'll say anything! If you'd like to give them a try, here are some of my not-so-effective techniques:

• Logic. I am a master at sounding logical when I am being illogical. I really think I should have been a lawyer. I won't lie, but I'll minimize the sin. "I didn't realize that came across as disrespectful. I thought we were playing. And anyway you know I'm so tired lately and you came home already grouchy. I was just responding to you." See? All my reasons my sin is not really a sin and you should just overlook it?


• But I Didn't Mean To. This is often true, so I try to use this one. "I didn't realize I hurt you." "I didn't mean for that to come across as disrespectful." "I thought I did say 'please.' In fact, I am almost certain I said 'please'! No? Are you sure?"


• Diversion. Oh look, a rainbow! This trick works well with children and goldfish, so I try it every once in a while on my husband just to see if he'll fall for it, too. "I wasn't finished talking about my day yet. And I thought we agreed we would discuss our plans for the week, too. Can't we do those first?"


• Wasting Time. When in doubt, talk talk talk talk talk. Fill up the space, fill the silence, talk talk talk. Maybe he'll get interested in something I say. Maybe I will accidentally hit upon The Perfect Excuse for whatever he's mad about. Maybe he'll get tired and fall asleep.


• Arguing. I argue because I'm really mad, not just to get out of punishment. If I'm arguing, you can bet I honestly believe whatever he's about to do is "Not Fair" (this is a cardinal sin with me). It's hard for me to submit to a punishment I think is not fair, so I keep arguing with him until he can prove to me that I am, indeed, in the wrong. Man, I hate that. :(


• Stating Facts I Cannot Back Up. This is my last-ditch effort, and it never works, since a "fact you can't back up" is not really a fact at all, is it? At this point I'll just say things with a convincing tone and hope he believes them. Some of my standards are, "You do not have the authority to do this!," "The Bible does not say you can do this!," "It's my body!," "You don't have the right!," or, my favorite, "You can't!" Of course, these are all pretty easy to disprove, since the Bible does say I am to give total submission to him and that he does have authority over me, including my body. And, as he has proved most adequately over the last few weeks, "Yes, he can!"
  

He really should be a poster child for Obama.